"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been."

― Kurt Vonnegut

Harry POV

That day was...let us say, interesting. Everyone was gathered that morning with the express purpose of meeting The Boy Who Lived's sket of a girlfriend. If it weren't for the crowds looking out for her, I don't think I would have noticed her slip into the Great Hall. Her brows furrowed, creasing together. Her hair cascaded down her robed back, falling loose from her pony and contrasting with the snow-white skin of her face, her features markedly different in colour to their background. Chalk white, raspberry red and pure black. Colours I usually associated with ice-cream, especially when combined. Features aristocratic, yet worn with a sense of defeat. I swear, it was like someone yelled "FREE GALLEONS!". Heads snapped in her direction, whispers grew gradually louder with pointed stares changing direction between the two of us. She made her way to the Gryffindor table, where I was sitting with Ron, Hermione and Neville. "Who the bloody hell is she, Hermione?" Came Ron's ever eloquent inquiry.

"She will tell you Ron, keep your hair on, for Merlin's sake!"

Then, before I knew it, she was sat in front of me. You could literally hear the entire hall hold their breath. Waiting for their own personal soap opera to begin.

"Hey Lila." Came Hermione's ever too chirpy morning voice.

"Hermione." Was Lila's relatively curt reply with an equally curt nod.

"So, what's your name?" That valiant attempt at flirting was courtesy of Ron.

"Honestly Ronald, I've just said it!"

"Lila, Lila Riddle." She was looking at him in a most curious manner. Seemingly slightly scared and unused to having people talk to her in such a way. Either way, none of those eavesdropping bastards saw that one coming. Merlin, it was like someone set off a bomb. Faces were rid of their smiles, and instead replaced with looks of pure terror, intermingled with shock and terror. Of course, from those who knew Voldermort's actual identity. Ron's jaw almost hit the floor he was so surprised. Lila's facial expression became glazed with hints of horror, pain and disgust.

"As in...HIM?" Came his extremely loud stage-whisper, suitable for the Royal Albert without microphones. Before she could answer, along came the Ferret...

Lila POV

I'm not going to lie. A large part of me was terrified when the red haired, freckled boy opened his mouth. I prepared myself for poisonous words and dangerous spells. For pain and anger. But instead, I was greeted with stupidity and bad flirting. It was...for want of a better word...flabbergasting. How anyone could possibly perceive that ridiculous blubbering framed with arrogance as attractive was beyond me. Bordering on idiotic, wait, why am I saying bordering. Just idiotic. I can in no way blame Hermione for her reaction. Actually, I am surprised she wasn't more frustrated with him as it was an almost perfect example of imbecilic behaviour.

"Lila, Lila Riddle." I would be lying if I were to say that I was not interested to see his reaction, along with the hundreds of others listening in. McGonagall had informed me that not many people knew of His real name. *A cold flash, chilling me to the bone. A glimpse of pale skin and brown hair. Red eyes and aristocracy. Pain and screams. Tears and a high laugh. Feeling like I was being ripped in half.* I snapped out of it. Wondering if anyone had noticed my surely glazed and horrified look. I looked around, seeing confusion, hatred and stunned expressions on the faces of those around me. Confusion, for those who knew not of their nemesis' true identity. Hatred, for those who had lost from his regime. Stunned expressions, for those who had never heard that He had sired a child.

"As in...HIM?" Yet again, that boy seemed to be extremely thick.

From behind me came a cold sneer I recognised. A sneer that was synonymous with pain. Synonymous with violation.

"Little Lila. I haven't seen you in a while. It's a pity, we have so much fun when we get together." My breath caught in my throat. Blocking the words. I hated him with such fury, I would have thought it impossible. He was an exhibitionist. His friends always there to get a piece of the action. And most of them enjoyed it. Except for one. Dark skinned, and slightly accented. Slight disgust was always present on his face, but no one can deny the Dark Lord. Or someone completing tasks directly ordered by him.

"Leave her alone Malfoy."

"Do you know of our little exploits Potter? I doubt you'd touch her if you did." Harry Potter. Why the hell was he standing up for me? My mind was going a mile a minute. Everything I had done, everything that had been done to me. If I hated myself that much for it. How could I expect anyone else to react any differently. *Screams and spells. Glazed eyes and involuntary actions. Intrusion and regret.* Concentrate! I yelled at myself internally.

"Should I tell him Lila? Tell him of the times I shared you with my friends? Of the tutelage we gave you on the art of blowing? What about..." He was cut off by the boy who seemed intent on becoming the poster boy for chivalry.

"Shut up!"

"Oh, but we are having such a lovely conversation. Just wait a second...Hey Crabbe, Goyle! Look who we have here!" He yelled at his eavesdropping cronies. They came closer, pretending to not know what was happening.

"What?" Grunted Crabbe.

"Yeah, what's up?" Came Goyle, complete with a chin jut.

