CHAPTER VIII.

Forever.

Caroline pushed him away suddenly, memories flooding her mind.

"No, wait" she said. "This isn't right."
"On the contrary" he said, breathing hard. "I think it's the best thing that has happened to me in a long time."

Caroline's eyes filled with tears, and Stefan stopped smiling and looked worried at her.

"Caroline?"

"I have to go" she said, standing up and releasing his hand. "Sorry, I…"
"Hey, what's wrong?" he rose, trying to catch her hand again to soothe her, but she dodged him.
"I have to go."

She walked away briskly, feeling as if she was drowning all over again, and as if that feeling of fear would never go away. Because she did not know what happiness was anymore. Because she was scared of being happy.

"So, you scared her" Damon said, folding his arms as Stefan picked up some empty plastic cups that were on the floor. The party was finally over and Damon had just learned that Caroline had left in the middle of it.
"What? I didn't scare her, I just…"
"Then what the hell did you do for her to leave just like that?" Damon asked, rubbing his eyes.
"I…" Stefan looked at his brother from the corner of the eye, wondering whether telling him or not. "I kissed her."

Damon opened his eyes and looked at him with raised eyebrows in surprise.

"You what?"
"I don't know what is happening to me, okay? She was there, and… Damon, she has an effect on me that I can't understand or control" Stefan ran his hand over his face, letting out a sigh.
"I wonder why" Damon muttered, looking away. However, Stefan was able to hear him perfectly.
"What did you say?"

Damon looked at him with tightened jaw. He seemed to be having a mental dilemma, torn between opening his mouth and telling the truth, regardless of the consequences that it would entail, or remaining quiet.

"Don't you find it a bit weird?" he snapped, unable to contain himself. Stefan frowned and looked at him with a questioning look. "Isn't it strange that you have this kind of… strange connection with her? Isn't it strange that without knowing her at all, you feel that something pushes you towards her, that you should be with her? That she makes you happy just spending time with her? That you want to be around her all the time? That she's the only one who is able to calm you when your ripper side shows up? Damn it, Stefan, think!"

Stefan looked intently at Damon, surprised. Damon pursed his lips, realizing what he had just done. Although he was not sure that he regretted it.

"Spit it out" Stefan said, realizing that there was something odd about everything. Damon opened his mouth without saying a word.
"Forget it" he finally said, thinking that Caroline was going to kill him.
"You're hiding something, so I suggest you tell me, Damon."

Stefan took a step towards him, his gaze fixed on him, with a serious face. Damon stared back at him, thinking about the possibilities. Who he was kidding? He knew that sooner or later, he would end up telling him everything. He wanted to. He opened his mouth, ready to do it once and for all.

"Damon" Bonnie said.

Stefan turned to the brunette and Damon looked over his brother's shoulder at her. She looked at him, giving him a warning look.

"Can you help me in the kitchen? Enzo refuses to watch the dishes" she said after clearing her throat. Damon snorted.
"Sure" he said, rolling his eyes. Bonnie nodded. Damon walked past Stefan, but the latter took his arm.
"Damon, we're not done" he said.
"Forget it, okay? I'm half drunk, I don't even know what I'm saying" Damon said, pulling away to follow Bonnie.

Stefan clenched his jaw and looked at the floor. He patted the pocket of his jeans and pulled his phone out, but then he realized that he did not have her phone number.

The next morning, Damon sat on his bed after having called her for the fourth time. He could not reproach her, though. She had her right. Maybe it was time to let go, to give up with that stupid mission of acting as Cupid between Caroline and his brother. He had tried, in part because he felt guilty for all the times that Stefan had been unhappy because of him; in part because he felt that he owed it to Caroline after the last years and having hidden the truth when Stefan left.

His gaze landed on the wardrobe, half open, and noticed for the first time something on the top shelf. He frowned, standing up, and walked until he stood in front of the furniture and was able to grab the box. Now he remembered. When he had been moving Stefan's boxes from one side to another, not knowing where to put them, he had to have forgotten one there.

He turned it over the mattress to drop everything that was inside. It did not have only journals, but also photographs and other things that symbolized memories of Stefan and Caroline and that he did not know anything about. Except for the small box with the engagement ring.

Stefan had wanted to marry Caroline, and although the first time he saw the ring, he thought the idea was a little stupid considering that they were vampires, he thought that he was starting to understand. To understand them. And to understand what they had.

