So here it is... the moment I'm sure you've been waiting for. We've gone from baby steps to a full-blown leap into the abyss... Will everything work out the way they hope? Enjoy.
Chapter 11.
The tension was heady in the room as they both looked around it. Bella wasn't sure what he was feeling but she knew she felt at home in this room. She just hoped Jasper felt the same way because despite everything she still wanted things to work out with him. She sneaked a glance at him but she couldn't read him and his emotions were tightly under wraps. She sighed and looked again around the room. In the center of the wall opposite the door was a huge bed; the biggest in the house and something told her that if she was able to convince Jasper to do so; they'd be getting a lot of use out of this bit of furniture; a thought that would've made her blush if she were still human.
There wasn't much else in the room; a rocking chair in the corner which made her think of her room back in Forks; a door in the wall that clearly led to a closet; another door which she was sure would lead to the bathroom they'd just come from. Finally one wall was made up completely of windows that reminded her in some ways of Edward's room. She could see that on a sunny day the rays from the sun would land on the bed; she was particularly looking forward to experiencing that. Again she realized she still needed to convince the person with her before she could even think of that happening. Not the way she wanted it to anyway.
Bella moved around the bed and sat on the edge of it; staring out of the window with such intensity she was sure he'd be able to feel it. There was a clear view of the garden and the back of the house from the window and also a remarkable view of their Alaskan surroundings that truly took her breath away; which of course would've been an issue if she'd needed it. She barely noticed when the bed shifted but she certainly did when Jasper moved to sit behind her; his jean-clad legs either side of hers. His hands were at her waist then moved to rest on her thighs as he laid his chin on her shoulder. She froze as soon as he'd come in contact with her and she waited for him to say something; to do something. He didn't though; he stayed as he was, almost as if he was waiting for her to start this; she refused to give in to him. Finally he spoke. "Relax Bella."
She tried to do as he said but his proximity to her wasn't helping. "What are you doing?" she murmured; having to know this wasn't going to lead to disappointment as it had in the past.
"What you told me to do…" he whispered.
"What?" He wasn't helping her ability to concentrate at all.
"I've made my decision." He said; his words even quieter when he spoke. "Actually, that's not right." She froze again at his words; anticipating the rejection she knew she was going to hear. "It's more that now is the right time; now I feel ready for this."
"You do?" she breathed. She'd barely finished the words and then his lips were on her neck; his hands moving back to her waist and pulling her back towards him. Her head fell onto his shoulder and he smiled against her skin. "What changed your mind?" she gasped; her thoughts still whirling round her head.
"I'm not sure. Something just clicked into place. It started when we were in the room we both imagined becoming a library. I saw an image of me sitting on the couch reading a book and it felt wrong; until the image shifted slightly and you were there too; you, Bella, not Alice; and if felt right. I felt at home and I knew it was what I wanted. The same thing happened in the bathroom and then again in here."
"In here?"
"Yeah. I saw an image of us lying in the bed and the sun hitting us as it rose one morning. You were in my arms and it looked like we were in love; I want to feel that way again. I want that with you." She shivered this time when his lips caressed her neck gradually lowering down to her shoulder. "Do you want the same thing?"
She was still taken aback that his thoughts in each room had so similarly mirrored hers. "Yes," she sighed. "I always have, Jazz." She felt him smile against her shoulder before resuming kissing her. She could barely breathe as the feelings he was inspiring filtered through her. His hands moved around her waist; one of them sweeping under her top and brushing softly across her skin; causing a shiver to hurtle down her back and a moan to pass her lips.
She tried to turn; wanting to take more part in what they were doing than she currently was. "Bella," he murmured. "Let me do this. I owe you so much and I want to show you this is what I want. I need to prove it to you so please, let me?"
