I'm angry.
At what, I actually have no idea, to be truthfully honest.
Christian was by side the entire morning, and I spent the entire morning being cranky at everything. I could feel it myself but I did nothing to stop myself.
My fifty shades was extremely tolerant with all of my ranting, allowing me the selfish delight of ordering him around, asking him to bring me water and throwing a temper tantrum when someone else tried to do it for him. He would smile and hand me a glass of water, or tell me joke as he peels an apple for me.
But when I had refused to cooperate with the nurse when she came in for her check-up on me, Christian had put his foot down.
He had gone strict on me.
With a solemn face, he ordered me to cooperate and when I resisted, he simply stared at me with his cold hard gaze until I finally gave in.
His warm smile made everything worth it.
It was evening soon and Christian had brought me some chicken stew that Mrs Jones had made for dinner, much to the annoyance of the nurse who had brought me the hospital dinner. Christian merely brushed off her lecture on the hospital protocol and when she huffed and stalked out, we both shared a laugh.
'How much have I missed that sound, Ana.' He murmured as he cupped my face with the palm of his hand and I snuggled into it. Happiness bubbled within me and I settled back into my pillows while Christian continued to spoon-feed me the rich chicken stew.
As I closed my eyelids, savoring the taste of the thick stew in my mouth, I suddenly gagged.
The face of a man surfaced and this time I recognized it. Jack Hyde.
As I vomited out what I had just eaten onto the hospital sheets, I began to remember what had happened to me. It was all in fragments, a little bit and it would be cut off abruptly.
After dry-heaving for quite a while, Christian called for the nurse, his grey eyes never leaving my figure.
The nurse came scrambling in, and after realizing it was not an emergency but just cleaning, she was not exactly pleased.
Fresh new sheets were put in place and Christian sat down on the bed beside me.
'Sorry, I guess it was too much for a patient, I'll ask Gail to make it thinner next time-'
I cut him off on his apology and his eyes instantly flew to look into mine, grey orbs full of barely disguised concern and worry.
'Christian. What happened to me at the hands of-' I choked, unable to bring myself to say his name.
Grey eyes teared up and Christian pulled me into his arms, slightly shaking.
Putting my hand around him, I hugged him tight, ignoring the pain in my ribs as I squeezed my husband tighter.
Mine. Christian was mine.
I breathed in his scent, freshly laundered linen, clean and crisp.
'Oh Ana. Everything's fine. You're here now, I'm here. Everything's going to be fine.' Christian murmured into my hair and I realised he was actually crying. Over me.
'What ha-happened to m-me, Christian?' I stammered, both anticipating and dreading the answer.
'He-He hit you, and he kicked you and he -uh he- 'he choked, holding back his sobs and I felt my heart shatter just hearing him in such a state.
Oh my fifty. My poor fifty.
'What else did h-he do to me ,Christian?' I mustered up my courage to ask him, trying to hide my fear.
'He raped you, Ana. That's why we lost Blip.' He spat out, as if the words were poison to him.
I guess in a way it was, to me. The moment I heard them I felt my heart turn to dust.
No way. It couldn't have happened. No way. No Fucking Way.
'No no no no no….tell me it isn't true.' I muttered as I pushed Christian away and looked into his eyes, praying he would laugh and tell me it was a joke.
His sad eyes told me all I needed to know.
Jack Hyde had raped me.
Laughter burst out of me faster than I could comprehend it. Suddenly, everything was hilarious. I giggled loudly, bordering manically. I looked at Christian and laughed loudly but he just looked at me, sadness evident in his eyes.
'I'm sorry Ana. I said I would protect you. I'm sorry.' He sobbed as he held my hand to his forehead and I felt the laughter die in my throat and sobs ripped through me. I cried and cried, and soon, I could not remember anything else.
All I could recall was Christian's strangled voice saying 'I'm sorry, Ana.'.