Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.

Chapter 57

"Alright look," Tara finally leaned over the table a bit, ignoring her Cobb Salad and unable to make small talk anymore. Joss was doing her best to pretend everything was okay, she didn't really want to talk about it herself, but it was there, beneath every word she and Tara said to one another, like some kind of camouflaged invader, infiltrating their plan to just get through this lunch. Joss was a little angry once, but now, looking at how lost and scrambling for some kind of balance Tara was, she just couldn't find that temptation to tell her what she really thought of going to Tig behind her back. The last few days had been rough on Joss, but thanks to Tig, she was emerging from that horrid cocoon with a better sense of herself and her relationship with him. The last few days had also been hard on Tara as well, that was evident, her eyes were sunken with dark circles that told of her sleeplessness, her hair was dull and frizzy, like she hadn't been giving it the full treatment of products she usually took the time to use, she wore no make-up, had sweat pants on…Joss may have rolled in here looking like a porn star after a long, hard day on the set, but Tara was a mess, plain and simple. But then how could Tara be okay after all that had gone down between the two of them? And there hadn't been very complimentary things being said about her throughout the club either…and since Jax told Tara everything, she likely knew about all of the comments too. Why would any brother tell their old lady everything? Why burden her with that? That's not what Tig did, and that's not what their relationship needed in order to work. It was the structure that Tig had provided Joss with that had helped her climb out of all that shit…but nothing like that existed in Tara's world. She sighed and shook her head at Joss, pushing her plate away disinterestedly. "I know you probably hate me now, and I've given you a more than adequate reason to, but I just want you to know, that's not how I feel about you."

"Tara," Joss sighed, pushing her own plate away…she'd eaten all of the olives out of her Greek Salad, and though she'd been starving when she got here, she was more than full now. "If you called Gemma about this, and that's what she told you to say, it's not—"

"I did call Gemma," she admitted. "I had to after that text you sent me! What was I supposed to do?"

"Oh," Joss groaned…she loved Tig, she loved every ounce of Tig, but damn him! "I didn't send you that, Tig grabbed my phone away and he did it."

Again Tara sighed. "That's what Gemma said happened."

"Well, she's right." Shit, there wasn't another fight brewing because Tara thought Joss really would have texted her the words, "Go away," was there? Fuck! Maybe Joss should have stuck to her guns a little more in explaining and confessing some of her concerns to Gemma about having lunch with Tara…Tig had told her that he didn't want her talking to Tara anymore, but when she'd informed Gemma of that latest issue from the man that owned her, Gemma had just sighed and put her hand on Joss's shoulder. "Joss, I know Clay's plans for Tig," she said graciously, "and I know you realize where that puts you as well," the mother in Gemma couldn't resist and her hand crept to Joss's neck, trying to smudge away one of the hickies from Tig, but it of course didn't work. "There are always going to be things you're told not to do, but you've got to learn how to pick out which ones you actually have to do, so they're not gnawing at you for the rest of your life. If you're distracted, your man is distracted, and this club is distracted! Tigger loves you; that's good, but it clouds the decisions he makes concerning you. You've got to learn which decisions are his head talking, and which ones are his heart talking, and you've got to learn to do it starting now."

Tara was quiet for a few seconds, looking down at her silverware, her hand holding her head and squeezing the life out of one strand of her long, brown hair. "Tig really hates me, you know."

"What? No," Joss was trying to sound surprised and shake her head. "He's just Tig, you know how he is." Tara really needed to find a way to fit in with the club, with the life, and sadly, she was going to have to do it on her own, Jax was no help. But how could she even begin to pick her way across this treacherous, tattered bridge if she thought everyone hated her?

"Joss," Tara just shot her an annoyed glare, not appreciating that Joss was trying to convince her otherwise. "He hates me."

Joss sighed. "Yeah." She finally admitted. "But I don't!"

"How can you not?" Tara asked. "You belong to him, he owns you, you have to do what he says…" She sighed with exasperation again and had that uppity quality to her voice that Joss was again trying to ignore. She didn't understand still…maybe Tig was right, Tara was unfixable.

"He doesn't own my emotions, Tara!" Joss laughed a bit…but then realized..."well, he sorta does, I guess, but he can't make me feel something I don't feel just because he wants me to." She reached out and grabbed her glass of water and lemon, not really thirsty but feeling the need to hold onto something, then took a drink to avoid looking too strange. "It's a property patch, not some voodoo marking."

