May 18nd, 2008

You people need a hobby.

Really. I'm out there, swinging in my pretty tights, savin' the free world as we know it, and all you can do is send me messages bitching at the fact that I haven't blogged in months. Well, excuse me! Let me fix my nerd glasses and get my bowtie, so I'm in the proper freakin' blogging mood.

Jeez.

So, I've been good. Life's been hectic. Not that you care.

So, let's see, what can I interest your dumb little brains on today...hrm?

Ooh. Got one.

You idiots watch Bugle News? Jameson decided to try a freakin' television show, since people don't know his ugly face well enough or something like that. Well, who is always the talk of the show? Yours truly.

Anyway, Jameson talks about me and how I'm the reason for the polar bears dying up north and blah blah blah. And then they get to the footage and make fun of me when I get beat up, and then they blame me when I win and make me a conspirator or something. So, they show the footage, and--hrm...I don't have a link to it. Here, this is how it was:

Doc Ock: I hate you, you're annoying, go die.

Me: Evil will never triumph, Doctor Octavius! I, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, will defeat yoU!

Doc Ock: I still hate you, and you're still annoying, and now I'm going to kill you

Me: I will foil your evil plans and stop you from...doing whatever you're doing!

Okay, so it didn't go down like that exactly. But Basically I kicked Ock's ass, and if his metal arms had asses, I would've kicked those, too. But I got my web fluid inside his handy-dandy tentacles, and it completely messed with the wiring inside those things. It was a work of pure genius on my part. Then again, I am pure genius, so no one should be surprised.

So I finish up with Doc Ock, wave to the cameras in my face, and go off thinking I did something good for humanity. But then I watch Jameson's news show. And Doc Ock, apprently, got away before he could be taken in. So I'm like great, that's just great. He's hard enough to beat once!

I spent two days trying to find this guy. Two days! And I was working on no sleep and a hotdog from the stand on Seventh Avenue.

And then he's robbing a bank across the street. I have good timing with stuff like that.

Octavius saw me, and threw a brick at me. Where he got a brick, I have no idea. I dodged it, and taunted him with, "Ock, I dunno what's worse, your aim or your haircut!" He pulled the whole, "You won't be laughing after I kill you and drape your body over the Brooklyn Bridge!" spiel. I just nodded. Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. And then, guess who I see at the bank.

Jameson.

This guy needs to get a hobby, too.

Octavius saw where my eyes were, and he instantly grabbed Jameson. "Put him down, Octopus!" I shouted at him.

Octavius just laughed, squeezing Jameson with a tentacle. Jameson was bright red. He had wads of cash in dufflebags, so he darted out of the bank with Jameson in hand. But not before whacking me in the head with a tentacle, sending me to the floor. (What the hell, spider-sense?)

I wasn't completely unconscious, but I was out of the game. And so is Jameson. Jameson hasn't been seen since.

COMMENTS:

(subj: none)

Jameson's gone? Why aren't you throwing a party?

John-nay Storm

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(RE: subj: none)

Shut the hell up, Flame-for-Brains

Honestly.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man