Chapter 9: Nasal Spray

Saturday: Max and Penny's date night at the ballroom.

Max and Penny take to the dance floor.

"Okay Hawkeye show me what you got."

"You do the same Cornhusker."

After Phallon gave her a heads up about Max and Penny's date, Bernadette snuck into the ballroom to check out their chemistry. Together Max and Penny took over the dance floor they were hot, seductive …the music, the passion.

Bernadette needed to be hosed off. She was so hot from watching the pair. She facetimed Missy to get her opinion since Amy was at her mom's for the weekend. They were watching when an argument broke out on the dance floor between the two. It sounded like they were arguing over football teams. They were so heated and loud the manager came over and asked them to leave.

Sunday: Rose Bowl Loop Track

Penny mentioned during dinner Friday that she runs the Rose Bowl Loop Track every Sunday. Max was waiting at the track. He antagonizes her by saying she couldn't run a mile. They ran for 2.5 miles before they got into another argument because Max was counting folks with Iowa jerseys against Nebraska jerseys. Iowa was in the lead 8 to 6. Penny kicked him in the shin and ran off.

Later Sunday evening Penny, Phallon and Max received a call from Sheldon thanking them for making their secret wedding so special. He invited them to dinner at their apartment Tuesday night. He remarked, "We are keeping our marriage hush-hush until next Monday. We want to enjoy our privacy a little while longer."

Monday: Sheldon's Office

Operation Homo Novus – Sheldor gave the guys a briefing on what happened with their candidate Bryson. He told the guys that Max (Peter) seemed like a viable candidate.

"Queen P had dinner with Phallon and Peter last Friday. According to Queen P. he is hot but and insufferable ass. I translate that to mean the verdict is still out. We need to step up our operation."

The guys asked Lancelot about his therapy. "I haven't started therapy. I spoke to my mom and her schedule is booked until the end of next month."

Sheldor responded, "Lancelot are you actually seeking therapy from the person who is responsible for the majority of your issues?

Howard placed his hand on Lancelot's shoulder to get his attention. Buddy, take our advice this once make an appointment with Phallon. Based on your track record, you know therapy with your mom is a terrible idea. Sheldor, Marmaducas and I are here for you. If you like we will take you to your appointments.

"I know you are right about my mom. I am so conditioned to call her when I need therapy. I'll contact Phallon after our meeting to schedule an appointment. Thanks guys."

A serious strategy and planning meeting followed with the knights finalizing their assignments to step up their efforts to secure Penny a mate. Sheldon recapped their assignments:

"Lancelot- I want you to start therapy with Phallon. Work the inside and see if she will drop any useful information about her brother."

"Wolowizard – Surveillance, I want to know what he does when he is not working to create opportunities for a Queen P and Peter to get together."

"Marmaducus – Assist Wolowizard and scope out opportunities to arrange a rendezvous between Peter and Queen P."

"Uranius – Initiate random contact to get a feel for Peter's nature."

"I, Sheldor have completed my investigation and Peter has no health issues. Queen P's scheduled PMS is a week away. I will warn everyone accordingly."

Lancelot suggested, "Let's plan a couples' event for this Saturday. Marmaducus if you can come alone we can ask Phallon to bring Peter."

With girlish glee Marmaducas exclaimed, "That is a great idea I've been eager to try dark dining. The diners are blindfolded and without sight your other senses are heightened, smells, textures and sounds become more intense. Sheldor before you object the blindfold is optional. Let's schedule it for Saturday at 6:00 pm."

Tuesday: Dinner with the Newlyweds

Phallon and Max arrive at Sheldon's apartment building.

Phallon curiously asks, "Max what do you think of Penny now that you know her better?"

Penny stimulates my mind and body. My heart flip-flops in my chest whenever she is near and my penis wants to follow her around.

"Dancing was fun to a point, Sis. I find myself wanting to be around her all the time, I was thinking we could have a serious relationship until I found out she was a Cornhusker. Hawkeyes and Cornhuskers don't add up."

Phallon looked at him as if he lost his mind.

"Are you serious?"

Sheldon is conversing with Penny in her apartment.

"What do you think of Max?"

I can't wait to see Max. If I didn't have any willpower I would follow him around like a puppy dog. My heart stops whenever I see him. We have great conversations and I love that he is athletic with similar interests. My panties are forever wet.

"Dancing was energetic to a point and I don't mind being around him. I was even entertaining a relationship until I found out he was a Hawkeye. Yep, Cornhuskers and a Hawkeyes don't compute."

Annoyed Sheldon replied, "Are you serious?"

Phallon points out Penny's apartment to Max. Sheldon and Penny are exiting her apartment as they ascend the last step. Penny hugs Phallon and under her breath addresses Max.

