I do not own Happy Tree Friends; that would be Mondo Media. I have, however, created an OC for HTF named Skitchy the Skunk. Oink makes an appearance here, and was created by Hankforthewin (used by permission). Appearing from the HTF canon are Petunia, Handy, Giggles, Lammy, Lumpy, Shifty, Lifty, Toothy, Mole, Cuddles, and Nutty.
Days of Confusion: A Skitchy Tale
"Domo."
"O-genki desu ka?"
"Hai. Anno…"
*Brrrriiing! Brrrrring! Brr-
"Hello?"
"Hey, what's up, b-tch! It's Oink!"
"Oh, hey man. Look, about the thing tonight…"
"Yeah, where the f-ck are you, man? I'm getting my ass handed to me! Sh-t, DIE! Mua-ha-ha-ha!"
"Sorry… I'm kinda in the middle of my anime right now… can we reschedule?"
"Sh-t Skitch, p-ssying out again? Man… hey, come here, you! Ha ha! Taste my lead!"
"I guess so… sorry."
"Whatever. I'll let you get back to your h-ntai. F-ck! Not there! Sh-t!"
"It's not… okay, later Oink."
"Yeah, f-ck you."
*Click!
Skitchy the skunk turned back to the television that rested on a table at the foot of his bed. His gaze was fixed on the still image of the anime "Sugar Hearts Mega". Skitchy's mind turned to Oink, the pig gamer who had made plans to "raid" with him that night… plans Skitchy had forgotten. The orange skunk mentally kicked himself and decided to make it up to the pig somehow. Looking at the clock that sat atop the television, Skitchy decided it was time to turn in anyway. Yawning, he clicked off the TV and crawled under his tangled sheets, glasses still astride his nose. It wasn't long before he drifted off into slumber.
That morning Skitchy prepared himself for the work day ahead. He showered, ate cereal, brushed his teeth, and dressed in his morning attire (a hardhat). Today was Monday, and that meant that Skitchy would once again assist Handy in whatever manual labor job came his way.
At Handy's home:
"Morning, Handy!" Skitchy greeted the beaver who was in the middle of drawing up some schematics for the day's assignment.
"Ah, Skitchy! Right on time!" Handy responded, grinning at the sight of one of his favorite assistants. "We've got some underground cable to install today. You up for it?"
"Entirely!"
Just then the two happy workers were interrupted in their discussion by a high-pitched scream. Down the street they saw Lifty and Shifty running from a clearly shaken Lammy who was on the ground. Seeing the trouble, Handy and Skitchy ran after the two raccoons in an attempt to retrieve whatever the notorious bandits had taken from the female lamb.
Shifty looked back over his shoulder and instantly became concerned when he noticed Handy and Skitchy running after him and his brother.
"Uh oh!" the Fedora-wearing felon declared, getting Lifty's attention. Both of the thieves tried to pour on as much speed as possible to escape their pursuers, but the two laborers kept up in the chase.
As the raccoons rounded a bend, they found themselves in an alleyway that stopped at a dead end. They looked at each other and turned in fear to face the beaver and skunk who had chased them there.
"Uh, look, fellas," Shifty began, trying to talk his way out of the predicament. "It's not what it looks like!"
"Yeah!" Lifty, who was holding Lammy's purse, piped in. "We're innocent!"
"Save it for the cops, you scumbags!" declared Handy, scowling at the pair.
Ironically, Sheriff Lumpy arrived at that very moment behind Handy and Skitchy. The blue moose looked deadly serious in his aviator shades and gleaming badge. Shifty and Lifty both swallowed hard at his presence.
"We're really in for it now," Lifty muttered to his brother, who nodded in return.
"You two will have to come with me," Lumpy told the brothers coolly. "Skitchy and Handy, I expect you to return Miss Lammy's stolen possessions."
The two in hardhats nodded as the moose carted off the burglars who grumbled quietly.
When the beaver and skunk reached Lammy, she was sitting on the ground with tears on her face. The boys approached, and she looked up at their smiling faces in curiosity.
"What… what happened?" she sniffed.
"Shifty and Lifty robbed you, ma'am," Handy replied readily. "Skitchy and I stopped them and recovered your valuables."
With this statement, Handy nudged Skitchy to hand over the purse he held.
When Lammy took it she looked into Skitchy's eyes… and her heart leapt.
"You should really consider yourself lucky, ma'am," the beaver continued. "Those two don't normally give in so easily. I guess today was your day."
Oh, it certainly is! She thought dreamily as she stared at the orange skunk. My hero…
"Err, can I have my hand back?" Skitchy asked.
"Whoops!" Lammy burst out, realizing she had been holding the skunk's wrist for the past ten seconds. "Sorry…"
"That's okay," the yellow-striped skunk said. "You're stressed. Might I suggest you go home and rest for a while?"
