Chapter 8
Bpov
For the first time in my life, I felt happy. Not horrified, scared or lonely but truly happy.
This family, these people, they were different. So unlike the others that I met in my 25 years of vampirism. I really liked them.
Alice and Rosalie, those two were so sweet. Especially Alice. When they found me back in the woods, she comforted me at once. It was so odd to have a complete stranger so close beside me. And when she and Rosalie brought me to their house, I didn't protest.
Something deep inside me told me that I could trust these girls. And I probably didn't have the strength to fight them off.
Rosalie was a bit distant from me at the beginning. For the first few days she kept an eye on me. Probably anxious for another panic attack or something like that.
I was a threat, a danger for her family. I didn't blame her. Taking a unstable girl into your house isn't the smartest choice.
But I'm very grateful that they gave me the benefit of the doubt.
And after a while Rosalie became more friendly and more relaxed around me. Yet, I didn't had the same bond with her as with Alice but I liked her also very much. And they were so much fun. Although I didn't like shopping and anything revolving clothes, they made it pleasurable. And every time Alice picked out an outfit for me, I looked like a princess. Sometimes I couldn't believe that the girl in the mirror was me. It was really great to have some sort of sisters.
And Esme, she was such an adorable woman. Always kind, always smiling, always there to help or to comfort me when I had a bad time. When I had one of my tantrums, she came very quietly to my room and took me in her arms. It gave a certain feeling of comfort and it calmed me. She somehow could vanquish the bad thoughts and make the tears disappear.
And she taught me so much about art. She told me a lot about her favorite artists and showed numerous pictures of their work. I also learned how to create perfect shadows, capture the light correctly on a painting, how to proportion my subjects.
I literally worshiped her. She reminded me of my mother. Or at least what I could remember of my mother. My memories of my human life were starting to fade away little by little. Unfortunately some other memories were as clear as crystal.
And the men, they were oke. I was so scared in the beginning, especially from the big guy, Emmett. He looked so huge and dangerous to me. But now I know that he wasn't dangerous. On the contrary, he was very nice, cute even when he was playing a game on his computer. Sometimes he just acted like a 5-year old. Rosalie has her hands full with him. But just to be sure, I kept my distance.
And then there was Edward. Oh, Edward.
The first time I saw him clearly, standing against the wall in their living room, I was completely blew away.
He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my life which included my human and vampire life. That body was just marvelous. Perfectly sculpted , not too big or too small. It made me wonder how he looked under those clothes. Because when he looked so good with clothes, without would be breathtaking.
And his face, unbelievable. His beautiful cheekbones, strong jawline, full lips. They were all perfectly shaped. That smile of his, that beautiful crooked smile. God, if I could die, I would have when he smiled at me like that.
But the most beautiful feature of him was his hair. Those bronze locks were so stunning. I just wanted to run my fingers through them over and over again. That color was so unique. I loved it.
But it wasn't only his hair that I loved. From the first moment I laid my eyes on him, I loved him with every piece of my still heart. I didn't know the guy but I knew that I loved him to death.
And that scared me so much. I never felt like that before. But I couldn't let my feelings come out. I couldn't trust men. It would be just like last time a man came into my life. And I didn't want to go through that again.
Plus, he couldn't possibly have feelings for me. Such a pale, uninteresting, used girl like me. He could have any girl in the world. Millions of girls were probably standing in line for a date with this adonis.
So he would definitely not pick me. I wasn't even worthy of standing next to him.
So, I kept my distance and avoided any contact with him what so ever. I almost slipped that first day when I looked him in the eyes. Therefore I tried to do my best and stayed as far from him as possible. In the beginning my plan worked well. But I just couldn't resist the call from his books. It had been to long that I had held my friends in my hands. The feeling of the pages turning against my skin felt so good. I was reunited with my first love.
But when he found me in his room, my feelings towards him came right back. That emotion of unconditional love, affection and respect for this god. I had tried to lock it away, somewhere deep inside of me. But the minute he locked eyes with me, I felt the love rising to the surface again. And I had to try so hard to contain it.
He didn't make it easy for me to ignore him. He kept staring at me during the day, thinking that I didn't notice. But I did notice and sometimes it was really annoying. I did my very best to keep a distant but he was like a constant figure in the room. A sneaking cat who had his eyes constant on his prey. I could almost feel his stare on my back, making a hole in it. It was frustrating me like hell.
But on Christmas, he finally broke my will to stay away, the final drop. When he gave me that book, I melted away. That was probably the most beautiful gift I received. Even better than my own room. It wasn't much but the meaning behind it was so wonderful. It felt like he could read my soul and see all my deepest desires.
I just couldn't stay away from him. It was too painful for me. The look in his eyes told me that he cared about me. He wasn't like all the others. He was different. He was perfect.
And when I heard him play the other day, I felt my love increasing with every note he played. It was so beautiful, so enchanting.
When he offered me to learn how to play, I was a bit reluctance. I didn't trust myself. Maybe I would start yelling again, seeing visions again from the past. But I was willing to try. At that point I was willing to try anything for Edward.
And as he touched me, I didn't panicked. It was just the opposite. He felt so good; it was like someone had opened the doors of heaven for me. The feeling of his long, gentle hands above mine was just divine.
I was so shocked that I stayed so composed. I just couldn't believe he actually was touching me. I stared him in the eyes, looking for hints of disgust, repulsion or something in that category. But there was none. I only saw a little hint of hesitation, like he was afraid of touching me, showing me this side of him.
Then I made my choice. I smiled at him. Showing him that it was alright. Saying 'I trust you' was my way to tell him that I wanted to try.
I had lived to long in the shadows, afraid of being myself. I had let my live be lived by somebody else. And I was sick of it. I didn't want to be the poppet anymore. I wanted to take my chances now. Edward made me feel alive, like a real woman only by looking at me.
So I chose him, not my fear. I would trust my instincts and let the future come to me. Because I knew in my heart that I would be safe with Edward.
I couldn't hide it anymore from them. They have been so nice to me. One for one had they treated me well and accepted me in their family. I just couldn't lie anymore. They disserved better. There was just one thing left to do. I needed to tell them the truth. I needed to tell them about James.
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