"Okay." She sighed; enjoying what he was doing too much to put up a more concerted fight against what he'd said. Her voice failed her as his hand splayed across her stomach; sending waves of heat through her body just from his touch. She held her breath as it climbed up her body and then it was cupping a breast and she couldn't believe the way she was feeling; she'd never experienced anything like this before and it felt so much better than she'd ever imagined it could. She now knew what she'd been missing out on with Edward. She arched her back; pushing herself more into his hand and feeling his mouth curve into a smile against her skin.
"Does that feel good, Bella?"
"Yes…" she hissed as his fingers brushed the delicate skin at the top of her breast. "I want more…" she whispered.
"Tell me what you want me to do, darlin'," he said.
"I don't know…" she said quietly. "This is all so new to me and I can't really explain what I want; what I'm feeling."
"How about I show you a few things and you tell me if you like it. If you want to try something; then just tell me."
"Okay." Her voice shook as she spoke that one word.
His hands moved again and before she even registered it he'd removed her top from her body. She could feel his eyes looking down her body as his chin rested on her shoulder. "So beautiful," he breathed and she felt desire pulse through her from both his words and the way it sounded when he said it. She lowered her head and watched as his hands moved to her pants and his long fingers slowly undid them. It took little effort for him to also push them down her legs and she wondered just what else he had in store for her. As each minute passed her excitement for what they were doing increased. His fingers caressed the skin of her legs and she heard the soft groan he made as she shifted against him. She wondered at first if she'd done something wrong and then she felt the reason for it as she pushed her body back against him again. He was aroused; more so than she'd felt in the past few days; he wanted this too. She took some comfort in the fact he seemed to be enjoying this as much as she was and the fact it was her that managed to make him feel like that from doing very little was also a confidence boost.
As his hands continued their exploration of her skin she realized she no longer felt the coldness in the touch. Her own body temperature was now the same as what Edward's had been so there wasn't the differential there'd been before. Part of her was disappointed by the loss of sensation from it but at the same time she knew this meant she could be exposed to his skin indefinitely whereas Edward had always made sure she didn't suffer for too long; although she would've happily suffered it. She also remembered that now she was more durable than she'd been in her human state and as she thought that she felt a wave of embarrassment ebb through her and his hands froze. "Don't stop." She whimpered.
"Are you okay?" he asked her.
"My brain was just catching up with a few things that hadn't occurred to me before."
"Like…?" he whispered as he brushed a kiss near her ear.
"I'd forgotten about the fact I wouldn't feel the coldness of your skin; that I'm now the same temperature as you."
"Is that a problem?"
"I'll miss it slightly, I guess, but there are advantages to me being a vampire now."
"Like what?"
She turned her head to look at his face; watching his reaction to what she said next, "Edward always used to treat me like I was fragile; like he had to restrain himself because I was a human. I'm not human anymore and I don't think I'd really thought about that before; I hadn't really thought what that meant."
He smiled at her; his hand beginning to brush across her skin as his eyes stared into hers. "How do you feel about that?" he asked softly.
"I don't think excited really covers it adequately," she admitted.
"There's so much I still have to show you, darlin'," he whispered and she shivered against him. He lifted her and moved them both so she was standing beside the bed; facing towards him. He smiled at her and she was reminded again how beautiful he was; in many ways his beauty was greater than Edward's ever was; it's just he hid it from everyone more effectively; hiding himself behind a mask to most people. He shifted on the bed; pulling himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He held her eyes as he reached for his T-shirt and then pulled it from his body. He threw it to the floor and then ceased all movement.
This was the first time he'd revealed his scars to her without any real hesitation. Bella's hands lifted and she brushed her fingertips across his skin; watching his face and seeing his eyes close as he inhaled deeply. Her desire surged again and his eyes shot open and he stared into her eyes intently. "I guess you felt that then?" she said; a small smile on her face. He nodded at her; his voice apparently failing him. "You said I was beautiful earlier and I hope you believe me when I repeat that sentiment to you. Those words don't even begin to say how I feel when I look at you; you're breathtaking, Jasper."
