Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.
Chapter 61
Joss was so…Tig sighed just thinking about it…he'd often thought of how beautiful she was, how intelligent she was, how sweet she was, how sensual and sultry and erotic she was, how crazy she was and how perfect it all made her, but God damn, today it was all really blowing him away. She was sitting there at the SAMCRO booth, biker boots, short shorts, flying her brand new tiger ink along her tiny waist and lusciously curving hip like it was her very own colors. The black reaper t-shirt she wore was pulled up and knotted between her big, gorgeous thirty-four double "D's," that were his, all his. Around her neck was her leather choker, the one that looked like a dog collar almost, with a little heart dangling from it that read, "Tig's," the dot over the "i" a tiny little heart. There was enough of a breeze to gently wisp her long, shiny black tresses behind her, the red devil's tails of it fluttering like butterfly wings. Her make-up was matte and perfect, lips sumptuously red, green eyes sparkling like two fire lit emeralds, the gaze of a Pharaoh's daughter settling mightily upon anyone she looked at. She was beautiful, too beautiful to be hanging around biker trash like him, or so he used to think. But that wasn't accurate, it wasn't anywhere close; she was perfect…perfect for this life, perfect for this club…perfect for him.
But she was missing something, and Tig could see from here that she was uncomfortable to not have it; she still had a majestic presence though, even if it was wasted on all these fucking civilians, but yeah, she was feeling how incomplete she was, but had Tig not known her so well, he never would have noticed. It was in her body language, she didn't sit up as straightly as she normally did, a bit reticent in her movements, she didn't dare lean towards anyone she spoke to, but she did hold her head up a little higher, trying to direct attention to the pendent at her neck. Bobby sat beside her, paying careful attention to every word that was said to her, and explaining for Joss that she wasn't doing photographs right now…and Tig knew why, she felt too naked. He could fix that, and he ignored the civilians and pushed past them into the CBA's, over to SAMCRO's booth.
Joss gasped when she looked up and saw him, so surprised that he'd come inside the gates, among the civilians and the three-piecers and the wannabes and the American Motorcycle Association…fucking Christ, Tig hated them all…but he loved Joss more. She'd just begun to smile up at him as he stepped over the tape that marked their ten by ten area of space, joining her and Bobby under the vinyl tent canopy, and that's when she'd seen what Tig carried, and she jumped up excitedly.
"It's done? I can have it back now?" Her eyes were on her patch; she was even reaching out for it with one hand, so eager to put it on again. She'd really been mopey on the way back here from getting showered and changed at the house, knowing Tig was going to be keeping the vest for a little while and she'd be without it until he was finished working on it for her, and that's why he'd sent Bobby to sit with her. Joss loved Bobby, that was evident the night she'd awarded the Ten Patch to him, she'd feel safe with him, and since Clay hadn't arrived yet, Tig had figured it was best to send her "uncle" with her until "daddy" would be here to sit with her at this fucking event. But Tig held what would help to soothe her a bit, and Joss's sparkling green eyes were still glued to her patch. "Please tell me you're finished doing…whatever you were doing!"
Tig chuckled a little, she was so damn cute. "Relax," he told her in his usual half bored, half annoyed tone. "I wouldn't take it away from you forever, little girl. You know that."
Bobby nodded and looked up at Tig like he'd been through enough. "Then please tell me you're done with it…you can't imagine the morning I've had sitting here."
Tig laughed a little then looked down at Joss, "You gettin' squirrelly, baby?"
"No," Bobby replied in place of Joss. "All fucking morning it's just been civilian prick after civilian prick all wanting her number, or her email, or her facebook…one guy kept insisting he'd seen her in 'Playboy,'…I ran that asshole off, he won't be back." Bobby promised, looking from Tig to Joss, and patting her reassuringly on the shoulder, but he looked back at Tig again. "I'm telling you, you put that patch on her, and don't ever let her take it off!"
Fuck…there it was again, that feeling that there was something Tig needed to say to Joss…shit…would he ever figure out what it was? Hadn't he said everything that he could say? That he would say? Shit, yeah, Tig had done some figuring out and some changing too, and Joss had been right there with him making her own way and shaping into the thing he needed most in this life, or any other, but fuck…what the hell was it he was supposed to say to her? He looked over at her now, shifting her weight on her feet and long, amazing legs, so anxious to have her patch back. "Thanks, Bobby." He said, but then shook his head at him. "But you were who suggested bringing her here, remember that?"
"Tig!" Joss squealed like she just couldn't wait anymore, like a kid in school who really needed to piss during a math test or some shit. She really wanted her patch. Bobby was still searching for a response, so Tig focused on Joss, who was subtly jumping up and down now.
