Chapter 4

The first day on their journey back from Sundermount was a mostly silent and tense one, Varric being the only one talking and that mostly to Merrill. Gavin stubbornly insisted on walking behind Merrill so he could keep an eye on her. He also wanted time alone to ponder the parting words Flemeth had spoken. What did she mean about plunging into the Abyss? He had demanded an explanation, but her response was to laugh, change into a dragon and fly off. Fenris walked beside Hawke, silently lending his support.

Merrill was glad that Varric at least talked with her. She could feel Hawke's eyes boring into her back every now and again and it unnerved her. She didn't understand why he feared her, he was a mage too. And that other elf, Fenris, he treated her just as badly. What few possessions she had were packed into the small hand cart she pulled along behind her. She had used a spell to make it lighter, but it still was tiring to pull it. However, only the dwarf offered to take turns so she could rest. If her own kind rejected her, and these people rejected her, then what kind of life could she hope to have in Kirkwall? The thought of being alone for the rest of her life terrified her and for the first time she doubted the path she had chosen. If not for Varric, she would probably have already gone crawling back to the Keeper.

As the sun started to set, they began to look for a good place to make camp. Spotting a small grouping of trees near what seemed to be a pond, Aveline led them towards it. She was beginning to get annoyed with Hawke and Fenris. She knew that those who resorted to blood magic were dangerous, but Merrill didn't fit the image of the power hungry mage. The elf had done nothing to threaten anyone yet, and it bothered her to see how sad the girl was. She was all for being careful, but to outright shun someone like this was downright rude. She determined to have a talk with Hawke and see if she couldn't get him to at least be civil to Merrill.

Once the camp had been set up and supper started, Hawke excused himself and left to go sit by the pond, Fang at his heels as always. Every time the elf girl looked at him with those sad eyes he felt his anger and hostility melting a little more. He was starting to feel a little guilty for treating Merrill so poorly and needed time to get his thoughts in order. He sank down beside the water, idly petting his dog.

"I don't know why he hates me," Merrill said sadly after Hawke left, holding back tears.

"I should think the answer is obvious," Fenris said coldy, earning a glare from Varric. "You are a danger to yourself and everyone around you."

"Don't pay attention to the broody elf here," the dwarf soothed. "I'm sure Hawke will come around in time, don't worry."

"I'm going to talk to him, see if I can find out what's going on in his head," Aveline said as she stood up. She found him by the water and sat down at an angle so she could see his face as they talked. "Okay Hawke, tell me what the problem is?"

"I don't expect a non-mage to understand," Gavin said quietly.

"Try me, I might understand better than you think," she retorted. "My husband was a templar after all."

"Varric is a dwarf and in no danger from demons," he began. "I've heard that those without magic can be possessed, but it would take someone with enormous power to pull that off, so neither you nor Fenris are in danger."

"You think you're in danger, from Merrill?" Aveline was shocked. "Gavin, I've seen the power you wield, and Fenris has told me he senses you have an even greater power that we've not even seen. How can that little elf girl be a threat to you?"

"Fenris said that huh?" Gavin cocked his head. "Must be the lyrium branded into his skin."

"You haven't answered my question," she persisted.

"How much do you know about blood magic?" he queried.

"Not much, just that it is considered evil and highly dangerous," she shrugged.

"Blood magic is a power that demons bestow upon mages," he continued. "It gives them the ability to manipulate the blood of living creatures, and control the minds and thoughts of others. It is the means by which demons can take control of a person. The more it is used, the more of a hold the demon gets, until eventually there is nothing human left of the peron at all. With blood magic, even the weakest of mages can threaten a seasoned and experienced enchanter. I am neither of those."

"So you're afraid that being near Merrill will what, cause you to fall prey to a demon faster?" Aveline asked and saw him nod. "I didn't think you were that weak willed."

"I know it's stupid, but-" he hesitated.

"But what?" she pressed.

"I've only read about what blood mages can do, I've never actually seen one," Gavin mumbled. "I overreacted and that's just not like me. I've always prided myself on my control."

"Ah, I understand now," Aveline nodded. Having something you've been taught to fear suddenly thrust in your face was unsettling. "I think you should tell Merrill this." Seeing him about to protest, she held up a hand. "I'm not asking you to be her friend. I'm just asking that you treat her the same as Anders and give her the benefit of the doubt. You may even be able to influence her in some way, steer her from this dangerous path or something."

"I'll be more polite, but as for influencing her, I doubt it," he hedged. "It's far easier to say stop than to do it. The lure of power through blood magic is very potent. The demons make it so."

