Trigger warnings for this chapter guys. I don't normally write this type of thing, but someone has challenged me, now here it is... Please, if you ever think someone in your life needs help, do not hesitate to contact someone.

Losing your mind is a slippery slope. It's almost like climbing up a muddy hill in the pouring rain. I'd never understood how people could be driven to suicide. I'm always been the person hearing about it and using the word selfish… well, I was. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to let myself get to this stage.

I've tried. God, I've tried to help myself. You've tried to help me.

Fuck Chloe. If I could take back the last six months for you I would. I'd take it back and take the help you offered me all those months ago. I thought I was ok.

Clearly, I couldn't see what you could. I can read you like a book, Chlo. I knew you were worried, but I ignored it. I ignored every fucking warning sign that you could imagine. I tried the pills, Chlo. I did. You know I did. You were there every morning, bright smile that never quite reached your eyes, reminding me to take them.

The cloud is still there Chloe.

It never went away.

I'm so fucking scared.

The bell rang furiously above the door, signalling the end of another school day. Chloe stood from her chair and dismissed the students in front of her. She couldn't shake the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach as she twisted her engagement ring around her finger. There had been something off about Beca this morning. She'd been happy. Too happy almost.

Chloe hated the idea that Beca being happy was now a cause for concern. She hated the fact that Beca had slipped into such a slump without her noticing. At first she'd been angry at her fiancé. Thinking, maybe if Beca had been paying more attention to herself, she wouldn't have got that low. Now she just blamed herself. How could she claim to love Beca so much and still not noticed the horrifying depth of anxiety and depression that had completely totalled her fiancé.

She packed up her bag, checking her phone. One new message from Beca. Four words.

I love you, ChloBear.

Chloe smiled, and sent back, I love you too, nerd.

The emptiness returned as she let herself into the car. Beca usually answered her fairly quickly. She was probably in the shower. Or working.

Probably working.

She worked far too much. Chloe sometimes thought that maybe Beca's lack of regular sleep schedule attributed to how quickly she'd been swallowed by her depression. The psychologist had been helping. At least, she thinks he has been. Beca hadn't had a relapse bout of self-harm in nearly six weeks. Chloe had been so proud when Beca had made it four weeks without a new mark appearing. It was the first time that they'd made love and not had any fresh physical reminders of Beca's fears.

Chloe smiled at the thought as she pulled into the driveway of their small three bedroom house. It was the perfect suburban abode; picket fence, azaleas, even an apple tree in the backyard. They'd fallen in love with it the second they'd found it.

"Becs?"

Chloe slipped her shoes off and placed them neatly beside one of Beca's many pairs of hi-tops. She shrugged out of her coat and hung it in the closet, "Beca?"

She frowned. Beca's laptop bag and coffee cup were still on the table, sitting in the exact position they were when Chloe had left for work. A thrill of dread shot through Chloe. She dampened it with the thought that she was definitely overreacting. The shower was running upstairs. Beca had obviously just made herself another cup of coffee when she'd got home. Chloe tried to shut down the idea that Beca could barely work the coffee machine on a good day.

Her heart hammered as she bounded up the stairs two at a time. The sickly black feeling oozing through her like molasses. Beca was fine.

"Becs? How was your day, babe?" Chloe said again. She hated that her voice had cracked mid-sentence. She hated that fear was pressing against her throat, suffocating her more with every step towards their ensuite.

Silence.

Chloe breathed in, pushing the door open. The creak was deafening, steam spewing from the room as Chloe pulled back the shower door.

The last eight years with you have been the best of my life, Chloe. You were the one constant, the one thing that made my life worth something. I know that it may not seem like it at times, but I love you. I love you more than anything.

I can't keep putting you through this, Chloe. You deserve to be happy. You deserve love. You deserve everything.

I can't give you everything right now Chloe. I hate myself so much for what I'm putting you through. How can someone so perfect want someone like me? I'm broken. I'm nothing.

Chloe stifled the scream that broke the silence of the bathroom. Steam stung her eyes as she reached for the naked form of her fiancé, slumped against the wall. She took Beca's face in her hands, her eyes were hollow.

"Becs…"

"I don't deserve you, Chlo. You need so much more than this," Beca said. Her voice was hoarse and weak. The voice of someone who had given up. Chloe pulled Beca close squeezing into the tiny cubicle behind her fiancé, not even bothering to remove her suit. She wrapped her arms around Beca's tiny form. She'd lost so much weight in the last three months.

"Beca, I love you."

Beca reached up with one hand, refusing to meet Chloe's eyes. She was beyond tears but Chloe? Chloe was sobbing. The huge gasps were wracking her body with every breath.

"I love you too, Chloe."

I just want the pain to go away Chloe. I'm sick of feeling inadequate. I hate that you have to settle for someone damaged like me. You deserve the world Chloe.

Do you remember our first date? I took you to that clearing near the astronomy building at Barden. We didn't even realise it was a date until the clock ticked over to midnight. We were so happy. I was so happy. I'd been pining after you for months you know. We'd just had that awful Bella's rehearsal where Stacie and Emily were too busy flirting to watch where they were going. I still remember the look on CR's face when Stacie brought her home from the hospital with stitches. You were so annoyed at them. Poor Emily nearly cried. So I grabbed your hand and dragged you out of the house. I knew that you needed something to take your mind off it all. I didn't realise that what you needed was me.

Chloe didn't know how long she'd been sitting in there. Her throat was raw from crying and her chest ached. The water had long since gone cold. She looked down at her fiancé.

"I'm so sorry, Beca. I…"

There was a moment of silence, Beca's hand tightened around Chloe's fingers, "Stop apologising."

Chloe turned Beca's arm over, double… triple checking that she hadn't missed any injuries that Beca may have inflicted in the last few hours. Her skin was clean and clear. Slightly pruney, but still intact. Chloe sighed in relief as she eyed the blade that was glinting in the crisp bathroom light.

"I couldn't do it, Chlo. I took my pills. I washed em down with some beer… It would've been easier than falling asleep…"

Chloe sobbed into Beca's shoulder as the realisation of the situation hit her. She'd almost lost Beca today. She'd almost… fuck.

"I thought of you…" Chloe looked up, watching a lone tear track down Beca's cheek as she stared blankly at the tiles ahead. "I wrote you a letter and everything."

"Bec…"

"Chloe, let me… I need to… Please," Beca was begging her. Chloe nodded for her to continue, attempting to stifle the sobs that were still shocking her body. "I need to say this. I want to end this so badly Chlo… I hate seeing you like this… and every time… I'm doing this to you Chloe."

Chloe wanted to butt in. To tell Beca she was wrong. To tell her that she was worried over nothing. But she respected Beca's need to speak.

"I realised something today, Chloe. If I went through with this… God… If I actually managed to kill my stupid self… It would… You'd… I thought you'd move on… I thought you'd be sad for a little and maybe one day, get married to someone, have two point five kids and be so happy… I realised that… If I did this… You wouldn't recover. You once said we were forever. We are Chloe. This is it for me. You are my home."

When I started writing this, ChloBear, I had every intention of succeeding… But after writing this…

I'm not gonna die.

I'm gonna live. For you.