Chapter Eight: No Forgiveness, No Mercy, Rubber Chicken
"Buy flamethrower, then go over unexpectedly, use aforementioned flamethrower to burn him," I read off the paper and shake my head, buying a flamethrower could cost too much, plus Reno would get suspicious. I scratch that off my list, which already has like 50 scratches. I won't go through all them again but they range from Goldfish daggers to Conway Twitty CD's and NyQuil.
If you're wondering what I'm doing, I'm writing down plans. Plans on how to kill that bitch ass mother fucking douche bag who hurt me. I mean, I'm not 12 years old anymore. I'm not going to let some bastard hurt me; I'm going to have my revenge.
Right, so maybe I'm being unrealistic with the flamethrowers, but the Conway Twitty plan was pretty good, if I do say so myself. I sigh as I look out the window, I'm not as furious as I was when I got home, but that tends to happen to me. I get angry real quick, but it dies off just as fast. Like a firecracker, they come out with this huge bang, then slowly they fade away into nothing but ashes and a burnt out shell. I'm not burnt out, but I'm pretty apathetic. I mean, if I start thinking about it again it'll start to hurt, so I push it in the back of my mind where I keep memories of razors and my dad and uncle. It's how I stay sane, I guess.
I look out my window, it's getting later and later and Roxas doesn't seem to be coming. I crush the disappointment as fast as it comes and poke at the blood stains on my throw rug. I kind of made my nose bleed while smashing my face into the floor, which now I'll admit wasn't very smart but what can you do. I feel blackness clouding my vision and my head feels 20 pounds too heavy so I rest it on the cool floor, fuck am I ever sleepy.
I wake up with my head in someone's lap as they run their fingers softly through my hair, I purr contently and nuzzle into said mystery person's lap until I remember that last I checked, I had passed out on my fucking floor. I shoot up and find Roxas sitting there with his back pressed against my bed. I glare at him and scoot away on my ass.
"Axel…" I cut him off by whipping the thing I had nearest to me, which happened to be a shoe, but the lucky bastard has reflexes like a cat and dodges it.
"Axel…listen," but I don't want to listen so I find something else, a book, and chuck it at his head. He isn't so lucky this time and the edge of the book nicks the side of his forehead. He curses and by the time he looks up I'm throwing something else. It's another book, and I vaguely wonder when I got all these damn books in my room.
He can't be here, not when I've already pushed all the memories away. He's just gonna dig them all out and leave a mess.
"Axel, please!" Roxas shouts covering his head from the assault and I stop because he just said please. I wonder if he's ever even used the word before and he looks up at me, his blue eyes shinning with hope but my fingers tighten around the CD case I just found and he looks down at it before shaking his head in a silent plea for me to not throw it at him.
"Get out of my room," I hiss, he looks at me and doesn't move. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" I scream but it comes out more like a raspy whisper since my voice is still shot from all the screaming I did earlier. I stand up and tower over him, but he doesn't move. I'm vaguely reminded of all those biology classes where the teacher would tell us about certain animals. The larger one would make it known to the smaller that it was the leader by showing its size. I guess that's what I'm doing here because Roxas may rule the fucking school but in my room, it's my fucking rules. But he isn't backing down like he is supposed to. Does he know nothing about alpha males?
"I'm not leaving until you let me…what's this?" Roxas says, bending down and reaching over to my pile of lined paper. He picks them up and I lunge at him. He cannot know my evil plans.
"No! Leave that!" I whine, he places a hand on my face and holds me away at arm's length.
"Conway Twitty?" he says, turning to look at me with a cocked brow and I feel myself blushing behind his hand. I'm kind of just kneeling there, after giving up the struggle and looking retarded. He moves his hand and looks at me head on, then looks at the paper again.
"Make Zexion conjure a plan?" he says and chuckles, I finally get fed up and snatch the papers away ripping them up into funfetti and whipping them across the room, now if you've ever tried whipping paper shreds you'll know how stupid I just looked.
"I still want you to get out of my room," I say quietly because my big, loud, booming voice is gone until further notice.
"Axel, please, just let me explain to you…" he says and I hear him kneel down in front of me, my head shoots up and I glare at him making him freeze in mid knee-step.
"I don't want to hear you, I don't even want to see you anymore," I say and feel my tear ducts slowly filling to the point of explosion. It angers me how I can never tell what Roxas is feeling, his big blue eyes should be so expressive yet they aren't. He hides things so well, I sometimes wonder if he's got a traumatic past or something but I doubt it.
"Fuck Martinez, common," he says after a pause and I look at him with wide eyes, how can you ask someone to listen to you when you're loosing patience with said person? That is not going to win forgiveness.
"No. Now, I want you to get up and leave my room, after you leave my room I want you to go home, when you get home I want you to do anything in your power to erase me from your memories. I want you to go back to acting as if I don't exist," I say and Roxas just looks at me like he's lost.
