Disclaimer: Still only own the OC
The days started to pass with a kind of order. Every three days I woke up early to go down to chemo with Jordi. The day after chemo I'd usually end up in the CAT scan, getting pictures taken with my tumor. Dr. McAndrew wanted to monitor it carefully, because at the first signs of it growing instead of shrinking he was going to stop chemo and schedule the surgery. In between all of this I was trying very hard to fill all the space that used to be taken up by school and practice.
I'd never had so much free time in my life. I found myself desperate to find things to do. I would borrow books from Emma and blow through them much faster than I intended to. I would also look for Dash, because he was usually causing some sort of trouble that could keep me preoccupied for a least an hour. I even asked Jordi to teach me to play poker after I learned more about his mother's brief stay.
Even with all of the random things that go on in the hospital, there were days when I just found myself wandering. That was what I was doing when I found Kara. "Hey." I called to her, expecting a snappy comment in reply.
"Hey." She said, turning from me. I could tell right away that something was off about her. She seemed weaker, paler than before. Even her usual death glare was gone.
"Are you okay?" I asked, actually becoming concerned.
"I'm fine." She snapped, trying to stomp away but stumbling a bit instead.
"No, you aren't!" I grab her and support her. "You're getting worse aren't you?' I question softly, though I already know the answer.
"I said I'm fine." She tries to sound angry but all the edge has left her voice.
"No you aren't. Come on, I'll take you to your room." I offer.
"I'm going to the break room." She orders.
"Why, so you can huff dry erase markers again?" I snap at her. She looks at me a bit shocked. "I wander around this hospital all the time. I see you in there, when you think no one's looking or when it's someone who'll turn a blind eye. Are you really that stupid?"
"What the hell is your problem?"
"I have a brain tumor, what's yours?" I turn on her.
"You aren't my mother!"
"Well where the fuck is she, because someone needs to slap some sense into you!" Kara stays silent, just watching me now. "You're dying Kara! DYING." I say it slowly so it will sink in. "You have an enlarged heart, and I'll bet from what I've seen of you, you're at the absolute bottom of the transplant list, and you're just sitting around getting high like you don't want to be helped, like you don't want to be saved. Do you understand that your life could end if you don't get your shit together? Do you even care?"
Kara just stares at me and for the first time I see actual emotion in her eyes. She looks scared, like I've just shattered the glass that was blocking her view of reality. But I can't stop myself now, I'm too angry.
"No one is going to help you or feel sorry for you when you don't even want to be helped. You're going to die in here because you won't admit you're an addict and get better. You'll never climb up the transplant list, no matter how sick you get because who would give their heart to a girl who's going to OD when she's 25 anyway?" I finally stop and my voice is going hoarse. The look on Kara's face is pure childlike terror, and I immediately regret everything I've said. "Kara I – " I can't believe myself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you."
"You really think I'm going to die?" She asks.
"If you don't stop stealing drugs and huffing things…" I pause, but I know she needs to hear it. "Yeah, you could really die, and it might not even be because of your heart."
"Why do you even care?"
"We're supposed to be friends, right?" I shrug. "You may have been a pain in my ass this entire time, but everyone else sees things in you that are worth friendship, and I have faith that they're right. So, I consider you the biggest pain in the ass friend I've ever had, but a friend none-the-less. That means I care what happens to you, and I don't want you to cheat yourself out of new heart and life." I smile encouragingly to her.
"Can you help me back to my room?" She asks, and it's the most polite thing that's ever come out of her mouth. "Oh, and if you speak a word of this little moment to anyone I will end you." Then she was Kara again.
"Wouldn't dream of it." I sigh and help her back to the room.
Later on that afternoon I'm laying on Leo's bed because I found myself wandering again after I left Kara. I stumbled upon Leo and we headed back to his room to just hang out.
"Leo, how long have you been here?" I suddenly ask.
"A few months, or maybe more like six." He amends.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Deal with everything? You seem so at home in this hospital."
"It is kind like being at home. I love the people here, my friends are all here, and I made my room feel like my room." He shrugs.
"But it's not home, and it doesn't feel like home. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy here. I miss my bed, I miss my family, I miss my piano. Oh, God do I miss my piano! It's been over a week since I've played." I sigh wistfully.
"How often did you play before?"
"Every day, several times a day."
"I used to be like that with soccer."
