Chapter Thirteen: The Burning OF The Headboard
Getting home after being in the hospital for a while is always weird, it feels like something should have changed drastically but nothing really has. I mean, the couches are all in front of the TV still, the kitchen still has the same tiles and over all, it's exactly the same as it's been since we moved in. I don't know why I'd expect to see anything else but I always do anyways, maybe it's just me, I don't know…I'm just insane.
Kairi is sitting on the couch when we walk in, Reno taking my bags to the room and telling me Aerith wants to see me later today, and that he's driving me there. I don't really have enough energy to care, I just want to lie in bed and fucking vegetate, those hospital beds are like sleeping on stone. I walk past Kairi, looking at her like I always do when I see her because I might hate her, but deep down inside I really don't, if you can understand what I'm trying to say. I mean, I hate her for everything she's done but it's not one of those hates that's tangled its roots around every one of my vital organs. It's just a hate that's there, bad enough so that you can feel it but not bad enough to make me want to never talk to her again and wish death upon her. Anyway, when I look at her, I notice she's looking at me and there's tears in her big blue eyes, it sort of crushes me for some reason to see her sitting there all teary eyed but I brush it off and walk into my room, I don't want to ask her what's wrong and end up having her tell me that my being alive is what's wrong.
Reno walks out of my room just as I walk in, I look at him and he smiles, "Try and get some rest, I gotta go to the shop, I'll be back to pick you up around 6," he says and ruffles my flat hair before leaving. I hate when my hair is just flat on my head, I usually hair spray the fuck out of it and tease it just to get it to stand the way I like but now, it's just laying there all limp and lifeless. I realize how weird my hair cut is, and how strange my layers are when it's like this, so I tie it back and put my hood on before I lie down on my bed.
I hear Reno leaving and I close my eyes. I feel so weird, I don't know what exactly it is but I feel like something in my chest, something that used to feel void and dark is now all…filled.
Don't go all sappy and think it's because Roxas told me he likes me, because it's not even that.
Or maybe it is.
I'm not really sure, I mean…my entire life after being fucked over by my father and Uncle I've thought of myself as this disgusting creature that no one would ever love, I've believed it for so long. I mean, Kairi proved to me that even my family could be repulsed by me and at school everyone fucking hates my guts, I thought that I was right. Then Roxas comes along, and sure at first it was fucked up, but now…he likes me. It's really fucking with my head and I don't understand any of it, I mean, why would Roxas Anderson like me? He knows what happened, he knows how I am and yet…he's texting me right now.
I get up and grab my phone, flipping it open and reading his message as I throw myself back onto my bed.
"Hey, can I come over?"
I read it a few times, and furrow my eyebrows because, since when does he ask for permission? He usually is all tough and manly and like,
"Bitch Imma come to yo house, wetha you like it oh nawt."
Okay, yeah, he's never talked to me like that but I can hear it in my head.
I reply, telling him to come over if he really wants and he says he'll be here soon. I toss my phone onto the carpet and hear my door quietly creak open. I shoot up in my bed because after what happened that night, I just can't feel comfortable when my door creaks open. I see a small head of red hair peak in, and my breath catches in my throat when I see Kairi step into my room. She closes the door softly and walks over to me and just drops beside my bed. I look down at her, there's tears drying on her face and more forming in her eyes. My chest feels hollow and my heart…well, it sort of breaks to be honest with you. I clench my jaw shut though, and sit up, scooting away from her and giving her a cold look because before being my sister, she's that bitch Kairi that tried to ruin my life at school by telling people lies, she's that bitch that blames my past on me.
"Get the hell out of here," I hiss and she just shakes her head, sniffling. I hear her mumble something, something quiet and she says it with her face pressed into my comforter. "Kairi, what the hell are you saying?" I ask roughly and I watch her shoulders shake crazily before she lifts her head and looks at me, I can see her world ending in her eyes and that is something terrifying. I'm telling you, you never want to be able to see someone's life crumble in their eyes…it's a horrible experience, being able to see all that raw emotion. I wish for a moment that she would have hidden that.
"You…you wouldn't have said that…t-to me when we were younger," she hiccups, rubbing the mascara away from her eyes viciously and I feel my heart drop to my stomach.