"Fair enough," Aveline stood up. "Supper will be ready shortly, don't be long."

He watched her go and then turned to stare at the water again. He wasn't blind, he saw how Varric had taken a shine to the girl. At the very least, to keep peace in the group, he would have to be civil to her. Getting up, he walked back to camp and sat down opposite Merrill, who broke off her conversation with Varric to look up at him.

"Hawke, listen, I-" she began but stopped when he raised his hand.

"First I want to apologize for my behavior," Gavin began. "I've been reminded that I haven't treated you as fairly as I should. You haven't attacked me or my friends, you've done nothing to warrant my suspicions and ire."

"I am no threat to you Hawke," Merrill raised her chin, her voice taking on a hard edge.

"You are whether you realize it or not, but I will not argue that point with you as you aren't ready to listen," Gavin retorted, folding his arms across his chest. "I agreed to bring you to Kirkwall. You should know that there are more templars in Kirkwall than in all the rest of the Free Marches combined. They are extremely vigilant and positively ruthless in rooting out apostate mages. I've spent my entire life learning to hide from them and so far I've managed to not attract attention."

"Sounds like a bad place for a mage," Merrill said shakily, unnerved by his harsh words.

"It is, but it's even more dangerous for you," he agreed. "If they even so much as suspect you are a blood mage, they will hunt you down and kill you on the spot. No trial, no mercy, no plea bargain. Even if they believe you are merely an apostate, there's a very good chance that they will force the Right of Tranquility on you, and from what I've heard death would be preferable."

"Are you sure you want to do this Daisy?" Varric asked. "Everything Hawke has said is true. But even worse is the fact that there are hundreds of very poor people in Kirkwall who would turn you in for the price of a few coin."

"No, I am not sure, but I have to do this," Merrill sighed. "I have made a choice and I must see it through to the end, good or bad.

"Then there's nothing more for me to say other than be very, very careful for as long as you stay in Kirkwall," Gavin finished and then went to sit near Fenris.

"Supper's ready, let's eat and then get some rest," Aveline interrupted.

Fenris observed Hawke silently for a while. "Remember what I told you when I first agreed to accompany you?" he asked quietly.

"Something about keeping a close eye on my companions," Gavin replied around a mouthful of food.

"Yes," the elf nodded. "Anders may be an abomination, but at least he knows what he is and is aware of the danger he poses and does try to control himself. She is all but blind to what she is doing and that makes her far more dangerous to be around."

"Flemeth hinted as much," Gavin remembered. "I have no intention of relaxing around her, trust me. I don't plan on keeping company with her unless it's absolutely necessary."

"Fair enough," Fenris nodded. "If at some point in the future you find yourseld having to deal with her, I will go with you as a precaution."

"Well, I wasn't going to ask that of you, but it's good to know I can count on you," Gavin smiled slightly.

"I owe you a debt Hawke," Fenris shrugged.

"No Fenris, you don't," the mage argued. "But, I need someone like you, and until we know for sure that Danarius has given up, you need someone like me to back you up. Sort of like brothers-in-arms."

"Brothers-in-arms," Fenris mused, another small smile curving his lips briefly. "I like the sound of that." Having finished eating, he stood up. "I will take first watch, as usual."

Gavin watched him go and then realized that he was staring at Fenris' ass and shook himself. He had no idea if the elf even liked men. What was wrong with him? Perhaps a visit to the Blooming Rose was in order. It'd been a while since he'd experienced the touch of another. Maybe it was just pent up frustration that was his problem. As he stretched out on his bedroll, his thoughts went back to the smile he saw on Fenris' lips. It happened so rarely, but each time it did, his heart fluttered and he felt heat curl in his stomach. His body wanted Fenris, but the elf distrusted mages, with good reason. Sighing, he closed his eyes and attempted to sleep.

He was on his knees before Fenris, the elf's hot, hard length moving rythmically in his mouth. Fenris yanked his head back and pulled him to his feet before spinning him around and pinning him against a tree. His body thrummed at the strength the lithe elf showed. His legs were kicked apart and he groaned as he felt slim fingers opening him, preparing him. He whimpered when they withdrew, only to cry out as Fenris thrust forcefully into him. The elf set a fast, punishing pace and soon he was crying out his pleasure as he attained his release.

With a groan, Gavin started awake and realized he had come in his sleep. It had been years since he'd had a dream so vivid. He glanced quickly around the camp to see if anyone had noticed and breathed a sigh of relief that no one had. With a grimace, he found a scrap of cloth and wiped himself as best he could. Feeling as drained as if he'd just finished having sex, he flopped back onto his bedroll. He definitely needed to get laid.