Again Tara was silent for a few seconds, finally pulling her napkin from her lap, and before Joss knew it, Tara started to cry. "You should hate me," she said. "I'm sorry! I did a very stupid thing, and I know it now…Jax told me about…" she paused and seemed to remember where they were and that there were plenty of ears listening. "About you, not feeling too great, and the wrench and everything…and if I hadn't said anything to Tig—"

"Whoa!" Joss interjected, and leaned over the table herself this time. "You don't know anything about that, first of all." She clarified. "Nothing! You don't know about the wrench, and you don't know what it was used for, or who used it, or who was on the other end of it! Are we both good on that?" Damn, Joss hadn't meant to sound threatening, but she'd sort of come off that way…kinda like Gemma might have…hmmm…maybe she had meant to sound a little bit threatening, because Gemma would have been. She waited for Tara to agree, and she did, nodding her head with wide eyes. "And second, you didn't cause my…illness; there's a lot we never talked about as far as what I grew up with, but it doesn't matter, just understand that you didn't 'turn me into' something horrible. Threaten my man, try to take him away from me, not just try to hurt him, but actually do it, and it really brings out the worst in me…so that's not on you, that was all me."

"But," Tara's brow furrowed and she was shaking her head, clearly not able to accept that answer, not wanting that to be the truth. "Joss, that isn't good!" She said, "a change in someone's behavior like that, from one extreme to another in one sudden shift…that's…you might be—"

"Don't!" Joss said flatly, confidently and unapologetically. She'd talked about this already with Gemma, and damn if it all didn't make even more sense now. "I know what it is, Tara." She said. "And it has its place, and every day I figure out where that is a little more and a little more." Joss took a deep breath, Gemma would have been proud, and the idea of that made her need another drink of water and lemon. She looked back at Tara, for this conversation, despite the medical knowledge that Tara had been about to lay down, was under Joss' control, and patience and understanding just hadn't been pushing Tara down the path she needed to walk…if Tig could handle directness, then Tara could. "That's what you have to do," Joss told her, pushing away the feeling that she was too young to be talking to someone as accomplished as Tara was in the tone of voice she was using…in the end, Tara knew nothing, Joss had the seniority. "There's a place for you in this club, and if Jax isn't going to define it for you, then you have to take your cues from the club itself, and what they're all telling you right now is that you can't stand in the middle of the road. A foot in that world and one in this life isn't going to take you anywhere in either one. You know that, and that's why you're always so frustrated and anxious around the club, and that's the same reason they're that way around you. Decide where you want to be, Tara, and be there! I know you can do this!"

Tara was nodding, but there were more tears in her eyes. "You're right," she said, then sighed and wiped at the moisture on her face. "That's why I wish you did hate me, it would make this easier."

Joss felt her stomach tightening with anxious worry, just what did that mean? Who did she need to protect? "Tara, you're not going to do something that in your mind somehow gets you even on everyone, are you?" She asked, there were no more gloves, no more politeness, just the bare, hard facts of MC life. "Don't! You're my friend, and I don't want to see you dead! I'm not kidding!"

But Tara shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut; she was quiet for a few seconds as she tried to contain herself, finally dabbing at her teary eyes with the napkin again then tossing it down onto the table. "No," she said and took another deep breath. "It's not anything like that."

"Thank God!" Joss said, nodding her own head, and so relieved, happy even, though it didn't come across very much in her voice.

"It's about what you said, about making a choice," Tara continued, looking steadily at Joss now. "I'm with Jax, but I'm not going to anymore club parties, you won't see me on any runs with Jax, and I won't be hanging around anymore in general," she said, and she sighed again, obviously having thrown that napkin down too early, because she was crying again. "I love Jax, and I've tried to love what he's part of, but I'm a doctor, Joss. And that's what I'll be to this club, a doctor, whenever they need one." Again Tara paused, like she didn't want to continue, but both Joss and Tara knew she had one more thing to say. "I have made my choice about which life I'm going to live. And it's not with the club."

Chapter 57; Part 2

"Aw fuck, c'mon, baby, stop crying…please?" God damn it…this just wrecked everything…it didn't suck enough that Gemma had pulled Joss away, but she'd returned her like this? And she'd set her up with Tara? Jesus fucking Christ…the next time Gemma jammed an intermission into Tig's fuck-fest, he was going along to lunch too, God damn it! Joss was wiping at her eyes now, and she hadn't really been full out crying, but just a little weepy…still…"a little weepy" didn't translate into "a lot horny," and Tig wasn't ready to quit yet…even if he had taken the chance while she was gone to find clothes enough to go change the oil in his bike and make a few calls about the fucking CBA's next weekend…he was serious about having a bodyguard with Joss at all times, and he'd began to draw up a schedule for it too. "Joss," he nearly whined her name as she looked up at him, then down again to wipe at more flowing tears. "C'mon…you know I hate having to be there for you when it's about shit I do understand caring about…but this? Really?" He shook his head and threw up his hands…what could he do? She understood; he knew she did, so why was she this upset about doctor bitch finally going back to where she fucking belonged? "I gotta tell ya, Joss, I'm about done with this, I got nothin' left to say to you."