"Oh… okay…" Lammy agreed, her breathing quickening. "Um… see you later?"
"Sure," Skitchy smiled and walked off beside Handy back toward his truck. They turned and waved to the lamb, who waved back with a big grin on her face. She stood and skipped cheerfully to her home. The day never seemed so wonderful to her.
"Well that was exciting!" Handy declared to Skitchy who rode beside him in the beaver's tow truck. "It's not every day you can stop a robbery!"
"Yeah, it was cool," replied the skunk in his typically mellow fashion.
"Mm-hmm," Handy went on. "And it's even better when you get to help someone as cute as that new girl. What's her name? Lammy?"
"I think so…" Cute?
"You know…" the beaver lowered his voice a smidge. "I think she might have a little crush on you."
"Don't be ridiculous," the skunk shot back while thinking, Petunia! I like Petunia!
"If you say so…" Handy wouldn't let up. "But I saw the way she blushed while holding your hand."
"Oh, hey!" Skitchy desperately tried to change the subject. "I love this song!"
The skunk who had spoken twisted the knob to increase the volume of Feedlot's second-biggest single, "Tell Me Nothing".
Skitchy annoyed Handy by singing along with the track that was unknown to the beaver as they parked at their destination.
"Okay, we're here," announced the handyman, reaching for the radio controls. When he remembered that he had no hands, the beaver scowled at nothing in particular and Skitchy turned the knob for him.
"Thanks."
"Sure thing, boss," the skunk smirked. "What are we here for again?"
"I told you already! We've got some cable to lay!"
"Pffh!"
"What?"
"Nothing, I'm dumb," Skitchy was embarrassed by his lack of maturity. "So electrical?"
"Yep," Handy affirmed. "It's in the back… uh, could you carry it over to the area there with the markers?"
"You mean those little flag-things?"
"Yeah."
"Sure."
And he did so with the beaver supervising. After all the tools and equipment had been brought out, Handy nodded in satisfaction.
"Okay, time to start digging," he stated. "You start on that side, Skitch, and I'll be over here."
"Uh… you sure you don't need any help with that shovel, man?"
"I'm fine!" the amputee barked. "Just worry about your own sh-t!"
"Okay okay! Sorry!"
The two dug the two-foot deep trench for about three hours before it was completed. Then they took a lunch break and shot the breeze. After they had been eating for a few minutes, Giggles and Petunia walked by. Skitchy looked down shyly when Handy waved to them and gave a friendly 'hello'. The girls waved back in kind, but Petunia was disappointed that Skitchy wouldn't meet her eyes.
Wow… she thought. Did I do something? …What's the matter with him?
The girls walked off and the boys continued their lunch until it was time to work once again.
"So what's the matter, Skitch?" Handy asked as he checked to make sure that the cable he had brought was the right kind for the job.
"What do you mean, Handy?" the skunk asked while busy measuring the size of the hole.
"I mean your sighing and moping!" the beaver answered. "You seem distracted by something… or someone, if you see where I'm going with this."
"Enough ribbing, already," Skitchy said, irritated. "I told you I'm not… she… mmmrmmrm."
"All right kid, all right," Handy chuckled. "I'll lay off. Now unroll the cable."
The two installed the new cable without any mishaps or delays and were done by around 4 o' clock in the afternoon.
"Well, that's that!" Skitchy declared, wiping his hands from the dirt. "Our work here is done!"
"You said it!" Handy made wiping motions of his own with his nubs. "Feels good to finish a job! Well, I'm gonna get me home. What's next for you, son?"
"I guess I'll go home too," the skunk replied.
"You do that," the beaver nodded. "Want a ride?"
"No, I'll walk, thanks."
"Okay, take care now!" Handy 'waved'.
"You too!" Skitchy waved back. Then he turned and headed for his house. On the way, he thought seriously about his feelings for Petunia.
I wonder how I should start a conversation with her… I'm not good at this intrapersonal relationship stuff! Argh! Curse my natural predilection for bashfulness! Curse it to Hell! …..Hmm… I could visit her at her job… yeah, I could use the old 'I'm just stopping in for a bite' approach… then I'd wait until her shift was over, and try to talk to her then! Yes! It's genius!
With a plan in his mind, Skitchy skipped as he changed course toward the Happy Tree Café where Petunia worked the counter.
While Handy and Skitchy were finishing up their cable work…
"So Petunia…" Giggles wheedled. "I notice your boyfriend didn't look at you when we passed! What's that about? Hmm?"
"Huh?" the female skunk played dumb. "I don't know what you mean."
"I think you know exactly what I mean," the pink chipmunk stopped in front of her with her hands on her hips. "Don't act you like you don't have feelings for him! I understand, I guess, since you're both skunks."