"Okay," he started to laugh as he watched her; she looked like some hyper Chihuahua that felt so unloved without its collar on. But she'd never be unloved, never. "Here," he started to hand the vest over to her, Joss grabbing it and about to pull it from his hands when Tig remembered he was going to show her what he'd done to it for her, and he pulled it back from her grasp again, Joss whining as he did. "Just hold on, okay? It's alright; you can have it in a minute." He promised, and began to unfold it in his hands.
"I really really really really really…really don't like not having it!" Joss said assertively, looking on at her patch longingly.
"Really?" Tig smirked back, finally having it displayed in a way that she could see what work he'd done to it. "Look," he said and pointed to the inside center of the back, where he'd taken the Ten Patch that Opie had given to her and sewn it into the black satin lining.
Joss gasped again, she wasn't a patched member of SAMCRO; she never would be, it was absolutely impossible for her to wear any of their badges or patches, other than what appeared on her property patch itself. "I thought when you took that Ten Patch that you were going to give it back to him?"
Tig shook his head. "He wanted you to have it, and I think you should." He said, and while he wasn't as relaxed about where, who and how Joss had been "awarded" the patch, Tig did agree that she'd earned it. Shit…once again, he and Opie shared a similarity. "You can't wear it where it can be seen, but I say you can wear it, Joss. So, put it on."
But now she stood still, staring at the Ten Patch, her Ten Patch, and she didn't move even though Tig held the vest in position for her to turn around and slip her arms into it. She looked back at him now…fuck, did he screw up by doing this? "Tig," she said, and stepped closer to him, but didn't turn to be helped on with her patch, she just drew closer and closer to him, reaching up to smooth the his cheek with the back of her fingers, but Tig pulled away and shook his head, Joss immediately understanding, and remembering where they were and why he didn't want to be touched. She smiled her apology to him and then just sighed happily. "I love you," she whispered, and for as much as Tig used to hate hearing her say that, he smiled back.
"I know," he nodded, then stepped around behind her with the vest. "Now put it on," he told her, "before your fan-base gets anymore ideas."
Joss slipped her arms into her patch and sighed pleasantly as Tig slid it up squarely onto her shoulders, reaching around her waist to gather the long leather ties for her to cinch in and make the black leather hug every incredible curve of her body. She reached behind her, making sure all the bits of fringe that went up the princess seams on the back were straight, then double checked the fitted-ness of it. With everything secure, in so many ways, Joss turned around to him and smiled; everything about how much she loved about her patch, about wearing it, and about being Tig's, shining at him from within her peridot eyes.
"She is a beautiful girl." Bobby sighed, smiling almost proudly at Joss, but looking up at Tig. "You are one undeserving son of a bitch." He chuckled.
"Yeah," Tig agreed, but his eyes were on his dark, sweet, perfect little angel, who seemed to take no notice of the comments being made, but then, she knew she was safe; she could let her guard down. "That's my queen."
"I think we'd all gladly take a share a that," Bobby smiled, but Tig knew he'd meant nothing inappropriate. In fact, what Bobby had said couldn't have made Tig happier to hear. The club loved his Joss, she had more than ordinary loyalty from Ope, whom Tig would need some day, Joss was right about that, he could feel it even now. And Joss loved this club, they were her family, outside of Tig himself, and she'd do anything for them, or him…she'd more than proved that last night…she'd die to keep everything in tact the way it needed to be. Bobby spoke again, pulling Tig out of the shrine he'd been building to his beautiful, dark angel in his mind. "So, am I to stick around, or—"
"Na," Tig answered, looking at Joss again, watching her taking a brush to the silken treasure that was her long, black hair, perfecting its smoothness with long strokes that pulled it even straighter. "You can get, you put your time in, man."
"Cool," Bobby smiled and stood up, but walking over to Joss before exiting the canopy. "Thank you for keeping me company this morning, honey," he told her, giving her a hug and a pat on the back. "And you call me if anything starts going a way you don't like up here, got it?"
"Thank you, Bobby." Joss smiled as he let go of her. "I will. Now go enjoy your freedom!" She laughed, Bobby patting Tig on the shoulder as he departed with one more wave at her. She looked up at Tig now. "So, who's sitting with me next?"
"I am." He answered, as though it had been a common occurrence all weekend.
"Really?" Joss's brow furrowed and she sounded completely skeptical.
"What? You don't want me?" Tig half smirked, but yeah, he wanted to know…just to aggravate her.
"I didn't say that," Joss sighed, kind of smiling herself, but further showing she was happy to have him by retaking her seat at the booth. "It's just going to be difficult to talk to and make friends with civilians if you're going to be sitting next to me, eating them!"