He shook his head, letting out a sigh, taking one of the photographs in which Caroline and Stefan appeared together. He had never seen Stefan so happy. He took one of the journals randomly and opened it. After reading some pages in which his brother had written about the spell and the memory loss, he found a piece of text that caught his attention.

I remember, and I wish I could not forget, the moment in which I realized once again, that the wait was worthy. That she would always be worthy. Because when she said that I made her happy, I knew again that she was the one. I knew that I would not mind spending my whole eternity by her side, that I did not care about being a vampire anymore if that meant being with her forever. She saved me, in every way, in every sense someone can save a person. And I need to write it because I need to remember it, and know that she appeared just when I needed her. Being there, showing me that loving and being loved is not impossible, or hard, or bitter. She gave meaning to everything. She was the calm in my storm, despite putting my world upside down. I know that no one, ever, will be able to make me happy as she did. Caroline, you are indispensable.

Damon looked over the journal, at the photograph. She made him happy, more than anyone else, more than anything. She was the only thing that made him feel complete.

Maybe it was worth trying one last time.

Caroline opened the door and Damon gave her a wide smile. However, it faded from his face when he could glimpse the boxes in the living room. She was leaving.

"Uo, uo, uo, what are you doing?" he asked her, going into the house even if she had not invited him. Caroline rolled her eyes and closed the door before turning to him.
"Going back to New York" she said.
"What? I think I must have misunderstood, but it seems as if you said going back to New York" Damon said, looking at the boxes.
"You heard me perfectly, Damon" Caroline walked over to the open box on the table to keep putting the DVDs inside.
"Where are Stefan's journals?"
"Kept in boxes, upstairs" she said without looking at him. "I… I was going to send you a message to tell you to come collect them."
"After leaving, right? You weren't going to say goodbye, or…"
"Stop" Caroline dropped the DVDs inside the box and turned to him. "Stop whatever you're doing. I can't do it, what part of that you don't understand, Damon? I can't pretend nothing happened. I can't keep looking into his eyes and realize that he'll never remember me."

Damon hissed, grabbed Caroline's wrist and made her sit down on the couch.

"All right, blondie, now you're going to shut up and listen, okay?" Damon stared at her, and Caroline opened her mouth to complain but she closed it when he glared at her. Caroline pursed her lips and folded her arms. "I know what you're going through, because, you know?, I went through it too."
"Damon…"
"Elena decided to erase all the memories she had of me, and when I knew that she didn't remember that we had been together, I wanted… I was angry, so angry, even at her. But then… Everything fit again, and what looked like a lost cause, turned out to be a second chance. Kind of."

Caroline looked at him in silence. Damon shrugged.

"I know exactly what you're going through, and I know you think you don't deserve to be happy" Damon rolled his eyes. Caroline glanced at the floor. "You're scared of giving yourself a chance because you think that as soon as you're happy again, something bad will happen and it'll make you miserable."

Caroline felt a knot in her throat and swallowed.

"But you know what? If you don't give yourself a chance, you'll ever know if it could have worked or not. And you know? Stefan may be an idiot, but he's still super into you" Damon nudged her playfully and Caroline shook her head. "I've read one of his journals, one I didn't give to you."

Caroline looked up at him.

"And what I've read has shown me again that you're the only one who can make him happy. According to his words, he knew too."
"Damon…"
"Just think about it, give him a chance. You know that won't be able to happy if you're not with him."
"It's too complicated" she said. "What am I supposed to do? Not telling him the truth? I can't lie to him, he doesn't deserve it."
"That depends on you" he said. "Although I think that deep down, he has a kind of feeling about you. I think he knows something is up, but he's afraid to admit it. Besides, blondie, there are always loopholes. Who knows? Maybe we'll find a way to bring his memories back."
"I don't know, Damon…"
"And it's not as if everything was lost, it's not like Stefan was dead" he said.

Caroline looked at him in silence, unable to believe that Damon Salvatore had just given her a speech of optimism.

"Look, call me selfish, but I need my brother to be happy. And I know the only person who makes him happy, it's you" Damon stood up. "Think about it."

Damon looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her response. Caroline nodded.

"But do it fast, because…"
"Damon."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving."