"You've got it all wrong," Petunia shook her head sadly. "I… I did talk to him, but…"
"Oh… I'm sorry," Giggles realized that something bad must have happened between them. "Did he turn you down?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she turned away.
"I understand… I'm here for you, P… don't ever forget that," she squeezed the skunk's hand and smiled consolingly.
"Thanks, Gigs," she smiled back weakly.
The two kept walking to the Happy Tree Diner, where Petunia's shift was about to start.
Now…
The bell that hung above the diner door dinged as Skitchy opened it to enter the eating establishment. He could see Mole and Nutty at a booth, and Toothy sitting at the counter. The skunk made his way over and sat beside the purple beaver with a friendly "hello".
"Oh hey, Skitchy," Toothy lisped ever so slightly. "You just get off work?"
"Yep," he nodded and grinned. "We laid some cable."
"Okay… is that supposed to be funny?" the beaver regarded the skunk quizzically.
"Never mind…"
"Can I take your order, sir?" asked a feminine voice from behind the counter.
"Um… I'll have the… um…"
"Geez, Skitchy! Make up your mind!" Toothy spouted impatiently.
"Sorry… the regular hamburger, please," he looked up at the waitress and gasped when he realized it was Petunia. He looked down quickly and felt his orange cheeks turning red. Duh! That's why you came here, remember? He thought to himself.
"Right away, sir," Petunia answered to the order with a hint of malice in her tone. Rahhrg! She thought. Why won't he look at me? What's his problem? She angrily flipped the meat disc the infuriating skunk had ordered when Cuddles and Giggles walked in holding hands.
The couple sat at the booth next to Mole's and Nutty's. Petunia walked over to get their order and left Skitchy's patty on the grill.
"What can I get for you two today?" she asked pleasantly, professionally.
"I'll have a burger and shake like always!" Cuddles cheerfully exclaimed.
"And for you, ma'am?" Petunia turned to Giggles.
"A salad, please. I'm watching my figure."
"Okay, that's one burger, a shake, and a salad. I'll have it out in a jiff!"
"Thanks, P!" Giggles called after the skunk as she walked back behind the counter. Cuddles and Giggles returned to their conversation as they waited on the food.
Petunia was surprised to find the patty she had left on the grill had turned black and seriously over-cooked. Thinking it would be a good punishment for Skitchy's behavior, she served it with ketchup and pickles on a bun like nothing had happened.
"Here you go, Skitchy!" she said with a smile in her voice as she dropped the plate in front of him while he continued to avoid eye contact.
"Hey, your food's here, man," Toothy nudged the skunk to get his attention. "What's so fascinating about that street lamp out the window?"
"Huh? Wha? Oh, nothing," he was shaken out of his reverie. "Thanks for telling me, Tooth."
"Don't call me that, okay?"
"Sorry."
Skitchy set to eating his burger while his mind wandered off once more. His thoughts were so focused on Petunia that he didn't even notice how burnt and lacking in flavor his sandwich was.
The orange skunk exited the diner and sat on the bench out front. He checked the time on the clock tower above town hall (5:12) and waited for Petunia to come out so he could talk to her. After three hours she still hadn't shown up, so Skitchy walked home, disappointed and frustrated with his inherent shyness.
Petunia, unbeknownst to Skitchy, had already ended her shift at the usual time of 8:00 on the dot. The reason the male skunk hadn't seen her go was simply because she used the rear exit, which was more convenient for the blue female. On her walk home she remained angry with the orange skunk.
The nerve of that guy! She fumed. I pour out my heart to him, and he avoids me! Not just ignores, but avoids! What a creep! That's it, Petunia old girl, we'll never try to get involved with him again!
Other sad and angry thoughts plagued her mind as she went to bed that night. It was almost two hours until she struggled into sleep.
The next day…
Skitchy noticed his answering machine blinking as he stepped into his kitchen. Pressing the button to play messages, he heard a familiar voice.
"Skitchy? It's Handy," the beaver said. "Sorry, but there's no work for us today. You take a break and enjoy yourself, all right? Have a good one."
Skitchy's smile widened as the handless beaver's words sunk in. Before eating breakfast, showering, or even putting on his favorite hat, the skunk was out the door and running to the Happy Tree Diner, a big goofy grin plastered on his face.
At Petunia's House…
Sun shone in through the bedroom window, peacefully waking the blue skunk who stretched and yawned luxuriously. After an hour of cleaning herself and making sure the house was tidy, Petunia called Giggles and asked her if she wanted to hang out.
"Sure, Petunia!" the chipmunk replied happily. "Oh… but I have work today at the hospital… maybe some other time?"
Disappointed in her friend's unavailability, Petunia sighed and thought of what else she could do on her day off. Suddenly an idea struck her.
I could go shopping!
The Happy Tree Diner…
Oh… drat.