"I won't eat that many," Tig promised, taking a seat beside her and still smirking…shit, he'd never cleaned his knife off last night…great…that was going to be fucking, bloody, stinking mess now. "So, what do you do here?"
But Joss only laughed. "You know, I have a feeling that since you're here now, things will never be the same as they were, so let's just wait and see what it all turns into, okay?"
"Cool," Tig replied, and was already feeling a little bit bored…the aggravation would come next…but he was with Joss…his angel, his queen…fuck, there really was something else he had to say to her…he'd had that feeling all knotted up inside of him for awhile now…he thought maybe he knew what it was, but then Joss had figured out that he loved her, so that couldn't have been it…could it? He could always try saying it to her, and see if it filled this void that nothing else seemed to be able to.
Yeah…right…Tig was going to say, "I love you"…he'd said it to Clay once, because it was more than owed…he'd said it to…whoever she was…that blond Crow-eater bitch that he'd passed out on the bar sixty-nining…or whatever it actually was that they'd been doing, to this day Tig still didn't know idea why he'd come to with an ass in his face and a spatula from the kitchenette in his hand…it must have been pretty good though, well…maybe…he actually just sorta liked the idea of flipping that bitch onto the floor, then marring and cheapening such sacred words…he was still drunk when he'd done that, it didn't count…'spat ula'…'spa tula'…wow, that was kind of a dirty word if he said it slow enough, hmm…probably woulda really been a wild night if he'd come outta the kitchenette with the Salad Shooter! Yeah! No! Fuck! He had to stop this, or he was going to get busted in "Bed, Bath & Beyond" for some lewd public act next! Moooooooo! No! Fucking cows! Go home! Go home! Go home! Alright…he was okay…shit…he looked over at Joss and kind of shook his head, but he knew he couldn't blame these scattered thoughts on her…he was always like this…oh well, at least he knew he was back to normal. Fuck, what had he been thinking about?
Oh yeah! Tell Joss he loved her? Hmm…fuck no! He wasn't into statements like that, not when they actually meant shit. Besides, she knew how he felt, which was weird and scary at first, not for very long, but it was, and Tig felt like he'd gone as much through that as he was going to go. Besides, what good was telling her something she knew? Who wanted that? He might as well tell her he had a big dick…she knew, she could see that. Nope, not saying the "L" word…it was bad enough he thought of it as fucking freely as he did now. But…what the hell was it he was supposed to say? She was so beautiful though…and so perfect…whatever it was that he hadn't said yet, Tig hoped he'd think of it soon. Maybe he should ask for help, though? "Hey," he said, making her look up from the "History of SAMCRO" pamphlets she'd been stacking neatly. "If you wanted something, you'd tell me, right?"
"Yeah," Joss shrugged. "But I don't usually have to tell you, you're there for me before I even get to wanting anything most of the time." She smiled at him, and laid her hand on his thigh beneath the table; patting it…sending little vibrations up his leg…right to his big dick…what was she trying to do to him? Did she not think he wouldn't throw her down on this table and go for it in front of all these fucking civilians? Cuz he would…he'd be on top, no one would see any parts of her that were only his to see!
"Hey," he grunted, catching her hand, picking it up and then slamming it down onto the table beneath his. "If I have to be good, so do you!" He told her, making her laugh…but God damn, this was part of why he loved her so fucking much! "And I meant like…if you want something from me…but…you don't know what it is…you'd still tell me, right?"
Joss shook her head than laughed in her confusion. "If I don't know what it is, then how do I know I want it from you, Tig?"
"You might," he said like he knew she knew what he was talking about, hoping that maybe she somehow did…Jesus fucking Christ…just someone, tell him what it was he was supposed to say!
"Okay," Joss suddenly looked worried and apprehensive…shit…there was something major that he hadn't done, and it had really been bothering her too! Fuck! "Tig, I don't know what you're hinting at, but if it has anything to with what you saw last night, and it's got you thinking that…someone else is better suited to give me—"
"Shut up!" The order rushed out of his mouth, though now he regretted the outburst, but he couldn't help it, he knew where she was going with that…and while Opie might have been the type to go around leaving love poems on her truck before he left for work, and calling her all day long and telling her he loved her, he knew that Joss didn't want that anymore than she wanted someone who would have pulled the trigger on her last night. Fuck…he'd been trying all morning to not think about any of that…but…now he had, and he hated it as much as he hated actually living it. But still, he shouldn't have told her to "shut up." Joss was looking as terrified as he was at the thought of the whole ordeal…she didn't want to relive it either…but if it meant putting something she thought was ailing him to rest, then she obviously would. God damn, she'd face anything for him. "Shit, I'm sorry, baby…I didn't mean to say that." He told her, looking down and wishing he'd had a little more control before he'd blurted that out…but last night…Christ…"Look, this is what happened last night: nothing. Not one fucking thing. None of that shit went down ever, none of that ever happened, and we're not talking about it, or thinking about it, because it's never going to happen again, never, never, never!" Fuck, he hadn't planned on making this morning that intense…but he had. Might as well make sure he'd gotten his point across though, now that he'd gone ballistic. "You gettin' me?"
