Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.
Chapter 64
Happy was standing there, watching Slinky-Slinky-bitch's car pulling off of the lot, and he looked like she'd gotten out and slapped him then drove away or some shit. Tig secured his helmet on his bike and walked towards Hap and the garage wondering what the hell could have just happened, Slinky-Slinky-bitch was cool, he liked her, particularly for Joss; Joss, Slinky-Slinky-bitch and Hob-bitch were a really good threesome…hmm…a threesome…mmm-hmm…no! He had to see what was up with his boy. Fuck…why was it that just when Tig was feeling good, everyone else around him seemed to be nose diving into shit? But he was feeling good…too damn good…not only had he figured out what it was he'd been needing and wanting to say to Joss, but he'd also said it! And he didn't have to say the "L" word to her either…nope, he'd said it to Opie instead…fuck! What? No, he hadn't told Ope that he loved him…but hell, of all of his brothers to blurt out that he loved Joss in front of, whom better than Ope? Whatever, things were going to be good tonight when Tig got home…he was gettin' some tonight! Jesus fucking Christ…Mrs. Trager…Joss was going to be his in every way she could be…yeah, that felt good! Hmm…was there somewhere they could just get it done tonight? Did they need blood tests and all that shit? Or could they just get on his bike and go…run-off and get married…and tell everyone when they finally got out of bed? Happy…man, he should tell Happy! What if he and Joss needed a witness or something if they could do this tonight?
But shit…Happy was standing there looking like Joss tricked him into eating "girl food" again. What the fuck was wrong with him? "Hey," Tig said, stepping up to Hap, who didn't even seem to realize he was there, until Tig gave him a shoulder-punch greeting. "She didn't just drive up here and try to dump you, did she?" He asked, realizing that might have been the case…not that it mattered, because bitches didn't get away if a brother wanted them around.
Happy turned his head slowly, his face was pale. "No," he said, looking at Tig like he really needed a drink. "It wasn't that."
"Okay, that's good," But Tig was concerned now, what the hell else could it have been? Happy and Slinky-Slinky-bitch seemed pretty tight, Happy wearing cologne and giving her flowers and shit…Shit! Tig had to remember to get flowers tonight himself! But, that was different from when Happy was asking Joss about what kind of flowers girls liked…it wasn't anywhere near as romantic or wimpy or any of that fucking bullshit…flowers were just better than dirty underwear. Happy sighed heavily and looked back at Slinky-Slinky-bitch's car as it merged onto the street. He really did look messed up, something was wrong, but what it could be? It was obviously something big! "Fuck! She's not really a dude, is she?"
Happy glared back at Tig, shaking his head. "Don't you think I woulda noticed that?"
"Hey, take it easy, bro. I don't know that much about her," Tig replied, backing off physically a bit, giving Happy the space he seemed to need. "But, I ain't makin' any judgments, it's cool."
But Happy shook his head again. "No," he said and sighed again, looking at Tig. "It's not. It's about as fucking complicated as it can get." He looked back towards the car, but it was gone now, so he looked at Tig again. "She's pregnant, man."
Fuck! Tig felt himself stagger backwards a little. He had to say something, but what? Shit…this brought back memories…it was how the first Mrs. Trager got to be Mrs. Trager…he was only a college sophomore, in ROTC, playing football, in love with a comely co-ed…and then…obligation struck…marriage, far before he was ready for it or even wanted it…and then, Dawn Trager…followed by…Fawn Trager…followed by Somalia…followed by…obligations…obligations so strong they'd crushed him, changed everything, tore him down, way, way, way down…but ultimately, set him free. Fuck the past, it was over with and it was behind him for a reason…Tig loved his kids in his own way, stayed the hell away from them because he did, he wasn't a father, never really was though he went through the obligated motions, and the only way to protect those kids was to get the hell out of their lives and stay out because they existed in a world he couldn't live in. And now he had Joss, that damn girl, who not only understood everything, and never reacted like there was something "wrong" with him, or attempted to "fix" him; Tig was what he wanted to be, he didn't want anyone's "help" to stop being it, this is what he always was, and finally, he was where he could be it. Joss didn't judge him for any of the things he'd done or did, or would do. She trusted him to be what he was, she trusted him, and that made everything better than he could ever have predicted it would be.