"You've no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that." He rose to his feet and stood in front of her; pulling her closer to him and cupping her face with his hands and kissing her passionately. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled herself against him; relishing the way her skin felt against his; gone was the stone-like impact of vampire skin against human; even the slight imperfection of the scars marring the surface didn't remove anything from what she felt; in fact in a way it added to it. His tongue brushed against hers and she moaned softly; her hands moving to his hair and holding his mouth against hers.
The kiss seemed to go on forever and potentially it could've done; it wasn't like either of them needed to breathe but Jasper did eventually end it and he pulled his face from hers and stared into her eyes. Maintaining eye contact his hands moved and then he was undoing her bra; it falling to the floor before she noticed anything other than the fire in the onyx staring at her. There was something about the man that just seemed to make to her lose focus. More so than Edward had ever done which made her slightly sad. He must've felt that wave of sadness because he frowned and lifted an eyebrow in silent query. "I was just realizing it was never like this with him; I never felt this level of connection with Edward."
Jasper smiled and then kissed her softly, "Really?" He hoped she realized he wasn't pleased she'd missed out on something like this with Edward but he couldn't deny the thrill that went through him at the thought of the connection between them being that strong; being stronger than what she'd shared with his brother.
"Yes." She whispered. She pushed herself against him and watched his face as the top half of her body pressed against his. His arms reached for her and lifted her easily into them; despite the fact it was a very easy move for him to make, he made it seem so powerful when he did it. Theirs groins were now pressed against each other and again his arousal was obvious and suddenly it felt like she was the one with all the power. One of his hands moved up her back and then he was again cupping her breast and she sighed at the sensation of it resting there. He turned them, laying her gently on the bed; following her and resting on his hands and knees above her as he stared down at her face. She smiled at him and lifted her hand to brush his face gently. He turned his head slightly and kissed the inside of her wrist and then lowered his mouth to hers in a tender kiss that soon built to a crescendo. He was still hovering about her and she found she missed the contact of his body against hers.
Her desire was still increasing and it surprised her that she could feel so much from so little; she began to wonder what it would feel like to do more and she knew he would've felt the lust she'd just projected as she imagined it. He pulled his mouth from hers and his gaze was heated as he looked into her eyes; she could feel his own desire ebbing through her and she smiled at him softly. He kissed her again then moving his mouth down her jaw; descending to her neck and focusing on that spot for quite some time. Just as she got used to the feelings that gave her he moved again; a short distance lower and then his mouth was on a breast; the one he'd touched earlier. Her eyes rolled back in her head as his lips circled the peak and she moaned when his mouth opened and he sucked it further into his mouth. His other hand moved to caress its neglected partner and when his finger and thumb pulled on the nipple she moaned his name; the desire in her voice obvious without the need for any empathic ability.
His mouth moved again and it felt like she was on fire as he crossed her body and ensured her other breast was given the same treatment. Bella was breathing deeply now and each breath was an effort as she tried to absorb the feelings he was inspiring. His hands grazed down the side of her body; the tips of each finger tracing the skin softly until they reached her slender waist. Just seconds later his mouth began to follow the path his hands had travelled; his lips and tongue brushing across the underside of her breast as he pressed butterfly kisses to her sensitive skin. It felt like she was burning and now she could feel the coolness of his breath against her as he moved slowly lower and it was a relief. He lifted her further up the bed and then his face was on her stomach; more kisses eagerly given. She moved her hand to caress the back of his head; her fingers brushing through his hair and then settling at the nape of his neck; her little finger tracing circles on his skin that sent a shiver through him.
She didn't think she could desire him more but as his mouth continued its descent even further she knew she'd been wrong. His mouth reached the top of her panties and she felt her own arousal climb higher with each fraction he went lower. His hands were gripping her hips much tighter now and it was just another indication of how much he was enjoying this. As he kissed her softly through the only clothing she still wore she heard him growl and a smile slid onto her mouth. "Darlin', you're so beautiful. I don't think I can tell you how much I want you right now." He murmured against her.
"Then show me, Jazz." She sighed; her tone almost pleading.
