CHAPTER IX.
I was burning inside. Nothing and nobody could ease the pain. I became a gray figure in the corridors. My shadow merged with the walls. Days fell off the calendar like dead leaves.
Carlos Ruiz Zafón.
It had been three days, and she was still in the same place. She had not moved away from his side, she did not mean to do that anyway. Because Stefan could wake up at any time, and she would be the first thing he would see when he opened his eyes. And this time everything would be fine, this time they would be together, forever.
Caroline clung further to him, burying her face in his neck, interlacing their fingers, and smiling slightly against his skin.
"Everything will be alright" she whispered, closing her eyes.
In the living room, Damon looked at his glass and decided to stop listening. Bonnie looked at him from the opposite chair.
"What were you thinking?" she asked, breaking the long silence. Damon swirled the liquid of his glass, without leading it to his lips.
"What was I supposed to do?" he replied with another question.
"I thought you'd take care of the body, I thought-"
"Stefan, Bonnie" Damon lifted his head to look at her severely. "It's Stefan."
Bonnie bit her tongue for a few seconds, but at hearing the soft humming coming from Stefan's bedroom, at hearing how Caroline was singing to Stefan, she decided to continue.
"Damon, I understand what you're going through. But…" Bonnie leaned forward in her chair to sit on the edge and take Damon's glass from his hand "you can't keep Stefan's body in that bed any longer. Caroline…" she looked at the ground. "Her behaviour scares me."
"She's just lost the person she loves the most, how would you behave, Bonnie?" he asked, looking away towards the fireplace. Bonnie sighed, pursing her lips. "I can't move Stefan from there yet. I'm looking for ways to bring him back."
Bonnie glanced at him and saw his expressionless face just when she heard Caroline laughing quietly, something that sent a shiver through her whole body. Damon closed his eyes at hearing and rubbed his forehead.
"Damon, please" Bonnie said. "The other side doesn't exist anymore, you know there's no way. Please, stop."
Damon hesitated a few seconds, but finally looked at her. Bonnie stared back at him, worried, and put her hand on his knee.
"He's my brother" he whispered weakly.
"I know, but please" she repeated. "Let him go."
Damon stared at her hand on his knee and finally broke down. And of all the things that Bonnie had thought that she would see in her life, Damon crying had definitely never been one of them.
It was night when Damon peeked out behind the door of his room carefully. Caroline was in the same position as usual. Lying on her side towards him, watching him intently as if she was a spectrum, stroking his hair.
"Caroline?" Damon said, standing in front of the bed, staring at her so she would not have to see the image of Stefan died again. Caroline, however, did not answer. She just kept staring at Stefan.
Bonnie and Enzo also entered the room. Caroline tensed a little at noticing the presence of so many people in the bedroom. Damon cleared his throat and sat on the bed, next to Stefan. He sought Caroline's eyes with his gaze, but her eyes did not avert from Stefan's face.
"Blondie" Damon said.
"Shh" she said, closing her eyes and getting closer to Stefan. Bonnie looked frightened at Enzo, who rubbed her back, nodding at her.
Damon swallowed, and suddenly grabbed Stefan's hand. Caroline, then, reacted and glanced at Damon. He took Stefan's daylight ring and placed it on the bedside table carefully. Bonnie stepped forward, alert.
"What…? What are you doing?" Caroline asked Damon, confused.
"I'm sorry, blondie" he said sincerely.
"Damon?"
"I'll make it up to you" he said in a whisper.
Suddenly, Damon grabbed Stefan's body. Caroline clung to him tightly, gripping him, trying not to let Damon take him.
"Damon, let him go! Don't you dare" she yelled, trying to hold Stefan. But Damon was stronger, and threw Stefan over his shoulder. Caroline looked horrified at Damon from the bed, her eyes following him as he walked over to the door.
Caroline rose quickly, gathering strength from God knows where, and she followed him, but Enzo caught her before she jumped on Damon's back.
"Damon!" she yelled. "No, no…" Caroline looked around with wide eyes and blank gaze, trying to resist. "Don't take him away from me."
Damon left the room and Caroline stared at the door, giving up struggling, stopping resisting.
"He was going to wake up…" she said in a whisper. "He was going…"
She felt silent suddenly and Bonnie looked watchful at her, waiting for a reaction. When they heard the front door of the house closing, announcing Damon's departure, Caroline fell to the ground, letting out a tearing scream that was heard throughout the house, and that turned into a continuous cry.
"Caroline…" Bonnie said softly, not knowing what to do. Enzo grabbed her arm to stop her.
Caroline covered her face with her hands, crying and sobbing.
"Caroline, please" Bonnie begged with tears in her eyes.
Caroline sobbed one last time before uncovering her face and lifted her head to look around, listening to the silence in the room. The silence that had flooded her life since she saw him dead days ago. There was no sound. Nothing.
She stood up, and Bonnie worried at seeing how she staggered a little with an exhausted face. But Caroline kept her balance, and suddenly walked briskly towards the windows. She grabbed the curtains, which had covered the windows since they had arrived, and tore them off. Bonnie watched her helplessly, listening to her cries, seeing how she stripped the curtains one by one, how she knocked down everything on the desk to the ground, as well as the books of the shelves.