"Okay," Joss sighed, and then huffed, and sighed again. "I get it, thanks for the warning." She barely managed not to snip, and finally dried her remaining tears roughly on her shirt sleeves. "I'm fine, you don't have to stay here and hold my hand through it, just go and do whatever it is you'd rather be doing, because I never asked you to say anything to begin with, did I?"

"Hey!" Tig grunted and narrowed his eyes forebodingly at her; that tone of voice was getting awfully close to snippy now, and he hated snippy. "I can say whatever I want, remember?" He asked…but he took it easy on her…at least, he tried to. He knew by now that Joss only got "snippy" and challenged him when she was really worried about something, or really shaken up by it. He may not have understood what she was mourning in the loss of doctor bitch, or even really have cared…but his beautiful little angel was going through something, and he cared about her. Her eyes were submissively downcast now, her beautiful red lips frowning and quivering just a little. Damn it…here they were again…from a weekend of building a strong foundation, impregnable to Opie's feelings, to her being snippy and Tig being…Tig. "Joss," he sighed, and took her under the chin again, tilting her head up so they could see one another eye to eye. "You know I'm not mad about you talking to Jax's doctor bitch, Gemma pulled you into that, it wasn't your fault," he said, trying to speak softly, but he just wanted her to stop this…now…no more doctor bitch was a good thing! Now if they could just get her to take Jax with her! "There's nothing for you to be crying about, baby, so c'mon, stop."

"But I can't help it," Joss looked back at him with so much sadness in her eyes and so in need of shelter from it, that before Tig even knew what he was doing, he was up on the couch with her, both his arms around her, tucking her face against his shoulder. "She won't be around anymore, Tig. She's my doctor now, that's it; not my friend, because she can't hack the life."

"That's right," Tig replied, holding her, but his voice couldn't have been more carefree in the way he'd said that. "That's what I've been telling you for how long now?"

"I tried to help her," Joss still sniffled, her cheek on his shoulder, and her hands flat against his chest, but Tig could feel how much they wanted to latch around his neck and hold tight.

Fuck, what was he becoming? And how close to done was he with this metamorphosis? He wasn't going to change too much more than this, was he? "Go ahead," he sighed and shook his head, wishing he still had the terror inside of him that would have just pushed her onto the floor and away from him to begin with. Well…at least he wasn't the only one that was changing, he'd been impressed with what Joss had just said, that she'd "tried to help" doctor bitch, and not "I didn't do enough to help her," that was fucking huge, right there! But he knew not to celebrate just yet.

And Joss was immediately hugging him, her trembling body so close to his, but somehow finding the strength now to stop the trembling, and Tig felt his own hand gently rubbing her back, up and down. "Tig," she murmured against his neck, her eyelashes flicking against his skin and making him crazy…okay, she had to get over this soon, because he was going to end up kissing her again, and it wouldn't end there, and he wasn't going to stop until his dick shed its skin like a snake. "I know I've said this before, but I don't really say it enough. Thank you for all that you do for me, and the parameters you set for me, and also for what you expect out of me. I know it makes no sense, but really, you owning me has given me more freedom than what I've ever known before in my life."

He cringed, couldn't stop himself. "No, please…" he just held her and shook his head. "Let's not do this next, okay? I'm already exactly where I don't wanna fuckin' be with this doctor bitch shit…you start pouring on how good I am to you, and my head's gonna fuckin' explode!"

And Joss laughed…Jesus fucking Christ…what was funny about that statement? Would he ever understand what made this girl laugh so much about him? But it also made him pull her a little closer, and stroke the back of her head, running his finger through her silky, midnight hair. "Okay," she said, and he knew she was smiling now on top of everything…oh well, at least she wasn't fucking crying anymore. "But it's true." Tig groaned…there was a time for this, and it wasn't now…or later. Joss lifted her head off of his shoulder. "It is!" She said adamantly. "You do realize how much easier this life would have been for Tara if Jax was even half the man to her that you are to me." He wanted to stop her, but she didn't pause long enough…and he didn't tell her to shut up either…fuckin' orgasm bonds…wow, he hadn't thought about those in awhile, but the damn things were working! God damn it! "You know I tried to do that for Tara too?" Joss asked, looking at him now, but Tig had to relocate what they were talking about…fucking orgasm bonds…"I tried to subtly tell her how things should be, and what she should do, how she should think about it all, tell her what everyone expected out of her…direction, I tried to give her direction, like you always have given me…but," she sighed and looked at Tig some more, this time shaking her head in some kind of…awe. "I don't know how you do it, Tig! I really don't!"

