A/N: Hello again. Thanks so much for your lovely words of encouragement - you are all fantastic.

I'm feeling better this week so I managed to get this out more quickly. It seems like I hit my 40's and everything starts falling apart!

WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of a stillbirth (not Bella's) and as such could be distressing to some readers. I've tried to write it as sensitively as possible but it could upset readers who may have personal experience of this type of tragedy. It starts around the middle of the chapter - I've marked the beginning and end - if you want to skip it altogether.

For some reason, FF isn't keeping my chapter breaks - oh well.

Chapter 31

Bella felt like her pregnancy was flying by. She reached the stage where only the stretchiest of her clothes still fit. Alice had declared that it was way past time for a shopping trip to buy maternity clothes and had shanghaied Bella one day when she wasn't working and dragged her around the shops helping her pick out maternity wear. Alice being Alice, was determined that just because Bella was pregnant, that was no excuse to dress like a frump. She had managed to find pants and tops that made the most of her baby bump as well a few dressier items. She even managed to find sexy lingerie.

"Alice, even the sexiest underwear won't stop me looking like a blimp," complained Bella as Alice urged her to try them on.

"Well, better to be a sexy blimp than a plain, boring blimp," reasoned Alice as she pushed her into the change room.

By the end of the trip, Bella was seriously wondering if there would be enough time left to wear all the stuff Alice had persuaded her to buy.

Edward had whole-heartedly approved of the lingerie and Bella reminded herself to thank Alice when she saw her next.

Little Alyssa was now three months old and was an angelic little beauty. As Alice predicted, she inherited her father's blue eyes and teamed with her wispy black hair, was a truly beautiful baby. She had her parents, especially Jasper, totally wrapped around her tiny little finger. Jasper was totally in love with his daughter and loved nothing more than taking her for walks in her pram, proudly accepting the compliments his baby garnered. As Bella predicted, she was probably the best dressed baby on the Peninsula. Alice had shown her Alyssa's wardrobe and Bella had been stunned at the amount of clothes in it.

"If you have a girl, guess who'll I'll be handing these down to," declared Alice.

The previous weeks had also seen the preparations for building their house begin. Through Esme's contacts, they had met with an architect to discuss their ideas for it. Bella wanted a traditional looking house that would fit in with its surroundings. The three of them had taken a trip out to the home site and the architect, Henry, had taken ideas from the natural beauty of the land. Bella was really pleased that Henry seemed to understand what they wanted and he promised to have some ideas for them to look at in a couple of weeks.

Bella loved all his designs but she and Edward had decided on a beautiful design that looked like it could have been there for decades but incorporated various environmentally friendly features. It looked like a traditional clapboard, double story house, with big, wide verandahs and windows to catch the sun and make the most of the stunning views. Henry had added unobtrusive solar panels for heating and the latest technologies for power saving and recycling. Bella wanted to do their little bit to help the environment her child would inherit one day.

Henry had drawn up the plans and they were now awaiting building approvals. In the meantime, Henry was sourcing building contractors to commence the actual work once everything was ready to go. Bella and Edward often went to the property and imagined what the house would look like once it was finished. Bella's favourite room was definitely going to be the kitchen. The room would be able to hold a large dining table for informal dinners and Bella intended it to be the heart of the home. And Edward was definitely having his piano in the house, for the first time in many years. The house would have four large bedrooms as well as a study for Edward. It would take months to build and Bella couldn't wait.

In the meantime, they began to get things ready for the baby while Bella was still able to move around comfortably. In their free time they had cleared out the spare room and had spent a weekend painting the room in a light lemon colour. They had an argument when Edward walked back into the room and found Bella climbing the ladder to paint the cornice.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he'd roared, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her down.

"Edward! What does it look like I'm doing?" she'd replied angrily.

"You shouldn't be climbing ladders in your condition."

"My condition! I'm pregnant, not disabled!"

"Yes, pregnant! You could easily lose your footing and fall off. Your centre of balance is off and you could hurt yourself or the baby," he growled, scowling. "It was a stupid thing to do. I was going to paint it."

"Oh, so now I'm stupid?" she asked snidely. "Obviously my baby brain is affecting my decisions now." Bella knew she was being unreasonable, but she couldn't help it. Hormones probably.

Edward sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. You scared me, okay? It's not safe for you to climb ladders. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you or the baby."

