It's About Chapter 11: It Might Kill Me, a twilight fanfic

Sadly, I don't own twilight or its characters.

A/N

I need a new shirt that says "My BBF Thinks I'm Brilliant" LMAO (instead of "My Mommy Thinks Brilliant) haha. Thanks K!

I feel like should remind everyone that this a fanfic and ooc. Bella is not a virgin in this story so don't get mad at me for not making her as timid and embarrassed about sex as she normally is portrayed. She is still very inexperienced, but she's not a complete idiot.

My inspiration for this next bit comes from So You Think You Can Dance. Travis from season 2 choreographed this AMAZING contemporary routine to Jason Mraz's If It Kills Me (From The Casa Nova Sessions). The routine is about 2 lifelong friends who fell in love along the way, but were too scared to tell the other how they felt, so now they are finally "getting together" for the first time. It was danced by Jason and Janine and the routine + the song pretty much embodies what I've been trying to illustrate what Edward and Bella's relationship and first time together would look like (through dance and pertaining to this story only lol) so Itunes the song and yutube the dance for visuals. …And without further ado…

If It Kills Me (From The Casa Nova Sessions) by Jason Mraz

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

How long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Cause maybe there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said I would
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
Yeah, the feeling inside keeps building
I'll find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me

It Might Kill Me

BPOV

I wrapped my legs around his waist eager to create some friction to ease the throbbing between my legs. Everything was a wonderful mix of soft and hard, like a towel washed with fabric softener. Rough texture, but a soft plush feel and when you wrap it around yourself you feel safe and warm.

When he kissed my neck I couldn't help but go a little crazy. The combination of a lack of oxygen and the delicious sensation had me purring and withering beneath the weight of his body as it pressed me further into the door. Shit! He started at my ear sucking and nibbling on that little space right below the lobe, you know the one. Edward kissed his way down my neck with a sense of need but not urgency. The pace he set was insane. Once he reached my shoulder he licked across my collar bone allowing him access to continue up the other side of my neck, and after, he pulled up on my hips which is when I wrapped myself around his waist and he carried me to the bed. His lips never leaving my own.

I felt my stomach jump as he bent to gently but firmly lay me down in the middle of his oversized bed which was still a mess from the last time it was slept in. Once my back hit the soft down he pulled his swollen lips away and gazed in to my eyes through his own hooded and lust filled emerald pools. He slightly hovered over me resting his weight on one arm while the other caressed my check and fingered my hair.

After what seemed like an eternity of unspoken words he drew a line down my cheek and neck to the top button of my blouse. His finger tips left an incredible trail of fire that made me arch my body into his touch. Slowly, one button, two buttons, rip! The 3rd and final button popped off as he impatiently ripped open the last bit of my shirt. His intense gaze never left mine as he pushed the reaming fabric aside.

Caressing up and down my hips and rib cage he finally broke eye contact and looked down. Normally I would have been embarrassed when he sucked in hard at the sight of me laid out before him, but it all just felt so…right, perfect, meant to be, fate, everything.

His head dipped down to place an opened mouth kiss on my heated skin. I moaned into him.

"So beautiful" he whispered against me as his nose and lips skimmed across my body leading up to my breasts. "So long, for so long" he kept mumbling, kissing, sucking and kneading my now erect peaks through the fabric of my blue lace bra. My body has officially given in. I was his. By now he was full pressed on top of me. I felt his weight against me, his "need" digging into my inner thighs. An over abundance of arousal sat between my legs screaming out for his touch. I felt sexy and wanted, needed.

When he pushed up to his knees over me his crooked smile flashed at the disappointment from his loss that was visible on my face. Edward reached over his head and tugged his shirt off in one swift motion. Ahhh, understanding washed over me. Next he gently pulled me up to a sitting position underneath him so that he could push my sleeves off of my shoulders allowing the shirt to slip down on to the bed. My eyes rolled up and my head fell back when he bent down to kiss my shoulders and unhook my bra which too was soon discarded onto the bed. I could live drunk off of this high for the rest of my life.

