Vignette. Cowgirl.
Being a lady of gentle breeding, Emily was always careful not to assert herself into the daily life and workings of the Barkley household. She was especially cautious not to intrude on the intricate workings of the stables, Nick's particular realm which he ruled outright.
But the girl who loved playing cowboy with her brothers in Ohio couldn't help herself one afternoon while waiting alone in the corral for Nick.
The lasso was laying there, practically calling her name, so she picked it up and began swinging its circle over her head and vertically at her side, making it do its sinuous dance at her bidding.
Nick stopped in his tracks when he saw her and watched quietly, unnoticed. He didn't think he'd ever seen a lady, a lady in a dress and pretty straw hat with a big blue bow, swing a lasso with such ease. He didn't think he'd ever seen a lady swing a lasso at all.
"Whatcha planning on ropin' there, Mrs. Powell?" he asked, smiling broadly, armed crossed.
Emily stopped, embarrassed, and coiled the lasso back up and returned it to the exact place where she'd found it.
"You, uh, did a lot of roping back there in Ohio?" he asked, smiling, as he walked into the corral.
"Oh, yes! My brothers and I roped every day!" she said proudly.
"What kinds of things were you roping?" he asked, as he adjusted Coco's saddle, getting ready to ride.
"Fence posts, mainly," she said, quite serious.
Nick laughed out loud.
"And the occasional milking cow, minding her own business, chewing her cud," she added, still serious.
"Of course," she explained, "it's much more difficult to rope a moving thing."
"Is that a fact?" He was trying to keep a straight face.
"Uh huh," she answered. "Tried to rope snakes once but it didn't go so well."
"No?"
"No, slipped away every time."
Chapter 12.
Summer lingered with a stifling heat and Emily was tired. Nick was away a lot. The entire family was away a lot: roundup, a family trip to the mountains, horse trading in Arizona.
Joseph Finch, the new librarian, asked her to a dance but she declined. She accepted his second invitation, though. The evening included dinner at a restaurant before the dance began. Conversation revolved around literature and politics, both topics held some interest for her but he, alas, did not. He was nice and he was polite but seemed less interested in her and more interested in being seen with her. The date was not repeated.
On Saturday morning not long after her date, with fall almost starting to announce itself in the now cooler night air, Emily sat in her rocking chair at the front of her shop. The "OPEN" sign faced the street but it was still early for customers. She was tatting and lost in thoughts about Nick when the door flew open, its bell chiming loudly, and Nick stepped in calling out "Em?" at the moment he saw her.
Emily was surprised and happy to see him, it had been weeks and she had to admit she missed him. She felt a little flutter in her heart at seeing him now, which she chose to ignore for the moment.
"Em, we caught some more mustangs this morning, wanna come see 'em?" he asked, breathlessly. Clearly, he had rushed over to tell her.
She stood from the rocker and, putting the tatting on the chair behind her, said, "Yes! Of course I do!"
She stood a moment, thinking what she needed to do to get ready and how long it might take her. "Uh, Nick? Can you wait while I get ready?"
He waved his hands in the air dismissively. "Sure, do whatever you need to do. I'll wait," he said. He appreciated that, unlike most of the women he knew, it wasn't going to take her a long time. She wasn't one for fussing about her hair or her dress or whatever it was women fuss over. He liked that about her.
She fled upstairs to pull her breeches on under her skirt and gathered her hat and gloves and in the midst of her activity she felt that flutter again. She steadied herself with a hand on her dresser and took a deep breath before starting downstairs again.
Nick had picked up the tatting from the chair, looked at it, frowned, placed it on the counter, and sat in the rocker to wait for her.
He was barely settled into the chair when she re-entered the shop. He stood and smiled at her.
At the sight of him, she felt her heart skip a few beats and she thought to herself, 'Oh, Dear God, I think I'm falling in love.'
Nick squinted at her and asked if she was all right. She was afraid he had read her thoughts but then realized she was blushing.
"Sure," she said. It came out as a squeak.
Nick turned the shop sign to read "CLOSED" and held the door open for her. Out in the street, Emily saw, not the buggy, but Coco and Blackie.
Riding out of town, Nick looked at Emily, shook his head and laughed, "We have go to get you some proper riding boots!"
"These are perfectly serviceable boots," she countered.
"No, next week I'm going to buy you a pair of proper riding boots."
"You're not buying me anything, Nick Barkley," she shot back at him. "I would buy myself some riding boots if I thought it was really necessary. Subject closed."
Nick was quiet a moment, then said, "You're a stubborn one, aren't you?"
Emily thought a moment and said, "No, I don't think I'm stubborn. I have strength of conviction."
"Okay! Okay!" He held his hand up in surrender.
He directed them to trail that led directly from the town to the corral. The trail was narrow and steep and the going slow enough that there was opportunity to catch up on each other's news.
