For those impatient people out there, here is your answer. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
John dreaded going to headquarters, his short career flashing in his mind as Brackett picked him up. Roy was on shift and he still felt horrible. In casual clothes, he and Kel appeared at the Chief's office and waited in the outer office.
Gage thumbed through a year old magazine wondering if he could still find employment somewhere, maybe at least flipping burgers, when they were announced.
Going into the office, John felt his heart drop to his stomach when he saw his file sitting on the chief's desk along with a serious expression. Chief Martin's office was decorated with plagues, trophies, photos and all things fire related. However Gage only saw his folder opened up on Martin's desk.
"You don't really need council John," the chief pointed to Brackett.
"Oh he's not a lawyer he's my doctor and…."
"A friend," Kell added. "Just wanted to inform you of my evaluation of John Gage. I've known him a long time sir."
"Well I see from you file John you're an excellent fireman and paramedic," Chief Martin looked at the open file.
John blushed. "Just doing my job, sir."
"Yes be that as it may. I made a few phone calls regarding your last months work habits. It seems you were in a bit of distress," Martin stated "and you found work as an outlet."
Gage nodded. "I lost my aunt and well I just couldn't deal with it sir." His voice cracked.
"That's putting it mildly John. Every day for a month what would put any normal fireman out on his back, yet you didn't collapse until almost the end of the month. Commendable in some ways, stupid in others." Martin stated matter-of-factly.
"Yes sir I know I've should have told someone and…." John fidgeted with his shirt.
"Like your partner?" Martin chastised the paramedic, "that's what they are there for. To talk to and seek advice. I really appreciated my partner Gage. You should realize too."
"Yes sir I know," John clasped his hands together, "I almost lost the best things that I have happened to me."
"Well John when I lost my father, they had to drag me out of the building; I was neglecting everyone, including myself. You do realize you made a serious error in judgment?" Martin's brown eyes met John's misting brown eyes.
Looking up, John's eyes lit up. "Oh yes sir. I can promise it won't happen again and I'll do whatever you say."
"Good no more overtime Gage at least for a few months. You'll check in with your captain every shift until otherwise notified. And son, next time talk to somebody." Martin stood up and shook both men's hands. "Take care and I hope not to see you anytime soon."
"Yes sir," Johnny smiled as they left the office.
Once in Brackett's car, Johnny's smiled from ear to ear. "I still have my job."
"Wait one minute, Johnny, you still haven't told us why you think you're a failure," Brackett reminded him.
"Oh that. IT was nothing Doc. I'm okay. I can go back to work that's all that matters, right." John looked out the car window and the urn still waiting for him at his apartment.
Gage went back to bed after the interview. So he had a job but now what. He still had to go home and he had ruined everyone's Christmas.
Joanne brought in lunch to see a sad faced friend.
"So how did it go?" She asked gently putting down his lunch.
"You meant do I still have a job?" John's jaws clenched. "Yeah I still have a job. I'm not hungry Joanne."
"You have to eat Johnny, especially if you want to go back to work," she prodded slightly.
Frowning Johnny ate his meal and stared out the window.
*****
Roy couldn't get home fast enough after Joanne called him about his partner's visit. However it wasn't all happy news, it seems his partner had made one step forward and two steps back. Well he would fix that soon enough.
Coming home, DeSoto kissed his wife and then headed to his guest's room. He found John staring up at the ceiling.
"Hey Johnny," Roy sat down on the bed.
There was no response and Johnny turned on his side away from him.
"Johnny we have to talk," Roy walked over to face his partner.
Gage responded by rolling to the other side.
"All right Junior," DeSoto physically rolled Gage on his back and pushed him against the wall. "WE have to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about Roy. I have my job back that's all that matters," John tried to smile.
"Bullcrap and you know it," DeSoto moved nearer his partner's worried face. "What is bringing you down Johnny?"
"Hey I'm fine Pally just fine, okay. Just take me home so I can get back to work," John moved out of the bed.
"No deal Junior not until you tell me what bugged you enough to kill yourself with work," Roy crossed his arms and waited.
"Fine I'll call a cab," John walked a few steps and then collapsed in a heap.
"Johnny, please," Roy sat down next to him.
Wiping tears from his eyes, "even if I tell you Roy, you just wouldn't understand, k."
"Try me junior. Remember I've been to 'Nam," DeSoto smiled.
Looking into his friends eyes, he opened his mouth and then tried again.
"Growing up in the reservation was hell Roy. Pure, unadulterated hell. I was starting to get into big trouble and I mean real big trouble. My aunt came and took me to LA. I swear that's when my life began, really. I think I've blocked out most of my childhood anyway," John clicked his index finger against his thumb. "My Aunt saved me and well," he looked off in the far distance. "She has one request I just can't do it Roy. I just can't."
"Tell me what it is Johnny, please," Roy pleaded seeing the pain in his partner's eyes.
John looked into Roy's misted eyes, sniffed. "She wants her ashes spread over the reservation Roy. I just can't go back there. It scares me. Stupid huh?"
"No Johnny it isn't," Roy spoke softly. "I know I can't even to begin to imagine what it meant growing up on the reservation, but you're not alone any more. You got four other guys who were worried sick over you."
John looked up and smiled. "I guess I forgot that, huh. Boy do I have a lot of apologies don't I?"
"No, you don't Junior, they understand they really do," Roy looked at the floor. "So tell me does your aunt last wish have a deadline?"
"Huh, um I don't think so why? It doesn't matter anyway Roy I'll never be able to do it anyway," John sighed and got up off the floor. "Man I'm really tired."
"Here let me help you up," DeSoto's mind started thinking of Johnny's problem as he helped him into bed. "Johnny do you trust me?"
"What kinda question is that? Of course I trust you Roy," Gage snorted.
"No I mean it Johnny. If you trust me I'll take care of your problem, promise," Roy squeezed his partner's shoulder.
"Sure Roy, if you can promise I won't have to step foot on that God forsaken place and still carry out my Aunt's last wish I believe you," Johnny smiled.
"Fine, now get some sleep. Dinner in an hour."
"Thanks Roy," Johnny pulled the cover over him.
"Your welcome Johnny," Roy left as Gage fell asleep.