I can't explain a lot of things in my life, hell, I can't even explain myself half the time. Usually when people ask "How's your day?" or "How are you?", it's just weird to answer because honestly, I don't know how I'm doing. When I was in middle school my mom thought it wasn't normal for a kid to be constantly indecisive, so she thought I was depressed. My therapist sessions didn't really go as productive as planned since all I could answer was "Okay, I guess? I don't...know."

I don't know. Especially growing up in South Park, you can't really explain the circumstances of your life, or when Guinea Pig epidemics or ginger kid hauntings are something you wouldn't be surprised about looking out the window.

I couldn't exactly comprehend my feelings for Tweek. He acts differently than most people I know, like there's something bigger waiting for him, like he knows he doesn't belong where he is, and how there's always something more to him than you'd expect. And I don't mean the twitching, I mean he looks at things differently.
After he showed me his painting of Oscar Wilde, he taught me about the significance of contemporary art, how angry pottery or ceramics makes him, (although it may have to do with anxiety and imagining the art shattering), how stupid music like The Smiths or drinking a truck ton amount of coffee helps his anxiety, or how he wants to have his own art gallery with his photographs. Anybody could've told me told me this, but I was more intrigued when Tweek told me these things about himself. When we talked, it was as if he spewed words of escape for myself, maybe even for the both of us.

Since then, we've been exchanging music and promised each other feedback on the way to school. Almost every morning I found him waiting against the fence, clutching onto the straps of his bookbag. He scolded me sometimes too, "Why are you always late?" And I would respond "Because I figured if I made you wait you'd only yearn for my company even more." In which he smirked and rolled his eyes.

I walked out my door this morning and he was there, just like I expected. I held up The Smiths CD he lent me. "So I listened to it, I think-"

He interrupted me. "-ACK- It was terrible wasn't it?! -NGH- Oh Jesus, I shouldn't have lent you that!" He tugged at his blonde hair. I reassured him it wasn't. "No, It was just...slow for my taste. There is a Light That Never Goes Out is pretty good, I liked that." I scanned over the CD of The Smiths.

"I thought you'd like This Charming Man." He grumbled, looking away. "And what is this?! -ngh-" He held up Bombay Bicycle Club and burst out laughing. "Is this a joke?" It struck me, like where's all this hatred for a great band coming from? And then he said. "I didn't know you listened to Taylor Swift."

"Wait, what?" I snatched the CD from his hand and inside was my little sister's CD of Taylor Swift. "Woooww, it had to be this one CD that she mixes with her disturbingly catchy music. I thought I was a better role model." I sighed.

He smiled and rubbed his nose. "I really The Smiths, his voice is soothing."

"Unlike mine." I scoffed. We got to the corner of the street and I reached into my bag. I showed the pack of Marlboro. "Do you mind?" He shook his head, a little solemnly.

"Really? I'd expect you to say 'aahh, no, don't smoke! It's what the government wants, they're trying to kill us all off slowly!"

"Well, they are!" He frowned and started gesturing his hands frantically. "It's just capitalism feeding off consumerism , man! -ngh- They're greedy fat men who sit in their chair all day and think of ways to conformize us into mindless -ACK- consumerists and then we get addicted! Just like food, sex, drugs, and that." He pointed to my already lit cigarette. "So they roll in their pile of -ngh-money and laugh." He rubbed the tip of his imaginary mustache and cackled.

I almost spit out my cigarette laughing. "Hah! Where did you learn that?"

"I go to activist rallies." He said timidly. I raised an eyebrow. "You're an activist? You yell for equal rights in screaming crowds?"

"No...I hand out the flyers on the sidewalk where there's usually no people passing, but I learn."

I shrugged. "Well, just like how the crap ton of coffee you drink helps your anxiety." I gestured towards his thermos. "Cigarettes help me."

"With what?"

I shrugged again. "Stress?" I started smoking freshman year from depression, and even when I got better I didn't stop. I didn't tell him that though. "Don't worry, it's not an extreme addiction."

"Do you believe in anything?" He looked up at me, but we finally reached the busy street that made him utterly nervous, he froze. The thing about this intersecting street that even I don't understand, is that there are curb turns that randomly happen even when the light's red and they never stop for you, or you have to negotiate with the driver straining facial expressions.