*Laughter, repetitive yet different. Deep, monotone, cool and as sharp as a knife. Movement everywhere, approaching my prone form. Pain, slicing through me, coming from my very core. Another burst of agony, my screams muffled as someone entered my mouth. A watchful eye on the back of my neck. Unused to what it was seeing, and wishing never to witness it again. But there was nothing that eye could do, nor it's possessor. The breathing around me quickened, it was almost over...*

"You remember Lila, don't you?" Malfoy's question was snide and laced with arrogance.

"Of course. So, Lila, have you had any...interesting customers lately?"

"Watch your mouth Ferret." Surprisingly, that comment was courtesy of Ron. I may not like the boy, but there is no doubting that he is worthy of his house.

"And what are you gonna do about it, Weasel?" What is it with these people and rodents? First Ferret, then Weasel, what's next, Racoon?

"You wanna try me?"

"Shut up! I'm sick and tired of your bloody bitching!" Astoundingly, that one was me.

"Ooh, little Lila has a potty mouth, and a temper. Maybe you can teach wee Potter a thing or two. You know, help him loose his V-card."

"Go away Malfoy." Invoked Potter.

"Oh, I will. Just remember this Lila. The Dark Lord knows you're here, and He is not pleased with you in the slightest. He will take great pleasure in letting us play with you again, so watch out." And off he stalked, his Ork followers trotting after him like little lap dogs...

Draco POV

It made me sick. Thinking of what I had done, trading my life for hers. I remember every expression we caused that marred her face. From relief, to sadness, to agony and regret. We could have done something. We should have done something. Blaise wouldn't even get involved, not that I can blame him. His family is pretty neutral. His Mother's life didn't hang in the balance, along with his and that of his Father's. I love Blaise, in a completely platonic manner of course, but in that moment I was so jealous. He could refuse. Tag along, but not participate. I may be many things, but I never thought that I would be able to add rapist to that list. We only get one chance to live our lives, and I had already scattered mine into tiny pieces, making me unable to move past that. I was stuck under His rule. My family had followed the Dark for generations, more than I could keep track of. In the Pureblood world, you don't say no. Your family is your top priority. Reputations matter. Every move you make is noted and remembered. There is no room for error.

And I failed.

I tried to say no, I really did, but next to Him, I am weak. I am nothing. Sure I have friends who are in the same position, Pansy and Theo just to name a few. They don't want to be here. They, like me, believe in what He is preaching, but we can't stomach the pain, the torture, the rape, the murder used to reach the means.

What I had to do tore me apart. My soul was broken, as was my mind. But the act want even the worst part. They enjoyed it. Crabbe and Goyle were having the time of their bloody lives. Her pain had spurred them on, until their faces were contorted with such joy, I could barely look at them. When the world we live in forces fifteen year old boys to...violate a girl barely their own age, something has to be done. Then to be told that she would be joining us at Hogwarts. I hoped to forget her face. To forget what I had done, although I knew I would never be able. I can't say I was surprised when I found out she would be joining Gryffindor. At least that gave me a reason to be less than civil towards her, but when I saw her walking into the hall, I was reminded. I had my duty to do. It is not simple to turn away. I had instructions. Make her life hell. Help break her so that she has no choice but to return. Do whatever you have to, from beating to blackmail to rape. Find her weakness and obliterate it.

Do what has to be done, no matter how sick it makes you.

I would be lucky if I managed to get her to break before I did. Guilt consumed my every movement, until I was scared there would be nothing left.

Lila POV

Despite my earlier outburst, my heart was in my throat, too afraid to move. I hated those men with every fibre of my being. They consume, injure and break, all the while taking pride in their every action, no matter what the repercussions on others. Do you know what it's like when your too afraid to ask for a sip of water? Too sore to move a single muscle? Too oppressed to be allowed a moments free rest? They broke me, then I pieced myself back together fraction by fraction. Then the cycle repeated itself, so many times, before I was left with a casing harder than titanium alloy, infused with diamonds. But building yourself back up takes time. During which you are too vulnerable to even comprehend. During which they attack your soul. Leaving you an empty shell, with a shield too hard to break down so that you can fix yourself. And that is what I am, but I hope, that in time, I can be fixed.

? POV

She looked so beautiful standing there. Her hair tangling and falling out of it's simple bobble. I would have been mesmerised, had I not known who and what she was. A blade, honed by the wizarding worlds finest, only to be stolen. We would have her back, and she would not join the Light. She belonged to the Dark, with her family and those she needs to trust. I would do anything for the Dark Lord, but given what she is, I'm not sure I could ever trust her. She is powerful, of that there is no doubt. Meant as a knife, she could easily be turned into a nuclear bomb. All that is needed is realisation and training. But there is a reason why my Master never trained her. She is unpredictable, has a conscience. We needed to break her so that she would know where her loyalties lie.

As promised, here is the chapter. Birthday wishes? In the form of reviews? Oh and does anyone get the ASDF reference in my new sign off for the end of my chapter. It will be at the end of every one. Finally, should I write about Lila's life PRIOR to this story in sporadic chapters, or as a separate story?

~sorry about the llama's~