"But I can't," Roxas says and he's in front of me in two seconds flat looking up at me with those blue eyes that make my knees weak, or at least they did until he fucking ripped my heart right out. There's a part of me that wants to forgive and forget, that wants to go back to those rough kisses and relive that movie date, but the stronger part of me wants me to punch him in the face.
So I do. I punch him right in the face, he stumbles backwards and cups his cheek. My knuckles ache telling me it was a good hit.
"Okay, I deserve that," he says, touching the no doubt sore area with the pads of his fingers. "Fuck Martinez, you pack a punch in those twiggy arms," he mutters, rubbing a little more vigorously at the spot.
I can't explain to you how fucking good it feels to punch Roxas Anderson in the face. I should go down in the Guinness Book of World Records, because I doubt anyone else has ever hit Roxas fucking Anderson in the face.
"Axel just hear me out okay? I was going to go through with the plan," he starts and takes a small step towards me, I realize that if I want him to get the hell out of my house, I'll just have to listen to his steaming pile of bullshit. "I was going to do it; they even wanted to take pictures to post around the school after cropping me out. I thought you deserved it…that's why I wanted to go along with it. They told me you did it to people all the time and you're just such an arrogant idiot I thought it was true…but fuck Axel, you proved me wrong with every encounter…you were just too…have you ever even dated anyone before?"
I feel my cheeks start to burn and I look away, biting my bottom lip furiously. "Who made you the judge of what I deserve and what I don't?" I whisper and I hear the floorboards under Roxas creak as he shifts his weight.
"No one…it's just…Kairi painted this horrible picture of you to us…everyone hates you because all the things she's said. So my group decided to do a little justice or whatever they called it," Roxas says and I look at him, I think he can see how furious I am.
"Kairi? Why would you listen to her?" I hiss and he shrugs pathetically, he finally looks out of his element, he looks awkward and probably a little afraid.
"She's your sister, we thought she knew you," Roxas says and I think that's what makes me snap because I'm charging at him and slamming his back hard against the wall, he makes a soft grunt sound but other then that seems perfectly unaffected by it.
"Kairi knows nothing about me…she's a bitch who wants to get back at me for something I didn't do, so before you go and believe the shit people spew out of their mouths, make sure you get your shit straight Anderson. Next time you go and want to do your share of justice, you better fucking make sure you aren't fucking someone who's as fucked as I am. Make damn sure," I seethe and I realize our faces are inches apart, I rip away from him and he just stays there against the wall, unsure of what to do or say.
"What do you mean?" he finally asks, and I decide I'm going to tell him about my past, maybe I tell him just to make him feel like shit. I don't know why, but I tell him.
I roll my sleeves up and show him my wrists; all the marred flesh, the bumps and grooves all along the pale skin of my forearm. Roxas looks stunned into silence, so I continue with a sick little smile on my face "You see these?" here I point at the scars that go all around, the rope burns that will forever remind me of them, Roxas nods silently. "Guess who did it?" I question and Roxas looks up at me, blinking in confusion. I sigh and run my fingers over the pastel pink skin, "My father and my uncle did it. This is the scar the rope they used to tie me to my headboard left. Why did they tie me to a headboard? Let me tell you. To fucking rapeme," I say, hatred dripping off ever consonant and vowel. Roxas makes a pained sound in his throat and I look up at him, he looks like he's about to be sick and his eyes are round like dinner plates.
"Want to know something else fucked up?" I don't wait long enough to see if he nods or shakes his head. "My first time, I mean, the real time, when I did it voluntarily was with you," I look at him and he looks pale, like he's about to pass out so I roll my sleeves down and turn away, moving further away from him.
"Now I want you to get the fuck out, get out of my house…get out of my life," I whisper and he's done it. He's unburied everything and the weight of it all is going to fucking crush me if he doesn't leave right now.
"Axel…I can't," he says quietly and for the first time there's emotion in his voice and it sounds kind of like hurt or something, I can't really tell because it's barely there.
"Why? Why can't you? No one at school needs to know, let them all think you did some courageous act. I won't tell anyone the truth Roxas, if that's what you're worried about. I won't tell anyone that I'm not really this big bitchy whore, no one would believe me anyway so you have nothing to worry about," I feel myself choking up because I know that once Roxas walks out the door, it's over and done with forever. It hurts; it hurts because despite everything I still fucking like him a lot.
"No Axel, that's not the reason. I can't leave because…fuck…because well, oh for fuck sakes," he shifts and looks around my room, scratching at the back of his blonde messy hair nervously. Wait, is he actually nervous? Roxas Anderson…nervous? Fuck this has got to be good.
