June 23rd, 2007

Guess what I spent all of yesterday and most of today doing?

Breaking out of a freaking cage!!!

I tell you, Kraven is the most deranged out of all the crazy people I've fought recently. First off, he hunts me like I'm a fricking animal, downtalks me like I don't understand anything, then acts like I'm some sort of trophy. Dude, You Put Me In A Cage!!! That's Not Normal!!!

I had been swinging around, minding my own business, when Kraven decides to hit me with a dart! I crashed, became whoosy and fell down once the dart's serum entered my bloodstream.

When I woke up, I was in a cage. Simple as that.

Of course, I cursed him out and called him a lunatic. The dart had made me lose a lot of strength, so I couldn't just snap the cage's iron bars. He went on and on about how it was reinforced iron, how a lion of his couldn't even break it, and I was just like Yadda Yadda Shut The Hell Up Already.

He told me how he had always wanted to hunt me (I rolled my eyes as he blabbed on and on) and how I'd make excellent game. I had no choice but to play fricking cat-and-mouse. Thing is, he wanted me weak--he told me he hated me and loathed me so much that he wanted to get it over and done with.

I was like, The Mighty Hunter Won't Play Fair? You Scared I'll Open A Can Of Whoop-Ass?

(I can actually see why so many people don't like me, by the way)

So, to torture me, because he's just so good at that, he kept me weak by making the serum in the dart a vapor, then sending the gas into my cage. I just sat there on the bench, head spinning and ready to vomit. That serum really screws up your system.

See, being smart like I am, I knew Kraven would either drug me to death or kill me anyway, so there had to be a way to escape. The genius turned his back for one second, then I really focused on the vents where the gas was coming from. With a bit of quick wrist-movements and skills I learned in art class, I used my webbing to completely snuff the vent. So all I had do was hope my acting lessons paid off.

I sat on that bench for seemingly a decade, acting all weak and tired and waiting for the right moment.

The right moment soon came.

When Kraven had his back to the cage again, but at a close enough distance to it, I jumped and kicked out sideways, breaking the bars and also knocking Kraven good in the back of the neck.

He was all like, Oh No You Didn't! But I was all like, Oh, I So Totally Did.

After that he brought out his spears and two of his evil big cats and we had ourselves a good, old fashioned brawl. And I was out of my cage.

Needless to say I won.

But what normal person puts another human being in a cage? It wasn't a good feeling--I felt like a freak-show exhibit at a zoo.

Kraven's in police custody, his huge cats are...somewhere...and I'm out of my cage.

...It's not the first time I was ever in a cage, actually...

...Man...I have a weird job...

COMMENTS:

(subj:Kraven)

Kraven's an oddball all right. He wanted to hunt me when I was...y'know.

--Dr. Connors

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(Subj:none)

You were in a cage? Dude, not cool...did it have a toilet?

--John-nay Storm

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(subj:) )

I'm glad you got out okay, bub. Kraven's seven kinds of crazy. Man...Kraven hunting Spider-Man...You won't see that on Animal Planet.

--Logan

A/N: Phew! I changed the dates on a lot of documents and I typed up these two really late, but I think I've got the dates about right. I'm just waiting for the 5th to come around to add the next chapter...