Another chapter - which follows on from where the last one ended. There is more of Jasper's back story (created by me) in this. A re-telling from Jasper's POV of the story Rosalie told Bella plus another tale. Hope you like them. And then a bit more fighting near the end (got to give Em some time). Enjoy!
Chapter 17.
The night had drawn in now and the stars were in the sky; it was a clear night; very few clouds in the sky as Jasper lay down on the grass; pulling her with him; trying to calm his emotions once more so he could talk to her about what he'd originally wanted to. She was still wrapped around him and his length was buried deep within her; he could feel his arousal returning, although all conscious thought of that was now gone; for him anyway. He turned his mind back to what he'd wanted to talk to her about; he hadn't planned on having a meltdown with her when they first stayed behind and part of him was embarrassed at revealing himself like he just had but he knew it was time he shared himself with her totally. While he'd just made a good start with it; there was a lot more he needed to tell her and show her. So now he was back to his original plan.
"I know you're still bothered by what happened earlier today and I thought I might be able to help you deal with it," he said as he brushed her hair back from her face; tucking it behind her ear. He instantly felt her anxiety increase as he brought up the touchy subject and began to doubt it was the right thing to do. He thought back to what he'd said to Esme earlier and wondered where to begin. He settled on one thing and brushed his hand down her cheek; his thumb brushing under her eye as if to wipe away a tear that wasn't there; as a small gesture he sent a slight pulse of calm to her and she smiled at him in understanding. There was silence around them as if the world had stopped and there was just the two of them left. His voice was quiet as he spoke to her and although it broke the silence it wasn't unwelcome. "When you spoke to Rose the other day, she told you about Maine, didn't she?" He was guessing but he knew it was the most likely thing Rose would've mentioned. Bella nodded. "How much detail did she go into?"
"She told me about you going away from the family with some nomadic vampires who either knew you or knew of you. She said you came back and after talking to Esme you trashed your room; you were upset by something the family did. Then Carlisle went up to see if you were okay and he saw your scars for the first time."
"Did she tell you anything else?"
Bella was quiet for a minute and her silence told him more than he needed to know. "She told me about the two hikers who ended up dead." She whispered.
He was quiet for several seconds and she repeated his earlier action by stroking his cheek; in an effort to show him she was okay she sent him as much love as she could; hoping he'd pick up on it. He sighed softly and shut his eyes briefly; pressing his cheek against her hand. When he spoke his voice was barely a whisper. "That was the first time I slipped since changing to the Cullen's lifestyle."
"But you didn't slip, Jazz. You were trying to save her life but she got caught up in your fight with the other vampire and she died as a result." Bella protested.
He gave her a pointed look; wondering how she could be so forgiving of him for the actual act but chastise herself for doing nothing in comparison. "She still died because of me. She was so scared. She'd just seen someone she loved die in a horrific and unexpected way and then we were fighting in front of her; a true fight to the death and I could feel her fear; it was strong; so strong I almost wanted to curl up on the ground and hide from everything. The pain she was feeling was intense as well; all her emotions were, really and they were affecting my ability to fight. Then they stopped and it never occurred to me why that was; it just meant that finally I was able to fight properly and I killed him easily after that. I still didn't realize until I'd disposed of his remains and I saw her lying on the ground; I dropped to my knees beside where she lay and saw her face; the pain etched in her eyes, even in death. There was blood everywhere and part of me was desperate to taste it; I didn't even consider not doing it; not seriously anyway – I mean what harm would it do and in the end I couldn't fight the desire; it was too tempting. I wanted it too badly so I put my mouth to her neck and licked the blood pooling there from her skin. It tasted so good; it reminded me of how I used to be and it made me feel strong. I sank my teeth into her neck and began to drain her; as soon as my teeth broke her skin I knew it was wrong. I could see her face in my mind; feeling the agony she'd shared earlier as I drank her blood and I fought the monster in me to try and pull away from her. It took longer that I'd have liked before I was able to stop. I sat there for a day before I returned to the house; after some time I buried their bodies but I returned to the spot they'd died at and sat there; thinking and remembering what I'd done. When I thought back to the fight I knew it was my hand that caught her and threw her to the