"Uhm, I don't believe in reckless drivers?"

I might have mentioned before that I usually don't think of the outcomes of my actions. Tweek would clutch onto the hem of my sweater as if his life depended on it (which it probably did) or would ungracefully bolt across the street, screaming.
But this morning before crossing that street, I grabbed a hold of his hand. One of those blue soccer mom Nissans blared it's horn at me. I flipped her off. "Asshole!" I don't give a shit if the sign counted down to one more second, she could wait.

Tweek yelped behind me when I grabbed a hold of his hand.

I kept walking even when we reached the sidewalk and didn't let go of his hand. The weird thing is I didn't mind, as if this was supposed to happen. Suddenly, realization struck and my whole face went red. "Shit, sorry!" I wiggled my fingers away from in between his.

"No!" He grabbed my hand again. "-ngh-...I mean, I forgot to bring my gloves...it's cold." He tugged at a lock of his hair nervously. He wasn't a very good liar anyway. But I wasn't either in these kinds of situations.

"Y-yeah." I nodded, which only made me blow out my cigarette clumsily. Like that high feeling, the good kind of high where you feel all fuzzy and warm yet kind of unconscious and queasy. Slipping into Tweek's tiny hands felt like that.

It's usually difficult to spark up any type of conversation the first time you hold hands with someone you've been dying to even just grab their face and kiss. I would glance down at him every so often, and I shifted my gaze away quick enough that I missed the blush creep across his cheeks. His flickering eyes would catch mine, only to grow more embarrassed.

Tweek was still afraid for me while we were in school, because he's already been through the bullying for being this spasmodic, suicidal freak to them. He looks around in the hallway before talking to me, greets me with timid nods and walks to work before I walk out the school doors. Honestly, he's just caught in the wrong situations, I mean there was rumor that he murdered a little girl when he came to school in red splatter paint from that morning of finishing his painting. But, God forbid the new loser transfer kid is seen holding hands with this guy! What ever would happen to my reputation!?

The school was distanced for about one more block, but Tweek wasn't taking any chances. Groups of kids started to emerge from smaller streets, and he quickly let go of my hand in a violent twitch. I sighed, putting out my cigarette.

"You know, I also don't believe in what losers think of me." I gestured behind us to the group of people that kept smiling and shooting looks towards us, turning back to their friends with contemptuous smirks that screamed 'what the hell is he getting into?'.

I moved in closer beside him, hiding that I quickly squeezed his hand again. "I don't want to let anyone hurt you." Before letting go.

"I-I can take care of myself. -ngh- I practice samurai sword fighting." He made a swishing gesture, slicing the air. I just laughed, it felt so right to beside him, why did it have to look so wrong to other people?

After school at the video store, Joe's been pushing me to ask Tweek out. The rumors have been spreading so fast, and eventually I had to tell Joe about how I felt. There's been this creepy vibe around the school that people might actually suspect we were going out or that we like each other, because as I walk past people in the hallway the conversations tone down to a whisper...The only thing I'm worrying about is if the feeling's mutual.

"Just ask him out!" Joe flung his arms in the air in irritation.

"It's not that easy, besides what if he says no? I don't even know if he likes me!"

He just scoffed. "You two held hands for god's sake! You know what's going to happen? You're going to wait too long and watch the opportunity fly by, then," He stuck his finger in my face. "You're gonna regret it, you're gonna come crying to me and I'm gonna say 'I told you, Craig. You didn't listen, didn't I say this would happen? And what happened? Exactly.'"

I shook my head. "I just gotta hang out with him for a couple more days, get to know him better and then maybe I'll do it."

Joe walked over to help me rearrange the movies on the top shelf. He leaned down and picked up the movie Moonstruck.

"In Napoli, where love is real, when boy meets girl, here's what they say." He smiled at me. "When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's...amore." He sung and held his arms out. "Dance with me Craig- When the world seems to shine like it had too much wine that's amore."

"No." I continued stacking the DVD's on the shelf.

He spun in circled. "Bells will ring, ting aling-." His voice belted the Dean Martin song through the whole store. "-that's amoreee!"

