October 13th, 2007
The band Yellowcard has a song called "Two Weeks From Twenty" Part of the lyrics go: Get the hell outta Jersey and then he would never look back at all.
Those lyrics are so true.
I hate Jersey.
Why? Oh, uh, let me recap for you.
Well, first off, in my opinion, Jersey is a N.Y. knockoff. They want to be us, but they can't. Because they're Jersey. Anway, I was sitting on a tower of the Brooklyn Bridge when all of a sudden this gas blows in my face. I was drugged. Oh, happy days.
And when I wake up, where am I?
Jersey!
I felt so sick and whoozy, I asked the guy for a barf bag. "Jeez. What do evil maniacs put in knock-out gas these days?"
"Hello, Spider-Man."
"Huh? Oh, hiya doin' buddy? Me? Oh, I'm great. I couldn't be better, infact, unless somebody crazy didn't drug me, didn't tie me to a chair, and told me what the heck is going on here!"
The man laughed. I hate that. Why laugh when I make a joke about how confused I am? It's supposed to be putting it lightly, instead of me going off on him. Even if it is a joke.
"My name is Dr. Ling." I couldn't see his face, as the only light in the room was shining on me.
"Are you Chinese?"
"Yes."
"Just checking. You don't have an accent, that's why." I said.
"Spider-Man, I work for Tony Stark." (Tony StarkIron Man, for you dumb people)
That got my attention. "Don't tell me you stole some of his developing weaponry and decided to test it out on me."
He laughed again. Why do they laugh!? "No, Spider-Man," he said. "I need your help."
I rolled my eyes, even if he couldn't see it. "You sure got a funny way of asking, pal! Drugging me, kidnapping me...oh yeah, I'm eager to help."
"You help me, or I put a pair of scissors to that stupid little mask of yours."
"Untie me and get me a cup of Starbucks, and it's a deal."
He did it, too. I was surprised.
I eyed the cup of coffee. "That's not Starbucks." I said.
"Spider-Man, please focus. I beleive that there is leak inside Stark Industries that is sending the plans for the developing weapons to a group of near-terrorist level."
"This leak wouldn't be you, by chance?"
"No." Dr. Ling said.
"I thought Stark was out of the illegal arms business."
"He is."
"Righty-o then..."
"Spider-Man, we need you to head over to Stark Tower. You are a friend of the Avengers, no? I can not get in touch with Mr. Stark, but you can."
"Why not ask one of the actual Avengers? Why me?" I asked him.
"You were the easiest to kidnap."
"Oh, okay, I--hey! Wait a second!"
"We will be in touch, Spider-Man."
"What? Now what do I--" more knock out gas. Go figure.
I wake up on a rooftop. I rubbed my head. Where was I again? I jumped off the roof, scaled the side of the building, and knocked on an open window. The woman in the room jumped. "Hey, lady. Where am I?"
"J-Jersey." she staggered.
"Oh great. Jersey."
COMMENTS:
(subj:none)
Spider-Man, don't you think it was stupid of you to post that you're going to try to get information out of Tony Stark on the internet?
--Mr. Fantastic
---------------------------
(subj:yes)
Yes, it was stupid of him.
Spider-Man, I can't begin to tell you how secure my building is. I don't even think I have employed Mr. Ling. I would not trust this man. He did kidnap you and drug you, after all. No, my industries have not been breached.
--Tony Stark