ground; causing her to die. I wish I could say it was the other vampire but I can't lie; I don't want to be that person; not anymore. Even after I returned to the house, I went to my room and wouldn't talk to anyone, not even Alice but eventually Esme came up and I hesitantly told her what had happened; so worried about how she'd react; how they'd all react. I thought I'd feel better after; she told me I'd feel better if I told her but I didn't; I just felt more miserable. I knew that as soon as they all found out I'd lose the one thing in my life I needed; I thought I'd lose my family and I was devastated and scared. So when Esme went downstairs and told them about it, I was gauging their emotions and felt their disappointment. It almost killed me to know I'd let them down and that was when I broke the furniture and tore the room apart. In the midst of the havoc I was creating I heard her carry on telling them the story and in the back of my mind I realized she hadn't told them everything because she was too upset by what I'd told her; so they only heard the worst bit. I tried to protect myself from the pain of it all and crawled to a corner of the room; hoping I wouldn't have to suffer their pity and disappointment for too long. I was barely aware when Carlisle came into the room and that's the only reason he saw the scars on my body; the new ones I'd obtained as a result of my vacation from the family; each of the new ones was causing a lot of pain in itself so I'd mentally locked myself away from everything; trying to minimize what I was feeling; the intense pain, both emotional and physical. It took me a while to realize he was the first person to really see the scars and have no reaction whatsoever. Maybe it's because he's a doctor; maybe it's because he's seen so much more because he's older; I don't know. Even to this day no one else has ever reacted like that; most people feel fear or disgust when they see them. Maria had immense pride when she saw them; mainly because several of them were her making. Alice could never bear to look at them; she made me cover them when we were together so she didn't have to see them and although it hurt that she'd hate them so much, I wasn't surprised, I understood it; it just made my loathing of them worse. It was what I expected; it's how everyone apart from Carlisle and you has reacted to the sight of them."
She was so caught up in what he'd told her it took her a while to register what he'd said. "Me?"
"Yeah. When you look at them I can feel how you love them and me. I know you don't just see me for them but see me for the man that's beneath them. I never thought anyone would look at me; at them; the way you do. I feel almost normal for the first time in so many years; since I was human."
"To me they make you even more special than you'd be without them. I hate the fact you had to go through the agony of getting them in the first place but if it made you the man you are; the man I love then I could never wish they weren't there."
He smiled at her and then changed the conversation back to what he really wanted to talk to her about. "Anyway the reason I brought this up was because I wanted you to know I understand how you're feeling, Bella. I've been through the process many more times than I wish I had but you should be proud of what you did; of how you fought it and won. I wish I could say I've been able to do that."
"I still feel like I've let everyone down though."
"You haven't, baby. God, if I'd done what you did, I'd have…" his words drifted off as he realized how what he was about to say wouldn't help. "Would it help you if I told you about the times I failed; the other times I really let the family down and then you might see that what you did was nothing in comparison." He watched to see if there was any reaction from her to what he'd said but there was barely a flicker on her face. "The second time was when we were living in Quebec. Have you ever been there?" Bella shook her head. "We were living on the outskirts of the city; this was probably about ten years after the incident in Maine and Rose and I were spending a lot more time together, trying to build our sibling relationship."
"Why didn't she tell me about this time?" Bella asked him quietly; curious as it obviously involved his sister more closely.
"I thought about that earlier and I think she won't have told you about it because it's too horrifying for her to talk about. I slipped and it was really bad; in some ways the worst I've ever had and Rose was witness to it. I guess for you to really understand I need to start at the beginning." He paused and Bella brushed her lips against his softly as a reminder she was there for him, "I didn't settle into the area very well when we first moved there; school was miserable and being at home wasn't much better. I was picking arguments with all of them and I couldn't seem to stop myself from doing it. I spent less and less time at home; ditched school all the time and avoided the family as much as I could. I was trying to work out if I wanted to stay with the family or not. I think they all knew this; I'm sure Alice saw it in a vision because I made the decision several times to leave."