He lifted his head from her body and looked up at her face; his eyes pools of need and desire that transfixed her attention. With barely a second pause he was back up at eye level with her and his mouth was on hers; the kiss filled with all the passion she'd seen on his face leaving her breathless. As the kiss continued to build it finally came to her attention that his body was now resting on hers; his weight pushing her down into the mattress in a way she found comforting. He pressed his hips into hers and she moaned as she felt him hard against her; how she longed for things to hurry up while at the same time loving the slowness of the progression they were making. She didn't feel she was being rushed and she knew this was as much for his benefit as it was for her.
Bella was aware of his hands cupping her rear; pulling her against him and it was his turn to moan as she swept her tongue into his mouth; brushing it against his. His mouth pulled from hers too soon and Bella saw the desire on his face as he struggled for breath; his chest heaving in an effort to regain equilibrium. He was still staring at her; his eyes shining down at her. "Do you want me to stop, Bella?"
"No! Why would you ask that? Can't you feel how much I want this?"
"I wasn't sure if I was just projecting how I feel onto you." He said softly.
"I don't just want this, Jasper. I need this. I don't just want this. I want you. It's you I want." She was almost pleading with him to take the last step.
He stared at her and she wondered for a second if he doubted what she'd said. "God, I want you too, Bella. I want you so much; that was why I wasn't sure if I was affecting your feelings."
"Then don't you think you're wearing too many clothes?" she whispered.
"Isabella, are you propositioning me?" He smiled at her and more desire pulsed through her.
She almost came just from the sound of his voice but she reined it in; wanting to see where this would lead. "Would you like me to?" She returned his smile with one of her own.
"You have no idea…" he said softly before moving from the bed as quick as someone of his kind could. She sighed in disappointment as he turned his back to her. She was about to comment on it when she remembered how negative his own body image was and she bit her lip; keeping silent. She lifted herself up onto her elbows and stared at his back; she could see the slight hesitation from him and she hoped he could feel her desire for him and it would give him the confidence to show her what he hated so much. He stopped moving for almost a minute and the tension in the room intensified as she began to panic he'd changed his mind again. She closed her eyes; waiting for the rejection she was so used to from another vampire when she'd been in positions similar to this and held her breath. The sound of movement forced her to open them and she saw him pushing his jeans to the floor. It took longer than it should've done for her to realize he was now wearing nothing and the thought of him going commando increased the desire within her. Her eyes ran over his body and again there was nothing she saw that she didn't like. He was magnificent. Seeing him topless had hinted at what he'd been hiding but even her imaginings had fallen well short of reality. His ever present low slung jeans had caressed the strength of his body and now seeing the musculature he'd revealed she longed for him to show her more. Her eyes flew to his as he turned his face to look at her over his shoulder. She wasn't sure what he was expecting to see on her face but she saw the relief wash over it when he stared at her. She was so focused on his face she failed to notice the rest of his body had followed his head and he was now stalking towards her. "See something you like, darlin'?"
"Huh?" It was only when she spoke that she even realized he was now fully facing her and slowly her eyes lowered down his body; finally settling on his cock. She heard him chuckle and wondered what made him do that; her eyes flickering to meet his quickly.
Jasper watched her eyes lower down his body and tried not to feel self-conscious. It was difficult for him to do; the years of hiding his body from everyone being something he found difficult to not fall back on. He saw her eyes still as she looked at what he knew would draw her attention. He wasn't a big man physically; especially not in comparison to Emmett but he certainly didn't lack anything when it came to his manhood; he had that more than adequately covered. He saw her eyes widen a little and when she subconsciously licked her lips he let out a bark of laughter that drew her attention back to his face. He stalked back towards her; his body moving fluidly across the room until he crawled onto the bed. As his mouth came level with hers, he smiled at her tenderly, "Am I man enough for you, Bella?"
"I don't have anything to compare it to but I don't think you could ever disappoint me, Jazz."
"Apart from all the times I've pushed you away." He said ruefully.