He winked at her before closing the door behind him. Caroline reached under the cushion to look at the picture of Stefan and her that she had hidden when Damon had knocked on the door.

But… when I'm with you, I'm happy.

Stefan knocked on the door. Once, twice. He sighed and finally opened it.

"Damon?" he asked, thinking that he would be in the bathroom. However, he was surprised to see that there was no sign of him.

He was looking for him to ask him for Caroline's phone number in order to call her and apologize. Or just talk to her, hear her voice. Maybe start over with her and get to know her slowly instead of wanting to speed things up.

He glanced at the desk to see if Damon had left his phone, but it was not there. He snorted when he saw the doors of the wardrobe open and closed them, shaking his head. He turned to leave, but then he saw it. Everything.

One of his journals face down on the bed. He took it, confused. He had left the habit of writing years ago, and he remembered that he had burned all his journals when he had amnesia. But it was, without any doubt, the kind of journal in which he used to write. Maybe Damon had kept one of them, or maybe he had forgotten this one. Maybe.

Stefan stared at the words, reading each one of them, reading the truth, which hit him hard. His mind tried to assimilate the information, the reveal of what had happened to him that he did not remember. Everything was there. Every bit of information about the heretics, their threat, Valerie's spell, and her. Caroline.

He closed the journal and clenched his fists, squeezing the material with his fingers. His eyes wandered around the room, thinking about everything that they had taken away from him, thinking about the hole that his life had become. His eyes landed on the picture and the ring. The journal had covered them, but now he could see them perfectly.

He took the picture and looked at her, smiling behind him, with her arms around his neck. Happy.

And he could only think about one thing.

"May I repeat for the third time that I knew you'd come without a second thought?" Damon said, opening the door of the Boarding house. Caroline rolled her eyes.
"Will you shut up?" she said. "I can't believe you stayed behind the door, waiting for me to come out."
"Because I knew that you wouldn't need more than 2 minutes to decide that I'm a wise person who is right" Damon headed to the stairs. "Stefan?!"

They went upstairs and walked over to Stefan's room, but he was not there. Damon frowned, wondering where the hell he would be.

"Weird" he mumbled.
"Where is he? Call him" Caroline said.
"Now you're in a hurry?" Damon asked with a smirk, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Caroline snorted.
"Damon, I hope it's clear that when I talk to him, you're not going to be present."
"Yes, yes…"

Damon looked at the screen of his phone willing to call him but then he realized. He turned around and left the bedroom.

"Damon?" Caroline followed him, confused, until they both entered his room.

Damon stared at the bed and realized that the journal and photograph were not there. Caroline looked at him, waiting for him to explain what was happening.

"What?" she asked. Damon did not say anything, dialled Stefan's number quickly and put the phone against his ear.

No one answered.

"Shit" Damon said through gritted teeth.
"What? What's going on?" Caroline insisted.
"We have a problem."

Damon was driving, and Caroline was sitting in the passenger seat, touching her necklace nervously as she glanced at the rearview mirrow from time to time to look at Bonnie, who was sitting in the back seat with a map on her lap, whispering words that she could not understand.

The locator spell marked Lynchburg, a city near Mystic Falls. The black spot representing Stefan was located in an area in the suburbs of the city.

Damon had his eyes fixed on the road, and Caroline was too worried to say a single word. Bonnie was the only one who talked sometimes, telling Damon what direction he should take.

No one knew what had happened, but Caroline had a sneaking suspicion, and she knew that Damon had it too. Stefan had to read the journal, see the picture and the ring, finding out the truth, finding out that his mind had forgotten memories of his life, forgotten her. He had found out that he had been with a person for months and that, apparently, he was happy with her; he had found out that he was going to ask her to marry him; and finally he had found out that Valerie had taken everything away from him with a spell. Caroline knew him well enough to know that, as soon as he learned the truth, Stefan would want revenge for what they had done to him.

And that terrified her. Because, what chance did Stefan have against the heretics? Fighting them had never gone well. And she felt guilty. Maybe if she had not been so stupid, maybe if she had been closer to him, all of that would not be happening now. Maybe if she had told him the truth, Stefan could have taken it differently.

Caroline looked askance to Damon, who was grabbing the wheel tightly with his hands. She knew that he was as worried as her. Stefan was his little brother after all, and she had learned to understand that Damon loved Stefan unconditionally. As much as she did.