"Hey!" Frank's head peeked out the door. "Shut the hell up, Joe! Get back to work."

"You're right Frank, I might disturb all the customers anxiously looking for their desired feature film." Joe motioned to the empty video store. Frank rolled his eyes returning to his office.
"No one even goes to video stores, they could just download it off the internet! That's why I like this job, I don't have to do shit." Joe winked at me. "By the way, has the moon hit your eyes yet, Craig? You know, I mean-"

"Yeah I know what you fucking mean. Has Nick found out?"

"Damn boy, don't get so defensive, not in my house!" But then his eyes widened with realization. "Wait, hold on, you mean? It's true?!" He gasped, smiling and squealing like a twelve year old girl.

My face turned slightly red but I continued to shelf the movies without looking at him. "My little Craig is growing up so fast." He pretended to wipe a tear. "But why wouldn't you want Nick to find out?"

I sighed. "Almost everyone in the damn school thinks he's a freak, and sometimes it gets to him and his paranoia heightens. Knowing Nick, the secret would slip from his mouth and it's going to spread like wildfire." I stood up from shelving the movies. "Personally, I don't care what these people think of me, but there's a line that's crossed when Tweek is being treated like that for no reason."

Joe smirked."It's funny that you say that, I mean, you've only the guy for like a month and a half?" He shrugged. "I guess you can't help it though. We can't keep it from Nick though, you know how he's going to have his friendship tantrums."

I simply shrugged "I don't know what to do."

By the look of his face, he was pondering what the plan was going to be. Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "I got it! Come to the hill at the park by the elementary school in about an hour after we get out. I know what to do."

"And what's that?" Normally, I'm not the person for surprises at all, and by the look of smirk on his face I was debating whether or not to go. He told me, "Bring Tweek with you."

I stared at him. "I don't like that face. You're probably going to perform a Haitan voodoo dance to get him to fall for me or something."

"Oh, so now you're being racist?"

I sighed. "Fine, but it's going to be extremely hard to convince him." I finished stacking the movies on the shelf, swiping my hand on my jeans. "I just don't want to lie to him."

After leaving work, I realized I still had about an hour to convince Tweek to come with me to Joe's "gathering".

Hesitation would not stop going through my mind. Maybe I just shouldn't go. Maybe it's enjoyable to watch Joe make a fool out of himself. Maybe Tweek might not want to go, and that would be embarrassing...maybe he does and maybe he might actually be happy that I asked him to go somewhere with me.

Maybe I'm just over thinking.

Maybe I'll forever be afraid of showing people how I feel.

And when I reached Franco's, I sort of just stared at the door, running the potential conversation in my head between us. It was more of a fantasy conversation...and that's one thing I have got to stop doing, because there's too many high hopes in that. The higher the expectations, the higher the let down.

It was a door that said "push", I could not have failed at that task any more because I don't know anyone else who searches for a doorknob then pulls at a lightweight door? Apparently me. Al paused reading the newspaper to look up at me strangely. "...It says push." He said.

"I know what it says."

He nodded slowly, continuing to read his newspaper, but his eyes kept peeking up at me from under his enormous glasses. He then looked at Tweek and smirked knowingly. Damn that man, and damn his weird love sensing abilities.

"-ACK-! Craig?! Wha-what are you-? -ack- do you need something?" He started to fidget with his sleeves like he always does when he sees me. Al rolled his eyes and said to him. "You don't say that to customers, not even Craig. I don't care if he's your boyfriend or whatever."

"HE'S NOT my boyfriend." I abruptly responded. Al just chuckled to himself. I turned back to Tweek, who had the pinkest face painted on him.

"I uh...I need to ask you something."

He's doing the lip biting thing. He's biting his lip really cutely. His eyes are getting adorably big.

I pursed my lips, took a deep breath and pointed at the white gelato. "What flavor is that?"

"Pecan?"

We both stared at each other as I internally reevaluated my life choices.

"That's weird. Pecan gelato? Must be delicious. You should go to the hill at the park. With me. And Joe." Eeeeuunghh.

He simply frowned. "Who's -ngh- Joe? Why?"

