"Merlin?" Gwen opened her eyes to darkness, interrupted only by a few lit candles in the room. In the chair next to her bed sat Merlin. "Where is Arthur?"
"He is at the tournament. He's made excuses for you." Merlin stood then and drew the curtains, allowing the afternoon sun to pour into her chambers. "Are you feeling better?"
Her hand immediately went to her stomach. "Is the baby –" Fear and guilt dried her throat and she couldn't complete the question.
"The baby is fine. Gaius did a check and the baby moved while you were sleeping." Gently, Merlin sat on the side of her bed and took her hand. "You need to rest more. Let Arthur deal with the politics. I'll be there with him, so he doesn't make any dumb decisions."
Merlin's offer was tempting, but all this started when Arthur was not around and she wanted to be the one who dealt with it.
Even without speaking, Merlin seemed to be able to read her mind. His fingers squeezed hers as he spoke. "At least, rest for today. Tomorrow, you can get to all the scheming you have in mind."
"I don't have any scheming in mind."
Merlin's laugh was soft and he tapped her head lightly. "You are always scheming. In a good way. That's why you're such a good queen."
"How was the hunting?"
"Awful," said Merlin on a sigh. "Arthur was showing off, more than usual, I suspect because he was trying to bait King Lester. Lester, naturally took the bait but you know how Arthur's arrogance isn't unfounded. He soundly beat Lester, poor rabbits and deer, so now we have fuming Lester on our hands. Also –"
"Also?"
"Also, Arthur, upon hearing what happened to you, has decided to enter the tournament."
Gwen couldn't help her smile. "I guess he's still the same man, isn't he? Even without the memories."
"He really wants to hit all the people who he thinks hurt you and Camelot, I suspect."
"Lady Joan is the one behind Arthur's return." With Merlin's support, Gwen pushed herself up into a sitting position. "She was desperate and it doesn't seem like she knows what the price is."
"Once this is over, Arthur and I will visit the Cailleach. Hopefully, we will be able to get some answers."
"I don't want to lose Arthur again." Gwen could feel the tears building in her eyes and she blinked. "I can't do this a second time."
"I don't think I can either," said Merlin, then he smiled slightly and pulled Gwen into a hug. "I wonder if that ass knows how much he is loved."
Her watery laugh was muffled in Merlin's shoulder. "He does, but he'll pretend he doesn't."
Merlin kept her company for a while as Gaius returned to check on her, declaring, after much poking and prodding, that what she needed was more rest and less stress. Easier said than done, Gwen said to Merlin after Gaius left, but instead agreeing with her, Merlin had simply frowned.
"You're not to leave the room tonight," he said.
Gwen nodded. She was still feeling exhausted and had no plans to leave the comfort of her bed, and as much as she wanted to continue her conversation with Lady Joan, she was not about to put her child at any risk. Tomorrow though, she would hopefully be rested enough to start the actual negotiations between the kingdoms. She was under no illusions that King Lester would admit to his manipulations and she knew that both Lady Joan and Lord Edward were both far too angry with each other to discuss anything in good faith.
Pain throbbed behind her eyes and she closed them. "I need to talk to Joan and Edward without King Lester or Hector around."
"That," said Merlin, "is something that Arthur and I can definitely help you with."
There was a sharp knock, before Sir Brom opened her door and let Amber in. Despite the tray in her arms, Amber practically ran to Gwen's bedside.
"Are you sick?" Her eyes were wide and filled with concern. Affection filling her, Gwen reached out and stroked her cheek. "Kay – uh – Arthur was so worried."
"Come here," said Gwen, petting the side of her bed, smiling when Amber placed the tray on the bed, then scrambled up. "I'm feeling fine. There's nothing to worry about."
"I'll leave you two and go see if Arthur has managed to hurt himself yet." Merlin stood, then pressed a quick kiss on her cheek. "Make sure the queen eats and rests, Amber."
Amber nodded seriously and Gwen couldn't help cuddling the young girl to her.