"What stopped you from going?"
"Nothing." Her eyes widened as his reply hit home.
"You left?"
Jasper nodded. "I packed a few things and hid the bag in a cave near the house. I went to that cave so many times; a few times it was gone and I'd have to re-pack it and take it back. I'm sure Alice saw me keep taking it back and I know she got Edward and Emmett to get it back several times. Every time I'd made the decision to go something would happen which would make me doubt my choice. I couldn't stick to it. I knew none of them wanted me to leave but none of them really tried to stop me going either."
"So what made you actually leave?"
Jasper rolled onto his back and stared at the night sky. Bella immediately felt the loss of connection with him but she continued to stare at him; knowing she needed to give him a chance to say what he needed to. She could understand exactly what he was feeling; because she felt the same as him. It was painful to talk about this and she was now beginning to realize she had much less to be upset about than he did. The first story he told her about had hit her hard; even though she'd heard it from Rose which she'd found particularly heartbreaking; hearing his viewpoint of it she'd found much worse.
Eventually Jasper broke the silence. "The family was getting ready to go for a hunt; I didn't really need to go with them; I'd gone a couple of days earlier but it was as if I wasn't trusted to stay at home on my own. I guess it wasn't like that really but that was how I felt. Alice was hanging on to me; she'd taken to barely leaving my side for a second and it was beginning to annoy the hell out of me; to me it was as if I was back with Maria; like I couldn't escape. I snapped; I told them I was going to stay at the house; I wasn't going hunting with them. I think I was challenging them to see what they'd do; I thought they'd make me go but they didn't. They let me stay. Alice looked heartbroken but I needed some time on my own; I needed to be able to breathe."
"Had you made the decision to go?"
"No. It came a few hours later; I was thinking and looking back over the last few months and I realized I needed to get away. I walked out of the house and ran; first to the cave to pick up my bag; which was fortunately still there and then I just ran. I wasn't running anywhere in particular and for a while I felt free. They tried to contact me over the next day or so and I couldn't take their calls; I knew if I spoke to them I'd end up going back home. I wanted to work out what I wanted; what I needed to make my life complete."
"Did you manage to sort it out?"
"Not for a while. There were several days when I didn't do anything; my head was in a bad place; I couldn't sort out anything." He stopped talking again but Bella didn't push him. "I cut myself off from everyone; even Peter and Charlotte called me and I didn't answer. Days went by and still I was just going round in circles; nothing made sense to me anymore." He pulled her closer to him and she rested her head on his chest. "I still don't know how but one day Rose turned up; she drove up and climbed out of the car and stood in front of me; her hands on his hips. She didn't say anything; just stood in front of me and I couldn't make myself say anything to her. Eventually she sat down next to me and put her arm round my shoulder; kissing the top of my head. She told me she was there for me and if I wanted to talk to her, I could say anything. She was there for me. I asked her why it was her there and she said Alice sent her; she was the only one who she saw coming to see me that had a good ending." He let out a harsh laugh at what he'd just said and Bella kissed his neck softly. "We sat there for hours and then she convinced me to walk with her; I don't even know where we were; it was just some remote area; there was just the two of us there. She told me about what had been happening with the family; all the juicy stories I'd missed; although there was little of it without me there; I was the one that usually created them. Rose told me about the funny things Emmett had done and about how she'd had to punish him for something he'd said by withdrawing his bedroom privileges; he'd walked around for a week sulking and she eventually gave in; it was less painful for them all that way. The more she spoke to me; the more I relaxed and found it easier to be with her; she made me laugh and I'd forgotten what it felt like to do that. And I realized I missed being part of the family."
"I'm glad she was there for you." Bella whispered as he once again fell to silence.