Damon seemed to feel her gaze on him, because he looked at her from the corner of the eye blankly, quickly. Caroline frowned and felt how her hands began to sweat.

"Damon?" she asked in a whisper.
"We're almost there" he said, looking back at the road.

Caroline looked ahead, seeing the house at the end of the dirt road, surrounded by grass. It seemed an of old or abandoned houses. And Stefan's car was parked beside it. She sighed in relief.

Stefan opened the door of his bedroom, watching with a little smile on his face the little box in his hand. He sighed, wondering what would be the best moment to ask her. He knew that Caroline needed it to be special, and he was willing to give her everything, everything she wanted in life. It was the least he could do.

There was also this problem of her curiosity. He could not risk that Caroline found the ring before thinking about the perfect way to ask. He smiled, thinking of the face she would put, and picturing how, despite the stress, she would organize their wedding. She would take care of everything, and he could not wait to see her hysterical attacks in order to be the one who calmed her. He opened the closer and looked thoughtfully at the clothes hanging on

He finally chose the drawer where he kept some sweatshirts. He opened it and took one last look at the ring.

"Stefan?"

Stefan was so startled that the little box almost slipped from his hands, but he held it tightly and turned his head towards the bathroom door. What the hell was Caroline doing there?

"Caroline?" he asked. She had her head peeked out from behind the door, with her hair worn up and a towel wrapped around her body.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked, laughing at his reaction. His eyes were wide open and he looked nervous.
"Nothing" he said after clearing his throat. He put the box between two sweatshirts discreetly and closed the drawer and the closet. Caroline looked suspiciously at him.
"What do you have there?" she asked him.
"Have? Where?"
"You've just put something in the drawer" she said. "Anyway, can you bring me my slippers? I left them out."
"What are you doing still here?" he asked, walking toward her and forgetting about the slippers.
"We both know what day it is. I told you I wouldn't go to Whitmore and we'd celebrate your birthday even if you don't want to" she said, tilting her head and smiling. Stefan snorted and took her hands to pull her out of the bathroom. "The floor is cold, Stefan" she complained. "I'm barefoot."

Stefan grabbed her thigh gently, indicating her to place her feet on his own.

"I thought you were joking and you'd go to class" he said, interlacing their fingers.
"Not at all" she said, smiling. She put her arms around his neck and gave him a soft kiss. "Happy birthday."

Stefan closed his eyes with a soft smile on his face. He leaned his forehead against hers and sighed.

"You know the rules" he said.
"Spending the whole day with me in bed" she said as if she had learned it by heart. "Yes, I know. What a way to celebrate your birthday, Stefan" she pouted. He laughed.
"Honestly, that's all I need and want" he gave her a soft kiss under her ear, neck, and Caroline felt a tingling in her stomach.
"Wait!" she exclaimed, startling him, and putting her feet on the ground."Don't move."
"Caroline, what…?"
"Oh, is Damon at home?" she asked when she grabbed the shook his head. "Great."

Caroline disappeared and looked at the closet askance. She came back a minute later with a small chocolate cake that had a lit candle.

"Caroline…"
"What?"
"We said no cakes" he reminded her.
"It's a small one! You have to make a wish" Caroline stood in front of him. Stefan watched her as she smiled widely, waiting. What nonsense. He had everything he wanted in front of her. "Make a wish."

Stefan blew out the candle and Caroline left the cake on the desk to head to the closet.

"Now, let's see what you're hiding from me" she said. Stefan ran towards her to close the doors of the closet as soon as she had opened them. Caroline looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"Forget that" he said, holding her hand to pull her away from the closet. "We have more important things to talk about."
"Like what?" she asked, staring at the closet.
"The wish I've made" he put his arms around her waist and Caroline looked at him.
"Don't you dare tell me! It won't happen if you do" she warned him.
"It has already happened, Caroline. It's already happening… It's spending my whole eternity with you" he said.

Caroline was about to be mad at him for telling her, but she could not after what he had jus said. She smiled, wrapping his neck with her arms and stroking his skin with her fingertips.

"Forever doesn't sound so bad now that I know I'm going to spend it with you" he said, looking into her eyes.
"No" she said, smiling. "It doesn't sound bad at all."

Caroline, Bonnie and Damon got out of the car and looked at the façade of the house.