"Don't think about that now, baby." She whispered. He leant forward and kissed her; his tongue sweeping into her mouth and dancing with hers.
He lowered his body onto hers; sensing her reaction to it as he pressed her back into the mattress. He didn't need to worry about what she was feeling though because a growl rumbled deep in her chest as she felt him hard against her stomach. He smiled against her mouth before shifting his body to one side of hers and propping himself up on his elbow. Her sigh held such disappointment at his mouth moving away and his body no longer being on hers that it made him smile against her cheek; slowly inching closer to her ear, "Can I touch you, Isabella?"
The sound of her name when he said it sent a shiver down her back. "Please," she whispered.
"Close your eyes." He said; holding her eyes as she looked at him. "Let yourself feel this," he added. She did as he said and he watched her face as he moved his hand to touch it; his thumb brushing across her cheek and bringing a smile to her lips. His hand moved again and he traced a finger down her neck; barely touching the surface but sending a shiver through her. His hand cupped her breast again and she sighed loudly. He smiled as he heard her sigh and let himself absorb some of her emotions; desire and lust swirling from her and pooling in his groin; making him even harder. He moved his mouth to her breast and kissed the underside of the peak as his hand left it and slipped lower. Her body had changed since she'd become a vampire and while he hadn't really paid much attention to her when she was human; he was still a man and had appreciated her beauty even then. Now though her beauty was even more wondrous and he hoped she knew how much he liked what he saw. Realistically 'liked' wasn't even close to how he felt. She moaned softly as a finger slipped beneath the elastic of her panties and his smile broadened. Her body was quivering beneath his lips and he repeated his action; his finger moving a little further into the unknown this time.
"Jasper…" she whispered; his name breathy as she almost whimpered it.
"Yes, darlin'?"
"Please…" Her voice definitely a whimper this time.
He withdrew his hand and a frown appeared on her face, only to disappear again when she felt his hands move to the sides of her underwear and slowly ease them down her legs. She lay before him naked now and as his eyes appraised her he knew he wasn't making a mistake. He moved to lie back beside her and dragged his hand up her thigh; feeling her arousal increase and cushion his body; in a way that he craved. She shifted slightly on the bed and his hand stopped moving; his eyes looking at her face again, needing reassurance she was enjoying what he was doing. He didn't see anything to give him concern so his hand moved again; continuing to climb until he reached the apex of her legs. She lifted her hips as he touched her clit; his touch light even as she tried to deepen the contact. "Relax darlin'," he whispered; his own tension increasing as his fingers caressed her. "I'll make this good but you need to calm down." She growled again; a sound so beautiful he had to lean down and kiss her mouth. Despite her response she tried to do as he asked and he rewarded her by touching her more firmly; his eyes shutting as his senses were pounded by both his and her feelings. His slender fingers moved a little lower and touched her; finding her wet already. She gasped as he stroked her and when he pushed one finger into her, her eyes shot open and he smiled at her as she stared at his face. His thumb reasserted the pressure on her clit and again her hips moved with him.
He watched her as he pushed his finger deeper; he could feel how tight she was and he sent a wave of calm towards her in an effort to help her relax. Her mouth was open and she was breathing heavily; the emotions he was bringing out in her rising intensely. "God…" she gasped as he pushed another finger into her.
"I try, baby." He said; her eyes rolling at his words but the smile on her face belying how she felt. "How does it feel? Do you like this?" he asked.
"Can't you tell?"
"It's difficult to with the strength of what I'm feeling," he admitted.
"I never realized it could be this good." She murmured.
"You haven't seen anything yet." He promised her. He saw her swallow at his words and he smiled at her. "There's so much you still have to experience, Bella."
"Then show me." She whispered.
