Chapter 15

It was one of those blessed evenings when Payson got to spend time alone. A good book, glass of wine, and warm blanket was all she required. At present she was nestled comfortably on her living room couch with her feet up. With her hair wet from a shower and her pajamas on, she was starting to feel all the tension melt from her body. She even lit a candle for extra effect. Scents of roses and lavender emitted from the flickering light.

A knock on her door made her look up from the mystery novel she was reading. She placed the paperback down and walked to the entrance curiously.

"Sweetie, are you back yet?" she asked as she opened the door, assuming that it was Ally.

It wasn't Ally, but it was close.

"Hi Payson." Austin said timidly.

Payson paused. "Uh..hi."

"Sorry, were you expecting someone?" he asked.

"No," Payson said. "I mean – yes. I thought you were Ally and Sasha. She's downstairs at his place."

"Oh."

"He has Guitar Hero." She explained with a smirk.

"Oh, I see." Austin said, understanding.

Payson proceeded to fumble over herself, finally realizing that they had been awkwardly standing at her doorway for too long. Inviting him in and picking up toys as she went, she paved a path through her lived-in home. Austin surveyed the room as he followed her. Each toy she picked up and picture he passed inspired just one more question in his already jumbled head.

"I didn't know you were still in town." She said.

He took a seat in her living room. "Yeah, I'm taking some time off from the gym."

"Can they last without you?"

He chuckled. "I'm sure. The assistant coaches are well qualified, though admittedly things have been crazy since Keera left."

"I can imagine…"

Payson and Austin sat there in silence, perhaps longer than was comfortable. In reality, they both had so many things to say to one another, but neither could remember exactly how what those things were in the moment. It was odd, but while Payson sat there she had to constantly remind herself that she shared a child with this man; that she and Austin had actually created another person that was lively, charming, and loving. Though her head knew this crucial fact, Austin Tucker still felt like a stranger.

"So, I never got to thank you for what you said at the press conference." Payson said gratefully. "I was a bit tongue tied…"

"Sorry." Austin said. "I know you didn't want me to talk."

"No!" she assured him. "It was brilliant."

Austin smiled. "Yeah, I guess we make a pretty good team."

"Surprisingly." Payson said honestly. "You know what? I'm glad you came. The media outlets wouldn't have rested until we spoke together anyway."

Austin snickered. "Yeah, don't you hate it when Alex Cruz is right?"

"Oh yeah…"

Austin was playing with the end of his tie. Payson's eyes trailed down to the nervous gesture.

"Austin," she looked him square in the eyes. "Why are you here?"

He paused and cleared his throat. "I=I was actually wondering if you wanted to grab lunch with me tomorrow. I'm still in town for the day and it would be nice to talk."

"Um…sure."

He ran his hands through his hair and leaned forward towards Payson. His gaze shifted to the side towards a picture of Ally. It was taken maybe a year ago during Halloween. Payson had made her a highly original spider costume. She had definitely stood out amoung all the ballerinas and princesses her age. Payson followed his line of vision.

"You want to see her don't you?" she guessed.

Austin deflated in his chair, sitting back with a desperate look. "Is that a completely inappropriate request? You know better than me….I've barely seen her –"

"Four times." Payson recalled perfectly. "You've seen her four times." The first had been at her birth. The second had been the big goodbye a few months later when Payson finally moved to a different state. After that Austin visited for her third birthday and Christmas the year after that. Since then, the occasional phone call and card outside of the usual checks would trickle in – sometimes with a special gift for Ally. The little girl had learned long ago to take each offering with a grain of salt. Payson suspected that her daughter was more realistic in this respect than most her age. Ally Keeler's perception of fatherhood was odd and abstract at best. In fact, it probably matched Austin's. Judging by the troubled look on his face right now, Payson suspected that regret and realization was catching up with him.

"Four times…" he repeated, almost in awe of himself. "I can't believe that was it."

"You never promised me anything that you didn't deliver on." Payson said fairly. At one point Austin's unofficial monthly checks had kept them out of the red while she had been between jobs. "We were both clear about our expectations before she was even born. I'm not laying any blame on you, Austin."

He looked up at her seriously. His gaze gave her the weirdest flashback – like she was seeing him again in the dancing blue reflection of the pool during their first kiss.

"But that's the thing, Payson." He said seriously. "You should've expected more…and I should've promised more."