I guess I forgot to mention that Kairi and me…we used to be close. I was her big brother, the one who'd protect her from harm and keep the bad things away. I'd let her curl against me during the night because she was scared of the dark, I'd let her wear my clothes if she was too cold and I'd even let her watch whatever cartoons she wanted in the mornings. That all changed though, the morning I told my mom what my father had done, she attacked him and ended up stabbing him around 6 times before rushing me to the hospital to make sure I was okay. That day all our lives were ruined. I was taken to the hospital, the doctors checked me. It felt all so violating, their gloved fingers prodding and just feeling my shame. When the police went to arrest my father, they found him still alive, holding a pillow against his stab wounds, he told them what had happened and they took my mother away too. We all had to stay with my aunt until Reno turned 18 and he took Kairi and me with him. My aunt didn't fight; she couldn't stand the sight of me.
In Kairi's eyes, I had ruined the family. After that, there were no more Christmas parties, no more Holiday get-togethers in general. Everything ended and the Martinez family fell apart, when our grandparents died no one even called to tell us. Reno found out accidentally because Rude's parents had said something about it and the android ended up giving Reno his condolences, when my brother didn't even know.
"Well…that was then, this is now," I say bitterly and Kairi starts bawling and I mean really crying. Tears are streaming down her face and she's screaming, covering her head and rocking back and forth.
"I'm sorry!" She screams, tugging at her hair, and just dropping onto the carpet on her side, she lays there crying and I just watch because really, there isn't anything I can do right now.
"I'm so sorry Axel!" she sobs, choking on a few tears before sitting up with some difficulty. I look at her when she sits in front of me, her chin quivering and there's even snot dripping out of her nose. I bet she'd die if anyone from school saw her.
"I-I-I know it wasn't your fault…I always knew…I just didn't want to believe it. How could I not know you were telling the truth! The doctors even told us!" she is in absolute hysterics and I'd like to know what exactly brought this all on.
"I just…I always loved dad…he was like a hero to me, and to find out…to find out he was like that…my world crumbled around me Axel…All I wanted was a good family," she looks up at me, her eyes all red and I don't know what to say. So I just keep my mouth shut and look down at my blanket, picking at a loose thread.
"I'm so sorry…" she says quietly and slumps down, hunching over and looking so pathetic. The question is eating at my brain though, the question of why she's doing this all now, why is she apologizing to me now. I decide to ask her, and she looks up at me and maybe it's because I didn't growl or say it angrily. It was just a simple question.
"You were in a coma Axel, I didn't know if you'd ever wake up and…I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt…Reno talked to me…and…I just…I got to thinking," she says yet I can see something else in her eyes, something hidden underneath all the tears and I get scared. I feel fear coiling in my stomach and distrust.
"Are you sure that's the entire reason?" I ask and she looks away like she knows I saw through her lie, she stares straight at the wall opposite of her and her eyes develop this sort of far-away look, like she isn't even looking at the wall anymore but something else.
"I'm pregnant," she says quietly and at first, I think I heard her wrong, at first I hope I heard her wrong and when I stay quiet she turns and looks at me, that far-away look still in her eyes and she looks the saddest I've ever seen her. "And he doesn't even want anything to do with me," she says and I don't know what to do. She's my sister yet I feel the hate still there, like a blanket thrown over me muffling her words and not letting me care as much as I probably should.
"I just had to apologize to you, I couldn't have my conscience chasing me forever," she says and gets up walking out of the room and shutting the door softly. I stare at it for a long time wondering just what in the hell that whole scene was about. She sounded like a woman on her deathbed, correcting all her wrongs just in time for her death and for some reason that scared me just a little. I'd have to tell Reno about Kairi's weird behavior.
I feel my phone vibrate and I look down at it, flipping it open and reading the message.
"Open your god damned door, there is an old lady across the hall trying to get in my pants,"
I smirk as I get off the bed, shoving Kairi into the back of my mind, realizing that I still hate her and probably always will. She's pregnant and it's her own damn fault. I make my way towards the front door, opening it and finding Roxas, smiling awkwardly as my neighbor pinches his cheeks and tells him how adorable he is, and asking if he's positive about not wanting that candy she has in her bedroom. I disguise my chuckle with a cough and Roxas bolts into my house, telling me to close the door now before she comes in. I shut the door and he lets out a long sigh, tossing his head back and drooping his shoulders. I smile at him and he glares as he takes his shoes off.
"Asshole! I was knocking and knocking and you wouldn't open. I told you I was coming over," he says and he has this cute little angry pout, I walk over and just hug him, shutting him the hell up because sometimes…he talks too much.
