Chapter 23

Fall 2009

Payson was focused, visualizing her uneven bars routine. In her daze of concentration she blocked out everything around her. She didn't hear the level two ask her for an autograph. She completely missed the conversation Kaylie and Lauren were sharing just feet away from her. She didn't even stop to acknowledge Emily Kmetko, the quiet newcomer stretching to Payson's left.

"You think she can hear us?" Lauren asked loudly on purpose.

Kaylie tilted her head towards her teammate, but didn't see Payson react or respond. "Nope." she concluded.

It was the girls' first day training with their new coach, the legendary Sasha Belov himself - well, unless you counted Sunday's post-party torture session, which Payson didn't. At present, Payson Keeler was getting in her zone in preparation for her first routine of the day in front of Sasha. It was more important than ever for her to make a good first impression with her power and technique. Her abs and arms were still sore from the crunches and rope climbs he'd inflicted on them, but she ignored the pain. She was good at that.

Honestly, Payson had no idea what to think of this man. Yesterday he had just sat there arrogantly in a folding chair playing with tackle and shouting occasional conditioning instructions. She especially disliked the "bonding" activity he'd done with their emotional baggage; reading aloud their personal resentments to the entire group was hitting below the belt. Still, despite his personality, she could already tell that he would up the standards at the Rock. In the end that was all she cared about. This great man could treat her like a delinquent if he wanted; as long as he made her a better gymnast, she would tolerate anything.

Sasha Belov strode in to the Rock ten minutes late. Stopping in the middle of the floor, he paused and stared menacingly at the four elites. Payson heard Kaylie gulp loudly.

"You." he pointed to Lauren Tanner. The girl's eyes widened like saucers. "Beam. Now."

She obeyed in silence, making her way over to the apparatus and vaulting on with strength. She went through the motions easily, though Payson could tell that she was more nervous than usual. When Lauren finally dismounted cleanly, she looked over at her new coach expectantly, but Sasha didn't comment.

"Kaylie, now you." he said.

Sasha went through Kaylie, then Emily on beam. He said nothing, forcing the tension to mount further still. Payson stood from her stretching position on the mat when Emily finished. Obviously, she was next.

"Emily," Sasha said suddenly. "I want to see your vault now."

Sasha Belov walked right past Payson Keeler, his eyes fixated on the other side of the gym. Emily followed him with a confused look on her face.

The unfortunate, perplexing cycle repeated again. Sasha ordered Emily, then Lauren, then Kaylie to perform each of their vaults several times. He inserted constructive criticism after each one. His coaching style was obviously far from nurturing; he growled orders, shouted, and sometimes stayed silent. Now that was the truly scary reaction. Silence from a coach either meant that your performance was unspeakably bad or perfect...and no one had been perfect that day.

Payson followed them around the gym, trying to stay close and make sure that Sasha caught glimpses of her. Had he forgotten about her? Was he saving her for last? Did he have other plans for her training? She wasn't used to people ignoring her. Payson had no clue what the logic behind Sasha's sequencing was, but she wasn't about to back away into a corner over it.

Later in the afternoon while Sasha was standing near the beam again watching Kaylie, Payson strategically mounted next to her friend. Doing her routine out of order, she started with a high difficulty tumbling pass across the four-inch piece of wood - she was the only gymnast in the country who could do it. She landed solidly in a matter of seconds, leaving just an inch of wood behind her heel. She took a deep breath and shot a sideways glance at Sasha before jumping into a perfect switch leap.

He wasn't looking at her.

Payson's jaw hardened angrily. Taking a running start on the beam, she launched forward with power and dismounted easily with a triple twist.

"Holy crap." Emily Kmetko muttered under her breath after Payson finished.

Payson saluted quickly and glared at her new coach. His behavior had transitioned from perplexing to flat out rude. She had done nothing wrong. Hands on her hips, she walked past him with purpose toward her best event - uneven bars.

For all she knew, Sasha Belov hadn't looked at her or thought about her all day. The man had recognized her just days before when she ran out after him and begged him to coach the Rock girls. Did Sasha Belov have an attitude problem or a short-term memory loss?

At the end of the day, girls started filing out of the gym with relief. Emily, Kaylie, and Lauren were among them.

"You're staying late, aren't you?" Becca Keeler asked her sister before exiting.

Payson was still in her purple leotard. Beads of sweat were collecting on her forehead. She'd just gone through her floor routine for the second time.

"Yeah."

"Robot, my sister is a robot..." Becca muttered as she went to meet her mother in the parking lot.

Payson sighed. She was alone in the gym now. Then again, she might've been alone the entire day. It wasn't as if anyone had worked with her or helped her. Brushing aside her agitation, she headed for the vault. She started sprinting toward the apparatus at full speed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

The sound of Sasha's Belov's harsh, British echo was ringing in her ears. It startled her and made step out on her landing and trip over on the mat.

"Damn it..." she muttered to herself, getting up quickly and staring forward at him.

Sasha walked quickly over to her with anger etched on his face.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asked. "You don't attempt an vault like that without anyone spotting you."

