Chapter 1
"Andraste's tits Carver, you could try slapping a smile on your face, for her sake," Gavin snarled. "Everything we've done gets mother one step closer to reclaiming what she lost. Yet all you can think to do is whine and complain and pass judgement on everything we do. If you have a better idea, then speak up or do something to help."
"When exactly should I do that?" Carver snapped in return. "While you're out taming mighty Kirkwall? I didn't want this life, and mother didn't want it until we got dumped here."
"It was her decision to come here," Gavin tried desperately to hold on to his temper. "How could she know that Gamlen would turn out to be a thief and a liar?"
"And you backed her up," Carver shouted. "You're just pissed because you have to keep dodging templars everywhere we go. Without you, mother and I could actually build a normal life for a change."
"Boys, please, don't fight," Leandra pleaded as she joined them. "We are family and we must stick together, no matter what. I've already lost so much, I don't want to lose either of you."
Gavin clamped his lips tight and turned away, casting one final glare at his brother. Whistling to Fang, he headed for the door of Gamlen's hovel. He paused and turned back for a final parting shot. "There's nothing stopping you from moving on Carver. You're just too much of a fucking coward to do it."
Slamming the door behind him, Gavin paused just outside to take a couple of deep breaths. It seemed no matter what he did, Carver was determined to lay blame for all their problems at his feet. He shouldn't have expected anything different, his brother had always been like this. It was times like this that he missed Bethany the most. He had always been able to talk out his frustrations with her and she never judged him for it or held it against him. Losing her had been like losing the better half of his soul. Perhaps a few drinks and some rounds of cards with Varric would make a good substitute.
Having decided that, he headed for the Hanged Man. He moved quickly down the street, ignoring the stares and comments directed at him as he passed. Most everyone who lived in Lowtown knew who he was and that he'd worked for the Red Iron. That knowledge and the presence of his mabari kept the troublemakers away. Entering the pub, he headed for the second floor, only to be stopped short.
"He's not here serah," Norah told him as she approached.
"Do you know where he went?" Gavin said, hiding his annoyance.
"Yes, he said he would be in Hightown visiting the elf," Norah smiled.
Pulling out his coin purse, he handed some coin to her. "Bring me a couple of bottles of your finest whiskey please."
He waited at the counter while Norah fetched the requested items. He looked around the tavern and noticed that there were quite a few patrons for this early in the day. Apparently he wasn't alone in his need to drown his troubles. Thanking Norah, he took his leave and headed off to Hightown.
As he walked, he thought back to the night he had met the elf, surprised to realize that had been a week ago. The little job for Anso had turned out to be more complicated than expected. The elf named Fenris had expressed his thanks for the help, but also his distrust and dislike for mages. He'd not wanted to get into it that night and so they had parted ways for the moment. He'd meant to go back and have a talk with Fenris at some point, for no other reason than the fact that the elf was a tremendous fighter and would be an asset on their Deep Roads venture.
Don't lie to yourself, you were attracted to the elf from the start, his conscience niggled him. It was true and that bothered him. He'd never felt such an instant lust for someone before in his life. Having had to hide for most of his life didn't leave any room for any kind of entanglements, romantic or otherwise, so he'd always sought out whores when he needed something more than his own hand. He had no idea how to go about approaching someone in a more normal fashion.
He realized with a start that he was outside the mansion Fenris was staying at. He'd been so caught up in his private thoughts that he'd hadn't realized where he was. Hesitating only briefly, he knocked loudly on the door. He waited for a couple minutes and knocked again. He'd just lowered his hand when the door opened and he found himself face to face with the dwarf.
"Hawke," Varric said in surprise, "wasn't expecting to see you here."
Gavin held up the bottles, "Thought I'd buy you a drink or two but Norah told me you were here, so here I am."
Varric saw that the smile the mage gave him didn't reach his eyes and merely nodded and stepped back to allow the man and his dog to enter. "Fenris and I were just talking about you."
"Really," Gavin drawled. "I hope you didn't embellish the stories too much. I don't think the elf would be as appreciative as your usual audience."
"Actually, we were talking about how he might be of use to you," the dwarf chuckled. "He still feels that he owes you for your help, especially since you refused to take his money."
"How could I Varric?" Gavin frowned. "I need to raise the coin for our venture, but I don't want to put anyone in the poor house as I go about it. I know just how important having money in this city is."
"Ain't that the truth," Varric nodded as they climbed the stairs to the second floor.
Fenris hid his suprise as the dwarf walked through the door with Hawke. He had been thinking about the man, correction mage, who'd helped him, trying to reconcile his past experience with others of his kind. Nothing in Hawke's words or manners suggested someone with evil intentions, but he wasn't ready to trust any mage. Varric had told him some of what Hawke had been through recently, probably hoping to ease his concerns enough to make him agreeable to working with Hawke.
"Hello Fenris," Gavin greeted as he placed the bottles on the low table next to the fireplace. "Do elves in Tevinter drink? I hope so as I don't like drinking alone."