"Um...just to, you know hang out?" I kept checking on Al, and he kept checking on us and it could not have been any more uncomfortable and awkward. "I mean, we can walk there, we got like twenty more minutes."

A look of confusion smacked his face. "It's timed?! What for?"

Shit. "So, the thing is, he wouldn't really tell me either but he told me to bring you along." My face cringed because I could not have phrased any more creepier or suspicously.

I could see his feet inch back towards the kitchen. "N-no it's not like that, it's just a get together I guess, just friends, chilling out." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Sorry if I made it seem like this was some sort of cult." I chuckled.

"I just don't -ack- know why they would want me to hang out with them."

I rubbed my shoulders. "Well, they sort of heard about you and thought you were cool." I know I'm lying to Tweek at the moment, and I could easily just let him go if he didn't want to come but I kept lying.

He calmed down a bit, but still couldn't control his eyes wandering. "Just -ngh- hanging out?"

"I guess."

Tweek looked at Al for approval to take the shift off. Al smirked at me for a minute and said, "Eh, why not? Just for this one day though, Tweek! I ain't forgettin' about all that pasta you spilled in the kitchen!" Tweek wasn't quite sure whether or not to thank him, because he wasn't really sure what he was doing, and neither did I, to be honest. I could have sworn I was about to reveal how I feel about him.

Until we arrived at the hill. Joe wasn't there and when I called him, he said to walk towards the end of the hill. We found him sitting on a fallen tree trunk. "Nice place huh?" Joe smiled at Tweek, nodding. "Nice to finally meet the infamous Tweek."

Tweek looked flustered and scared, mainly because we were in this space that was partly hidden by trees and overlooked the pond about thirty feet. "H-hi..." Tweek peered down at the pond, his eyes widening. "Why are there shoes in the pond?"

"See that fence?" He pointed at the metal fence peeking from the towering trees across the pond. "The neighborhood kids grab onto the fence and go around without falling into the pond. Nobody's died yet." Tweek's eyes widened and covered his mouth.

"Where's Nick?" I asked him.

He checked his phone. "He's was on his way...aaand there he is now!"

Nick waved at us, panting from running all the way over here. "Hey Craig! Tweek! What's up?" David followed behind him with his hands in his pockets, only nodding his head at us.

"Alright, what is this? You bring us all together in a secluded area at night and for what?" I already got the idea but I wanted to hear it from Joe as to what possibly Satanic practices we were going to be performing.

Nick showed us the board he brought and set in in the middle and asked Joe if he should light the candles around the board or around us. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Oh no…"

"Happy Halloween guys! Told you I knew what to do!" Joe exclaimed happily. David laughed and helped light the candles.

"Listen, I don't mess around with omnipotent evil forces that have the power to fuck us over. We are not summoning demons to possess our bodies so the cops can discover four dead bodies in the morning and a Ouiji board in the middle!" Tweek was losing his shit as I spoke.

"NO! NO! NO! -ACK- NO WAY MAN! THEY -NGH- ARE GOING TO PUSH US OFF THIS CLIFF. OUR BODIES WILL BE DUCK MEAT!" His shaking finger pointed at the tiny duckling, which quacked at Tweek. "AHH!"

"No bro, hear me out! Even if there are things I can't explain, I actually think this thing works! Right?" He snapped his fingers in remembrance. "Remember that time we snuck into the abandoned house and the stairs started creaking like crazy? That was some paranormal shit."

"I think that was an actual homeless person who lived there though…" David shuddered.

"Well anyway, this should be interesting."

Tweek shook like a broken machine and kept inching away from the group. "-ngh-Dying is not fun!"

The Ouija board laid flat on a bed of leaves surrounded by the candles. Nick and Joe knelt down and placed their fingers on the pointer, but David remained standing and took out his phone. "What are you doing?" Joe frowned.

"Filming. I'm not messing around with that again either, I want to capture this ring of friendship and pissing your panties."

"Suit yourself, you're the one most likely to be possessed anyway."

"Yeah and you'll probably die first." David snickered.

Joe raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

Nick laughed. "The black guy dies first in every scary movie."

"Hell no, I'm gonna make sure this bitch possesses your ass and we ain't gonna do shit about it."

"Possess that ass." David winked.

