CS8

Thanks for your patience. There are hints all around the story of what is bugging John, however I'll will give you a little more insight in this chapter. Things will break soon.

John closed his eyes but wasn't asleep. So they found he was working a lot, so what, he enjoyed working it was something he did well. Besides the rest of his life, sucked. The one thing his Aunt asked of him and he couldn't do it. He was a big coward and loser. Just going into his apartment was a reminder of how big a failure he was. His aunt was the only one who believed in him, gave him a chance and he couldn't even return the favor.

The morning tones sounded and Gage got up, quickly changing into his uniform then getting his gear to his car. Roy followed him out again.

"Roy, look I understand what you're doing and…" Johnny kept moving afraid if he stopped something bad might happen.

"I'm fine Roy okay. Just leave me alone," John put his gear into his back seat and closed the door.

"Johnny I want to know what's bugging you all the guys want to help, you know," Roy smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"Nothing's bugging me," Johnny said through clenched teeth. "I can take care of myself okay. Just leave me alone." He climbed into the driver's side and pulled out.

Marco, Chet and Mike ran over.

"Well Roy," Chet looked at the car driving away.

DeSoto shrugged. "No dice guys. Whatever it is we just have to wait."

"What wait until he hurts himself?" Mike looked at his friends.

"We may just have too."

Johnny cranked up his cassette player, Roy's offer of help echoing in his ears. Help? Help? How could he help him? IT was his problem and no one else's. Besides his aunt said life was never easy and it took hard work. Working to be a rescue man and then a paramedic took hard work. He had lost track of the hours he studied to be a paramedic and the time he was still learning. No, the only one who could help him was himself.

*****

Roy sat in his car for awhile, trying to remember when his partner started acting strangely, but his thoughts quickly turned to last minute errands before Christmas. Children's toys to put together, food to order and last minute shopping for his wife. He would deal with his crazy partner after the New Year.

*****

Johnny pulled into his next station and realized he would have to fill his tank before long. A few more days and then Christmas would be here. His aunt always made Christmas so special, since he never had a Christmas on the reservation. Leaning on his steering wheel he closed his eyes and pictured his first Christmas in LA. It was a small apartment but his Aunt had made it home and comfortable for his friends. Drew Burke, Willy Jones and a few other friends, sure it was store bought cookies and milk but it was home. Sighing he knew those days were over.

****

Dr. Kelly Brackett was worried. The little mixer he attended last night confirmed his fears why Capt. Stanley had wanted him to check out Paramedic John Gage. What he wondered is why no one had picked up on it, how did Johnny get through the cracks.

"Dix," Kell frowned as he looked at a patients chart.

"Okay Kell what's up?" Dixie eye's pierced him.

"Well I was going to ask you the same thing. I finally found out why Capt. Stanley wanted me to check out Johnny," putting down the chart, he crossed his arms. "You know the yearly soiree I attend with hospitals that are base stations."

"Yeah, you told me it was boring as hell last year. You could have spent your time somewhere else," McCall smiled at him.

"Well let me tell you it wasn't boring in the least. John Gage's name came up several times considering my table mates," Brackett sighed. "Seems Johnny's been working all over the county, not just as a paramedic but as a regular fireman. More than I thought would be safe. I just wondered if you knew why?"

"Me?" Dix pointed at herself. "Why me Kell?"

"I just thought, you know, Johnny can be a difficult nut to crack sometimes and you seem to have the gift," he leaned against the counter.

"Kell I've been so mad and wrapped up in Christmas I really haven't noticed and Roy certainly hasn't said anything. Besides you know how it gets this time of year, especially when it rains. The paramedics get here and then are called out again. I'm sorry I didn't know I was supposed to look after Johnny," Dixie frowned and crossed her arms.

"Well somebody better otherwise I have a feeling he'll be getting hurt soon," Brackett picked up the chart. "Oh well back to work."

***

Gage found his bunk, sat down and rubbed his eyes. He would have to stop thinking of his aunt and concentrate on work. Then what station he would transfer too. Roy meant well but he didn't know what he was asking. He lived for the here and now. The past, well it was just that, the past. DeSoto grew up the All American way; he wouldn't want to know how he grew up. Damn Chet and reading about the reservation. No one could understand what it meant to live there, to see friends and relatives die there because no one gave a damn. STOP IT! STOP! He pounded his pillow and then looked up to see one of his shift mates.

"You okay Gage?" Fireman Josh Turner looked at him.

"Yeah, just the usual Christmas frustration, you know," Johnny stood up. "So what's going on in the day room?"