"Mart-mmph," his voice is muffled by my sweater as I press his head a little harder then necessary against my chest. I actually did want to shove my sweater in his mouth, just to make sure he shuts up.
"Just shut up Roxas," I say and walk him towards my room, still holding him against me so you can imagine how awkward that was, I was walking forward trying not to step on him, and he was walking backwards trying not to trip on his own feet. We sort of wobbled into my room, toppling over once his knees hit my bed, I land on top of him and he grunts, squirming a bit from under me.
"Why are you being so weird?" he asks, his voice a little strained from all my weight crushing his stomach so I prop myself up on my forearms and look down at him.
"What do you mean?" I ask and he raises an eyebrow at me, looking at me like I've smoked one too many crack rocks.
"I don't know…you've been weird since I met you really but now…you're extra weird,"
"Just shut up Roxas," I say, leaning my head down and hiding my face in the crook of his neck. I really don't know what came over me but I just want more then anything to be held right now. Roxas squirms a bit before wrapping his arms around me, running his hands up and down my back soothingly. "If you don't stop that, I'm gonna fall asleep," I grumble, nuzzling my face deeper into the fabric on his shoulder and he chuckles softly, his hands stilling their movements and just resting on me. He keeps squirming so I pull away and look at him; he stops and looks back at me.
"Stop moving so much," I say and he smirks, squirming harder for a second before he stops and wraps his arms around my neck pulling my face towards his until our lips connect, my arms feel like jelly for a second until I remember that I can't let them give out because I'll fall flat onto Roxas and crush him so I brace myself and kiss him back.
Quicker then usual our kiss gets pretty intense, his hands sliding up and under my shirt, his thin cold fingers running along my skin and making me shiver as I bite his lip, pushing my tongue into his mouth and we fight for dominance, which is usually a lot harder. I win easily and instead of questioning it, I enjoy the fact that I'm in charge. I hear him moan from under me, my mind sort of blanks out, my hands grip his sweater and I tug it off his head, he plops back down onto my pillow and I must say…I really like the way his hair fans out on my pillow.
"I came here to talk, but this is just as good," he breathes, a smirk on his face and I roll my eyes, leaning down and biting his neck.
"Shut up, Roxas," I say again and he chuckles, before it's cut off with a moan as I suck harshly on the spot I just bit. He arches up into me, pressing his lithe figure against mine, I can feel the muscles in his stomach, nice and tense press against mine from under the thin t-shirt and I shudder at the feeling. I pull away from his neck just as he rips my sweater and t-shirt off in one movement, my eyes widen as the room's cold air hits my bare torso full force and I glare down at Roxas, him and his t-shirt covered body.
"Gotta be quicker then that, Martinez," he laughs like the dumbass he can be and I tug his shirt over his head, our skin touches and I think I go blind for a second because it just feels so good to have his smooth, warm skin pressed against mine. He grabs my shoulders as I kiss his neck, my lips softly leaving a trail along his collarbone and he groans when I pull away, sitting on my knees in front of him. I stare at his jean button and he props himself up and looks at me, smirking. He licks his bottom lip and I watch him curiously until he drops back onto my pillow and runs his hands down his stomach slowly arching into his own touch, feeling his muscles and I watch, my mouth going dry as he moans softly, his hands stopping right at the button on his jeans, his fingers playing with it for a moment before he pops it open. My breath hitches as he tugs the denim down, shimmying out of them and he's left in his weird little boxer briefs though he looks so damn good in those.
I blink when he sits up and grabs my pants, unbuttoning them quickly and looking up at me while he undoes my belt.
"I really hope your brother isn't home," he says and I just shake my head, looking at the clock that reads 4:30pm. Reno won't be back for a while. "Good," Roxas breathes and pulls my pants down a little; I watch this all and I'm not quite sure what to do since I'm on top of him instead of the other way around. Roxas pauses and looks up at me, his eyes widen a second before he lets out a long breath and laughs, shaking his head.
"You're such a virgin," he says and I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Oh and this is a bad thing?"
"No, no don't get so testy," he laughs at his own pun and I feel like smashing my face into the wooden headboard of my bed. Its weird how I still sleep on a bed with a headboard…maybe I should burn it…that could probably help me bury all my demons. It could be symbolic, the burning of my headboard.
I shoot up off the bed and pull it away from the wall, Roxas is jostled forward and he spins around looking at me like I'm insane.
"What the hell are you doing!" he shouts and I look at him with this crazy smile, rushing out into the hallway towards the closet to get the screw driver. I run back into my room and drop onto my knees right beside my bed, stabbing it into the screws and starting the job of getting rid of my headboard.
