Warning: Brief scene featuring attempted sexual assault.
Jack flirts all of the time. It's just who he is. Barely ten consecutive minutes ever go past without him sliding in some sort of suggestive remark to the Doctor or Rose, or occasionally both of them at once. The Doctor usually rolls his eyes and then ignores it. Rose just grins as if he's joking.
He's not at all used to that sort of response. Jack will be the first to admit he has an ego the size of the planet Respinall. He's used to people falling over him. The fact that the Doctor and Rose don't drives him mad. He thinks it also makes them even more attractive, in a way. He's always liked a challenge.
Of course, he knows that it's likely nothing will ever come of it. It's clear to him, even if they're still in denial, that the two of them are a couple. He rarely has sex with anyone who's already taken unless all of the people in the relationship are involved at once and happy to be there. He's found from experience that things tend to get unnecessarily complicated otherwise. Considering that he's got his mind set to travelling with the Doctor and Rose for as long as they'll have him, it would be potentially the Worst Idea In All Of History to invite that sort of trouble. The absolute best he could hope for if things went wrong would be to be dumped on some out-of-the-way planet in a century with which he's only vaguely familiar. The worst...
Well. Jack's not sure that he wants to know what the worst thing the Doctor could do to him is.
It's when all three of them are together at once that things get tricky, Jack finds, because the lines start blurring. That's when they tend to start flirting back at him, sneaking furtive glances at the other to see his or her reaction. Jack's well aware that the attention they lavish on him isn't really meant for him. He tries not to read more into it than either of them intend.
Somehow, despite how obvious they both are about it, neither of them seems to catch on to what the other is doing. Watching them, Jack sort of wants to bang their heads together. However, he enjoys being in the middle of those two a little bit too much to end the game just yet.
One day, though, Rose makes a comment about testing out the 'legendary' stamina about which Jack has just moments ago been bragging. It's nothing new for her to make sly comments like that when the Doctor's just off to the side, watching her. However, this time it sounds, for the first time since he's met her, like it's a serious offer. The usual teasing tone is gone. She's looking at him speculatively, as if she's just dying for him to prove his stories true.
It's the sort of look he's much more used to receiving, so there's no mistaking it.
Jack realises that maybe he's not the only one affected by all of the tension on the ship. It looks as though Rose has grown tired of waiting around. It's completely understandable. She's a woman with needs, after all.
Just for a moment, Jack feels like he's back on top of his spaceship dancing with her to Glen Miller. He's moving in time with her, letting his con fall into the background, because he's just a little too interested in figuring out what makes this strange girl who's been sweeping across London by barrage balloon so guilelessly extraordinary. She's got his attention, all right.
However, he's got that steadfast rule, and the Doctor's right there watching them. Jack can't see a way that taking Rose to bed could end well for him, in the long run. In fact, he somehow doubts they'd ever make it to the bedroom. The Doctor might not be willing to make a move himself for whatever reason, but Jack can't quite see the Doctor just standing back impotently while Jack sweeps Rose away from him like that.
Caught up in weighing his options, Jack hesitates to reply to Rose's obvious come-on for a second too long. Rose laughs slightly awkwardly when the silence drags and makes it into a joke again. She pretends she didn't for a moment actually mean it. She makes a production of sashaying out of the console room as if it's just a part of the game.
Jack knows he's good at reading people. Never mind the tone of her voice or the look on her face, he can tell just from the way she walks away that her offer was sincere.
So, apparently, can the Doctor.
Jack meets his eyes almost by accident, and his hands clench reflexively around the console at the dark look he sees in those impossibly old eyes. Jack wonders, then, whether he can successfully fight the Doctor off if he attempts to bodily throw Jack out the front door into the ravages of the Time Vortex. Jack's won quite a few bar fights in his time with men of similar physical stature to the Doctor, but the Doctor's still a mystery to him in many ways. Jack wouldn't be surprised to find out that he's a lot stronger than he looks.