"Uhm, yes, it's been known to happen," Fenris said in confusion, wondering at the mood the mage was in.
"Something tells me you're not here just to shoot the shit and play cards," Varric said as he watched Hawke poor three hefty glasses.
"Why not? You're very good at it," Gavin smiled at the dwarf.
"You can't kid a kidder Hawke," Varric admonished. "You've got a bee in your bonnet about something. If I have to guess, it's junior that's the cause."
"Junior?" Fenris puzzled.
"He means Carver, my kid brother," Hawke said sourly. "The boy's being an ass as usual and I had to leave before I did something to really upset mother."
"What's his problem anyway?" Varric said crossly. "My older brother wouldn't give a shit if I up and died tomorrow as it would just mean more of the family wealth for him. Carver should be glad that he's got someone like you watching his back."
"Yeah, right," Hawke snorted and gulped down his first glass and poured some more. "He bitches about everything and yet doesn't put forth a single opinion or idea. Of course if he did and something went wrong then he'd have no one to point the finger at."
"Why do your brother and you not get along?" Fenris asked.
"I guess I should tell you how we ended up in Kirkwall in the first place, if you're going to understand the root of the problem," Gavin frowned. Taking a deep breath, he launched into a brief summary of his family and their life before the blight and after.
Fenris watched the play of emotions running across the mage's face as he listened to the story of a relatively happy family torn about by war. It was a familiar one that he'd heard several times before. What surprised him was to hear that they were a family of apostates running and hiding from templars. He saw just how deeply the loss of his sister affected Hawke. He also saw clearly that everything Hawke was doing was for his mother, not himself or his brother. The first bottle was gone and the second had a good dent in it by the time Hawke finished the tale.
"It seems to me that it's your brother who has the problem not you," he said finally after a long period of silence. "If he's unhappy with the way his life is going, then he should change it."
"Unfortunately, alot of the fault can be laid at my mother's feet," Gavin slurred out. He was feeling warm and fuzzy and cared not one whit about what he said. "Carver always felt left out of things, especially when father, Bethany and I would be at our studies. Not having magical talent herself, mother often left us alone and went about doing the things that mother's do best. She often asked Carver for help and having nothing else to do, he helped her. More than once I heard him being teased for being a momma's boy and I've broken a few noses defending him. Not that I'd ever tell him that, it would just make him resent me more."
"Yeah, the elf here commented on the fact that you seem to prefer carrying daggers to a staff," Varric chuckled.
"I'm sure I don't have to remind you that drawing attention by using magic isn't the best idea in the world," Gavin snorted. "The world is full of scum that prey on the weak or the helpless, and I decided early on that I would learn how to defend myself and my family and not rely on my magic to do it. Wouldn't want to attract the wrong kind of attention."
"If you could give up your magic, would you do it?" Fenris asked.
"Can't say for sure," Gavin shrugged. "It's not like magic isn't useful. Being able to heal injuries that would otherwise be mortal does have it's appeal."
"But, the constant threat from demons and templars would be gone," Fenris pointed out.
"Funny you should mention demons," Gavin suddenly laughed. "I remember father telling us stories about how the demons lurk in the fade and talk to mages in their dreams, tempting them with power or sex or wealth and such. But, I've never been bothered by them."
"Never?" Varric started. "I thought that all mages were vulnerable when they sleep."
"I'm something of an exception," Gavin said, staring into the flames in the fireplace. "I asked father about it and he decided to research it, see if he could find an answer."
"Did he? Find an answer I mean," Fenris prodded.
"He told me the only thing he could find was that there have been mages from time to time who were so strong willed that they were practically immune to the falsehoods put forth by demons. He never said why or how, but it had been known to happen." By this point, Gavin was feeling tired and sleepy and less in the mood to talk.
"It's been my experience that everyone has a price and everyone can be tempted," Fenris told them.
"I remember something I read once," Varric mused. "It was some piece of romantic smut involving a mage and his love for a noble woman. The story went that the mage was a shining example of the best of them, but his all consuming love for this woman was his downfall. He wanted her so badly that his dreams were filled with visions of the two of them making wild, passionate love. He ended up making a deal with a demon to gain her love and it all ended badly. See, she'd been married to a powerful noble and the mage lured her to breaking her vows of marriage. The noble had her executed and the mage was made Tranquil for his crimes. It was just a story, but you have to wonder if something like that could really happen."
"So, as long as I don't ever fall in love, I have nothing to worry about," Gavin chuckled.
"Problem solved," Varric laughed as well. "What say we play some cards and forget our troubles for a while. Sound good?"
Fenris and Gavin nodded and the talk turned to lighter subjects. Later, when Gavin was passed out on a spare bed and Varric had left, Fenris found himself sitting beside the mage and studying him as he slept. Hawke seemed to be the kind of person that took the weight of the world on his shoulders and only complained when he was three sheets to the wind. It was the kind of noble character that you usually found only in stories. Could it be that he had finally found a truly good hearted mage? The idea seemed too far fetched so he shrugged it off and left the room. Only time would tell if it was true or not.