Joe rolled his eyes and gestured Tweek and I over. "Come on! It won't work as well with only two people!"

Eventually I convinced Tweek after a series of spasmodic refusals about unrealistic consequences like potentially possessed bodies or the summoned ghost telling Tweek's parents and selling him off to slavery. I'd be lying if I said I didn't brush my hand against his for reassurance that I was here with him. He calmed down slightly.

Joe started to explain the rules to us, which made me suppress my laughter since he said the rules in such a secretive and sincere tone. "Okay, don't press your fingers down, you have to lightly touch the pointer or else you'll just be moving it. Also, remember this." He looked straight at Tweek and Tweek stared back intensely. "If it starts to spell ZoZo, we immediately stop. We say goodbye and we're done."

Nick shivered. Tweek asked why.

"ZoZo is a little girl who's usually summoned, she's a demon. So don't fuck with this!"

I frowned and wondered how any of this had anything to do with what Joe said earlier in the video store. 'Don't worry, I know what to do.' How the hell is a ouija board going to help anything?

"I want to ask the first question." Nick declared, and we were a bit taken back by the look on his face. Joe nodded and we moved the pointer in a circle before asking the first question. "Okay…" Nick took a deep breath, but David interrupted.

"Well, first ask if anyone's here with us, smartass." Holding his phone between his hands.

"Is there anyone with us?"

Our fingers lightly hovered above the pointer, we all sat completely still, even Tweek. All the attention was focused on this board that could reach another spiritual state of being. I must admit it was eerie and anticipating.

Nothing was happening, we were getting skeptical as we waited even longer.

And then Nick started to blink rapidly and I could tell his breatingh got heavier. "Joe, stop fucking moving it."

"I'm not moving it, I swear." He shook his head in all sincerity.

"Tweek?"

Tweek shook his head and shrieked. "-ACK- NO!"

The pointer grazed against our fingertips and felt it shuffle unbearably slow upward.

"Holy shit, David are you getting this?" Joe's eyes widened at the pointer moving towards Yes.

Tweek suppressed the urge to go batshit as he shook. "Craig, its moving." He whispered. I didn't say anything, because nobody was actually moving this thing. The pointer finally stopped at Yes.

"My turn, my turn!" Joe bounced. "Mr. Spirit, who's going to get laid next out of our group?"

"Really? We're actually communicating with spirits from another world for all we know, and you're asking that?" David scoffed.

"Fine! Will I ever-uh…" He paused whnen the pointer started to twitch again. He looked at David and mouthed 'what, bitch?'

But the pointer simply slid off the side of board.

"It must be so done with us."

I scoffed. "Well I'd be too if I were summoned by teenagers and the only thing they asked was when they were going to get laid. We might as well be chanting Biggie Smalls in front of the mirror three times." They all gave me a look of confusion. "Nothing…" I dismissed. I forgot these things didn't happen outside of South Park.

"Alright, you go then, Craig." David suggested.

I shrugged. We moved the pointer in circles, asked if anyone was here, and I asked, "Is uh...is Striped up there with you guys?"

"-AH!- Who's -ngh- Stripes?" Tweek asked.

"My guinea pig, he died a few years ago." Nick gawked at the fact that the thing I treasured the most was a guinea pig, but Joe nudged him.

We waited again for the white pointer to move by staring at it intently. "It's moving." It dragged itself towards No…

I didn't feel sad or anything, because I wasn't expecting a yes either. I sighed and ruffled my hair, overwhelmed by the way this board works. And then Tweek said. "Maybe there's a -ngh- guinea pig heaven, since animals don't do anything bad, but I guess if you're Christian and all that…-ack- ghosts and spirits stay in heaven because they have -ngh- unfinished business. Guinea pigs don't have unfinished business."

Nick nodded his head and agreed. "Totally, animals don't sin like us. What if the guinea pigs have wings like angels?" I saw Joe hide his face in his hands and groan. "Oh my god Craig, he's so cute." His voice muffled in his hands.

"W-what?!" Tweek was taken back.

Joe chimed in. "Okay! Next question!" He grinned as we placed our hands on the pointer. "Our friend Craig here can be mistaken to be the most uninteresting person with the most uninterested attitude towards the world, in fact, there can be a talking dog in front of him and he won't change his expression at all!"