"I'm all about silence, but don't you think taking the headboard off is a little extreme?" Roxas says with a smirk and I look up at him blankly, blinking a few times and he slides off the bed, landing beside me and just looking at me. He places his hand over mine and stops it from moving. He suddenly looks serious.
"Axel, are you alright?" he asks quietly and I stare at my shaking hands, realizing the metal of the screw driver is clanking against the headboard's joints.
"I need to burn this," I say and look at him dead serious, feeling tears forming in my eyes and he seems sort of confused. "I have to burn the headboard, I have to get rid of it," I go back to unscrewing it and Roxas reaches for one of the shirts on the floor, it's mine I notice from the corner of my eye but he slips it on anyway. He stands up and goes to the door.
"Do you have another screw driver?" he asks and I nod telling him where it is and a few minutes later he's at the other side of the headboard, helping me remove it.
We get it off and right away I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, I slide it away from the bed and Roxas pushes the bed back up against the wall. I look at it as I hold up the headboard and I know I'll be able to sleep on the bed now that it's gone. I won't have any more night mares. I'll be able to lay with Roxas on it without feeling filthy.
I start dragging the headboard out of the room, and suddenly it gets a lot easier, I look up and see Roxas helping me with a little smile on his face. I look at him wide eyed but don't say anything as we carry the head board out of the room and out of the apartment.
We drag it all the way outside, and I feel the cold air nipping at my bare torso, my pants sliding further down my hips as we drop it right by the dumpster. I look around and see no one; I grab Roxas' hand and rush towards our apartment's garage. I know Reno keeps gasoline in there and it's always unlocked. We stop in front of the garage, the number 1308 over the door and I bend over, lifting it. Once the door is secured and in place I walk into the garage and grab the gasoline and the camping lighter, though it really is just a miniature flame thrower, that's hanging on a hook and we rush out of the garage, the door slamming shut behind us.
I stand in front of the headboard, just staring down at it then start pouring the gasoline all over the wood, Roxas just watches me silently and I hand him the jug of gas after I'm done. He steps back a few feet and I light it. Immediately it goes up in flames, the maple wood burning away to nothing slowly before my eyes. I can hear my 12 year old screams, disguised in the cracks and pops of the fire. I watch the smoke that's carrying with it, all the terrors.
Roxas comes up beside me and slips his hand into mine, lacing out fingers together and we just watch the wood burning. I look down at him and realize that he looks mesmerized by it.
"Thanks," I say and look down at his tiny feet, his toes curled against the cold pavement even in his socks and his pale legs are covered in goose bumps.
"Can I ask?" he whispers, still watching the fire eat away at the headboard hungrily. I decide to tell him, letting go of his hand and wrapping my arm around his shoulder, he nuzzles into my warmth, his tiny hands clutching at my sides and I feel the iciness of his fingers.
"I had to burn it…this is like…I can't really explain but I feel that…by burning this, I can start to burn those painful memories…it sounds so dumb out loud," I say and look away, he squeezes me softly and I look back at him a little reluctantly.
"It's not dumb… I get it. You're like…getting ready to recover…finally," he says almost as if he can totally see why I spazzed out in the room in the middle of our make out session. I look at him, staring into his eyes and I feel my heart start pounding crazily in my chest because he isn't looking at me like I'm crazy, he's looking at me like he understands.
I lean down and kiss him, moving my arm from his shoulder and wrapping it around his waist, pulling him right against me and he doesn't even say anything. He just slips right into my arms like he's made to be there, wrapping his arms around my neck and kissing me back softly. It's so damn cliché, but fuck we fit together like two puzzle pieces. I hate clichés and everything but now I understand what those people mean.
"Thank you," I whisper against his lips with my eyes closed, simply sucking in this feeling. I can hear the fire cracking and hissing in the background and I feel at peace. I feel ready to go see Aerith and tell her that today; I'm going to get better for sure. Never again will I punch a hole through her wall; never again will I wake up screaming. I'm almost sure about this.
"No problem Axel…but can we go inside? I swear my dick like shrunk into my body, it's so fucking cold out," Roxas says and I pull away from him and just stare at him. I think I look disgusted and he starts laughing, a bright blush on his face.
"Yeah, in a bit," I say and Roxas groans before clinging to me more then before, whimpering about the cold as I watch the fire slowly shrink, running out of wood to keep feeding it's hunger and we watch it die, just a black, charred piece of barely recognizable wood left in the fires wake.