Looking at his face, Bella suddenly felt awful. Of course he was only looking out for her. Edward couldn't help his protective streak; it was part of him. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him, smiling as his arms closed around her. "I'm sorry too. You're right. It was a silly thing to do. I just forget sometimes that I need to do things differently for a while. I'm sorry I scared you."

Edward leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss. "I know I'm overprotective and a pain in the ass at times, but you mean everything to me and I honestly don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

"I love you. I promise I'll be more careful."

"I love you too." He kissed her again, gently rubbing her stomach. "Come on, I'll get up and do the cornices. You concentrate on the skirting boards. But be careful of your back. I don't want it aching from the strain." Bella rolled her eyes as she stepped back. He just couldn't help himself.

They did eventually finish the painting that weekend and then concentrated on filling it. Over the next few weeks, they looked around for baby furniture, even taking a trip into Seattle. As Bella suspected, no other cot took her fancy like the first one she saw in Port Angeles. In the end, they purchased that one, as well as matching furniture, like the change table and chest of drawers. Alice had told her not to get smaller items like a baby bath yet because she was planning a baby shower and she could end up receiving what she needed.

Slowly, the room started to fill with baby things. When she and Edward found a pram they both liked, they got Alice and Victoria's opinions on it. Being experienced now, they were able to check that the pram was practical, not just decorative. They encouraged Bella to open and close it, preferably with one hand to see how easy it was.

"You'll find yourself with only one free hand a lot of the time, so you have to be able to open and close it single handed as you might not have help around," advised Victoria.

"Check how heavy it is," suggested Alice. "You don't want to wreck your back lifting it in and out of the car."

"Is it practical as the baby grows? And check it has proper harnesses. Does it have suspension?"

"What about accessories and attachments? You'll need a rain cover. And storage. You take half the house with you when you go out, so you want decent storage."

Their help was invaluable and they agreed the pram met all their requirements. Edward had to give it a test drive and the women couldn't help laughing as he wheeled it around the store, pretending to critique it. Now, it sat proudly in the baby's room, awaiting an occupant.

Jacob had become a regular fixture at Esme's house and everyone was pleased to see the growing friendship between he and Victoria. As Bella had predicted, Victoria had been wary of any romantic overtures and Jake had been smart enough to simply offer his friendship, if that was all she was ready for.

Unsure of what she wanted, Victoria had spoken to Bella about the type of person Jake was. Victoria was terrified of trusting another man and having him turn out to be another James. She had to think about Robbie now, he was her number one priority. Sympathising with Victoria's fears, Bella had tried to reassure her that Jake would never dream of hurting a woman.

"Jake is a really great guy. He's sweet, kind, funny. He's a hard worker too. He's single-handedly built his business and he currently expanding because he's been so successful."

"He's very handsome," said Victoria, blushing.

Bella smiled. "Yes, he is. He turns heads, but he's not conceited about it."

Victoria looked at Bella curiously. "Where you ever attracted to him?"

"I've always known he's gorgeous but we've been friends for so long that I really can't see him as any more than a brother. To be completely honest, we did try a relationship, mainly because we were both lonely, but it just didn't feel right."

"Really? You and Jake?"

Bella blushed this time. "Yes, but it was a terribly long time ago and it was only for a week or so. We both knew it was a mistake. I love Jake, he's an important part of my life and I really want to see him happy."

Victoria bit her lip and frowned. "I…I…don't know if I can be what he needs. I want what you and Alice, and Esme, have. I really do, but I'm scared."

Taking her hands, Bella lightly squeezed. "It's alright to be scared. After what you've been through, it's understandable. But please know that Jake won't ever push for more than you're ready for. Why don't you just get to know each other, without any pressure? He's a great friend. We can't have too many friends, can we?" Victoria shook her head. "And I can promise that if Jake did something stupid, we'd all kick his butt."

Victoria laughed. "You're right. There's no rush is there? I could do with a friend."

To Jake's credit, that was exactly what he became to Victoria. Her friend. He teased her, made her laugh, told her stories about the Quileute people, even introduced her to his friends. Little Robbie would shake with excitement when he saw Jake, squealing with delight when Jake played aeroplane with him. Jake came to love the little boy and soon looked forward to seeing him as much as Victoria. Everyone else was careful not to push; letting the two of them set their own pace. Bella felt deep inside that these two were made for each other, even if Victoria needed time to realise it.

