CS9

Johnny looked into his coffee cup as conversation swirled around him.

"So Roy," Hank asked the sandy haired paramedic as they munched on sugar cookies. "All ready for Christmas?"

"Yeah, for now, but Joanne is always finding something else for the kids. I don't have a clue what to get Joanne either. Christmas is two days away, hard to believe the month flew by." DeSoto stole a glance at his partner. Gage took a spoon and swirled his coffee.

"What about you Chet? Got everything?" Stanley looked at his mustached wonder.

"Yeah, Cap. My sister helped me pick out my Mom's present. Maybe this year she won't return like last year," Kelly sighed and took another cookie.

The dark haired paramedic stood up, finished his coffee and headed to the sink.

"Yah, Cap you're going to drop by?" Marco smiled. "You know Mama makes so much food even for all my cousins, aunts and uncles that show up can't eat it. Besides we never seem to run out of tamales." Lopez grabbed another cookie.

Walking quietly out of the kitchen, John didn't know all his shift mates watch him leave the room. Conversation kept on going as they forgot about Gage and their own holiday errands.

Once in the dorm, Johnny made himself comfortable taking out the paperwork he had been trying to read. His shift mates talking about families, made him jealous. They all had families except him and he was jealous. Johnny knew he should be glad for them. You're damn shallow Gage. Get your head out of your butt for once.

Sighing he looked again at the same page he had been trying to read for the last five minutes. He was still thinking of his aunt and heard someone clearing their throat.

"Hey Johnny," Roy waved as John moved his feet to the floor.

"Hey Roy," Gage smiled, his heart just not in it.

"Um, I know you're busy on Christmas, but if you can find the time, you know. The DeSoto house is always open on Christmas Day and well, the kids are really missing you. Why every time I come home they ask about you," Roy sat next to his partner. "I mean, I'm sorry if I came on so strong, it's just with all the stress and stuff. Anyway, it's just an open invitation, K?" Roy opened the palm of his hands.

"Roy," Johnny bit his lower lip. "I……I really appreciate the offer and all it's just…."

TONES ENDED THEIR CONVERSATION.

The final hours of the shift was filled with numerous calls and many trips to Rampart. All the doctors and nurses were busy as out of town visitors filled the ER and left little time for talk. Dixie still glared at Johnny and he only filled supplies and waited in the squad. Brackett had wanted to talk to Roy, but as soon as they went available another call came in.

Pulling the squad into the bay around 11 p.m. they were beat and Johnny was in no mood for conversation as DeSoto headed to the kitchen for a snack and Gage headed towards the dorm. Making a sandwich the sandy haired paramedic inhaled his meal hoping to have one last conversation with his partner.

Johnny quickly undressed and climbed into bed, wiping errant tears from his eyes, he closed his eyes for some blessed sleep.

Roy came in to find his partner fast asleep, knowing the paramedic would be leaving quickly after shift was over.

***

In the morning, John looked at all the liquor in his locker. He drank beer and now like Chet said a whole damned liquor store. Sighing he closed it, took his duffel out of his locker and headed out of the station. The kitchen was filled with laughter and conversation as each shift exchanged stories and gifts. What's the use? I'm doomed. I was from the beginning.

"JOHNNY! JOHNNY!" Roy ran to him.

Turning around John threw his duffel in the front seat of his car.

"Hey Roy, I've got to go and well Merry Christmas, huh partner," Gage patted him on the shoulder. "See you after Christmas."

"Johnny, wait, please," Roy put his hand on John's shoulder.

"Roy, I can't." Johnny looked at his watch. "I can't be late. See ya." He climbed into his car and sped off.

Roy's arms hung by his side and silently prayed for his partner.

Gage once again cranked up his cassette player, trying to ignore all the billboards advertising Christmas presents. His aunt sure did like Christmas, going all out in their small apartment. Now, he had nothing but a sad reminder of her and couldn't even carry out her last wish. He was a major failure and coward. Feeling his heart race, he knew the transfer would not solve his problems but he felt it was his only option. Once they found out his lack of fortitude he would be just another joke.

***

In the parking lot, Roy found himself surrounded by his shift mates, except for Cap who was still in his office on the phone no less.

"So is Johnny going to come?" Marco tugged at his moustache.

"Yah Roy, usually you can convince Johnny of anything," Chet has his arm around Lopez.

"I'm with Chet; Johnny was awfully quiet last night and this morning. Did he say anything Roy," Stocker looked at the empty parking spot.

"Just he was busy. I thought he was going to tell me something last night," Roy's foot scuffed the parking lot. "But those damn tones finished everything. I swear all Johnny does is look at his damn watch. HE has no time for us!"