Again with a gentle firmness he willed my torso back down to lie on the bed beneath him while he placed licks and kisses from my neck to my breasts. Picking up where he left off he continued to knead and suck with his lips to the left and his palm to the right. God I felt like I was completely coming undone. With each new sensation my back and chest arched and fell in an otherwise embarrassing rhythm as whines and whimpers escaped me. His tongue drew circles around my flesh taunting and teasing until I couldn't take it. He must have read my mind because when I thought I would explode he took in my nipple and bit just hard enough to give me the release I was searching for. After repeating his ministrations on the right, his lips began a graceful descent down my body leaving no piece of flesh unkissed or unloved.

Love. Fuck, I love him.

With his tongue he took one long taste running from hip to hip under the waistband of my already way too low, low rise jeans. My hips jerked in reaction and I felt him smile against my skin. I was to gone to notice him unbutton and unzip me, but soon after he hooked his fingers in and pulled the jeans and my panties down in one movement. Once freed from the strangle of the denim fabric, he kissed my ankle and licked up the entire length of my leg. I shuttered to the incredible feeling and excitement of it all.

With his jeans still on, he nestled himself in between my legs allowing his weight to pin me down. In an unexpected move he laid his whole body down on top of me with his head just above my breasts, ear down on my heart and let out a deep sigh.

"I just wanna feel you" Nothing more needed to be said. I placed my fingers in his hair and began stroking and messaging from the top of his head down through his neck and back as far as I could reach. Both of us were still visibly aroused, but I could have stayed in that position of comfort all night. He completely relaxed into me and for a moment I thought he had fallen asleep.

Not asleep. After what felt like many blissful hours he turned his head up to look at me through his long lashes and I looked down to meet his gaze. The thing about us is that it's all in the eyes. We had our own language. His eyes told me he loved me, even if his brain and mouth hadn't caught up yet.

Pushing up slightly he removed my fingers from his hair and placed both of my arms up above my head. Making a straight and deliberate trail, he opened mouth kissed between my breasts, down stopping to lick my belly button, and continuing further to rest where my body has wanted him to linger all night.

Crawling backwards he stepped off the edge of the bed dragging me to the edge with him before he lowered to his knees.

I knew what he was doing and I knew I wanted it, but I was suddenly nervous. Though not a virgin, I've never had a man go…God if you can't even say it in your own damn head Isabella! GO DOWN ON ME! There…He must have noticed my body slightly tense because he tenderly kissed my inner thigh and sweetly whispered

"Relax Isabella" so with a sigh I did, and he did…

Without warning he took one finger and stroked up and down between my folds, testing the waters if you will. I wasn't sure if the gesture was more for me or him but it felt fucking fantastic so I "mmmed".

"You're so fucking wet" it dripped off of his lips like silk. I had never been more grateful for that filthy mouth of his because that was the sexiest thing I had ever heard. The fact that I couldn't see what he was doing intensified everything. The anticipation, not knowing what he was gonna do next, incredible.

He lowered his head and I felt him "mmm" against my skin. "Fucking exquisite" I thought I heard him say but I was so lost in the felling I really have no idea. His tongue darted out to lick me from my entrance to my clit and I screamed out in pleasure fisting my hands into the sheets bellow me. Thank god his room is its own wing.

While he continued to suck on my clit I felt him push one finger into me beginning to pump it in and out while twisting and wiggling it at the same time. Fuck me he's good! No really Fuck me! Two fingers, three fingers, my head was thrashing against the bed and my hands ached from the tight fists they were wound in. The most incredibly warm sensation began to build inside the pit of stomach.

"That's right baby, I want you to come for me" he whispered then quickly returning to my clit. Once contact was made that was it, done.

"Edward" pushed out of my mouth loud and hard as the warm feeling exploded through me like the fourth of July. He removed his mouth and slowed his pumping before pulling out. My body shuddered from his loss before I had fully ridden through my orgasm. He was either cruel and got off on this sort of thing, or…

Before I could open my eyes he trusted his huge cock right into me.

"OHHH" I screamed in pleasure as I clamped around him before my whole body relaxed. He remained standing at the foot of the bed inside of me as I lay out in front of him. Needing more contact I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Always in sync, he reached his arms out supporting my weight to bring me flush up to his chest where he kissed me tenderly. Again, still inside of me I wrapped my legs around him and he picked me up to crawl us both back onto the bed gently laying me down beneath him before he began to move inside me for the first time.