Now entering her third trimester, Bella was beginning to feel like a blimp. It was taking longer to get out of chairs, Edward automatically reaching out to help her up now whenever he was with her. At first Bella had swatted his hand away but now gratefully accepted the help.

They had been relaxing at home, Bella leaning back against Edward, his hand absently rubbing her belly when an commercial for vanilla choc-chip ice-cream came on . As Bella watched it, she could literally feel her mouth start watering. She tried to ignore it but couldn't get the thought of a big bowl of ice-cream out of her head.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"You know what I really, really, really want right now?"

Edward grinned slowly. "Right now? You want to go to bed right now?"

Bella couldn't help laughing. "No, that's not what I want."

Edward's expression fell slightly. "Oh. What is it then?"

"I want some vanilla choc-chip ice cream really badly. I can't stop thinking about it."

Throwing his head back, Edward burst out laughing. "Way to cut a man's ego down to size! I think she wants my body but she really wants ice cream."

"I do want you, but I want ice cream more at the moment."

"Okay, love. I'll go and get you some." Bending down he kissed her stomach. "See what I do for your mommy?" he said to her bump.

"Thank you. You're the best," she said, hugging him. "After I satisfy this craving, I might crave something else after," she smiled suggestively.

Edward's eyes lit up and he hurried out to pick up a carton of ice cream. When he returned, Bella almost ripped the ice cream out of his hands. Her mouth watered as she filled a bowl and she almost felt orgasmic as the first spoon entered her mouth.

"Mmmm!" she moaned in ecstasy as she swallowed the first bite.

Edward watched her in amazement, feeling his pants tighten at the sounds she's was making. If you didn't know what was going on, a person would swear she was in the throes of passion. Bella finished that bowl and opened the fridge to get some more and stopped as she looked inside. She bent down and picked up a carrot, refilled her bowl and proceeded to dip the carrot in the ice cream. Edward's eyes widened at the sight.

"That is gross," he remarked.

"No…its…yummy," she replied between mouthfuls. "Want some?"

He shook his head. "No thanks. You can enjoy that treat all by yourself."

After that night, Bella made sure there was always vanilla choc-chip ice cream and carrots in the apartment, much to Edward's disgust.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Warning: The following could distress some readers

To Edward's relief, Bella was taken off night shifts at the hospital. She struggled to keep her eyes open after 10pm as it was, so she doubted she'd have the stamina to work all night and was extremely grateful to her supervisor.

Every case she saw now took on a special meaning as she could now truly empathise with how the expectant mothers were feeling. She often found herself in conversations about baby names while taking blood pressures and examinations. She and Edward hadn't yet completely decided on names yet. They had narrowed their list down to their favourites but no firm decision had been reached.

It was a Wednesday morning and the ward was relatively quiet. There were no caesareans scheduled today so Edward was in his office catching up on paperwork, while Bella took the opportunity to stay off her feet as much as possible. She had eleven weeks to go to her due date and was planning to go on maternity leave three weeks before that if she could manage it.

She was just writing up some ward notes when one of her patients came in unexpectedly, accompanied by her husband. Bella recognised Elizabeth Hollington from several check-ups. She had a young son and she was eagerly awaiting the birth of this baby, a girl. She had seven weeks to go and Bella remembered seeing her the week before. She frowned as she wondered what brought the Hollington's in now, knowing Elizabeth was booked in for her next appointment next week.

"Liz! What brings you here?" asked Bella, getting up a little awkwardly. She could see that Liz was somewhat pale, with a worried expression on her face. "Is there something wrong?"

Liz gripped her husband, Michael's, hand tightly. "Hi Bella. It's probably nothing, but I'm a bit worried about the baby."

Bella could see she was more than worried. "Okay. Let's go into one of the clinic rooms and you can tell me what's got you worried. I can then get Edward to check you out."

Leading them to one of the empty clinic rooms, she urged the Hollington's to sit down while she grabbed Liz's medical records. Thumbing through the notes as she walked back, she saw that everything was going normally last week.

"Okay, now what's troubling you?" she asked gently.

Liz rubbed her large stomach. "Well, I may be panicking needlessly but I'm concerned that I haven't felt the baby move for hours."

"Do you remember the last time you felt movement?"