Obligations…Happy had his own now, unless he chose to just, "get rid of" his girl…but Tig knew he wouldn't, that look wasn't anywhere on his face. Nope, Happy was facing this, he just had to figure out how…and Tig, thanks to Joss...God fucking damn it, who he loved with as much strength and devotion as he did this club, knew how to get through anything now. Joss…she was so perfect…if Tig didn't know any better, he'd have sworn that Joss had been leading him through all of the shit he'd faced, forever drawing him in, guiding him to where he was now, until finally, both of them were where they belonged; with each other. Joss hadn't even been born yet when Tig had gotten married and had his two girls, but somehow, he'd been waiting for her to show him the way out of the trap he was in, beckon him through the exit doors of that old life, that could have just barely been called living. Happy had no idea what lay before him, but Tig knew exactly how it felt to be standing on the edge of it all, and unable to trust what beckoned him over it. It was way too much to try and explain to Happy right now…and what point was he trying to make with it? But he had to say something here…this club was going to look to Tig one day…he had to lead…but shit, he really sucked at this kind of stuff! He looked back at Happy, "pregnant?" He repeated, making a face, and resisting what he knew he had to do, and still trying to think of how to do it, how to say something that was going to give Happy some direction in all of this, "for real or hypothetically?"
"What?" Happy actually cringed at such a stupid question, and yeah it was a stupid question…but c'mon, Tig was at a loss here and that's what Joss had asked Tig when he'd proposed, there had to be some intelligence to it, right? No, what kind of fucking sense did that make? "Just forget it, man. I need to get out and ride…" Happy started to walk towards his bike, but Tig was quick to follow him.
"Yeah," Tig agreed. "You do that; it'll be good for you." He said, but then caught Hap's shoulder and turned him around, still not sure what he was going to say, and it was so frustrating, because all those thoughts that had been in his head only moments ago, they were what Tig needed to say, that's how he needed to lead…but how did he say them out loud? Well…how had he proposed to Joss? He stood there on the steps and stopped thinking and just opened his mouth, that's how. "But look man, things could be a lot fucking worse than they are for you."
Happy looked at him and started to shake his head, his expression a little angry and a little bothered, "what the hell you been smokin', Tig?"
"Jesus motherfucker, why does everyone always ask me that shit?" Tig exclaimed to no one in particular, then shook it off and looked back at Happy. "Look, I'm not myself; I got a lotta shit going on right now, kinda distractin' me, that's all." Tig explained, for a second time that day. He did want to tell Happy what it was that had him so distracted…this was great news that Tig never expected to be the bearer of! Hell, Tig wanted to tell everyone about it, but now wasn't the time, not for Hap. "Just…" fuck, what was he going to say? Joss…Tig sighed; he knew what he was going to say…he'd just never imagined himself saying it before…Jesus fucking Christ! This sucked! "You love the girl?" Fuck! He said the "L" word again!
"Yeah," Happy answered, with no hesitations. "Before I even knew what I was doing with her, yeah, I loved her."