She gaped at him, trying desperately to read his meaning. Another sharp knock on the door interrupted their moment. Payson got up like a zombie and opened the door mechanically, her mind racing.

"Mommy!" Ally beamed from the other side of the threshold. She was in Sasha's strong arms, her head leaning against his shoulder. "Guess what? I beat Sasha in Guitar Hero!"

Though it usually took a while for seven-year-old Ally to pick up on any unspoken tension or cues, it didn't take Sasha long at all to spot Austin in Payson's living room. He couldn't help it – his face fell and he gently placed Ally down on the ground. She ran over to her mother happily. Then, spotting the strange man in the living room she suddenly grabbed Payson's leg and half hid behind it. Sasha had never seen the little girl's mood change so drastically before.

"Hello." Austin said from his seat.

Ally circled around her mother's legs toward him, her head cocked to the side with both suspicion and interest. Austin Tucker looked like he was holding his breath.

"Austin?" she asked timidly.

He half smiled in awe. "You remember me?"

"Mom gave me your picture." she explained.

Payson was staring at them, unsure what to do. Sasha silently walked over to her. He nonchalantly grabbed the hand she was twisting behind her back and laced his fingers between her own.

Ally slowly walked over and sat next to him. Sasha continued to hold Payson's hand firmly. It was eerie watching Ally so close to Austin. Side-by-side no one could deny how alike they looked.

"Are you here to visit me?" she asked point blank.

"I'd like that, actually. Is that OK?"

Ally looked over at Payson with wide eyes. It was the same look that she gave when she was nervous or frightened. When Payson smiled and nodded, Ally's tension seemed to melt away. The girl slumped her shoulders and jumped off the couch.

"Wanna see my room?" she asked. Without asking permission she grabbed Austin's hand and pulled him down the hall. He compiled, in an odd state of happy shock.

Payson exhaled when they were out of sight. Sasha rubbed her back and brought her closer to him.

"Did that just happen?" Sasha asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

Payson's answer came out in broken breaths. Sasha looked down and saw tears on her cheeks. They were different types of tears than the ones she's shed in his trailer last week. These ones were silent, not sobbing. They came down in clean lines on her clean face – not splotchy or quick. They fell slowly. Sasha knew for a fact that these were not tears of sadness. Payson's gaze was still fixed on the hallway that her daughter and Austin had just disappeared down.

"Payson?" he asked, feeling like the only one in the room.

Payson finally looked away and wiped her cheeks. She laughed the moment off nervously. "God, I've been so emotional lately. I think I've cried more in the last week than I have in my entire life."

"I don't doubt that."

She crossed her arms. Sasha noticed how her gaze kept gravitating back to the same spot near Ally's room, as if she kept checking whether she could see through walls. Sasha and Payson could hear laughing from Ally's room.

"You know what?" Sasha said after a few minutes. "I should probably get back and go to bed early. I promised Jessica I would go in early to help with her new vault."

Payson nodded silently, half listening. "Sure..."

"See you tomorrow. I'll leave you…to….you know."

He quickly kissed her on the cheek and walked to the door. After he shut it, he exhaled and closed his eyes.

Payson couldn't remember the last time she went out to lunch on a weekday. She usually brought a sandwich or power bar to work for fuel. Today was different, however. Today she was meeting Austin for lunch at a semi-nice restaurant downtown – most likely with overpriced sandwiches and ambiance. When she arrived and was greeted by the hostess, Payson noticed the not-so-subtle once over she received. Payson suddenly felt insecure in her warm-up sweat suit. She cursed herself silently for not changing.

"Payson!" Austin called to her from a table near the window.

She smiled half-heartedly and joined him.

"Thanks for meeting me during the day. I know how busy you are." He said.

"No problem."

It really wasn't a problem. Though she rarely took advantage of the freedom, she knew that she was allowed to leave for appointments and lunches if she informed Sasha ahead of time. It was strange, though – she could've sworn that Sasha's face tensed up that morning when she asked him.

Payson and Austin surveyed their menus in silence. Payson had been spot on about the restaurant. She ended up ordering a ten dollar lunch salad – one of the cheaper items on the menu.

"Did you have fun last night?" she asked him.

Austin smiled. "Ally introduced me to all of her stuffed animals."

"Oh really? Have any favorites?"

"Well," he said with mock seriousness. "Mr. Bunny has a lot of spunk, but I think I liked the elephant best."

"His name is George." Payson said. "George the Elephant. She got him at the zoo last year because they were her favorite animals."

