"I might let me go home!" That was the first thing Leo said to me when we met up after my CAT scan.
"Oh…" I should've been happy for him, almost seven months in this place, and he would finally be back in his house and his bed. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I had to muster up something better than just that 'oh'. "Wow, that's so great!" I smiled brightly, but by the look on his face I could tell he heard how forced to sounded.
"Piper, I not just going to disappear on you." He grabbed my hand lovingly.
"No! I'm not upset, and I'm not worried." I sighed and squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, I was just shocked. That wasn't what I was expecting to hear today." I chuckled lightly. "I really am happy for you, Leo. I mean, look at you. You're cancer free, your hair is coming back, and you're walking on that leg without a crutch! This is a huge difference in just the month that we have known each other."
"You're okay, then? If I go home you won't be mad, or think I'm abandoning you?"
"Well, you are going to come visit me right?" Leo nodded vigorously. "Then why would I be mad? That's what we're all hoping for right? To get out of here. We can't spend the rest of our lives in a hospital, that's not really living."
"So, I never did ask where you live." Leo said suddenly.
"Yeah, why do you wanna know? Are you gonna stalk me when I get out of here?" I teased.
"No, I just want to know how far I'm going to have to travel to give you a real first date."
"I live in Santa Ana." I smile.
"You're kidding." Leo smiles back.
"No, why?"
"I live in L.A.; we aren't that far from each other!"
"I can't believe that! I go into L.A. all the time, for concerts and stuff. I can't believe we never ran into each other."
"It's fate."
"Wow! Are you trying to win an award for corniest man alive?" I laughed.
"No, I'm being serious. Think about it, we lived close to each other all these years and never once bumped into each other. Then we both end up at the same hospital, and finally meet. You don't think fate plays a role in that?"
"I don't believe in fate or destiny. I don't like the idea of some divine being having planned out all the major moments of your life for you before you even knew what life was."
"Not all the major moments…"
"Just this particular one?"
"Exactly."
As we walked back to our floor we heard singing. "Well that's not Dr. Neday." I said, as we followed the sound into and looked into the window of the room housing the pop star Delaney Shaw. She was singing for a small crowd of people, among them Dash. "You think he's smitten or just trying to get laid again?"
"Do you even have to ask?" Leo raised an eyebrow at me.
"I feel like this hospital is getting more musical by the minute." I rolled my eyes. I hadn't told any of my friends I'd known Delaney back before she was Delaney Shaw, the pop star. Back when she was just Laney and getting all the solos at the concerts our school put on. "Let's go see Emma. I heard she had a meeting with her therapist today. I wonder what they said." I pulled Leo away from the window before Delaney could see me. Hunter was a blast from the past I'd welcomed, Delaney wasn't.
"You seem a bit hostel towards Delaney Shaw. What are you afraid she's going to steal the spot light?" Leo joked.
"I don't like her, okay?" I gave him a look that clearly said we were dropping the conversation. We rode the rest of the way up the elevator in silence.
Emma was in her room wringing her hands when we got there. "Hey." She turned and offered a fake smile. Jordi walked out of the bathroom a minute later and smiled at us.
"Did she tell you?" He is smiling brightly.
"No, we just got here." I smile at Jordi but look at Emma cautiously. "What's up, Emma?"
"My therapist thinks I'm doing really well. She thinks I might be allowed to go home." Nothing about Emma looks pleased.
"Wow, you too?" I said as I turned to Leo.
"Leo?" Emma looked at him shocked.
"Yeah, my PT instructor says I'm doing really well and my cancer is gone, my hair's growing back. He thinks if the powers that be agree with him I should be able to go home." Leo smiled brightly. "We're both getting out of here, Em!"
He goes over to hug Emma, she hugs back but there is no excitement on her face. She notices me looking and starts to smile.
"Hey, I'm gonna go see if Delaney Shaw will get me time with her manager." Jordi says, then walks out. I roll my eyes after him, without really meaning to.
"I'm going to go check on Charlie." I smile tightly. "You guys have fun talking about the big move." I eye Emma pointedly. As I walk down the hall I bump into a very determined looking Kara.
"Hey, do you have a condom?" She says coming up to me.
"Excuse me?" I say in shock, and quickly move around her and towards my room where I can close the door in her face without her having the right to come in anyway.