"Last night, I think. I believe I felt a kick around 11pm but since then, nothing. She's been very active, rarely going longer than a couple of hours but now it's been nearly twelve hours since I felt anything." Bella could see the fear in their eyes and could feel herself tense at the implications. "Is there something wrong? Am I over-reacting?"

Bella shook her head. "There's no such thing as over-reacting. You're worried so we need to have a look and find out what's going on. If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to fetch Dr Cullen and get him to check you out." She hurried out of the room, dread filling her.

A baby that was usually active suddenly stopping its movements was very worrying. It could mean a problem with the placenta or umbilical cord, necessitating an urgent delivery or it could mean something Bella didn't want to contemplate. Please let it be something simple, prayed Bella as she walked to Edward's office.

"Hi love," he smiled as he looked up from his desk. "What's up?"

"Edward, Elizabeth Hollington has just come in. She's really worried because she hasn't felt the baby move in almost twelve hours."

Frowning, Edward got up and led her towards the door. "Twelve hours? That's a long time. I checked her last week and everything was normal. Her blood pressure was fine. Did she say the baby is normally active?"

"Yes, apparently rarely goes without moving for more than a couple hours."

Edward's frown got even deeper with that information. His mind was racing with all the possible reasons for the lack of foetal movement. The worst possible scenario was that the baby had died in utero. Only an ultrasound would give him a definitive answer.

The couple were sitting close together, Michael's arm around his wife's shoulders as she lay her head on his. Edward could see the fear in their eyes and he hoped with everything in him that the worst wouldn't eventuate.

"Good morning Liz. And it's Michael, isn't it?" he asked as he shook Michael's hand. "Bella tells me that you're concerned because you haven't felt the baby move for around twelve hours. Is that correct?"

Liz nodded. "Yes Dr Cullen. It's been so active until now and I just know there's something wrong." Her eyes filled with tears as she gripped her husband's hand.

"I'll just get you to lie down and I'll have a listen to the baby's heartbeat."

Bella helped Liz onto the bed and lifted her top as Edward placed the Doppler on her extended stomach. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as Edward moved it around Liz's stomach in an effort to pick up a heartbeat. The seconds ticked by and there was still no sound. Bella looked at Edward and could see the dawning truth in his eyes as nearly a minute had passed. Unbidden, she placed her hand on her own stomach, as if she needed reassurance of her own.

By now, tears were dripping down Liz's face as the awful truth was becoming clear. "She's dead, isn't she?" whispered Liz brokenly.

Edward sighed deeply as he switched off the monitor, feeling a sense of despair for both of them. "I'm going to do an ultrasound to be absolutely sure, but I'm afraid that it's looking that way," he replied gently, placing a hand on Liz's shoulder.

A deep anguished sob tore from Liz's chest as the reality that their longed for little girl would never grow up sunk in. Michael leaned down and took his wife in his arms as they cried together.

With a heavy heart, her own eyes moist, Bella helped Edward set up the ultrasound. She could see the sadness in his eyes as he looked down at her own stomach. Both of them were trying not to imagine if the situation were reversed.

Warming up the gel, she gently spread it over Liz's stomach as Edward got the monitor ready. When he began, all four eyes were glued to the monitor as if by their will alone, they would be able to see the baby's heart beating. Edward concentrated on the area around the baby's heart but, as they all expected, the baby was absolutely still. There was no sign of life visible to any of them.

Bella's heart broke for Liz and Michael. To lose their baby so close its due date was tragic. Liz quietly sobbed as Bella cleaned her up.

"I'm so sorry Liz," said Bella sadly, stroking Liz's hair. "I wish with all my heart that it could have been a different answer."

"I knew," whispered Liz, her voice shuddering with her despair. "I knew. When she didn't move, I just knew."

"Why did this happen?" asked Michael brokenly. "She was fine last week. How could she have died so suddenly?"

"We won't know until she's born. There could be a number of reasons," replied Edward, his own voice slightly hoarse.

"We'll leave you alone for a little while," said Edward, his hand on Michael's shoulder, trying to offer some sort of comfort.

"What happens now?" asked Michael, tears running freely down his cheeks.

"We have to induce labour soon. We'll try to make it as painless as possible," promised Edward.

"Afterwards, you can stay with your little girl as long as you need," said Bella gently.