"Hawkeye"

"Cornhusker"

As they enter 4A hugs and kisses are exchanged amongst the ladies and everyone is seated. Luckily no one sits in Sheldon's spot. Amy and Phallon are on the couch, Max sits in Leonard's old chair and Penny moves the desk chair next to Max.

Phallon asks, "How's married life?"

"It is a commendatory paradox in which I evolve through circadian intercourse and nocturnal inactivity."

The siblings chuckle and are bemused by his response.

Penny turns to Amy and says, "It's now your job to translate."

"Translation he likes being married, loves the daily sex, and he is well rested."

Penny leans over to Max to suggest, "Let's not ruin the evening by getting into a Cornhusker/Hawkeye argument."

Max agrees.

Everyone is enjoying the evening. Sheldon escorts Max to his bedroom to look at his comic book and action figure collections.

The ladies are sitting on the couch and chair sipping coffee. Penny decides to tease Amy.

Laughing. "So Amy you two are scientists what freaky sex experiments have you planned or conducted? Wait let me guess. Hmmm, maybe a neural mapping of the vagina and penis so you know the hotspots. A lie detector test during 'coitus' that is a barometer of a partner's skill. Maybe, a slow motion video depicting Sheldon's penis length at rest and erection to record proportion of length to various stimuli.

Amy waited for Phallon to join in for some good-natured ribbing. "Don't look at me to contribute I have a lickher license. Penny burst out laughing. Seeing Amy's puzzled expression Penny explained that Phallon was a lesbian. Her reference was not Liquor but Lick-Her. Amy giggled at Phallon, "Clever."

"Amy, I hope you know I was joking. No one has the right to that information unless you both give approval."

"Science is for everyone, Penny. We have not tried the natural penis enhancer but we have completed the lie detector. Our present project is a joint study to induce orgasms through electrical stimulation of the brain using nose spray that contains a chemical stimulus and pheromones of your partner."

"Just think you can use it during workouts, pregnancy, boring meetings and so forth." Amy was cracking up inside at the hopeful expressions of Phallon and Penny.

"I'll take a case," said Phallon.

Penny snarked "Put me down for automatic renewals whenever I run out."

Amy was secretly thinking, Penny has inadvertently inspired our next husband and wife project. Amy stared at both women then yelled "BAZINGA!"

They laugh hysterically for a few minutes.

After they were able to compose themselves Penny asked Amy, "When will you have the formal wedding, Amy?"

Amy is wistful, "There may not be a formal wedding our secret wedding was so beautiful. Sheldon made video copies for our families. The videos will arrive at their homes by FEDEX on Monday at a specified time for the 'big reveal.' "

Max tells Sheldon he is an avid gamer. I am an Age of Conan level 65 player.

"Penny and I play we are at level 66."

"NICE".

Sheldon asks Max if he plays HALO, he nods yes. When they finish ogling over the collections they head back to the living room to join the girls.

"Penny, Max is an Age of Conan level 65 player. Penny is Queen Penelope. I am Sheldor, what is your name Max?"

"King Magnus"

Sheldon sits at his computer desk and logs into the Age of Conan. Penny and Max follow looking over his shoulder. Sheldon peruses their Age of Conan stats. They instantly see Queen Penelope's shield is a Cornhusker and King Magnus shield is a Hawkeye.

Max and Penny stare at each other its like they are communicating telepathically, the pheromones rise in the room. Phallon and Amy immediately feel "a disturbance in the force" and look up from their conversation to stare at Max and Penny. The couple fascinates the girls. Sheldon is oblivious.

Max and Penny are focused only on each other.

"I will destroy you," they say simultaneously.

Another full-blown Hawkeye / Cornhusker argument ensues until Sheldon kicks them out of the apartment. Those two require therapy. Penny's right they don't add up.

Phallon and Amy smile at each other knowingly.

Amy rubs her hands together, "Well Phallon how do you like Penny as your new sister-in-law."

Phallon is giddy and responds, "I love Penny, however the Royals are totally clueless."

Sheldon turns around in his chair to ask, "What are you two talking about?"

Phallon clarified, "I was referring to King Magnus and Queen Penelope as Royals."

"Sheldon, Max and Penny really like each other and their arguing is a form of communication, stimulation, and sharing. When those two argue it's respectful never to hurt, that's called flirting."

The way those two go at it I see them killing each other before a relationship occurs.

Amy analyzed out loud, "The dinner was pleasant and enjoyable until the Cornhusker/Hawkeye discovery. In fact it's the catalyst for all their arguments."

Sheldon, Phallon and Amy made mental notes to steer clear of Cornhusker/Hawkeye references and topics in the future.

Amy's GROUP TEXT to the ladies: Sparks fly between the Royals (Max and Penny). Let's videoconference at noon tomorrow.

Sheldor's GROUP TEXT to the guys: Peter is a go. Expedite assignments.