"A condom." She says more slowly. "You know, little rubber-"
"Kara!" I cut her off. "I heard you the first time. The 'excuse me' was one of shock, not misunderstanding."
"What's so shocking about it?"
"Really?" We get to my room and I turn to look at her. "You only just got together with Hunter, that's one. You asked me for a condom, that's two. You don't think it's weird that a hospital patient would ask another for said condom and somehow be shocked to find that other patients don't usually carry them around, that's three. Did I leave anything out?" I pause and she opens her mouth, but I hold my hand up. "Wait, don't answer that. Most people here are more worried about surviving the night than getting laid, sorry. You might have a great chance asking Delaney Shaw, or maybe look on one of the other floors. But I'm not the person to ask."
"You mean to tell me, you and Leo haven't had sex yet? Haven't you been together like, forever?"
"It's been a few weeks, that's hardly forever." I roll my eyes at her. "Seriously Kara, truth be told, I'm a virgin and I'm not about to give that up after a few weeks."
"Oh my God! Really?" Kara yells way too loudly.
"Yes, Kara, really. Girls our age can still be virgins, surprise!" I turn around and walk into my room. Kara pushes her way in behind me. "What!?"
"Why haven't you done it yet? Didn't you and Leo already say all that mushy I love you stuff?"
"Yeah, and if he really loves me, he'll wait. I'd like to at least not be dying my first time."
"But, what if you die before you get the chance?"
"I- " I had planned to round on Kara, but the comment wasn't what I was expecting from her. I hadn't really thought up an answer for that one. I could die a virgin. Suddenly all of Dash's hard work to get laid made a lot more sense. What's worse, Kara also made me realize that I didn't know if Leo was a virgin too.
"Looks like I'm not the only one with her priorities mixed up. You should look into getting laid." Kara smiled and walked out, still in pursuit of a condom.
After my talk with Kara I spent the rest of the day avoiding Leo. So many things were on my mind that hadn't been; I just couldn't bring myself to face him. Not to mention after the conversation with Kara I kept trying to imagine Leo naked every time I saw him and that made me blush. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why I kept blushing, so I just kept my distance.
Something else was bothering me also. Emma's face wouldn't leave my mind, so I went to find her and find out what was really the problem. She was in the garden, walking aimlessly when I found her.
"Hey." I smiled.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Let's talk." I motioned to a bench we were heading towards and we took a seat. "What's wrong?" I asked when we sat.
"What do you mean?"
"Most of us would be thrilled to hear we might be getting out. Not you. You look more like someone told you your dog died."
"I'm excited."
"Stop lying."
There was a long pause in the conversation as we stared each other down. Finally Emma sighed. "I've been lying." She said suddenly. "To my therapists, to my group, to the doctors, to Jordi! I'm not okay, and everybody thinks I am, and I keep waiting for someone to see that I'm lying and they never do! Jordi thinks he's cured me, the doctors think they've cured me, the therapist…all they want is for me to tell them they did well and I'm fixed. But I'm not."
"So why are you lying?" I snap at her. "What, are you trying to prove a point? Do you want them to all feel bad when you end up back here because you were such a good liar?"
"No! I just want someone to notice –"
"Congratulations, I'm noticing. So are you going to go back and tell the truth?"
"Why are you mad at me? They're the ones who think I'm okay to go."
"Because you lied to them! Because you said everything just right and they thought you were honest, but you aren't. I don't know about you sometimes Emma. Sometimes it honestly feels like you like being a victim. Sometimes it feels like you don't care if you die so long as you come out looking sad and helpless and it was everyone else's fault. But it's not! This is your choice. You chose to lie. You are choosing to not get the help you need. You are doing this to yourself, not the other way around." I don't give her time to answer. I get up off the bench and walk away.
Leo was back at the PT office, finding out if he could go home by the time I got back to my room. I didn't go straight there, I walked. I walked around the whole hospital and then walked all the floors inside it. Emma was also getting the news as to whether or not she could go home and I really hoped she would tell someone the truth and let them help her.
When I finally headed in the direction of my room to wait for Leo's news, I saw a very worried Kara leaning against the wall outside Hunter's room. "Kara?" I rushed over to her. "What's wrong?"
"Hunter had a fever and he passed out." She said, looking more worried than I'd ever seen her.