"Bonnie" Enzo said.
Bonnie swallowed and with a hand gesture, Caroline's neck broke, and she fell to the ground, defeated.
No wonder, after what had happened, why she had preferred staying in another room. Damon looked around, staring at the books, the curtains, and other objects scattered on the floor of the bedroom as the sun rose in the sky.
He walked over the curtains until he stood in front of the bedside table. He took Stefan's daylight ring with his fingers covered with soil, and watched it for a few seconds. He had spent the last five hours burying his brother and, despite being a vampire with supernatural strength, he felt more tired and exhausted than ever before.
"I'm sorry I failed you" he said, closing his fist around the ring tightly. He clenched his jaw, holding himself not to cry.
He walked over to the desk and bent down to pick up the jewelry box that Caroline had knocked over and in which he had put her engagement ring. The ring was next to the box, on the floor. Damon picked it up as well, thinking about how close Stefan had been to get everything he had always wanted.
He placed the jewelry box on the desk again and put both Stefan's daylight ring and Caroline's engagement ring inside. After finishing tidying up and leaving the room as it was, he knocked on the door of hers.
There was no answer, but he opened it. Caroline was sitting on the chair at the desk, hunched, with her knees drawn to her chest and her arms around her legs, as she looked out from the window with a distant look.
"Why?" she asked suddenly with weak voice, without looking at him.
Damon sighed and walked over to her. He leaned his back against the edge of the desk and folded his arms.
"Because with him here… we wouldn't be able to focus on what we have to focus. And I need you to focus, blondie, more than ever."
Caroline wiped the tear that fell down her cheek quickly with the back of her hand and sniffed. She looked up at him, trying to hold back the tears.
"I need you to focus on what you want to do in these precise moment the most" he said, looking intently at her. "I need you to listen to me carefully."
Falling down so heavy
this heart lay down on the ground
Faint glimmer once steady
where are you now?
November 2020.
She stared at the fire of the fireplace and put her arms around her legs, clung to her chest. And for a moment, she was able to discern his silhouette, him sitting on the chair in front of her, as they laughed. Only that his chair was empty, and the couch in front of her was occupied by Bonnie and Enzo. They watched her, and although she had not liked the idea very much at first, with time she stopped caring.
She tapped the seat and took Norwegian Wood. She could feel how Bonnie looked furtively at her with a worried face, as she always did every time she took that book. Caroline always went everywhere with it.
Her aim was reading it, from beginning to end, and not only the sentences that Stefan had highlighted for her. Because now she was the one who highlighted the sentences that reminded her of him. Her little treasure. It was one of the few things that she had left and reminded of him. Ironic.
And as the years have passed, the time has grown longer. The sad truth is that what I could recall in 5 seconds all too soon needed 10, then 30, then a full minute - like shadows lengthening at dusk. Someday, I suppose, the shadows will be swallowed up in darkness. There is no way around it: my memory is growing ever more distant from the spot where he used to stand - where my old self used to stand.
She stroked the page with her fingers, thinking about how much he would have liked that paragraph, thinking about how much she wanted to show it to him and tell him that this was precisely what she was feeling. Sharing her fears with him. The fear of waking up one day and not being able to recall his face in her memory, or recall what she felt when she hold his hand, or kissed his lips.
She felt how Enzo moved a little in his seat and approached his lips to Bonnie's crown, although she did not look away from the page. She felt as if thousand splinters were stabbed in her imperfect, delicate, and abandoned heart. Not that she was not happy for them, she was, she had always been. But she had come to the conclusion that she was no longer able to understand what love was. That ability had left as soon as Stefan left.
And it hurt to see how others were happy, how others loved each other, while the only thing she could do was cling to a memory. But she made an effort, and raised her head a little to meet Enzo's gaze. She smiled at him slightly, despite the sadness in her eyes, and Enzo returned the same kind of smile with a little nod. He knew that she was happy for them even if she could not say it with words.
Their fortuitous exchange of looks was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Caroline looked towards the hall as a reflex.
"Damon" Bonnie said, waving at him. He had been gone for three months. He used to travel regularly, make long trips that the brunette supposed he needed to distance himself from Mystic Falls and all the memories from time to time. "How was the trip?"
"Fun" he said with irony.
Damon glanced at Caroline and they exchanged a brief, meaningful look.
"Enzo, you coming? I need a drink and something tells me these ladies aren't in the mood" he said. Bonnie shook her head and rolled her eyes.
"Sure" Enzo said, following him into the library.
Caroline looked back at the book, not paying attention to the words or what she was reading, knowing that Bonnie's eyes were fixed on her.
"Caroline?"
She looked up at her with the most emotionless expression that no one had ever seen.
"Where does Damon go when he leaves for so long?" Bonnie asked her.
Caroline looked into her eyes intently.
"Who knows."
May 2021.
Coming back tonight?
Caroline sent the message as she climbed the stairs, hoping that Damon would reply soon. She looked forward at the closed door of his bedroom, starting to feel that emptiness in her stomach.