"I did it because I wanted to. When I saw that fucker on you…I knew, that fuck, I wanted you...I fucking got jealous... I wasn't planning on them walking into the room; I took us to a different room all together. I wanted to, but I didn't want them to come in," Roxas finishes and the floorboards creak under his feet with every step he takes closer to me. I don't move, I'm running out of corners to hide in.
"Fuck Martinez, I'm starting to like you," he whispers when he's right behind me, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him. It's a little awkward because I'm so much taller and I can feel his cheek press in between my shoulder blades as he holds me close to him. It's weird how I don't want to pull away…it's weird that he's hugging me.
"Stop Roxas," I say quietly and he just pulls away slowly, I turn and look at him, my eyes filling with tears and I don't know why.
"I'm not going to forgive you so easily," I say and he cups my cheek, I don't find the strength to pull away.
"I know, but…maybe you can let me prove to you that I'm serious? That I didn't mean to hurt you, that I'm starting to like you," Fuck, is he going to be an English major? Because he has such a way with words. I'm wondering why I'm not snapping at him and…oh wait, I already did that. See, I'm like a fire cracker and he seems to know that I'm burnt out now and that I won't attack him because now he's getting closer, now he's talking more. Am I really that easy to read?
I mull everything over in my head; Roxas wants to prove to me how badly he likes me or whatever? I guess I should find out just how badly he wants it.
"How badly do you want to prove it?" I ask and look at him; he moves his hand from my cheek and shoves it in his pocket shrugging.
"Bad, I guess. I don't want you to hate me," he says and looks around my room, well, he obviously knows that for me not to hate him for doing something this extreme it's going to take a lot. He knows what he's getting in to.
"It won't be easy…making me not hate you," I say and he nods his head solemnly, I sigh and look up at the ceiling. This is actually a good chance to get my revenge on him. I'll have to ask Zexion to help me plan things to make Roxas' life a living hell.
"Fine Roxas, I'll give you a chance to show me you mean everything you said. Just one chance though. I still hate you until further notice. Oh and this doesn't mean I've forgiven you either," I say and he nods again but there's a smile on his face. Again, that genuine smile and I feel my insides turn to mush.
"Can I kiss you?" he asks and I feel myself leaning down, then I mentally slap myself and turn away from him.
"Fuck no, it wont be that easy," I growl and grab his wrist, dragging him out of my room and into the hall.
"It was worth a try," he says teasingly and I ignore the way my face muscles want to pull into a smile.
Out here in the hallway is when I hear it, a strange squeaking sound that sounds like a dog's rubber toy. Roxas eyes me curiously when I look back at him and I raise a brow at him before slowly continuing down the hall towards the living room.
Something's you can just never un-see. Like my brother straddling Rude's waist and beating him with a rubber chicken. Rude is actually laughing but my brother is frowning, yet I can see in his eyes that he's really not mad.
"You asshole! I told you not to eat the chocolate mousse in the fridge yo! It was mine! My chocolate mousse!" where he got the rubber chicken, I will never know because we don't have a dog and that is a squeak toy. They don't even notice us as we pass by and Roxas looks extremely disturbed, he's probably never seen anything like this with his prim and proper family. I push him out the door when we get to it and he looks at me, I glare at him and start closing the door.
"Get used to this treatment. I trusted you once and showed you who I was, and look what you did to me," I say and close the door. Reno raises his head over the backrest of the couch like a meercat and his eyes go huge when he sees me.
"You're out of your room yo!" he screams and chucks the rubber chicken half way across the apartment. He bounds over and wraps his arms around me, spinning me around like a freaking ragdoll and I just let him. It feels good to be hugged and comforted though Reno is kind of retarded with the whole soothing thing.
"I thought you were having another…thing or something. I was gonna call Aerith but I didn't and so I didn't know what to do," he says once he puts me down and I stare up at him. He's a tall mother fucker I swear, I mean, I'm really tall and he's still taller.
"So you beat Rude with a rubber chicken?" I say, chuckling softly and pushing every one of my problems into the back of my mind. I don't want to worry Reno; he has enough on his plate with bills, his work and the shit Kairi and I pull already.
"No…are you alright?" he asks and I nod, sending him a smile as I peel his arms off me.
I walk into the kitchen and take out some chocolate milk. If there is anything I need at this moment, it's god damned chocolate milk. I haven't had some in so long; I think I'm suffering from withdrawals.
"You need to start drinking white milk," Reno says and I send him a look filled with viciousness, he raises his arms laughing
"Sorry, sorry!" he says and sends me a smile as he turns to leave, "and Axel, if you ever need anything…I'm only in the room next to the laundry closet yo," he says and leaves. I snort which in turn brings milk up to my nose.
Damn it, I had been doing so well too.
A/N: And what would Nose Milk be without well...nose milk?
Axel's(Zexion's) going to plan revenge, but will he be able to go through with it?
What do you guys think?
Thanks for reading!