His laugh was bitter this time and it made her wince. "I haven't got to the good part of the story yet, darlin'. We walked for some time and without realizing it we'd wandered close to a town." He paused. "I hadn't hunted for a while, days I think; even when I had it was barely enough to suffice. I'm not really sure what happened and I could hardly ask Rose afterwards but the next thing I'm really aware of was sinking my teeth into the neck of a man down an alley. I think he'd been attacking a woman when we found them."
"Why would Rose think that was a bad thing? After hearing her history I would've thought she'd love that."
"Yeah; she probably did, until I turned and drained the woman as well." He said softly. "I felt her anger as I was finishing draining the girl and I realized what I'd done. My self-loathing intensified to the point where I'd quite happily have visited the Volturi and begged them to kill me. I don't know what happened over the next few hours; I'd blocked everything out as I tried to unravel the blurred memories of what I'd done. Carlisle and Esme appeared and pretty much carried me to the car and drove me home; Rosalie following in the car behind. So I was back home and it felt very much like I was back at square one; none of them trusted me; hell I didn't even trust myself anymore. And I'd ruined my relationship with Rose; she avoided me afterwards for months; I tried to talk to her; tried to get her to talk to me but she wouldn't. The longer it went on the more depressed I became; I wanted my sister back and I'd lost her in the worst way possible. I don't think we spoke properly for over a year and it was affecting the family greatly."
"What changed it? Something must've happened to make you feel better."
"Edward and Esme." Jasper said softly. "I couldn't talk to Alice; her disappointment in what I'd done was too high and I think in some way she blamed herself because she felt she should've been able to stop it from happening. With Edward I didn't need to talk to him; he would sit with me and hear my thoughts and then tell me what he thought; he really tried to help me. I dropped out of school when I came home; I didn't trust myself to be around humans and I didn't want to shame my family any further. I don't think mum and dad really liked it but they understood and it meant I got to spend more time with Esme. That year we became much closer; she's amazing. She was the only one who didn't blame me for what had happened; her biggest emotion about the whole event was sorrow because I'd left the family in the first place and she made it her mission to make me feel wanted and loved all the time."
"What was the turning point?"
"Peter and Charlotte visited and he was just what I needed. He made me see how selfish I was being to the family and he kicked me into touch; quite literally. It was the push I needed. My mood improved and it didn't fall when they left; although I think Esme was a little hurt when they said I could leave with them if I wanted to. The relief she felt when I said my home was there was immense."
"How did things between you and Rose sort themselves out?"
"Emmett made her talk to me; he pretty much shut us in a room and wouldn't let us out until we'd kissed and made up. Things were still a little tense after but they gradually got better."
"I'm glad he stepped in and you made up with Rose. Did things improve in Quebec for you?"
"Yeah, I guess. I had to repeat the school year so I ended up in a lot of classes with Alice and Edward; which was pretty good. I got to reconnect with Alice and we got past everything."
"They made you repeat?"
"Well I'd dropped out and it's not like I can say 'I've already done this at least ten times'. Actually it was good because being with Edward and Alice so much helped me through each day."
"Was that the only other time you slipped?"
"Unfortunately not."
"Will you tell me about the other times too?"
"I will but not today; I think that's enough for now. We ought to be getting back to the house; mum and dad will be wondering where we are." They dressed in silence and then began the walk back to the house; taking their time and walking at human speed as they savored the alone time.
When they entered the lounge of the house they found their parents awaiting them. "Jasper, Bella." Carlisle said in greeting, "Why don't you both sit down?" Bella glanced at Jasper quickly but he smiled at her in reassurance and they sat next to each other on the couch opposite their parents. "We wanted to talk to you both about what happened yesterday." Bella tensed next to Jasper and he squeezed her hand; sending her waves of love and calm to ease her. "There's no need to worry, Bella. We actually wanted to say we thought you did very well; considering it was the first time you'd properly encountered humans since you've changed, to be able to resist like that is amazing."
"But I didn't resist it; the only reason they're still alive is because Jasper stopped me."