Both of them nodded, too distraught to speak. Bella and Edward left them to their grief and went back to Edward's office. Once inside, Bella couldn't keep it inside any more. She burst into tears as she cradled her stomach. Edward took her in his arms and gently rocked her. This was so close to home, they were both greatly affected.

Bella straightened up, trying to pull herself together. It wasn't over yet. Poor Liz still had to go through labour and deliver her stillborn baby. It was tragic but it had to be done. "I'm okay. I'm just so sad for them but I have to be strong while she's in labour."

"Baby, why don't you sit this one out?" suggested Edward, rubbing her back in comfort. "I can see how this has upset you. It's understandable. I've seen stillborns before and I can honestly say I've never felt this awful before. It cuts to the heart, with our own little one on the way." He rubbed her stomach, willing his child to move, needing it to move. "Why don't I get one of the others to assist me?"

Shaking her head, Bella replied. "No, I want to be there for Liz. I'll be okay. I just have to separate my own situation from this. It's not our baby. I have to remember that."

"Please baby. It'll be too painful for you," pleaded Edward.

"And it won't be for you?" countered Bella sadly. "This whole thing is tragic but no one can be hurting more than Liz and Michael. They need us. I have to do this."

Edward hugged her tightly. "I love you, baby. Promise me that if it becomes too difficult for you, you'll let me get someone else. Promise me."

Bella nodded. "I promise."

He sighed as he mentally prepared himself for the worst. There were few things more tragic than a stillbirth. There was no joy at the end, only grief for the parents. He needed to make sure he made things as easy for them as possible, try not to add to their grief. "I'd better get things set up."

"Yes," she replied as she stepped back. They needed to get the anaesthetist up here to give Liz an epidural. Unless she specifically declined it, they saw no need for Liz to endure the pain of childbirth. She had enough to deal with. The induction would speed the process up so that hopefully she wouldn't labour for too long.

As Bella helped get things ready, she felt like she had something heavy pressing against her chest. It was hard not to imagine that she was the one giving birth to a dead baby and the weight got heavier with those thoughts. She pushed them aside as much as possible, her hands touching her stomach at every opportunity, as if seeking reassurance.

Sue came into the delivery room as Bella set up the drip. "You okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine Sue," she replied.

"Are you sure, honey? I can imagine how difficult this will be for you. And Edward. I'm happy to take over. Well, not happy. You know what I mean," said Sue nervously.

"I know what you mean," replied Bella with a smile. "And thanks for the offer. I promised Edward if it got too difficult, I'd leave. So stand by just in case."

"Will do." The two women hugged each other.

The next few hours were amongst the most heartbreaking that Bella could ever remember. She had nothing but the deepest admiration for Liz. She gratefully accepted the epidural and she laboured quietly and stoically. She asked for some music which Bella readily put on and they generally left the couple alone, going in regularly to check on her progress. Michael had contacted their families and they were now in the waiting room. The nurses had arranged for sandwiches to be brought for them, wanting to offer their support in any way they could.

The news had spread through the staff quickly about the stillbirth and there was a general air of sadness throughout the unit. Stillbirths weren't a regular occurrence for the staff here and everyone was feeling it

Just over four hours later, Liz was fully dilated enough to give birth. Bella wondered how she found the strength to push, knowing there wasn't going to be the normal joy of welcoming your child. A couple of times, the weight on Bella's chest felt so heavy, she had to leave the room in order to compose herself, Edward's eyes watching her with concern.

Finally, Edward gently guided the baby out, her limp, lifeless body perfectly formed. Bella felt the tears fall as she emitted no cry, her tiny limbs didn't flail, her skin faintly tinged with blue. Edward noted that the cord was very tightly wrapped around her upper body and he suspected that this was what had caused her death.

With the greatest respect, Bella gently cleaned the tiny girl, her own eyes blurred and her cheeks wet and wrapped her in a pink blanket. To look at her, one would think she was simply asleep, her angelic face peaceful.

In the meantime, Edward had delivered the placenta and cleaned Liz up. He and Michael helped her sit up against the pillows and Bella gently placed the baby in her arms. Liz's sobs were heart wrenching as she rocked her baby back and forth and kissed her cold skin.

"My little Jennifer. My angel. Mommy will always love you," she whispered through her sobs. Michael leaned down and kissed his daughter.