Tig sighed, even chuckled a little. "Been there, doing that." He said, hoping to remove any weakness Happy might have been feeling he possessed because of what he felt, and Tig saw Hap nodding even now, but Hap just looked at the ground and tried to think of some solution to it all. "It's too late then, man." Tig shrugged, but there was still a tinge of frustration in his voice that he'd always carry himself where his feelings for Joss were concerned. "It's there, you can't stop it, and you'll never get control of it either, trust me! So you just go where it takes you, fight it if you want, but you're going to look like fucking asshole if you do…trust me on that too." Tig again sort of chuckled, and he felt every word of what he said to Happy, because he lived each one of them every day. Tig would never be used to loving Joss, and he'd never be comfortable that he did love her, particularly as much as he did, but he did love her. "Love a girl, you're going to get shit in your life you never asked for, no fucking question there, but…sometimes what you end up with is exactly what you've been needing and wanting, and unless you could love her, you were never going to find it." Tig sighed again, looking away from Happy and down at his own hands, his left hand…shit, rings! Shit! Diamonds! Whoa, too much right now! Again he looked up at Hap. "If you know how to love her, then you'll know how to love the kid, and the rest won't matter."
Happy looked back at him, kind of surprised that what Tig had said was not only something relevant, but also worthwhile…but then, Tig was equally as surprised…that damn girl, there she went, making him do more changing! "Yeah?" Happy asked, like Tig's words were rapidly sinking in.
"Yeah," Tig nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, then smiled a bit. Fuck! He'd gotten through this! Said some shit he wasn't real proud of, but sometimes, that's what it took…and God damn if Tig didn't have it! "Go, tear it up awhile," he said, looking towards the bikes, "It'll be cool, man, don't worry about it." And then Tig turned to walk back to the garage…where fuckin' Chewbadooba was…shit, he had to talk to him too…God damn it, what was he now; a therapist? But he turned back to Happy one last time. "Congratulations, bro! I hope it has her hair!" He smiled, and then gave him a nod.
Chapter 64; Part 2
Opie was still hovering over the old, beaten nearly to death pan head, picking through an old shoebox full of old little parts as Tig entered the garage. Fuck…back to trying to raise the dead and do the impossible…man, all this shit at the garage today was really bringing Tig down…he shoulda just stayed with Joss…maybe they could've been getting married right now! The sooner, the better, because then there was no having to explain what she meant to him to anyone…she'd be his property and his wife! And as long as she was willing to be known as "Mrs. Jocelyn Trager" in her photographs, yeah, Tig would let her do that modeling thing…but no nudity…no fucking way…that was his…Opie didn't get to see that! Opie…yeah, he had to talk to him…and he'd probably be talking to him for the rest of his fucking life, too.
"Where you been?" Opie asked of him without looking up, his mood unforeseeable based on his tone of voice.
"Went to see Joss," Tig answered, and didn't look at Opie either, he just looked down at the old pan head…such a waste of fucking time…but Clay didn't really care about this engine…Clay was making he and Opie fix something else, and it had nothing to do with the fucking engine. Shit…should Tig have told Ope exactly where he'd been? What kind of cluster-fuck would everything turn into now?
At the mention of Joss's name, sure enough, Opie had become more alert, like a dog suddenly seeing its owner and beginning to wag its tail…motherfucker! "You tell her about that calendar and shit?"
Fuck, right back into it too! Didn't Opie learn? Would he ever? Joss was not Ope's old lady! Shit…Tig couldn't marry her fast enough, could he? "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." He was trying to ignore all the voices screaming for him to jam his fingers into Opie's eyes and keeping on jamming them in until both Ope's eyeballs popped out through his nose…but if this kept up…God fucking damn it…that bastard kissed Joss! He kissed Tig's property…he kissed Tig's dark, sweet, beautiful, perfect little angel…Opie'd kissed Tig's wife! But then…Tig almost fucked Clay's wife…and he'd killed Opie's wife…shit…well, at least that did take the edge off of what Tig was feeling at the moment. At least Opie did sort of have some kind of reason for wanting Joss; Tig had absolutely no reason for wanting Gemma when he did…but whether that made Ope more or less dangerous where Joss was concerned, Tig wasn't sure.
"You're not letting her do it, are you?" Ope asked; it was a question veiled as a statement, and he sat there calmly and unaffectedly pulling a valve stem seal from the shoebox, comparing it to the old engine, shaking his head, then tossed the seal back into the box again.