He told her that Audra was writing Carl letters of longing and would be boarding her return ship home in a few weeks.
He told her how Heath and Sarah had hit a rough patch in their relationship. Nick didn't know the details but Emily did. Sarah had confided in her and Emily was not going to break that confidence, so she said nothing.
Nick told her about round up, fishing, Arizona, offering her only the highlights in summary.
"And," he asked, "What have you been doing?"
"Well," she said tentatively, "I went to a dance."
He looked over at her in surprise. "You did what?" he said teasingly, but glad she'd taken a step out. "You went to a dance all by yourself?"
"Well, no," she said, "Joseph Finch asked me."
"Joseph Finch, huh?" he said. "How was it?"
"He's a nice man," she said.
"That all you can say?"
"Yes, " she said, smiling at him.
They rode on in silence. Nick felt troubled by Emily's news but he didn't know why. He knew he wasn't exactly jealous of Joe Finch and he thought he was glad she was gaining confidence but he felt a little threatened all the same.
The trail had become narrow and Emily rode behind Nick, watching him from behind, increasingly aware of her feelings for him and it troubled her.
There were a few men at the corral, no women, and six new mustangs within the pen looking very restless. A couple of wranglers were inside trying to rope one.
Emily stood on the bottom rail of the fence to get a closer look and watched, now understanding more about taming mustangs than when the year started.
Heath approached her and seemed more subdued than usual. He stood up on the fence, too, next to her, and asked if she had talked with Sarah. She said she had.
Heath tried to get Emily to divulge what Sarah had said and Emily would have none of it. She turned to Heath and said, "What Sarah told me she told me in confidence. I don't think the issue is insurmountable and I do hope the two of you continue to try. I think you're good together."
Heath smiled, gave her arm a squeeze, and said a soft, "Thanks." It was all the encouragement he needed, really.
Nick had watched them talking and though he didn't feel threatened by Heath, he did feel jealous, wanting Emily's attentions for himself.
Riding back to the house, Nick was quiet in spite of Emily's efforts to get him talking about the mustangs, about cattle, about fishing, about anything.
"Nick, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" she asked.
"Not really."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked. She was sincere and he knew it.
He looked at her and almost said something but stopped himself.
Nick's silence troubled her. She knew him to be much more open about his thoughts. But she also respected his desire to keep it to himself. She knew whatever was bothering him would rise to the surface and reveal itself.
She joined the family for dinner that evening for the first time in a long time and Victoria was glad to see her. Nick acted like his normal self around the family but Emily watched him closely, an effort which did not go unnoticed by either Victoria or Jarrod.
Nick's normal behavior at the house only confirmed Emily's suspicion that whatever was wrong concerned her and she was worried that he had become aware of her growing affection for him and was trying to find a way to remove himself from her.
Nick took her home in the buggy, as usual, and initially remained quiet. Emily matched his silence, waiting.
Then her turned to her and said, "Em, I'm glad you went to a dance, and I guess I'm glad you went on a date . . . "
"Go on," she said, her heart pounding, not knowing what to expect next.
" . . . but I wish you wouldn't" he finished.
"I see," she said.
"You, uh, gonna go out with Joe Finch again?
Emily laughed. "Mr. Finch is a very nice man, but no."
Nick stopped the buggy and was searching her face. He thought she looked worried.
"Emily, I want to marry you."
Emily's face went from worried to horrified.
"Marry me?" She actually inched away from him. "You want to marry me?"
Emily's head started to spin and the knot in her stomach suddenly grew very large and very tight.
"You don't have to be so overjoyed about it," Nick said, hurt and bewildered.
Emily had both hands pressed to her bodice to still her heart. "Nick!" she said breathlessly, "I don't know that I'm ready to marry anyone and," she frowned, "I don't think I can marry you."
"Why not!" he stated, sounding either hurt or angry. She couldn't tell.
She dropped her hands into her lap and looked into his eyes intently.
"I was married before, Nick," she said. He gave no response so she tried again. "I had a husband."
His face registered understanding and he exclaimed, "That! I don't care about that!" He didn't.
"I can't have children," she said, continuing to look at him intently.
"We can worry about that later," he said quickly.
"No, Nick," she declared, shaking her head for emphasis. "That's something you need to consider very carefully before making a . . . "
Nick heard his mother's voice telling him to guide and encourage her and to not push. He also remembered how stunned she'd been when he first revealed his feelings to her and how she recovered under his strategy of steady persistence.
"All right," he said, softly, "We'll just take it as it comes, then."
Emily nodded. "Okay, Nick."
That night the kiss was deep and passionate.
And it made her weak in the knees.
Emily didn't sleep that night. She tried to defer her dilemma to the next day but still the sleep didn't come.
She thought she might want to marry Nick but only out of her growing feelings and she felt those needed time to mature. She could not, however, give him children and this was a man who would want children no matter what he may say today.