His hand moved quicker within her and his thumb pressed down where it lay; both managing to bring another moan from her. He surprised her by pushing a third finger into her, feeling her tightening around his hand; he bent his fingers upwards and brushed across the spot that made her quiver in response. Her eyes were closed and he took the opportunity to try something new; her hands were clenched at her side and as he moved closer to where he was touching her he could smell the desire she was feeling. He could feel how aroused she was and as his lips touched her clit she cried out his name; the sound filling the room. His mouth sucked on the nub and he felt her shiver beneath him. He knew she was close to hitting that high and his double attack on her senses intensified as he helped her move closer to that goal. She was moving more frantically now and as he licked where his mouth rested and stroked her inner wall she clenched around his fingers and shouted his name. He pulled his fingers from her; both his hands gripping her legs and parting them so his mouth could move lower; his tongue brushing up her opening and licking her juices. He shifted to kneel between her legs so he had better access to what he was now focused on; he wanted to bring her to orgasm again and as his mouth worked softly on her clit he could feel her body begin to calm slightly. He lifted her hips and his tongue pushed into her; a moan emanating from the top of the bed that told him she liked what he was doing. He continued his attack on her and she was soon shuddering with release under him again. As her high faded he moved his mouth up her body; kissing her gently until his mouth brushed against hers. He knew she'd be able to taste herself as his tongue brushed against hers and he felt her deepen the kiss. His lips barely left hers enough to whisper to her, "You taste amazing; so much better than I ever imagined you would." She closed her eyes and he kissed her again. "There I was thinking your blood was the most desirable thing about you when you were human. I was so wrong."
"I want more, Jasper." She whispered. "I want you."
"Are you sure?"
"Jasper." She growled. "Stop trying to protect me. I got that from Edward; it's not what I want from you." He froze when she said his name and she opened her eyes in panic as she realized what she'd said. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that."
"It doesn't matter." It was a lie because it clearly did and they both knew it.
"I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I just want you to remember I'm not some fragile human girl anymore. I want this. I've never wanted anything as much as I want this."
"I was making sure you were ready to take this step. It's your first time baby and it should be special."
"It is special; it's with you so it couldn't be anything but special."
"Thank you." He said softly. "I'm still worried about hurting you." He kissed her forehead; carefully avoiding the accusation in her eyes. "It's going to hurt because it's your first time…" he looked to one side as embarrassment rose within him, "I'm going to hurt you and that's the last thing I want to do."
"Then help me not feel the pain." She whispered.
His eyes shot to hers and he could almost kick himself for not thinking of it. He stared into her eyes and sent a wave of relaxation towards her; feeling her whole body calm beneath him. "How do you feel?"
"Great." She whispered. His hand moved back down to her opening and he stroked her again; her legs relaxing either side of his body. She could feel the waves of calm he was still sending towards her; enough to relax her but not too much, she still wanted to be able to feel this. Her hands cradled his face and she pulled him down to kiss her again. She was ready and she hoped he realized she was trying to tell him that with her action.
Her kiss spoke to him in more ways than one; she wanted him and needed him and his fingers found her more than ready for him too. He moved his hand from her; not missing the pulse of disappointment she emitted; instead he took his length in his hand and stroked it, he was hard… he wasn't sure he'd been this turned on in his life… or un-life come to that. He looked at her face and he stared into her eyes; slowly moving his length so it was at her entrance. "If you want me to stop, just tell me." He said.
"I want this, Jazz."
"I know you do now, darlin', but if you change your mind, just let me know and we stop." Bella stared at him and then nodded. He took a few seconds to throw stronger wave of calmness to her; adding in a hint of desire, to make this easier for her and then pushed into her slowly. The feeling of entering her was intense and took his breath away. She moaned his name; tensing slightly and he froze; waiting for a sign from her that it was okay to continue. She lifted her head and kissed him softly; the signal he needed that she wanted him to carry on. Jasper pushed in a little more and felt her stretch around him as he finally made her a woman. He could feel the slight pain she was feeling and he pushed into her gently trying to minimize it as best he could. All movement ceased when his hips pressed against hers and he willed her to relax again, "Look at me, Bella." He whispered.
He waited for her to open her eyes and he could see the emotion in their depths. "Wow." She murmured which brought a smile to his mouth.