I race Roxas back inside, obviously he wins and rubs it in my face once we reach the apartment. He walks in and starts rubbing his arms, trying to get the cold off his skin. Surprisingly the cold doesn't bother me much and I lead him back into my room and I plop onto the bed, Roxas following shortly after.
He curls up against me, shutting his eyes and just laying there with his arm thrown across my chest, breathing softly and I roll over, forcing him to roll onto his back as I hover over him. I watch his face as he looks at me, his big blue eyes simply staring, that warmth in them that's still so new to me. I realize how beautiful he is, his features all soft and for once he doesn't look like an asshole or something like he usually does with his almost permanent scowl that alternates into a smirk every now and again. Something in the back of my mind tells me that maybe; I feel something for Roxas that's a little more then just like. He looks at me, and he smiles that genuine smile that knocks the air right out of my lungs every time and I know for sure that I feel something stronger for him. I just don't want to tell him.
"Are you gonna kiss me or what?" he asks and I smile before leaning down and pressing my lips against his, kissing him softly and sliding my hands down his sides, liking the fact that he's wearing my shirt a lot for some reason and soon my palms are touching his still cold thighs, he slides his legs open, creating a little space for me to slip in-between them and I do. I push the material of my shirt up as I kiss him; he wraps his legs around my waist and grinds our hips together, groaning deeply in his throat and right away I know I'm about as turned on as I've ever been.
"Axel," he says softly, pulling away and looking at me, I stare into his eyes and he's smiling as he tucks stray pieces of hair that've fallen out of my pony tail behind my ear. It's an oddly feminine gesture but it's gentle and I feel the caring seeping right into my skin whenever he touches me. "Axel, I don't want us to have sex," he says and I furrow my eyebrows together, feeling his boner pressing into my stomach completely contradicting him.
"Oh," I say before pulling away only to be stopped by him and he wraps his arms around my neck, shaking his head.
"I don't want us to have sex, or fuck…or whatever…I want us to, uhm…to do something maybe that means more then that," he says and the blush burning his cheeks is almost brighter then my hair. I look down at him, catching on to his meaning and I blink a few times.
"Oh…yeah, yeah I want that to," I say and he smiles probably the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face.
"Fuck Axel, I…" and he's cut off with Reno barging into my room, and he just waltz in, walking over to my dresser and throwing it open.
"Yo, do you have that red shirt I wanted," Reno says, looking through the hangers and Roxas looks at him, glaring at his back and I just stay frozen on top of Roxas, his thighs pressing against my skin and Reno turns around when he's met with silence, when he turns around his eyes go huge and his jaw drops.
"Holy shit Axel!" He shouts and Roxas just plops onto the bed, almost like his limbs turned to jelly, letting go of me while I stay on all fours over him.
"Where is your headboard?" Reno continues and I stare at him, eyes wide and eyebrows just so high up on my forehead. Roxas starts laughing, that crazy kind of laugh that's caused by frayed nerves and just insanity. I laugh too, while Reno just looks confused.
"Whatever man, hurry and get dressed. Oh and hey Roxas," Reno says while leaving my room, the red shirt he was looking for in his hand as he shuts my door.
"Your brother is definitely messed up," Roxas say and I look at him, laughing a little still, my heart pounding crazily in my chest.
"He is…but what were you going to say?" I ask and Roxas shakes his head, pushing me off of him and grabbing his pants, sliding them on quickly and smiling at me when I pout as he buttons them. He shifts a little uncomfortably and I realize that's because he had to jam his junk into his tight pants, I swallow the loud laugh that bubbles in my throat.
"Don't worry about it. Get dressed, I'll see you tomorrow," He walks over to me, kisses my forehead and pats my crotch, making me hiss and he laughs loudly.
"Might wanna get rid of that before you leave here," he says and leaves my room, telling me he was coming by around 6:30pm to get me tomorrow night and I just stare at the door when he shuts it.
Why does it always seem like I'm left with a hard-on whenever Roxas walks out on me?
A/N: Nose Milk is close to it's end Kiddies.
It pains me to say that, but it's true.
Got a few things to wrap up, and then...ta da!
But there will be a few more chapters, so keep your pants on x]
Sorry this update took so long!
Now I gotta work on TCaTR
Urgh v__v
OH AND, BIOLOGY EXAM ON MONDAY D:
Shiiiiiiiiit.