"You're so warm…and tight…I don't" His head dipped down causing his hair to brush against my face. I placed my hands on either side of his face to bring his eyes back up to mine. He kissed me and my own pleasure began to take over again as he continued to move inside of me. I felt his body change positions slightly allowing for more stability and deeper penetration. My head fell back and my entire body arched into him and wiggled like I was his yoyo.

"Uh..mmmm…my…gnaa" was all I could manage as that familiar hot firecracker began to burn in the pit of my stomach.

"Baby I'm so close…so close" he whimpered as his head fell back. By now he was on his knees holding my hips in his hands thrashing himself deliciously against me. Reaching one hand between my legs he began stroking my clit. I'm gonna have to buy him new sheets because I'm sure I just fisted a hole into these.

"Cum with me baby". At his words, I did, hard. My insides clinched down on him so hard I thought I might have broken him. The fireworks spread and popped in me and my whole body ascended up the ladder to nirvana.

"Bella!" He screamed in a desperate whine as his orgasm took him over. He slowed our pace of movement allowing for a peaceful fall into complete bliss. Once thoroughly rocked out, he fell onto me lifelessly and I welcomed his weight with open arms. I stroked his hair and his back and kissed him anywhere and everywhere I could reach. Finally, he looked up and smiled. I smiled back reassuringly and he placed a soft kiss on my lips before rolling off of me and heading towards the bathroom.

A silly panic began to set in. What if he doesn't feel the same way and he was just saying what needed to be said so that I would sleep with him? What if…what if…what if I was a horrible lay? OH MY GOD! I felt tears begin to sting my eyes. With everything in me I fought them back, but I lost as they began to trickle down my cheeks plopping onto Edwards expensive pillows. My hands flew to my face and I broke out in to full sobs as I lay in his bed on my back, exposed and insecure.

I heard the bathroom door open in the distance and felt a pair of strong arms lift me into a cradled position sitting in his lap. I rested my head on Edwards shoulder and he stroked my hair and back shushing me into calm. When I stopped sobbing he pulled away slightly to look at me.

"Baby, are you ok? Did I hurt you? What's going on?" he asked in a soft worried voice.

"I…I don't really. (Sigh) You left and…" I shook my head not wanting to embarrass myself further by stating what went through my mind to cause such a reaction.

"Bella, please, tell me" I sighed again heavily, dreading the next moment.

"Well, you got up and I began to think about all of the rumors I've heard about you conquering all the woman in Washington and" his face fell in shame "and then I remembered the look in your eyes and knew that wasn't it, that this was more" he searched my eyes trying to convey further that it indeed was more than just a quick lay. "But, then I started to think that maybe I wasn't…I mean was I…I've only done this twice, three times if you count this" my face burned with embarrassment "and you have so much more experience than I do and…" he began to chuckle. I lowered my face convinced that that was the problem. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted me to meet his soft sincere gaze.

"Listen to me" he demanded with mock seriousness "that was the most incredible and intense experience I have ever been a part of. What is that ridiculous word my sister made up…oh ya, FUCKTASTIC." I laughed at him. His eyes told me that he really felt that way so I took it and ran. My heart soared as I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck and kissed his jaw line. He continued to rub my back and play with my hair as he gently hummed a melody into my hair. "If I should be so bold I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand" he sang so soft, that if I hadn't had my head so close to his mouth I would have missed it.

"Let's lay down" he whispered as he placed a kiss on my shoulder. I nodded and we slid under the messy covers. I rested my head on his chest and my leg across his torso. Edward placed one hand on my thigh and the other back into my hair. He continued to hum the same beautiful song and soon my heavy lids closed and I slipped away to sleep where sweet dreams of Edward awaited me, but none as sweet as the real thing laying beside me.

"Fine go! The divorce is final nothing is keeping you here Rene." Charlie yelled. What was he saying? I was here.

"Daddy" I screamed as he shoved my mother and me out the door locking it behind him. She hurt him so bad. I didn't know then. If I had know I would have fought harder to stay.

"Mommy" what's wrong, what's wrong with Dadd…"

"Come on Isabella, the plane is waiting"

"No! NO! I don't wanna go! Please mommy please! I don't wanna-"

"No I don't wanna go!" I woke up screaming in a sunlit room and an empty bed panting. My breathing slowed when I looked around remembering last night and where I was…but where was Edward?

I looked at his beautiful antique desk and saw a note popped in a tent shape straddling a sunflower, my favorite. A warm smile spread across my face as I slid out of the bed. Realizing I had no clothes on I took the whole sheet with me to cross the room.