"Is he okay, what's happening?" I asked.
"I don't know, but his parents are in there, that's bad right? When they call in the parents it's bad?"
"I don't know." I shook my head. "I have to go though, keep me posted, okay?"
Kara nodded, barely listening anyway. I checked my watch and moved faster. I was pressing the button to get on the elevator when it dinged. Leo waas inside and he didn't look happy.
"I'm sorry." I said, knowing at once what it meant. I entered the elevator and hugged him. "I'm so sorry."
He sighed into my shoulder. "It's okay. I didn't really want to go anywhere with you having your surgery tomorrow anyway." He smiled, and pulled back to look at my face. "It's really better this way. I mean I was going to be here every day for you, might as well not do any moving at all." His smile didn't completely reach his eyes and I just hugged him again.
Then I pressed the button to take us up to Emma's floor. "Let's see if Emma's staying too." I smiled hopefully. When we got there though, she was packing. I sighed in disappointment, instantly knowing what it meant. "So, you're leaving?"
"Yeah, they said I was doing really well and I could go home. My dad's downstairs." She smiled, not meeting my eyes. Jordi came in looking both sad and proud. I just shook my head and walked away. I left Emma, Jordi and Leo behind to say their goodbyes and finally made it to my room.
After Emma was gone Leo came to see me. "What was that all about?"
"She's not better."
"Yeah she is! The doctors all thought so." Leo looked me over, confused.
"She's been lying."
"Well, why didn't you say anything?"
"There's no point. She has to want it, or no amount of time here will fix her." I looked at him seriously. "Don't say anything, she'll be back."
"How do you know?"
"I have faith, one way or another she'll be back. I just hope next time she wants to get better." I sighed as Leo came to sit next to me.
"Alright, so next question, why have you been avoiding me all day?"
"I haven't –" The look on his face told me there was no point in lying. "I talked to Kara. She was looking for a condom," Leo made a face at that. "Yeah, okay, but I told her I was a virgin and she said something that actually got me thinking."
"About?" Leo clearly did not expect the conversation to go in that direction.
"About us. What if I die on the table tomorrow?"
"You won't."
"But, what if I do? I'd die a virgin, and I'm not sure that's something I want."
"What exactly are you saying?"
"I'm saying…let's have sex?"
"Are you saying it, or asking a question?" Leo teased.
"Leo, I'm being serious."
"Because of something Kara said?" Leo raised and eyebrow at me and I shrugged. "No."
"What, why?" I asked, hurt.
"Because I love you, and you told me before there was a chance you might not remember any of this after your surgery. I'm not going to do this if you won't remember it or me afterwards." Leo was looking at me, holding my hand gently.
"But what if I don't care if I don't remember? I mean if I die it won't matter anyway, right?"
"But it does matter, because when you wake up, if you don't remember do you know how much harder it will be for you? 'Hey I'm your boyfriend and also your first, sorry you don't remember me' is not a great first impression to make. You'll already have too much to deal with, relearning you had a tumor, and had surgery to remove it. Relearning you've been in this hospital a month and made all these friends you don't know, relearning how to walk and talk. I'm not going to force you to relearn that some guy who is a stranger t you know took your virginity."
I just stared at Leo for a moment. "You really are the most wonderful man." I smiled and kissed him soundly. "You're right; I don't know what I was doing listening to Kara." I laughed, trying to hide the definite blush coloring my cheeks.
"It's alright, surgery makes us all antsy. Jordi ran around the hospital before his surgery. I broke up with Emma because I thought I was going to die."
"Wait, what?" I raised an eyebrow to him.
"Obviously, that was actually a great idea." Leo tried to recover.
"MmmHmm. How about you just kiss me, remind me how much you love me and let me get some sleep?" I suggested.
"I love you; you are amazing and wonderful, goodnight." Leo planted a kiss on my forehead before getting up and leaving. I just laughed as I watched him go.
"I love you too." I said as soon as he got to the door. Then I settled in for my last night of sleep before the big surgery.
AN: I made a decision to turn this into two or three stories. So next chapter will be the last. This will give me time to finish up my other ff and then devote more attention to the second part of the Piper/Leo saga. Next chapter is surgery day! Also, thanks to Delaney Shaw, I won't need an OC for Dash. Anyway, hope you enjoy. I'll be posting next chapter fairly quickly.