Title: Two Words.
Continuity: 'The Convention'. (Season Three's 2nd episode.)
Song: 'Other side of the world', by KT Tunstall. (Fragment.)
Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.
Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Drabble. Pam's POV. A little bit longer than previous, yet not so long as I would have wanted it to be. (The first two lines belong to the conversation that Pam has with Michael on the phone.)
"Hi, Pam."
"Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. Very good, talk to you later. Bye."
Today, I was able to hear his voice for a moment. I can't believe it.
For a brief moment-just a second-my heart stopped and I was breathless.
For a brief moment, Michael's phone patched me through to the man I love. Even if he wasn't alone, even if he wasn't able to tell me more than two words, even if those two words were insignificant and totally normal, I still felt like I had been given a surprise present.
For a brief moment, while I heard his voice, I could see him clearly in my mind and I couldn't help but smiling at the memories. I could see his green eyes, his features, his messy brown hair and his smile, and all the little gestures and details that made him who he is, and it made me feel better realizing that I remembered him precisely. I hadn't forgotten him at all, and I was pretty sure I could never do that.
For this brief moment, I imagined that he missed me as much as I missed him. I imagined that he loved me as much as I loved him.
And can you still love me,
when you can't see me anymore…?
Of course, that illusion only lasted a few seconds, since I immediately remembered that he wasn't here and that if he loved me, he would have never left.
Please, Pam! A little voice in my head whispered. Did you expect him to stay here and watch you marry someone else? What would have you done in his situation?
My conscience was right. Maybe he did love me, but it was too painful to see me with Roy and that was why he ran away.
Because he didn't just leave- he ran away.
But… what now? I wondered. Does he still love me? Could he?
With my happiness and my future depending on it, I really, really hoped he could.
For God's sake! I thought while I slowly, very slowly hang up the phone and sighed. A simple phone call shouldn't affect me this much.
But it does. I can't help it.
For a brief moment, I wished he was happy wherever life had led him, because he deserved the best.
But then I was overwhelmed by the desire that he needed me to be happy.
Love is selfish. So, so selfish.