"Are you okay?" His hand caressing her cheek as he looked into her eyes.
"God, yes. It hurt a little but not too much, so thank you."
"I want to see your eyes; I want to see when that moment hits." He whispered to her; his hips starting to move against hers; his own desire increasing as she moved with him. He started slow but as she moved their speed increased; each movement more powerful than the previous one. He could feel his peak approaching and he knew he wouldn't be able to delay the moment much longer; the passion he was feeling from both of them making it impossible. He looked at her face and he could see the same wild look in her eyes that he was sure he was wearing. He wanted her to reach that moment before him; or at least with him so he reached a hand between their bodies and pressed his thumb onto her clit. Her reaction was instantaneous and as her body clenched around his length she screamed his name.
He watched her face; seeing the desire wash over it and the love shining from her eyes easily. Each emotion she threw at him edged him closer to his peak and just seconds after she screamed his name he thrust into her one last time; her full name falling from his lips as he came. She wasn't the only one who'd never experienced anything like this before; it was more intense than it had ever been with anyone else. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled him down to her; her lips meeting his in a hungry kiss. He lowered his body onto hers; their movements ceasing as they lost themselves in the kiss.
He rolled them so he was lying on his back and she was draped over him; her hair forming a curtain around their heads as they still kissed. Eventually it had to end and it was Jasper's turn to look up at her as she pulled away from him. "Jazz that was amazing. I… God, I never thought it could be like that."
"Me either; the intensity of what I feel when I'm with you is more than ever before." His hand moved to her face and lifted her chin so she had to look at his face. "I love you, Isabella Swan."
She stared at him and he began to wonder if he'd just said the wrong thing. "Do you mean that?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't, baby."
She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes as his hand brushed up and down her spine. "I love you too, Jasper Hale."
"You don't have to say it back, Bella. I'm not expecting it from you."
"I know I don't have to say it. I want to say it. It's how I feel; I've always known my feelings for you were strong; even when I was human. Stronger than for most of the rest of the family; in some ways it's different to how I felt about both Edward and Alice." She admitted to him quietly.
"Different… in what way?"
"I always felt an affinity towards you; I could see the family treating you differently." She looked at his face and saw the emotion she knew she'd see before she even looked. "They always looked at you as if you were the biggest danger, to me especially. I know that's why Edward and Alice wouldn't let you near me and I hated it. I wanted to get to know you. You always looked as if you were in so much pain when I was around and I wished I could stop you feeling that way. I just wish it hadn't taken my being turned into a vampire and the loss of Alice and Edward for us to get closer."
"I wish that too but I think we both know if they'd been here, this never would've happened."
"Is it wrong that part of me is glad it did?"
"I don't know, darlin'," He looked at her face and then pressed his lips to her forehead. He didn't know how he felt about this. Part of him didn't regret what they'd just done but there was a large part of him that was already struggling with the guilt. A guilt he knew was completely unjustified but was present nonetheless. His guilt grew as he realized he was doing exactly what Bella didn't want him to do. He could feel his resolve about his decision already floundering and his misery compounded as he felt her pull away from him.
Her face was serious as she moved to sit on the end of the bed, "You're backtracking, aren't you." He stared at her. She really did know him too well. "Talk to me," she whispered. "What are you thinking?"
"I don't know." He climbed from the bed and walked towards the wall of windows. "I feel… I…" He zipped across the room and was then pulling on his jeans and walking towards the door. "I need some time." He whispered and then he was gone.
Bella stared at the door as it banged shut behind him. She quickly redressed and then walked out of the house towards the car; retrieving their bags and occupying herself with unpacking the few things they'd brought with them; sad that after everything, they seemed to have gone back to how things were; in fact, in some ways things were ever worse now because she knew just how good it could be with him. And she knew in her heart that was what she wanted.
TBC
A/N: Oops... :-) Don't worry, there will be another chapter soon; the rest of the family arrive and the females of the species step in to help them both.