Besides, Jack can't imagine fighting against the Doctor with everything he's got. He wouldn't want to hurt him, really, so he'd hold back. Jack's not certain that the same would be true about the Doctor's feelings for him. Not where Rose is involved, anyway.
The Doctor doesn't make any move to throw Jack out, in the end, but the message in his eyes is clear. If Jack even thinks about taking Rose up on that offer, he won't be so lucky the next time.
Jack is certain that it's perilous to his health to even think about it, but he's always liked a bit of risk. Also, that violently possessive expression that the Doctor has just aimed at him as a warning is just about the hottest thing he's ever seen.
For Captain Jack Harkness, that's really saying something.
Jack is in the middle of convincing a particularly well-endowed Isatian man to lead him back to his place when he's interrupted by the Doctor. It's the seventh time (he's kept count) since stepping aboard the TARDIS that Jack has unsuccessfully attempted to work off the frustrations that inevitably arise from living on a time ship abounding with sexual tension. He finds no shortage of willing partners, of course, but every time something of an end-of-the-world nature seems to interrupt before it can go anywhere.
If Jack didn't know any better, he'd think that the Doctor was doing it on purpose.
This time, though, there's no question of the Doctor having made it up. Jack has spent enough time in his company to recognise when the Doctor is truly panicked, even though he looks mostly calm. Rose, the Doctor quickly informs him, has apparently been led off by some stranger who's taken advantage of her friendliness to pull her away from the throng of people.
Jack doesn't hesitate to leave his protesting potential conquest behind. No one-nighter is more important than that.
Jack and the Doctor split up by silent agreement. The two of them generally argue about many things. When it comes to this, though, they're absolutely on the same page. There's no time for bickering or competing for the alpha role. Rose needs them.
"No! Stop it!" Jack hears. He knows that voice, though there's something different about it. Jack realises that despite the danger they're almost constantly entrenched in, he's never heard her sound so scared.
"C'mon, sunshine, don't try tellin' me you ain't gaggin' for it! I seen the way you was lookin' at me."
"Hey!" Jack calls out. He rounds the corner to find Rose backed against a wall. The guy who's holding her there turns his head towards Jack without dropping his harsh grip on Rose.
"Jack!" Rose cries out.
If Jack hadn't already been ready to shoot the bastard who's got his hands all over her, the mingled distress and relief in the way Rose says his name would have decided him.
"Sorry, but I believe the lady said no," Jack says evenly.
"'S'that right?" the guy says, leering drunkenly. "What you think you're gonna do about it, then?"
The guy is significantly broader and taller than Jack. Jack, however, is carrying a blaster that he's damn well ready to use. There's really no contest there.
"You all right?" Jack asks when the guy has scarpered upon finding the gun aimed precisely at his heart.
"I ... yeah," Rose says. She's shaking slightly. Jack puts his hands lightly under her elbows for support, making sure not to touch her any more than that just in case she's not up for more intimate male contact just now. "I just wanna go home," she adds.
Jack knows without asking that she doesn't mean the TARDIS. 'Home' for her is not a place, but a particular man. Luckily for both of them, Jack has a device capable of tracking that man's unique double heartbeat.
When they find the Doctor, Jack expects Rose and the Doctor to at the very least share a clinging hug. It's clear that Rose is dying for some comfort, and the Doctor likely wants nothing more than to assure himself that she's all right, if Jack's any judge of the situation.
Instead, the Doctor yells at Rose for being careless and orders her back to the TARDIS as if she's a child who's disobeyed him.
"At least that way you can't get into any more trouble," the Doctor admonishes harshly.
Rose is hurt at the unexpected lack of sympathy, and Jack is fairly pissed off on her behalf.
When Rose disappears off towards her room once they arrive back on the TARDIS, Jack turns to the Doctor to dress him down for being an idiot.