"You played?" I arch an eyebrow in his direction.
"It was my life. All I did was play, practice and hang out with the guys on the team."
"Were you any good?"
"Are you kidding? I was the best!"
"Oh, not very humble, are we?" I laugh. Leo laughs too. When our laughter subsides he looks a bit more seriously at me.
"I was really good though. I was in line for some scholarships, but..." He trails off looking down at his leg, or rather the place his leg used to be.
"Yeah, I understand what you mean. If I end up having surgery I can kiss all my plans goodbye too." I smile sadly.
"What kind of music do you like to play?" Leo changes the subject.
"John Legend, I love his music. Stevie Wonder, he's just amazing. If I could play with him one day, I'd die happy. I like musicals too, and Adele, old school blues and jazz. That soulful stuff just moves me, you know?" I brighten up as I think of it. I can't keep the smile from forming on my face. "That's not what I usually play though." I bring myself back down.
"What do you play most, then?"
"All the classical! Beethoven, Bach, Tchaikovsky, you name the classic man; I've probably played him within the last year. I used to like it, you know, Swan Lake and The Four Seasons, but…not so much anymore." I chuckle dryly.
"Wait, you don't even play stuff you like?"
"Stevie isn't really Julliard material, you know?" I shrug, but somehow I feel he knows it bothers me more than I want to let on.
"Why do you miss it so much if you don't even play stuff you like?"
"Because being the piano player is what I know! It's who I am, my whole life it's who I've been. I feel like I'm losing myself in here without it."
"Well, maybe while you're here you'll have time to play the stuff you like again." Leo offered up.
"With what piano?" I gesture to the hospital at large. "It's okay; I'll just have to find something else to keep me sane. You guys are doing a pretty good job, but you can't always be around me." I joke. "Anyway, I just realized how late it's getting. I gotta head to sleep." I jump lightly off his bed.
"Do you really have to go? It's not that late."
"Just because you're a slacker doesn't mean I have to be one too." I tease. "Besides, tomorrow is chemo day, and that means Nurse Jackson will be waking me up early to run the usual tests." I scrunch my nose at the thought.
"Yeah, alright."
I turn to leave and notice Jordi is still gone. "Hey, where's Jordi?" I turn back to Leo.
He shrugs. "I think he's still hanging out with Emma."
"You okay with that?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, Dash told me you and Emma used to be an item. And almost everyone has said you and Jordi have been battling it out to win her affections. I'm not so sure about that part anymore though." I say, thinking out loud.
"Why is that?" He asks, genuinely curious.
"Isn't it obvious?" He shakes his head so I continue. "Well, since I've been here I haven't seen you do anything to try to impress Emma, not even something little. I hate to tell you this but if you were trying to beat Jordi for Emma's affection, you're losing that fight right now." I chuckle lightly.
"Yeah." He chuckles halfheartedly. I look at him confused as he seems suddenly lost in thought. "So, when do you think you'll be out of chemo tomorrow?"
"Probably sometime after noon as usual. Why, got something planned?"
"Not yet, but if I figure something out I'll let you know."
"You better!" I smile. "Night, Leo. I'll see you tomorrow." I give a breezy wave, not even turning to look back as I exit the room.
"Night, Piper." He calls after me.
In my room, I find myself thinking maybe it isn't as uncomfortably foreign as I used to think, it's still not home, but it wasn't completely strange anymore. Maybe I would start decorating it a bit, making it feel even less foreign. As I started to drift off I thought how much better it would be if I could just get a piano in here.
The next day starts off exactly as I expected it to. Nurse Brittany comes in this time to run the usual tests. Then I dress for the day and Jordi meets me at the door. We go down to chemo together and enjoy each other's company. We've taken to talking in Spanish in the chemo room because when we don't the elderly man who's always in there gives us dirty looks.
Chemo days are usually the most structured, or at least the ones that go most predictably. Today, however completely derailed my chemo day schedule.
After chemo I've started to get tired, which apparently is a completely normal side effect. So I part ways with Jordi and head to my room. When I get there however I stop dead in the doorway. I am in absolute shock. "How –" I can't find the words to express the emotions overtaking me in this moment because there in my room, against the back wall is a piano. Not just any piano either, it's my big beautiful Tardis blue piano.
"Surprise." I hear someone whisper in my ear.