"Yes he did but Bella you're stronger than him at the moment because you're a newborn so you could've overpowered him if you'd wanted to. Yes, Jasper managed to calm you down and make sure you didn't do anything you'd regret but you still deserve some credit for it." Esme said softly.
"We also wanted to say how proud we are of you as well, Jasper. We know it can't have been easy to resist yesterday as well; you must've felt Bella's thirst almost as harshly as she did but you managed it and put the wellbeing of Bella before anything else." Carlisle said; his eyes intensely focused on his son; watching to see how he reacted to what he'd said.
"Thanks mum, dad. It's means a lot to me to hear you say that." He paused and glanced at Bella. "I was telling Bella about some of the times I slipped earlier and it made me remember what it was like to let you down and I'm glad that now I haven't."
"Jazz, you really don't need to worry about the times you've slipped. It's been years since it's happened and you're much more in control than you were. You need to have more faith in yourself; like we have faith in you." Esme moved as she was speaking and sat beside her son; her arm wrapping around his shoulders and hugging him.
"If I'm so in control, how come Alice and Edward wouldn't let me anywhere near Bella when she was human?" he asked; it was a pointless question because he knew the answer in his heart but he needed to voice it because it was something that still bothered him.
"I know your mother has told you that I think they did it because they were worried you may find you liked each other as more than friends and future siblings." Carlisle said, "It would explain why they thought you'd be the person for the bond, Jasper, when as you said, you hardly knew Bella. And then there's how quickly you both fell in love with each other; which if you consider how much you both felt for Alice and Edward is quite surprising. At the time it didn't really occur to me that they kept you from her but looking back at it now, I can see the effort they went to, to make sure you were apart. I'm not sure I agree with what they did and I'm wondering if part of it was selfishness on their part; I think they were scared of losing you both."
"Instead we ended up losing them." Bella said softly. "I'm sorry it happened but I'm glad I've got Jasper. I think you're right as well, dad. The way I feel about Jazz is so different to how I felt about Edward. It's more intense which I didn't think was possible. He doesn't make me feel like I'm not good enough which I hate to say is how Edward sometimes made me feel; however unconsciously he did it. I guess I feel complete when I'm with Jasper." Jasper nodded in agreement with her words.
"I'm glad you both have that." Carlisle said; a smile on his face as he looked at his newest daughter. "I look forward to watching you build the relationship further." He added.
*B-o-B*
The family gathered in the same spot the following day; Emmett was buzzing because he knew he was going to face Bella today and Bella was a little nervous at the prospect. "Are you sure I'll be okay?" she whispered to Jasper as they walked across the field towards them.
"You'll be fine, baby. Yes, he's bigger than you but you're still stronger than him at the moment and you're certainly faster than he is. It's just about making sure you use the right tactics."
Bella stood facing Emmett with Jasper standing to one side of her just a few minutes later and she was still nervous; Jasper could sense her fear but he let her feel it; knowing that in a real fight he wouldn't be able to remove her fear. Apart from anything else, the fear just added to the adrenaline and she'd be more prepared for what she was to face.
"Come on then, Bells. Knock me down." Emmett goaded and Jasper had to hide his smile because he knew she probably would do just that.
"I thought maybe we could all use a bit of a refresher on fighting skills," Jasper said; looking at the rest of the family, "So Rose and mum, if you go together and then I'll work with you, dad, once I've got Bella started." Esme sent a smile to him, realizing he was trying to take the pressure off Bella a little by occupying the rest of them while she fought Emmett. Jasper turned back to face Bella, "Now Isabella," he purred in her ear, "You know what you've got to do. You just need to trust that you'll be able to fight him. I've got complete faith in you so believe in me if you can't believe in yourself." He kissed her temple and then stepped back. His eyes scanned the field and he saw Carlisle was with Esme and Rosalie; advising them as they sparred with each other. He sent a quick look to Emmett before saying, "Start slowly, Emmett, okay?"