He expects the Doctor to shut him down almost immediately for talking out of turn, of course. He's not even surprised that he doesn't even get out a single word. What Jack doesn't expect is that the Doctor will choose to shut him up with a full-on, open-mouthed kiss that's forceful enough to push Jack backwards into the console.
The Doctor's kiss is biting, and the position is damned uncomfortable, especially with one of the TARDIS levers digging into his lower back. The Doctor proceeds to grope Jack's bum and slides his tongue around to trace the insides of Jack's teeth, though, so Jack's really not about to complain. He feels like he's been waiting lifetimes for this moment.
When the Doctor pulls away, Jack's instincts beg him to fist the front of the Doctor's jumper in his hand and drag the other man back in close to him again. Now that he's had a taste of what he's been missing, he's dying for the full banquet.
He knows the dynamic of their relationship pretty well by now, though. It's up to the Doctor to take it further. It only takes Jack a split second to realise that even though the Doctor's wants to (the evidence of that is clear in his eyes), he's obviously not going to.
Jack's rarely been so disappointed in his life.
"Thank you," the Doctor says.
Jack doesn't need to ask what for. He's well aware what Rose means to the Doctor, even if the Doctor himself doesn't always act as if that's true. Jack knows how scared for her the Doctor was today.
It's the memory of that hint of terror in Doctor's eyes that stops Jack from dressing the Doctor down as he'd initially intended to do.
The Doctor disappears off to the library, or wherever else on the ship he goes when he isn't in the console room fixing something or steering them off to find new adventures.
Jack is left alone in the console room.
Jack lets loose a low groan of frustration at having been abandoned to take care of himself again, especially when he's been so thoroughly worked up like that. The TARDIS hums. Jack chooses to translate that as sympathy.
Jack sees what's on the monitor pretty clearly before the Doctor can switch it off. Even more unmistakably, he also catches sight of the Doctor's stricken expression.
Rose has just walked off with her boyfriend for the night. No prizes for guessing what their plans include.
Jack realises that however hard being around Rose and the Doctor without ever fulfilling his wishes for more has been for him, it's nothing compared to what the Doctor is going through.
At least Jack knows that they're both interested in him. He's well aware of his appeal, and he knows how to spot the signs that others are aware of it as well.
The Doctor's expression, on the other hand, proclaims more clearly than words ever could that he doesn't think he has a chance with Rose. Perhaps he thinks he's too old, or not 'pretty-boy' enough, or that a Time Lord that lives on indefinitely and a human girl who has another eighty years at best to live could never work out. Or maybe he's just masochistic and can't stand to act on his feelings in case it actually gives him the chance to be happy.
Whatever the case, even though it would ruin whatever slight chance exists that he could one day finish what he and the Doctor started a week ago, Jack can't stand to see anyone he cares about go through that sort of unnecessary torment.
Jack goes to tell the Doctor that he's been an idiot. Jack's often seen Rose looking at the Doctor as if she'd straddle him right then and there, audience or no, so it's not as if she's not interested as well. And as for the rest of it ... well. Jack hasn't lived as long as the Doctor has, but he's been around long enough to know that you take your happiness where you can get it.
Unfortunately, before he can express any of that, they're interrupted by the Slitheen woman, and Jack loses the chance to help set things right.
It's all right, he tells himself. He'll just corner the Doctor the next chance he gets.
When, much later that night, the Doctor offers to wait for Rose to go and find Mickey again, Jack can see how the words nearly stick to the roof of his mouth. The Doctor clearly doesn't want her to go, but he can't quite bring himself to admit that. So instead, he tries to give her what he thinks she wants. It must nearly kill him to get those words out.
With the insight of a few hours ago still fresh in his mind, Jack finds himself feeling quite lucky after all.
Living on the TARDIS with two incredibly attractive people he knows he can't have is, for Jack, merely frustrating.
For the Doctor, it's pure torture.
~FIN~