"Well," Tig sighed…okay, that Joss understood what it was like on his side of the fence now was something…couldn't hurt that anti-Opie foundation any, either. "I've been beatin' bitches into shape a lot longer than you have." Again she was laughing! What the hell? "Joss, you wanna explain this to me?" He asked, indicating her laughter with his hands, as she sat there with her arms holding him, his own around her and her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she laughed again. "It's you!" But Tig was pretty sure it wasn't, how could it be? What was he doing that was funny? "You're just so damn…quaint!" And then Joss really laughed, but damn…she was laughing…she wasn't hung up on doctor bitch anymore…holy shit…was his sweet, dark, little angel finally getting it? Was she finally just letting something go, and not blaming herself for its failure? Fuck, she just got more and more perfect!

"Hey," he said, and nudged her out of her laughter a bit. "You're okay, aren't you?"

Joss sighed and lay her head back down on his shoulder again…fuck, he shoulda just left this alone! "Well," she began and quickly paused. "I'm going to miss her, Tig. I mean, she wasn't all bad, she just had some obstacles in front of her…that in the end she couldn't overcome." Joss sighed again and was quiet for a moment, Tig wondering what the hell he could say now that was going to make her laugh again…shit, he'd fucked this up! But then Joss raised her head again. "But it's better this way. I told her she can't live in both worlds; that she can only be loyal to one of them…but I guess she was being loyal to the one she chose all along, and that's why she never fit in with this one."

Now Tig smiled, God damn but she was smart! Even though he'd been the one saying that to her over and over and over again…but finally, Joss came to, and she understood! "Man, Joss!" He said exuberantly, he just couldn't stop himself from making his pride in her known. "Thank you for not doing that shit you always do!" He congratulated, but Joss didn't exactly jump up and take a bow…she actually sank more against him and nodded…well, okay, this thing with doctor bitch hadn't ended the way she'd been hoping it would; whatever the reason was, Joss did like doctor bitch. Tig sighed and pulled her closer with a groan more protective than it was sympathetic, but kissed her, trapping her against his chest for few seconds; her skin was so…so soft. "Baby," he said against the top of her head. "I'm sorry you lost your friend." What the fuck was he saying? He didn't have to try that fucking hard to get laid, he owned her! But…God damn him…that wasn't why he'd said it, and he knew it, and so did Joss, who snuggled closer to him, silent; her and those blessed silences when anyone else would have confirmed the shit he said to them with a confidence marring "thank you," but not his Joss…his sweet, silent, Joss. "You know what I think?"

"Okay," she raised her head again. "You can tell me, but please, Tig! Please understand that I don't really want to trash Tara right now, okay?"

"I know, I know, I know," he groaned disappointedly. "I wasn't going to say anything…quaint." He finally spat out, and kind of smirked, and sure enough, Joss was laughing again. "I meant about what Gemma did, bringing the two of you together today," he said, and was laughing a little himself. "She adopted both you and doctor bitch, one because she had to, and the other because she wanted to, but she couldn't keep two of you. So, she did what nature does; left the two of alone in the nest and waited for whichever one was stronger to throw the weaker one out." Tig explained, taking Joss under the chin again and looking into her eyes. "You're the one that's left, baby. Not only does that make you the strong one here, but you're also the smarter one, because taking a fucking voluntary nose dive outta that nest was a really stupid shit move!"

"Hmmm," Joss mused, and readjusted her arms around him, rubbing his back now a little as she held to him…damn that felt good…he had too many clothes on. "You know, you might be right!" she said raising her head and looking at him with some sudden gleam in her eye that Tig didn't quite understand…but it looked a lot like the way Clay had been looking at him the other night when Tig was sitting there at the head of the table, begrudgingly making the call about Joss at the CBA's…yeah…that was the look…shit! No fucking way! Really?

Whatever Clay knew, Joss also knew…and it would be just like Clay to confide in Joss…the now one and only princess of SAMCRO…holy fuck…his dark, sweet, perfect little angel was more than only perfect; she was fucking lineage! Whoa, him and Joss and the club…his kingdom and his queen…and just to even the likenesses out a bit more, there stood Opie in the shadows, like some…big, hairy, Chewbadooba Lancelot, devoted to the club, maybe one day even one of the brothers Tig relied on the most…and he was in love with the queen…damn near a mirror reflection of himself, Gemma and Clay all those years ago…shit…one more time the feeling that whatever Tig had done, or said, or had been to Joss, for Joss or with Joss, none of it was enough…damn that girl, she brought so many things into his life, so many incredible things…and there was still something left to say to her…but what was it?