"You didn't need to humiliate the poor knight so thoroughly," said Merlin as he lounged on a bench in Arthur's tent.
"Are you going to help me with my armour or just sit there and comment on my skills?" Tearing off his helmet, Arthur tossed it at Merlin, who caught it with the ease of having done this over and over again.
"Gwen is awake and seems fine."
Arthur slammed his sword onto the table. "Well, she shouldn't have been so stressed in the first place. A peace treaty was in place and because one kingdom decided that they wanted more, Gwen is suffering, war is on the brink of breaking out in Albion and I am back from the dead, with some curse that must be lurking, waiting to extract some price."
"You throwing a fit isn't going to make anything better."
"Gwen should have thrown Hector out from the council, and not been so generous with King Lester."
That made Merlin frown. "Gwen did the best with what you left her."
"What do you mean?"
"You kept Hector on the council even though he was never very respectful of Gwen behind your back. There was no way she could have dismissed him so soon after your death without looking bad."
The anger that had been simmering in him, towards all the people who had been making life difficult for Gwen, suddenly turned inward. "Why would I keep Hector on?"
Merlin let out a long sigh. "History and your desire to see the best in everyone."
"What are you saying?"
"Never –"
Arthur took a step towards the bench. "Whatever you have to say, say it."
"Hector was loyal to your father and because of that, you've always given him a little more leeway than you might have the other knights. As I said, you always like to think the best of people and you give your trust easily, to most people."
"So, this is all my fault. If I hadn't -" He let his words tail off as he grabbed his sword, his hand curled so tightly around the hilt that the metal cut into his palms. He could thrust the sword into his stomach and it would not equal the pain his foolishness had caused Gwen.
Merlin was standing and his hand was on his shoulder. "Gwen understands. She knows you meant well. And you did. Sometimes it is better to keep your enemies closer."
The tournament bell rang, slicing into the thoughts that were running rampant in his mind.
"Focus on the tournament. It's King Lester's knight next."
Arthur slanted Merlin a look as he slid his sword into its scabbard. "You should have thought of that before telling me it's all my fault."
"I didn't say –"
Grabbing his helmet from Merlin, Arthur snapped, "shut up, Merlin."
Guilt and worry ate at him as he stepped out to the cheering crowd. Just moments before, assured that Gwen was simply tired, he had soaked up the adulation of the crowd, their blatant love for him nourishing him in a way that he'd never experienced before. Now, the yells and hollers were accusations, for not surviving Camlann, for leaving Gwen.
"Arthur," said Merlin, clearly incapable of shutting up at all, "you can't change the past. And you need to win this, if only to show King Lester that you are no weaker than before your death."
He shrugged Merlin's words away and stalked onto the field. His opponent was already there, decked from head to toe in armour. Arthur bowed as customs demanded, then drew his sword.
Focus.
You kept Hector on the council.
Focus.
A sudden blow, blocked only by his instincts, shook Arthur from his thoughts. He glanced up into the stands, to see King Lester grinning in conversation with Hector.
Another blow struck his shoulder and Arthur staggered a few steps back, his attention back on the knight duelling him. Behind him, the crowd roared. The anger that he had managed to keep in check in the round before surged with the volume of the crowd and Arthur lifted his sword, swinging it as he lunged towards King Lester's knight. Metal struck metal, and for some moment, they traded blows equally, moving around the combat area with neither the better. Arthur swung again, landing a heavy blow on the opponent's side, following it with a swift kick. His opponent crumbled to the ground but before Arthur could claim victory, his opponent deftly rolled away, leaving Arthur with his sword in the ground. It was a long fight but finally, with the taste of dust, blood and revenge in his mouth, Arthur had his sword at his opponent's throat.
"I yield."
Arthur kept the sword at the knight's throat, his eyes moving back to the stands. King Lester was standing now, the grin Arthur had noticed before the fight no longer on his face. Arthur waited until Lester's eyes met his. Then, with deliberate slowness, Arthur moved his sword away.