Emmett's first attempt was over quickly as he took Bella unawares and she ended up flat on her back. Her brother smiled at her goofily as he pulled her back to her feet and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Jerk," she muttered. Their second attempt fared slightly better; for Bella anyway. She was able to spin around him and push him to his knees from behind with relative ease and Jasper could feel her confidence increase once she realized she could beat him.
After a few more attempts Jasper looked towards Emmett and gave him a slight nod; then he turned to walk to Bella again, pulling something from his pocket as he stood behind her. "So, Bella, I thought we could try something else with you now. You've got the confidence and know you can beat Em, so this time you're going to try it blind."
"What?" She turned to look and stared at him wide-eyed. He kissed her softly on the lips before turning her head away from him again and then tying the length of material he'd brought with him over her eyes. Her breathing became faster as she finally caught up with what he was suggesting. "How will I know what he's going to do?"
"You'll need to use your other senses?" Jasper said softly.
"It's alright for you, Mr empathic abilities. We're not all as blessed as you are."
"You'll be fine. You'll know what to do." He really did have faith in what he was about to make her face and he just hoped by the end of this she would again. "Now I'm going to spin you a little bit and then he'll give you a minute to acclimatize yourself before he starts, okay?"
"I guess." She whispered; far from ready. By the time Jasper released his hold on her she had no idea which way she was facing and the loss of the use of her eyesight had completely thrown her. She tried to count the seconds as they passed but lost track and she could feel herself begin to almost hyperventilate as she again worked herself into a panic. She tried to concentrate on her surroundings but just couldn't get control over her body. The silence surrounding her made her realize the rest of the family had stopped to watch them and her anxiety escalated further. She was sure it had been more than a minute since they'd left her and she was still waiting for Emmett to do something. Her senses were almost shaking with anticipation as she tried to feel where he was and where he would attack from; there was also a good amount of fear; a fear that built as the seconds ticked by. She heard the soft approach of his footsteps from behind her and tensed slightly; waiting till the last second to spin to face him and hopefully dodge his attack. His attack never came and she heard a much louder thud and then the others gasp in surprise.
She blinked instinctively as the blindfold was pulled from her eyes. Jasper turned her so she stood in front of him. "What did you do?"
"What do you mean? I didn't do anything…" she was confused by what he was asking and looked over his shoulder and saw Emmett sprawled on the floor; watching her with a look of shock on his face and was that also fear she saw? Bella frowned and turned her eyes back to Jasper's. "What happened?"
"Emmett approached you from behind and then he couldn't move any further and it was as if he rebounded on an invisible wall and landed flat on his ass. If it hadn't been such a surprise, I'd have died laughing; the look on his face was a picture." Jasper was smiling at her by the time he stopped talking and she smiled at him despite her confusion.
"I don't know what happened. I heard his footsteps and I was waiting for him to get close enough before I would react… and then I heard you all gasp."
"We'll have to see if we can get it to happen again." He said; reverting back to his military viewpoint rather than the person she needed.
"But I don't know what happened." She was getting frustrated now because he didn't seem to be listening to her; or at least taking in what she was saying. She stared at him as he strode away and walked over to Carlisle; her face forming a scowl as she noticed everyone was distracted; more bothered by what she'd allegedly done rather than trying to see if she was okay. She took a few steps back and still no one noticed; so she turned and ran; running back to the house; all the time listening to see if anyone followed her. They didn't.
*B-o-B*
Jasper approached the house slowly; he was surprised she'd managed to slip away so easily; that none of them; especially him; had noticed she'd gone. How long she'd been gone was anyone's guess. The day was nearly ending once more; twilight edging across the sky. He could smell her scent and knew she'd definitely gone back to the house. He was glad the rest of the family had chosen to go hunting and left him to return home in the hope of finding Bella. As he walked into the building he could feel her pain and knew he was partly the cause of it. He should've realized earlier; for fucks sake he was empathic; this was his bread and butter. How could he not notice?