Holy ass fuck! Opie and his thing for Joss…what did Tig have to say or do to get Ope to shut the fuck up about Joss, and stop asking questions about her like she belonged to Ope himself? Opie needed the facts…right now! "That girl is mine, she does what I say she does, and doesn't do what I say she doesn't do!" Tig reminded, and he was looking at Opie this time, but Opie didn't look back, he was still searching through that fucking shoebox for parts that just might fit onto the destroyed pan head. "And there ain't a God damn thing you can do about it, Ope, so shut the fuck up!"
From out of nowhere, Opie suddenly looked up at Tig and then exploded. "You think I like this?" He roared, getting to his feet and tapping his chest with his fingers. "Because I don't! There's this…force that I can't figure out how to resist, pulling me headlong into a lot of shit from you, Joss and the rest of this club, and no matter what I do to try to stop it, it just keeps hooking into me and dragging me along for the ride!" He paused a moment and solidified his stance and started to cock an arm just slightly back, Tig watching and feeling himself pushing his own shoulders outwards, his fists already half raised, if they were going to go, Tig was ready…and more than willing, but just when it seemed like Ope was approaching that same place, he had stopped. He looked at Tig, but it wasn't anger in his eyes anymore, it was…weariness. Ah…fuck…Tig knew what that was, in both the case of Gemma, and Donna. "I don't want to want your old lady, man…not anymore than you wanted to kill mine."
Fuck…there was always something that could snuff out whatever emotion was about on the verge of making two adult men…two brothers, do something abrupt and stupid, and Opie had just said it. Yeah, neither of them had wanted to be where they were, and each now understood that about the other, but it was too late for them both. Shit! Tig dropped his hands at his sides as Ope turned away, sitting back on the stool he'd been sitting on before, looking through the shoebox, and his face was buried in his hands…fuck…was he crying? Shit! Now what? Tig didn't like it when women cried and were in need of comforting…but Opie? Aw c'mon…fuck no! "Ope," he said, but got no response, just the subtle bounce of Opie's shoulders as he pressed his hands tighter over his face. God damn it…was he going to have to do for Ope what he'd just come from doing for Happy? No! This day sucked! But he'd done it once…it wasn't like he didn't know how…and yeah, Tig had to do it again…this club was his one day. Fuck…at least there was a reward at the end of this; he'd be marrying Joss…hopefully tonight! "Hey man, look—"
Opie's hands slid away from his face and he jerked around at Tig. "No, you look!" He said forcefully. "I am trying to kill this thing! I am trying to make this go away! Why the fuck do you think I keep talking to you about her, and keep asking you about her? I'm trying to tell you everything you need to know about what I'm thinking, so I don't act on any of it myself!" Ope paused a moment, sneered a bit. "You're so damn good at pulling the trigger, why can't you help me kill this?"
"Hey!" Tig grunted, and his hands turned into fists again…fuck…how much further were things going to go without him hitting Ope? But, how could he deny that Ope was one hundred percent within his right to hold this over Tig's head forever? But Ope had to stop it with Joss…both of them had to stop, or there really would be some killing! Shit…Ope was confessing his thoughts concerning Joss…hmm, Tig had never considered that it might be something like that Ope was doing. He sighed and looked at Opie…honest and decent to say the least. "Well," he sighed, a bit impressed. "I'm not sure if that makes you brave or stupid."
"Me either," Opie glared back, but then sighed himself. "You know I love her, man…I guess I did from the moment you brought her around the club…I couldn't help it then, and I can't help it now…and you couldn't help it about the feds, and me…and Donna."
The mood had shifted, this was solemn and serious and…forgiving? "Yeah," Tig answered, but this was such an eerie feeling of undue understanding on Opie's part…or was it only that Tig wasn't ready to be forgiven?