Ma Belle Bella,

Sorry to leave you but I have an unmissable 8am tee time with My Grandfather. I left a pair of boxers and a shirt for you over the desk chair, as your poor shirt met its demise last night (I imagine you're blushing a beautiful crimson right about now). I think Alice is home, if not you are welcome to anything you like in my room and the house. I'll be thinking about you all day.

Your

Edward

He had such beautiful penmanship. I first noticed it in Biology, nothing like my chicken scratch. I hated the fact that he was right. I was blushing a horrible crimson when I pulled myself into the boxers and buttoned the shirt he left me. Just then my stomach growled so I decided to take him up on his offer and tip toe out to hunt down some food. But first, I made the bed…I don't believe the maid should have to do something so simple and easily done by myself.

As soon as I turned to shut the door behind me I felt the presence of a 5'2 nosey nymph.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you little slut!"

"OMG Alice! You scared me" I jumped and turned to face her. My face was tomato read for the second time in less than 20 minutes. She was wearing some French looking black slip with pink lace trim and a matching black silk robe. Who sleeps in that? Only Alice, I internally shook my head.

"Tell me everything! Right now!" She squeaked.

"He's your brother isn't that a bit weird?" She was bouncing up and down in anticipation.

"Eh…my interest out ways my weirdness" she shrugged "sooo…" she linked her arm through mine.

"Sooo" I copied

"Hey Bella" Jasper came strutting down the hall from what I assumed to be Alice's room. "Gorgeous" He grinned at Alice. She giggled as he scooped her up into an embrace and planted a heated kiss on her lips. I looked away feeling guilty for standing there.

"mmm" she hummed when he pulled away. She licked her lips and he turned to jog down the stairs and assumedly out of the house.

"U-hu" was all I said shaking my head and laughing at the two of us.

"We are royally fucked" she laughed linking her arm back through mine. I cracked up with laugher in agreeance as she led me down the stairs and out to the terrace where a beautiful pancake breakfast and mimosas awaited us.

"What plans do you have for the day ma petite"

"Um home work. I'm trying to get ahead so that I won't fall behind when I go to California next weekend" I lowered my head in an uncomfortable shame at the fact that I was going to visit my mother in rehab.

"Ma petite, everyone in this town has either been in rehab, or should be. It's nothing to be ashamed about." She said with firm finality. Alice always knew what to say to make me feel better. "So Malibu?…maybe I'll come and do Rodeo while you see your mom…if you like?"

"Yeah, are you kidding, that would be great" I really would love the company, as long as she doesn't expect me to "do Rodeo" with her. I hate shopping as it is. I imagine doing it with Alice would be a slow and painful death. "What happened to Angela?" I finally asked remembering her sucking Ben's face off when Edward and I made our exit.

"AHAHAHA" Alice burst out almost spitting mimosa all over the table. "I forgot about her. She…well first she molested Ben to which I'm pretty confident he was all too willing to allow. Then she tried to play poker with the boys, after which she danced on the poker table while trying to strip tease. Really everyone loved her. She was the belle of the ball…until she got sick. But her Ben in shining armor took good care of her and made sure she made it home safe."

Relief washed over me knowing she had a "great time" and made it home safe. Alice and I finished our food and I gathered my things from Edward's room including the beautifully written note and the sunflower and made my way to the door realizing…

"Need a ride?" Alice stood behind me dangling her keys. I nodded and we headed out the door. She dropped me off at my house ten minutes later.

"Thanks Alice" I smiled.

"Any time ma chere. And we're taking the jet to California!" I chuckled and headed into the empty house. Charlie was thankfully gone. I wouldn't want to explain my wardrobe to him as I was still in Edward's clothes. Finally, I let the overwhelmingness of it all consume me as I plopped down on my bed in a daze and smiled, blissfully happy for the first time in a long time.

A/N

Sooooo what did ya think? I like it I guess that's all that really matters lmao. PLEASE R&R!!!! I'm nothing without your REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!! Next will be EPOV during their 1st time, Golf with Grandfather Edward Anthony Cullen Sr., followed by the girls trip to Cali (I'm sure Rose will be along for the ride too and maybe even Angela, we'll see), and Mama drama. Stay tuned Twi Lovies!