Sir Leon announced Arthur as the victor to great cheer. As expected, Arthur pulled off his helmet, then waved to the crowd, attempted to smile even as the anger he hadn't managed to work out during the fight festered in him.
"Mer –"
"Arthur!" Amber jumped off the bench and ran to him.
Dropping his sword, Arthur swept her up and held her close. "What are you doing here?"
"The Queen told Cook to let me watch the tournament. You were so great. Can you teach me to fight? I'm older now!"
The tension in him eased and Arthur smiled as he settled Amber back on her feet. "Did you visit the Queen earlier?"
"If I tell you, will you teach me to fight? I want to twirl the sword like you did." Amber hopped then waved an imaginary sword in the air. "Swoosh!"
"Amber," said Arthur firmly, one hand on her shoulder to stop her from jumping around. "How is the Queen?"
"She says she's tired." Amber's eyes widened and she gestured for Arthur to bend down, which he did, his heart speeding up as he worried about what news Amber was about to break. "Did you know she's going to have baby? She says it's a secret!"
Laughter burst out of Arthur, obliterating the remnants of the tension in his body. "I did," he whispered back in her ear.
"She let me touch her stomach. She says you are the Daddy!"
"I am," said Arthur, the thought of his child warming his heart. "And you'll be like a sister to him or her."
Amber grinned. "I want a sister. Boys are smelly."
"I'm not smelly!"
Her nose wrinkled. "You are."
"Come on." Arthur stood and took Amber's hand. "Let's go back to the castle and see the Queen."
Gwen was only half asleep when Arthur returned, hand in hand with Amber. Amber wanted to touch her stomach again so Gwen let Arthur lift her onto the bed, then answered what seemed like hundreds of questions from the little girl, some of which Gwen was pretty sure she'd answered before. Finally, Arthur shooed Amber out of the room.
From the bed, Gwen watched as Arthur closed the door, then leaned his forehead against it. Even in the dim light, she could see the tension in his shoulders.
"Arthur?"
He turned but made no move to go to her.
"Is something wrong?" She pressed a hand to her stomach, as if trying to protect her child from whatever bad news Arthur was about to deliver.
"I'm sorry." His voice was low and harsh.
She frowned. "Why are you apologising?"
"I should have dealt with Hector." He rubbed his forehead. "Not let him stay on the council, not when he couldn't give you the respect he should have –"
"Arthur, it's not your fault. Stop it." Pushing herself up, Gwen leaned against the headboard and reached out an arm to him.
He hesitated a moment before walking to the bed, perching at the side and taking her hand. "Amber says I stink."
"She's not wrong." Gwen rubbed at a dirt stain across his cheek. "You need to wash up but before that, who gave you the idea that Hector's nonsense is your fault?"
"Merlin," sighed Arthur. "Don't coddle me Gwen. If I was an ass, I want you to tell me. I have a second chance at life. I want to be better."
"I don't want you to change, Arthur. You have a good heart and part of it is believing and trusting people." She cupped his face. "You trust easily and it's not always a bad thing."
"It is when it hurts you."
Gwen smiled. "But that's what I love about you, Arthur. How much you love. Yes, you've loved and trusted the wrong people and you can be stubborn about it, but I rather have you with your soft heart than someone who lives in constant fear and distrust." She rubbed her thumb across his lip. "Just, listen to me and Merlin when we tell you that perhaps some people shouldn't gain your trust so easily."
Arthur kissed her fingers, then threaded his fingers through them. "I love you, Guinevere."
"I love you too."
"How are you feeling?"
"Annoyed that I couldn't finish my conversation with Lady Joan. But tomorrow, I want to start negotiations and reveal Lester for the liar he is, and I need your help."
A corner of Arthur's lips lifted. "Is that what you've been doing in bed the whole day? Scheming?"
"You're the second person accusing me of scheming today."
The smile widened. "The truth is the truth. Shall I wash up first, before you regale me with your plans?"