A sign hung in the window of the diner's main door. It read: 'Closed for some reason'. Skitchy exhaled and tried to think of something else to do. His thoughts turned to Oink, whom he hadn't had much personal contact with in some time. The portly pig was very pale from all his time spent inside, but Skitchy thought that maybe he could coax the recluse into joining him in a stroll around town. The skunk went back home and called Oink.
"Hey… uh, it's Skitchy."
"Yeah? Great, listen, I'm a bit busy right now- YOU MOTHERF—KER!"
"Whoa! Sorry!"
"Not you! C-CK BITE!"
"Okay… um, you want to hang out?"
"I'd f-ckin' love to. Come right over. SON OF A B-TCH!"
Skitchy ended the call and headed over to Oink's hovel, not knowing what to do about the situation with Petunia.
The Mall…
"Hey! Petunia!"
Lammy was sitting alone by the central fountain of the Treeville Mall when she spotted the skunk walking toward her direction. Hearing her name called, Petunia looked around and spotted the waving lamb on the bench. She smiled and approached, noticing that Lammy was snacking on popcorn.
"Hi Lammy," she smiled. "What's up?"
"Not much. I just caught a movie. So no work today?"
"Nope," Petunia shook her head grinning. "I've got the whole day off! Giggles is busy, but… would you like to go shopping with me?"
"Sure!" the lamb bleating excitedly. "There're a few places I wanted to check out! What are you shopping for?"
"Nothing in particular," she replied off-hand. "Just this and that… oh, I can't forget more soaps and detergent!"
"Okay! Let's go!"
The two happy girls walked together around the mall for hours, peeking in windows and trying clothes on. When they finally stopped and headed for their own separate homes, the sun had set.
"Bye Lammy!" Petunia waved as they parted outside the mall entrance.
"Um… Petunia?" the lamb hesitated.
"Yes?" she stopped.
"Are we… friends now?" Lammy looked down, embarrassed.
"Of course we are!" the skunk reassured. "Why? Didn't you think we were?"
"Not really…"
Petunia gave a slightly sad look.
"Poor Lammy," she said. "I'm not mad about what Mr. Pickels did. And you shouldn't blame yourself for its-his-actions. Remember the great tea party? I really enjoyed that, however brief it was. I really like you, Lammy."
Petunia hugged the lamb, who cried a little with joy.
"Th-thank… you," she breathed into the skunk's ear.
"You're welcome," she pulled away smiling from Lammy. "Now I've got to get to bed! And you should too! The farm festival is tomorrow, and we'll both need plenty of rest for that!"
"Okay," Lammy acceded. "Bye, Petunia!"
"Bye!"
At Oink's house…
*PWEW! Blat-blat-blat-blat-blat! PWEW!*
Oink had offered Skitchy his second game controller upon the skunk's arrival, and now the two were deeply absorbed in 'blasting the p-ss out of' (Oink's words) competitors over the internet.
"So you-*ratatatatatatatat*-do this sort of thing-*EEEEeeeeeew BOOM!*-with people from all over the world?" asked Skitchy, his voice broken by the violent sound effects.
"Yeah… *pop-pop-pop* big f-ckin' deal."
"Aww, hey, you shot me!"
"Those are the breaks," the pig shrugged.
The two boys played for hours. So engrossed were they, in fact, that Skitchy didn't even notice the light from outside dim into night. When he chanced to peer at Oink's wall-clock for a split second, the lateness of the hour finally dawned on the skunk.
"Oink!" Skitchy tried to get the pig's attention, without success. "OOOOIIINNNK!"
"Sh-t!" Oink responded. "You don't have to shout, you b-st-rd! What?"
"I've gotta get home! If I don't get some sleep, I won't be ready for the farmer's festival!"
"Who cares about something as f-ckin' stupid as the farmer's festival? Whatever, Skick, just go if you're gonna."
"Thanks man, sorry."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Um… did you just call me 'Skick'?"
"F-ck! Just LEAVE!"
"Okay, okay! Bye!"
Lammy's house…
Lammy sat on her plush sofa before the cheery fireplace in her living room. A steaming cup of tea sat on the table beside her, and in her hands she held a light purple notebook and a pen.
Dear Diary, she wrote.
How are you? It's been a while since we've had the pleasure of each other's company, and I regret that. I must say things are going quite well now that Mr. Pickels has decided to take a short vacation! Don't you worry, we're still the best of friends, but sometimes I find that it's better when he's away… strange, isn't it?
Anyway, that's not the reason I'm writing today. The real reason is that I've recently met someone who I hope… I think… might be the one! My soul mate! It's very exciting, but I don't want to give away too much just yet. Let's just say that this certain someone is a certain… skunk… who was very nice to me.
Okay Diary, that's it for now!
Signed, Lammy