"I usually land that. Plus, you're here." she pointed out, crossing her arms.

"You didn't know that when you started."

Payson bit her lip in frustration. She watched Sasha Belov turn sharply on his heel and head back to his office.

"Wait!" she called out. "Mr. Belov, wait!" She jogged over to him and collected her courage to ask the question that had been on her mind all day. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course you did."

Payson blinked in confusion at this blunt answer. "I-I don't understand."

Sasha chuckled to himself. "I bet Marty fawned all over you constantly, right?"

"No, he didn't." Payson insisted, now getting really annoyed. "He was a good coach! "

"Well, he's gone now and I'm here." Sasha said smugly.

Lucky me...Payson thought to herself bitterly. What the hell did I sign up for?

Sasha started circling Payson like a vulture repeating words that she'd rather forget.

"I resent that I work the hardest and that I clearly want it the most...I resent that Sasha doesn't seem to understand that I'm better than everyone else..."

With his silky, taunting voice, Sasha Belov recited Payson's embarrassing confession from Sunday's practice.

Payson blushed furiously. "I didn't know you were going to read those out loud before you burned them."

"Oh, but I did." Sasha said. "And you, Payson lied."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want it…not really. Today's practice proved that."

"Of course I want it!" she cried defensively.

He paused crossed his arms, staring Payson down. "Tell me honestly, Payson - were you mad at me today?"

"Yes." she admitted without hesitation. "You ignored me."

"So what?"

"So you're my coach! You're supposed to watch me. You're supposed to tell me what you think so I know what to do!"

"I am your coach." he agreed. "but you know what? I resent your attitude and the role you expect me to fill."

"Excuse me?" Payson raised her eyebrow. She didn't understand. She stayed late and came early. She worked hard. What was wrong?

"I resent that you need me to notice you for you to be happy. You wasted your entire day waiting around for me, finding your window so you could impress me. You can't impress me until impressing yourself is enough. The motivation doesn't come from the coach, it comes from the athlete."

"I can push myself!"

"Prove it." Sasha said calmly. "Bars. Now."

With her heart racing angrily, Payson dipped her hands in the chalk and jumped on the bars. Flipping over and extending her body from head to toe, she went through her routine hitting each handstand and skill. Finally, she let go, sticking her dismount and saluting. It felt good - better than anything she'd done all day.

"That felt good." she said confidently. "I think that was the best I've done it."

Sasha smirked. "And all I did was watch."

Payson paused. He was right. He hadn't said a word to her. He hadn't made a single comment.

"Imagine how good that would've felt if you'd accomplished it ten hours ago." Sasha said knowingly. "The only reason you didn't was because you made today about me and not about yourself." he said. "I know girls like you, Payson. You probably were crushed when Marty left – am I right? It's about time you learned that your gymnastics isn't about Marty. It's not about me either. It's about you and only you. Today, you let my silence hold you back. If you really meant what you said on that paper - if you really want it more than anyone else - then my behavior wouldn't have mattered. Don't let other people stand in your way so easily, Keeler. Do better tomorrow, whether I'm watching or not."

"Wait…" Payson said, her mouth opening slightly with realization. "Were you testing me?"

Sasha stared at her, but didn't answer the question.

"Beam. Now."

The two rotated around the gym for hours until Mrs. Keeler walked inside and insisted that her daughter go home. Payson hadn't even noticed the time go by. She'd been so fixated on her tasks that she'd barely registered the darkness outside.

"That man is not like Marty…" Mrs. Keeler said as she drove her daughter home.

Payson smirked and looked out the window. "No, he really isn't."

Payson left the Rock that night feeling confused about the day, but hopeful for the next.

Sasha Belov didn't know yet, but the talented young gymnast he'd just set straight would define his career. In fact, they would define each others' lives. That night Sasha taught Payson what it really meant to truly want something. Seven years later she would ironically use it to get him back.

"Payson!"

Kim Keeler waved from her car. Payson was emerging from the airport with her bag in hand, ready for a very eventful weekend of gymnastics in Boulder.

"Hey mom!" she said, walking over and giving her a big hug.

"It's good to have you home!"

Being back in Boulder felt like a breath of fresh air after Boston. Payson hadn't realized how much she missed it until she was back again.

"How's Ally?" her mother asked as she started driving.

"She's doing well." Payson said. "She had a hard time saying goodbye to me. She's never been alone with Austin for a whole weekend."

"Hopefully he can handle her…" Mrs. Keeler said.

Payson smiled to herself. Obviously her mother still held some unfriendly feelings for that man. "He'll be fine." She assured her. "I would've taken Ally if I had any doubts, mom. Plus, it's good for them to bond alone."

"Whatever you say…" Kim said.

Payson gazed out the window, taking in all the familiar shops, mountains and surrounding nature. Her thoughts raced around like the wheels of her mother's car.

Mrs. Keeler noticed her daughter's dreamy state. "What's on your mind?"

"Lots of things. I have a feeling this is going to be a big weekend for me."

Her mother was intrigued by this vague statement. "What do you mean?"

Payson bit her lip. "Mom…I think it's about time I told you something…"