Chapter 19.
Although she had returned to sleeping at her own home, Emily continued to spend much of her time with Sarah. Emily knew that even when grief's shock starts to lift, the grief itself doesn't go away.
Some acquaintances had extended invitations to Christmas parties, all of which Emily declined in order to be with Sarah. While she was genuinely concerned for her friend, she was also relieved to have a legitimate excuse not to participate in the social whirl of Christmas festivities. She had a lot on her mind and did not welcome diversion.
Nick and Heath's visits to town were frequent: Heath to be with Sarah, and Nick with the hope of seeing Emily, which was usually met. There were a few dinners out, and Emily helped him with his Christmas shopping. She did allow Heath and Sarah to talk her into coming to the ranch for Christmas supper, after they assured her they would have made their announcement by then.
One morning, several days before Christmas, as Emily sat between the warm stove and the table in the tiny space which served as a kitchen, she heard a knock at the front door. No one ever knocked on her door so she ignored it, assuming she – or the person who knocked – was mistaken. But there was a second knock and when she reached the front room, she saw Sarah standing on the other side of the glass, looking grim.
Emily quickly unbolted the door and brought her friend into the shop, then bolted the door shut again.
Emily asked no questions. She watched and waited as Sarah collected her thoughts.
"Emily, I've decided to go to Sacramento, live with my aunt until I can . . . I called off the wedding."
This was surprising news. Sarah had not mentioned this possibility and Emily took a moment to reflect on its implications.
"And Heath knows this?" she asked.
Sarah nodded her head. "I've been talking about it for a couple of weeks and the more I think about it, the more sense it makes." Her words were measured but her tone barely controlled, and there were tears welling up in her eyes.
Emily had not disapproved of Sarah marrying so soon after her mother's death but she had wondered if the decision to do so had been borne of grief and desperation. She shared this thought to which Sarah nodded her head vigorously.
"And what does Heath say?" Emily asked.
"He tried to talk me out of it at first," Sarah explained, "But I think he understands."
"I think Heath wants to be your hero," Emily said, smiling into her friend's face.
Sarah smiled back and said, "Heath is my hero. So are you," and she kissed Emily on the cheek.
"Sacramento isn't so far away," Emily pointed out. She took her friend's hand and brought her into the warm kitchen and sat her on the one chair, bringing another one from the dressing room, and set it where the table entered the hallway.
There, the two friends sat and talked. They talked about Sarah's aunt, who wasn't really an aunt but a good of her mother's, and the opportunities for her in Sacramento. Sarah told her about Heath's pledge to court her there. Sarah said she did love Heath, and she did want to marry him, and though she was calling off the wedding for now, she had no intention of waiting three years.
Sarah stopped herself from saying more at that point and reached her hand out to Emily who was processing whether she should be hurt or offended by the comment.
Sarah quickly offered that the death of a mother is not the same as the death of a husband. But Emily's thoughts were elsewhere.
Had it really been three years since Sam died? Yes, almost. It had been two years, ten months, and some days. Always, his death had felt both a long time ago and also very recent. Lately, though, it mostly felt a long time ago.
"Three years is a long time, isn't it?" Emily asked Sarah.
Sarah looked at her friend and replied, "Three years is a very long time."