"I'm so, so sorry this had to happen," said Edward, struggling to hold himself together. "We'll leave you alone. Please, take all the time you need. If you want anything, please press the buzzer and someone will come."

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen. And you Bella," said Michael. "For your care and understanding. I know this must have been difficult for you," he said, looking at Bella's stomach, more tears running down his face as he mourned the loss of the family they had looked forward to.

Bella and Edward left the room and he gently guided her to his office, making her sit down as she put her face in her hands and finally let go. Her sobs wracked her body and all Edward could do was hold her, whispering how much he loved her. Eventually her tears stopped but Bella felt drained, not an ounce of energy left.

"I'm taking you home, love," he said, helping to her feet. Bella was too drained to protest as he took her home and led her to their bed, helping her undress and getting her settled. He brushed her hair back tenderly and kissed her. "I'll be home as soon as I can. Get some sleep, love. Take care of our little one."

Bella nodded as a stray tear slipped out. With a soft kiss on her temple, Edward left for the hospital to deal with the aftermath. He called Christine, the counsellor to meet him in his office so she could assist the family if required.

Laying in her bed, she wrapped her hands around her stomach and willed her baby to move. To her immense relief, the baby gave a strong kick. As much as she didn't want to, she knew she had to be careful not to become paranoid whenever the baby didn't move. All her training told her that stillbirths aren't that common but today's events had Bella thinking like a scared mother, not a trained midwife.

She thought of the Hollington's and her heart broke for them all over again. Instead of taking their little girl home, they would be preparing for her funeral. Her older brother had lost his little sister; her grandparents, their grandchild. It would affect their family for a long time. Finally after what seemed like hours, she fell asleep.

*End*

o-o-o-o-o-o

Edward was worried about Bella. It had been a week since that awful day and she had not been the same since. She seemed to withdraw into herself, as if trying to protect herself and her baby from the world. That she was even withdrawing from Edward was killing him.

When he'd gotten home after filling out the numerous paperwork required for the authorities, he found her fast asleep, her cheeks stained from the tears she'd shed. He wished he'd somehow forced her not to take part in the birth, but he'd respected her decision to remain. She was experienced enough to be able to separate her own circumstances from her patient's. That's what he had believed anyway. He hadn't imagined that it would affect her to this degree.

He knew that she had put herself in Liz Hollington's place and was terrified of the same thing happening to their baby. Hell, he'd been more affected than ever before. It was impossible not to be. And yes, the horrendous thought of their baby dying crossed his mind more than once during the birth, but he forced himself to push it away.

Of course he realised that Bella was bonded to their baby in a way that a man would never understand. How could it be the same for him? He didn't feel it moving around inside him, he didn't nurture it, it wasn't dependant on him for its very existence. Until it was born, he could only experience it second hand, through Bella.

He'd held her close that night, gentling her when she seemed to be in the throes of a nightmare even though she didn't wake up. The next morning she was heavy eyed and quiet and Edward had persuaded her to stay at home. Normally she would have protested but that day she simply agreed and went back to bed, Edward frowning behind her.

She went back to work the next day and Edward could see that she was putting on a mask for everyone. Back home, she returned to her quiet, withdrawn self, stroking her stomach. Edward couldn't help feeling hurt that she was shutting him out. He tried to get her to tell him what was worrying her but she would deny there was anything wrong.

They hadn't made love since that day and Edward missed the closeness and intimacy that being together gave them. It wasn't the sex, it was that feeling that they were the only two people in the world and all they needed was each other. Now he felt like she was in a self-imposed bubble and he just couldn't break through to reach her.

"No! No! No!" she moaned in agony, waking him up. Another nightmare. She'd had them every night for the last week.

"Bella! Shh!" he soothed, trying to wake her slowly.

"No! Please don't!" she cried, tears falling down her face as she reached for something he couldn't see. "Don't do this! Please!" she sobbed.

"Bella! Baby! Please wake up. You're dreaming." Shaking her now, he had to get her out of this self-induced terror. "Baby!"

Finally, his voice seemed to penetrate the fog and she opened her blood shot eyes. "Edward!" she sobbed, gripping him tightly.

"Oh baby. It's alright, I'm here," he soothed, rubbing her back and arms.

"Oh Edward. What if it dies? What if we lost it?" she sobbed into his throat, finally letting some of the ice that seemed to surround her for the past week, melt.