Joss was nodding her head and looking comforted instead of upset and angry that he'd started off by telling her to "shut up," though…good! "Yeah, absolutely," she said; her eyes on his. "Thank you for saying that!"
Tig waited a moment, wondering if she'd ask about Ope, if he'd talked to him this morning, but the truth was, Opie was yet to show…maybe he wouldn't. But Joss, she was quiet, just looking at him like she was awaiting any further instructions, so eager to please her old man. Tig smiled again and reached to softly stroke her shining, black hair. She was so perfect. "Okay," he said. "Back to what I was saying then," and Joss was nodding again, a smile on her face too, but Tig was so happy to see it return that he'd forgotten what he'd been asking her. "What the fuck was I saying?"
Joss giggled a little. "If I ever want something, but I don't know what it is, would I tell you?"
Fuck, is that how he'd put that question to her? What the fuck kind of sense did that make? "Oh yeah," he nodded…shit, might as well go with it now. "It could be anything, like something for the horse, or another tattoo…or an egg beater…"
"Tig?" Joss laughed again, any remnants of the previously heavy subject gone in her voice, and that made Tig able to let go of the last bit of it too. She wiggled her hand out from under his and reached over to smooth his wild dark hair against his head. "What is going on in there today, baby?"
"Nothing," he insisted annoyed, and ducked away from her hand. "Don't touch me."
"Well, suck it up, because I'm doing it anyway." Joss replied, standing up and moving behind him; and before Tig could do anything about it, her arms were around him, pulling him back against her as she leaned down and kissed him quickly on the mouth. Shit…now every fucking civilian here could see this…but then, they didn't know him…but now they definitely knew who Joss was with! "Look," she said t him as he felt himself relaxing a bit. "I love you. You're everything I need, and I'm not harboring some unrequited and secret desire for an egg beater."
Tig nodded, his thoughts still the jumbled mess they'd been at the start of this. "I think I am." He confessed, looking up at her a little.
Joss laughed softly and hugged him again. "Well, then we'll get through that," she sighed, then shook her head. "God help us…."
"You see?" He asked, well, more whined, leaning back against her million dollar body. "This is when I feel like I'm supposed to do something, or say something, or give you something…and I have no fucking idea what it is."
Joss nodded, she let go of him some, knowing he wasn't going to allow this much longer…and he wasn't, but she kissed him again then left him, taking her seat beside him again. "Okay," she said like she understood, and Tig felt himself getting so hopeful…was she going to tell him what it was he hadn't been able to figure out for so long now? "But I don't know that I can help you with that."
"What?" Tig cried out, a little louder than he'd meant to…but fuck! Why didn't she know? She was genius for shit sake! Or did she know, but she wanted him to just figure it out? Maybe she wanted him to say that he loved her, even though she knew he did? Fuck! Was he really going to have to say that to her? No…for starters, he couldn't say that to her…it just wasn't physically possible for those words to come out of his mouth in reference to her! But, what if that really was it? What if those words really were going to have to come out of his mouth? Shit! He'd break his neck trying to say that cold…maybe he should start warming up to it…tell her he "loved" certain things about her…but start slow…go ahead, move 'em out, look at her right now, pick something neutral, and tell her, 'Joss, I love how you don't have any visible nose hair,' or something and just ease into it one day at a time? Okay, it wouldn't be so much like jumping off of a building and slamming into the pavement that way…he could do that. What? Wait one fucking minute! No, he wasn't saying the "L" word to her out loud…no way, no how. Joss knew that wasn't his style, she couldn't have any expectations that he'd really say that to her…could she? What if she did though? No! He wasn't saying that…never, never, never! And he knew that Joss was okay with that. But then, what the hell was he supposed to say? This feeling wasn't going away until he knew, damn it!
"Tig," Joss smiled sweetly. "This falls under the jurisdiction of being 'your shit.' You know it, too!" She said, but took his hand. "I can't tell you what it is that you feel like you need to do, I really can't. But be happy that I can't! Because if I could sit here and rattle off a list of things that you haven't done for me, then baby, there wouldn't be any you and me," she held his hand in both of hers and stroked his palm soothingly. "I love you, you are my everything and you make very happy! And I know you'll get this 'thing' figured out, but I won't put pressure on you to do it. I just know that you will."