He scanned the lounge; knowing she wouldn't be there but checking anyway. He walked to their room and pushed open the door. She was there; curled up on the bed; facing out of the window, with her back to him. He climbed onto the bed behind her and lay down; pressing himself against her back; his arm wrapping around her waist; the same way he'd done just a day earlier after the close call with the human. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair. She didn't answer; her body shook as the sobs overtook her; not for the first time he realized.
"I don't know what's happening, Jazz."
"None of us do, darlin'."
"But you were asking me as if I knew what I'd done and I didn't even know I'd done something."
"I know; I'm really sorry." Even if he hadn't been picking up her emotions; he was getting upset because he knew this was his fault. He'd hurt her again; it was becoming a habit he longed to break.
Bella lay in silence; she wanted to see his face but part of her didn't want to face him and see the questions in his eyes; questions she knew she had no answers to. For the first time in weeks she wished she was back in Forks; in her room, knowing Charlie would no doubt be downstairs; she missed the simplicity that had been her life before she met the Cullen's. As soon as she thought that she hated herself for it; she could never regret falling in love with first Edward and now, even more importantly, Jasper. She knew if she'd never met the family her life would've always been missing something and in her heart she was glad she had. She just wished that for at least a little while it didn't have to be so complicated. "I wish I knew what I'd done. I wish I understood what it was."
"Dad and I think it might be your gift. We think maybe you're a shield and can protect yourself from other vampires."
"I guess that's a good thing."
"Oh, it is baby because once you have control over it I won't have to worry about you as much; I'll know you'll be safe." Bella growled lowly in her chest. "What?" he asked; knowing he'd just made another mistake.
"You sounded like Edward; always wanting to keep me safe and out of harm's way. You don't think I can look after myself."
"Isabella, look at me," he said; waiting for her to move. "Please." He said when she didn't. The sadness in his voice was enough to make her turn to face him. His hand lifted to her face; caressing her cheek as he stared into her eyes. "It isn't that I think you can't look after yourself. I want to make sure you're okay; I want you to be safe because I don't think I can handle losing you. And it's not just you. I felt exactly the same way about Alice. It kills me to know I couldn't be there for her when she needed me the most; that she kept me away from the fight and sacrificed herself so we can be happy and have a future together. I don't want to keep you out of harm's way, but once you have control over your gift I'll know you'll be able to look after yourself without me needing to keep an eye on you as well. I just want us to be together, darlin'." He leant forward and kissed her softly on the mouth; the kiss deepening slightly but going no further.
Bella felt his love for her as he kissed her; it was a kiss that held the promise of a future together she knew she never would've had with Edward. She was realistic enough now to be able to admit he had been too controlling and looking back at it she could see how frustrated she'd been. Jasper was similar and yet so different in many ways; maybe it was because he was older than Edward; although Bella doubted that was the case. Bella had always assumed Edward was the way he was because of the era he was born in; where women was looked after by their men and it was the woman's duty to care for her husband and only that; there was little doubt in Bella's mind that times would've been any different when Jasper was born; in fact they could've been even more that way for all she knew. Bella suspected the real difference was the gifts they were blessed with; Edward was able to read minds and she'd seen he had a certain amount of cockiness in his ability, however subconsciously hidden; he acted as if he knew everything and therefore always insisted he knew best because of it. Jasper's gift was much different; while he could sense what people were feeling, he didn't know the reason behind those feelings; also there was the fact he shared those feelings with the person; their feelings affected him and therefore he was a little more understanding of the other person; that was definitely how Bella felt anyway. Jasper understood her in a way Edward had never been able to.
Bella drew her attention back to her love as he kissed her gently; she liked this attention from him; loving the softness of his lips on hers; the taste of his tongue as it brushed against hers. The feel of his arms as they safely cocooned her close to his body; there was no urgency in what they were doing; there was no rush and she took the time to appreciate what he was giving her.
TBC
A/N: So I managed to slip a little gift for Bella in at the end (and I'm not talking about Jasper - although he is one too!). What do you think about the Jasper's back stories? Next chapter is one of my favorite (of the whole story) so something for you all to look forward. Don't forget to review. :-)