Opie sighed again and shook his head. "I've been thinking a lot about it ever since…the story behind the Ten Patch happened." He said and looked eye to with Tig. "I'm leaving the club, man. I can't stay here, not like this, I'm no good to anyone, and if I get Joss hurt because of something I do…then…" but Ope didn't finish his sentence, he just turned away, shoulders stooped, and hands back over his face again. "Maybe nomad's the answer…maybe just full out MIA is…I don't know…but I'm leavin'. I have to."
Fuck! Between Opie and Happy, and what each one faced, Tig would have predicted Happy to be the one hitting the road, not Opie. But that Opie was, and that he couldn't even finish his thought about somehow causing harm to Joss…whoa…Tig hated that Ope loved her that much, that he even loved her enough to have said so, right there, in front of him…but…shit…Ope was decent, and fair and he did what was right, even if it hurt him badly to do it. Tig could use a man like that…no, he needed a man like that…Joss was right, Clay was right…fuck! Besides, Opie hadn't done anything to deserve being ex-communicated by anyone, and that included himself. "You're not leaving, Ope," Tig heard himself saying, and so many thoughts about his own past, with Gemma, and his own future with the club, raced inside his head. "It's like you said, I didn't mean to…kill Donna…and you don't mean to be feeling what you do about Joss."
"Doesn't make it alright though, does it?" Opie's hands once more fell away from his face, but he still didn't turn around, "doesn't fix anything."
"And which one of us has really fucking tried to?" Shit? Fuck! Had Tig really just said that? Yeah…he really was good at this…and it sucked ass! God damn it, he didn't want to be good at this! "Look, you're not going nomad, you need a majority vote on that, and I'm telling you now, you're not gettin' mine! And, if you do just go MIA, you already told me about that little plan, and I'll personally come after your ass!" Ope finally looked around at Tig, but it wasn't for very long, though Tig could see the surprise and the shock on his face a split second before Ope turned away from him again. Damn it…he really was going to need Opie one day, when this club was his…the past was the past, and it was behind them for a reason. This club took Opie's wife, the woman he loved, the mother of his children…but Ope was still here, still wearing a reaper cut! Opie loved this club with a passion and a conviction that was every bit as equal to what Tig himself felt for SAMCRO. Yeah, they were the same thing, they were chained together, but this time, it wasn't inside any dungeon of despair and retribution. Opie was his brother, and their bond was no longer shame. "C'mon Ope, I fucked up with Donna, and you never have to forgive me for that, and God's honest truth, I hope you never fuckin' do, but," Tig sighed, standing there shaking his head and then laid his hand on Ope's shoulder. "I'm tryin' real fucking hard not to fuck up with you too, so c'mon, don't go running off alone, this club's your family…" again Tig paused, his next words making him tremble a little. "I'm your family, Ope! And, I'm not lettin' you go through life out there on the road alone."
Opie turned back around again, still looking a bit shocked and confused, but he was also angry this time. "What is this? You can't save Donna, so you're trying to save me?"
But Tig didn't hesitate, didn't let the words cut him. "Yeah," he said levelly. "That's exactly what this is!" He answered strongly. "I've been where you are Ope, I may not have gotten there the same way you did, but I do understand being fucking tortured with how much you wish you could get control of something that there ain't no getting' control of." Ope sighed, faced Tig but looked away like he wished Tig wasn't right, like he wished Tig wasn't making sense…and fuck, Tig wished the same thing…but he was doing it…he was getting through this, again! "Look, Joss is a good girl, I trust her. You need to trust her too, cuz she ain't gonna let you put her, or you, in any situation that ain't good. She's strong, strong like you don't even know." Tig emphasized, and even now Tig felt how awed he was by his perfect, perfect angel. "You got no reason to leave and I'm not lettin' you, so grab yourself by the balls and get your head around the fact that I'm not going to stand by and let you do anything stupid, no matter what it is!" Ope was looking at him again, scowling a little, but he wasn't protesting, not at all. Good; there'd be no more talk of "nomad" or "MIA," Tig wouldn't hear it. Ope was staying. "You gettin' me, brother?"