He kissed her hair and let her cried it out. "It won't, baby. It won't."

Gradually her tears subsided and she lay against him in the dark, needing his solid presence around her. She knew she'd shut him out, hated herself for doing it but she couldn't seem to help it. She knew she'd been hurting him but the fear that gripped her was stronger than any other consideration.

"Tell me about your dream, baby. You need to talk about it. You need to talk about all of it. It's not good for you or the baby to bottle these feelings up like you have all week. Please baby."

Bella could hear the pain in his voice and felt awful. He didn't deserve this. How did she explain what she was feeling? She'd start with the dream.

"I keep having dreams that I lose our baby. It's not always the same way. Sometimes it dies. Other times it gets taken away from me. In another dream I literally lost it, no matter how much I looked. Tonight I dreamed that I had just given birth, it was still covered in fluid. Just as I was getting a good look at it, some faceless men walked in and literally ripped it out of my arms. The baby started crying but they kept walking away, taking it from me forever." Her voiced wobbled as her tears started again at the memory of the agony she'd felt in her dream.

"Oh my darling girl," murmured Edward. "I wish I could take your fears away. I would do anything, absolutely anything, to spare you pain."

"I know. I love you so much. I'm sorry I've hurt you."

"I know you didn't do it on purpose. It hurts me when you're hurting. I just wish I hadn't let you assist me."

Bella sighed as she remembered that day. "I honestly thought I would be able to deal with it. I've had to deal with other things. It's my job."

"You weren't pregnant those other times. This time you could put yourself in her shoes and feel her pain."

"That's it exactly. The whole time I was imagining it was me being told our baby died. I was imagining your face as the baby you never thought you would have died before we even had a chance to meet it. It was agony. And yet, I had to be strong for poor Liz, who was so brave." Bella shuddered as she remembered the sorrow on Liz and Michael's faces as they held their dead baby.

"Logically, I know that the likelihood of that happening to us is miniscule. I know that. But then Liz never thought it would happen to her either. I'm scared."

Edward tilted her face to his and kissed her lips softly. "Fear isn't logical. I know you're scared. I'm scared too."

"Of losing the baby."

"Of losing you. As an obstetrician, I know all of the risks associated with pregnancy and childbirth. I know what could go wrong and all the ways I could lose you and it terrifies me. But I can't think like that or I would wrap you in cotton wool and never let you out. Or better still, I'd have you ensconced in hospital wired up to the eyeballs. I have to let it go and know, pray, that we'll be fine. You'll be fine. I would drive you absolutely insane if I let me fears run wild."

Bella squeezed him tightly. She hadn't realised he was afraid too, yet she should have been. She and the baby meant everything to Edward. He was scared but he didn't let his fear rule him for both their sakes. She had to do the same.

"I'm going to take control of this fear, Edward, I promise. You deserve nothing less. I deserve nothing less. I can't let this fear spoil this pregnancy for us."

Edward gently cupped her cheek. "You're an amazing woman. It's no wonder I adore you." Bella smiled at him. "Would like to speak to someone, a counsellor maybe? Talk through that day."

Bella thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yes, I think that would be a good idea. I'm sure it would help. I don't want any more nightmares."

"Good, I think it'll be good for you. And I'm here for you, whenever you need me."

"I know you are."

"I missed you this week. Please don't shut me out, baby. I…I don't handle it very well," he pleaded softly.

Bella kissed him lovingly. "I'm sorry. I missed you too. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one. Someone up there likes me, to bring me you."

In that moment, the baby gave a couple of very good kicks, easily felt by Edward, who smiled and rubbed her stomach. "See, he agrees with me."

Bella just pulled him to her for another kiss.

A/N: That was upsetting to write but I wanted to explore how difficult it must be for medical staff to deal with these tragedies. I know many midwives are mothers themselves and it must really be hard to separate themselves from the situation.

I was originally going to include Bella's birth but this chapter seemed to take on a life of its own and I wouldn't do it justice. It's definitely coming next chapter though!

On Sunday, it's Mother's Day in Australia. I don't know if it's the same elsewhere, but even if it's not, I want to wish all the mum's out there a very happy Mother's Day! I think we do an amazing job, with little or no recognition or thanks as we try to raise children to become good and decent human beings, who we can be proud of.

Let me know what you thought of that chapter.