"Should we go separate ways?" Bonnie asked. "Should we…?"

Her words vanished when they heard a kind of explosion that came from inside of the house. Damon grabbed Caroline and Bonnie's arms instinctively to make them crouch.

Caroline looked at the house, unable to hear anything. She had her ears blocked. Valerie walked out of the house and after looking around for a few seconds, she saw them crouched beside the car, some meters away. She looked at Caroline, who felt how her heart began to race. Valerie smiled, touched her necklace, and disappeared.

Caroline stood up slowly, staring at the open door of the house.

"Blondie!" Damon cried when Caroline started to walk towards the porch of the house.

She could feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She felt that sensation, the worst of all. She knew that Damon and Bonnie were following her, and yet she felt them further away than ever. Her hands were shaking and she felt as if she was going to faint, if it was even possible for a vampire.

She pushed the door of a room, her steps guiding her without even thinking. She saw him. Stefan was lying on the ground, inert. Lifeless.

Caroline opened her eyes widely and walked slowly towards him. She dropped next to his body just when Damon and Bonnie entered the room. Damon stared at them blankly. Stefan's heart was next to his body.

"Stefan" Caroline whispered, bringing a shaking hand closer to his face. Scared of touching his skin and realize that it was not one of her nightmare. "Stefan" she repeated.

Caroline stared intently at him, waiting for him to answer. Her chest heavy, going up and down due to her breathing. She put her hand on his shirt, close to the hole in the chest area. She clenched her jaw, pursed her lips, and raised her eyebrows, looking at his eyelids and his parted lips. Waiting for his response.

"Stefan" she said, this time louder. "Stefan" Caroline shook him, rustling his chest. "Stop playing. Wake up."

Bonnie looked away, covering her mouth. Damon was still looking at his brother, with his eyes fixed on his face.

"Stefan" Caroline gave him a little hit in the chest. "Stefan!" she cried this time with wide eyes and a knot in her throat. She grabbed the neck of his shirt, shaking him with strength. "I said wake up!"

Caroline started to punch his chest furiously as the tears streamed down her cheeks and she cried uncontrollably, sobbing while crying his name out in a heartbreaking way.

"Damon" Bonnie begged. But Damon could not move. He felt that no part of his body was able to respond.
"Wake up!" Caroline yelled to Stefan. "Wake up or I swear I'll never forgive you for this!" she grabbed his face with her hands and started to pat his cheeks. "Stefan, hey, Stefan, open your eyes" she said now, begging.

Caroline waited in silence for a few seconds, but getting no answer, she punched his chest hard again as she let out cries of rage.

"I hate you!" she shouted to his lifeless body. "I hate you, do you hear me?!"
"Damon" Bonnie repeated.

Damon reacted and walked towards Caroline without saying a word. He grabbed her waist from behind to pull her away from Stefan's bed.

"No! Let me go!" Caroline cried, trying to resist.
"He's dead, Caroline" Damon said with weak voice. Bonnie watched them, scared of seeing Caroline in that state, and not knowing what to do.
"No!" she yelled before bursting into tears and letting herself drop, feeling weak. "No, please, no" Damon grabbed her as he could at seeing how her body did not have the strength to stand. She was shaking because of her constant crying, and he guided her towards the door.

Bonnie glanced at the lifeless body before following them. Caroline was trying to resist, but not struggling, just asking Damon to let her go in the middle of heartbreaking cries, telling him that she needed to go back and wake Stefan up. Telling him that he would wake up.

Damon opened the back door of the car and was able to put Caroline inside as she cried and cried endlessly, saying incomprehensible things. Damon looked at Bonnie, who looked worried at him, and he placed the car keys in her hands.

"Mystic Falls" he simply said, his eyes red. Bonnie could see the spark in them, and the great effort he was doing not to cry and stay steady.
"Damon…" Bonnie began, bringing a hand closer to him. Damon walked past her towards the house.

Bonnie got in the car and put the keys on. She looked through the rearview mirror at Caroline, who was lying on the back seat, hunched over, crying nonstop as she mumbled "he can't be dead" all over again. Bonnie pursed her lips and blinked several times, trying not to cry, turning the car around to leave.

She looked one last time through the rearview mirror at the house, knowing that Damon was staying to take care of the body. To say goodbye to his brother.