"Because I've seen worse." I groaned remembering my trip to Peru with Stan and Kyle. "Hey!" I barked.

"So, Mr. Spirit, does Craig have any interest in anything? Anyone?" Joe smirked.

I was flustered, and objected. "I-I don't think we should ask that." I stressed 'that' by giving a quick subtle gesture toward Tweek with my eyes.

"Too late~" He sang as the pointer began to shuffle itself downward.

They repeated the letter in unison.

"T!"

Fuck.

"W!"

No.

"E!"

My fingers pressed down on the pointer and lead it towards Goodbye. I had to stop it before Tweek knew, or before anyone could torment me.

Nick spelled out the letters to himself. "Tweh- Twee- Twee- Twee-" His eyes widened and shot his attention at Tweek. "T-Tweek?! Craig likes Tweek?!" He shouted.

Joe burst out laughing, clutching his sides and I detested. "You guys rigged this! You know your fingers were pressing down on it, Joe!"

"Oh really? Says the one who made it say goodbye! Don't think I didn't see your fingers." He smirked.

Tweek's whole face went red and hid his face in his sleeves. He wasn't twitching, just shaking.

"Craig do you know what the ideomotor effect is? It's a fancy name for involuntary movements. A board game doesn't really call spirits, we're actually moving it subconsciously."

"So…" Nick pouted. "Stripes isn't in guinea pig heaven?"

"That isn't the point, the point is we have an unconfessed love on our hands." David was still recording everything.

"I-I wouldn't call it love." I scratched the back of my head nervously. "God, you guys are such assholes."

Suddenly Tweek got up and quickly walked away from us, his hands were clenched into a fist. I went after him.

"Shit! Tweek, wait!" I called out to him. He wouldn't look back, he started to walk faster down the hill. I almost tripped on a few scattered rocks.

He almost reached the streets and that's when I started to run after him. "Tweek, stop!"

And he did. He couldn't bring himself to run anymore, especially not where he needed me the most.

When I reached him, I panted, holding my knees. "Can you please explain to me why you ran off? I know they can be jerks, I'm sorry but why do you keep running-"

He cut me off. "What the hell am I? -ngh- Some sort of joke so you can laugh it off with your friends? Is that what this whole thing was about? I'm so fucking embarrassed!" The sound of his voice cracked, and he clutched onto his bangs.

"No! What are you talking about?! About what?" I asked.

"About actually attempting to hang out with regular people who still are going to look at me as a fucked up freak! I know how I -ngh- act when I'm scared or nervous, and now they saw it and are probably thinking how much of a loser you are for hanging out with someone -ack- like me!" He cried as he kept flailing his arms. Is he avoiding what just happened? He obviously saw what the board spelled out.

"And now they think you like me…" He mumbled. "They're going to keep making fun of you."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop worrying about what other people think! That's the only thing that's stopping you from wanting to be with me in school or make friends, Tweek! And now you're just jumping into conclusions because they don't think you're a freak, and I would never laugh about you with them. I wouldn't even let them talk shit about you because If they ever did I'd stop hanging out with them by now!"

He still didn't look up at me.

"Listen, I'm sorry they can be jerks. I didn't even know they were going to do that." I bent down to look at his eyes. "We can still hang out though, right? I'll make it up to you?"

"It's too cold…and it's not your fault." His breath puffed in the cold air.

"Whine, whine, whine, come on." I smacked the back of his head. "We're going to the movies."

"N-now?! It's going to be too late, what about your parents?!"

I shrugged. "Yolo."

"Oh my god, you did not."

I laughed. "I'll call them later, but we should hurry or we're going to miss the next show."

"I am not about to hang out with someone who just made yolo an excuse to hang out late at night." He scoffed.

"I was kidding!" I took a hold of his hand and started to walk towards to the bus stop. I hoped I had enough money… and I hope he had forgotten about the whole 'unconfessed love' deal. It's just not the right time to confess anything at the moment. Eventually I'd have to bring it up, probably even tonight.

Wow, so this took longer than expected. Sorry if it's really shitty. There's more lovey dovey gushy feelings from Craig to come, though!