"She's really smart." Austin said. "And I'm not just saying that…I mean, she really is bright for her age."

Payson smirked. "Yeah, I think she gets that from me."

Austin didn't doubt that. Ally resembled him in appearance and temperament, but he could tell that she took after Payson in the way she approached things. The child was fearless and even Austin could already spot the goal-oriented aspects of his daughter's developing personality.

"She showed me a back handspring too." he said.

Payson set her fork down. "Oh lord, there is no stopping that child..."

"I was impressed." He admitted. "How long are you going to postpone the inevitable?"

"With what? Her training?" Payson asked. "I don't know. I guess I'm still hoping she'll run home from school someday with a new hobby or passion."

"Yeah." Austin said. "It would be complicated for her if she did gymnastics."

"No kidding..." Payson said. The waitress set down a bread basket in front of them. Payson grabbed a slice and broke it up slowly, eating one piece at a time.

Austin cleared his throat. "Payson, I actually wanted to talk to you about that…"

She stopped chewing and stared at him. "What? Ally's training."

"No," he assured her, with half smile. "I wanted to talk to you about gymnastics – specifically about you."

"What about me?"

He sat up a bit straighter in his seat, pausing for a moment to collect himself before continuing. In Payson's personal experience this body language usually meant something bad or surprising was about to happen. In this case, it turned out to be the second.

"I want to offer you a job."

Payson started coughing. She grabbed her water glass and gulped. "Excuse me?"

"I want to offer you a job, Payson. Specifically, I want you to be the assistant coach for Boston Elite."

"But Austin," she said chuckling with disbelief. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have a job…at the Rock….and with the National Team."

"And you could keep coaching the National Team." Austin said, leaning forward now over the table. "Coaches and gymnasts have commuted to the monthly practice sites in the past. You could work full time in Boston. You could even keep your apartment here if you wanted. Your salary will be enough -"

"Austin," she said sternly. "Salary is just about the last thing on my mind right now, trust me."

Payson sat back, her eyes fixated out the window as she tried to process this information.

"I'm not sure if I understand what exactly you're asking of me, Austin." She finally said. "I want you to be very clear. Why are you offering this job to me?"

"Payson, there are so many reasons." he said. "Our gym needs better coaching and more draw, especially now that Keera's left. I know what you can do. I've seen how you can transform athletes the way you did with Nina Hart in just a matter of weeks. In Boston we have so many girls just beginning their transition to elite status. I'm offering you an opportunity to coach them from day one to their Olympic moments."

Payson's head was spinning. "So that's the only reason? You're asking me because of my professional qualifications?"

Austin sighed. "No." he said honestly.

She grabbed her drink again and took another long gulp.

"Payson," he continued more sincerely now. "those are all valid reasons, but none of them compares to the main one."

"Ally." Payson finished his thought for him. The name came out of her mouth softly.

He nodded. "If you'll let me, I want to play a role in her life now. I know I'm late as hell and I'm sorry for that, but right now I'm just saying what I should've said seven years ago."

She looked up at him. "And what's that exactly?"

"That I'm here for you both – and not just through money. I want to know if Ally loves gymnastics or if she doesn't – I don't care. I want to know what she names her stuffed animals and what her favorite color is…I want to know it all. I missed out on getting to know you two, but that stops now."

You two, Payson noted his wording with confusion, but decided not to open that can of worms.

"So you're asking me to get pick up our lives and move?" Payson asked incredulously. "How do I know you're not going to change your mind tomorrow? Last week you were engaged, yesterday you saw your daughter for the first time in over a year, and today you're asking us to relocate for you."

Austin closed his eyes. "It's just an option Payson. I'll do whatever it takes – I'll travel on weekends to Boulder if you stay. I'll pay for plane tickets to Boston. All I'm saying right now - if you think it's best - I want to be involved. I'm invested."

Payson stared at her salad in silence for a few minutes. Austin shifted in his seat nervously.

"Are you worried this will be confusing for her?" Austin offered, trying to guess Payson's thought process.

"Of course I am!" she paused. "But I also know how hard it's been for her lately now that she's older. She really needs a dad, Austin. You have no idea…"

"I can be that guy now."

Payson looked into his eyes, searching for any trace of insincerity or hesitation. She couldn't find any.

"Austin, I don't know what to say..."

"Take your time." He said seriously. "I'm not asking for an answer today."

TNcountrygirl – hold that thought=)