She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and finally went to her bedroom. She dropped the phone on the desk and looked out the window, wrapping her arms around her, and pressing her cardigan against her body. Funny. Summer was about to start, and yet she felt cold. A constant cold that never went away. Maybe she was the one who emanated it.
"Come here."
She smiled slightly, looking down. His voice was like the most longed for of caresses. She looked over her shoulder and saw him lying on her bed, pointing at the space beside him with his hand.
She walked over to the bed, climbing it carefully, and dropped her head on the pillow, facing him. Stefan stared back at her, running his hand through her arm.
"You know? I've been remembering something today" he said softly.
"Yeah?" she said, raising her hand to stroke his cheek.
"Yeah" Stefan took her hand to press his lips against her skin while staring at her eyes tenderly. "Years ago, I couldn't understand why you liked to watch The Notebook so much."
She smiled, shaking her head.
"But I think I get it now, and I think I get Noah now too. Especially after reading the book" Stefan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and she closed her eyes at feeling his touch.
"You read it?"
"I never told you, but I needed to know why you liked the story so much, so I did."
"And… What has made you sympathize with him? With Noah."
"Something he said, something that fits you perfectly."
Stefan got closer to her and brought his lips close to her ear. Caroline closed her eyes, feeling his breathing against her cheek.
"You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together. You are, and always have been, my dream."
She smiled a little, feeling the knot in her throat, the tears behind her eyelids, flooding her eyes. She felt his lips against her cheek to give her a soft kiss, and when he threw his head back, she opened her eyes, smiling as a tear fell down on the exact spot where he had kissed her. Stefan looked tenderly at her, with that look that expressed how much he adored her, and wiped the tear with his thumb quickly.
"Don't cry" he said in a whisper. "It won't take much longer. We're almost there."
Caroline smiled again and sighed. She got closer to him, gripping his shirt tightly, burying her face in his neck as she felt how he stroked her hair and pressed his nose against her head.
A knock on the door made her open her eyes, and saw the empty side of the bed. Damon opened the door and went in with his phone in hand.
"Everything all right, blondie?" he asked. Caroline stood straight and sat with her legs crossed. "I got your message just when I was parking the car in front of the house and-"
"Why has it taken you so long, Damon?" Caroline stared at him, the smile that she had had on her face seconds ago has vanished.
"What do you think, Caroline?" Damon asked, raising his arms and widening his eyes. Caroline was able to see a small stain of blood on the edge of his shirt.
"Don't forget our deal" she recalled, looking toward the edge of the bed.
"I won't. I told you I'd make it up to you, didn't I?" Damon turned around to head to the door. "I need a damn shower."
"Damon."
Damon stopped in front of the door and looked over his shoulder. Caroline stared at her own hands, getting ready to ask what she had been wondering for months and months since he had taken off Stefan's daylight ring, since he had left with his body over his shoulder.
"Where is he?" she asked in a whisper.
Damon looked back at the door, calming down a bit. He sighed.
"I thought… I thought you'd like him to be next to Liz."
Caroline stared at his back, at him trying to keep his bad boy behaviour. She pursed her lips tightly, and lowered her gaze again, her eyes filled with tears.
Damon walked out of the bedroom, and Caroline released the air she had been holding, sniffing. She looked towards the side of the bed, and stroked the place on which he had been lying next to her a few minutes ago.
In October 2025, when she was sitting in the living room, looking at the fire, and Damon sat in front of her, she knew, without the need of words and only by raising her head to meet his eyes, that it was time.
And suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt is paid.
George R.R. Martin.
October 2025.
Valerie opened her eyes suddenly, feeling a blast of cold wind. She looked around, trying to get used to the darkness of the night. The fire was crackling in the fireplace, and according to the clock, it was 4am.
She had fallen asleep on the couch, and the window was open. She rose to close it, but then noticed something unusual. A shadow on the wall behind the fireplace. She frowned and walked slowly, suspiciously, towards the chair in front of the fire.
But her footsteps stopped when she suddenly heard a voice.
"It's been a while."
Caroline stood up without looking away from the fire, until she turned her face a little to look at Valerie over her shoulder.
"Don't you think?" she asked with emotionless voice. Valerie was able to see the tired features of her face. And the desire of revenge in her eyes.
Valerie led her hand to her neck, seeking her necklace, but she did not find it. She looked up at Caroline and was surprised to see her expressionless face. No evil smiles like the one she had given to her after killing Stefan. No mad faces. Just a tired one, wanting to get over everything.
And that probably was the worst sign of all.
She gave two steps backwards and turned around, ready to run, but she bumped into Damon. He had the necklace in his hand and raised it to show her.
"Looking for this, crazy crazy?" he asked with a smirk. "You should be more careful when you sleep."
He clenched his fist around it and squeezed hard, breaking it into a thousand pieces, turning it into powder, which fell slowly to the ground. Valerie looked around, breathing hard, and thinking about how to escape. But Damon grabbed her beck as Caroline walked towards them.
Valerie tried to resist and fight back, but could not release herself. Damon made her turn around to Caroline, putting his arm around her neck to hold her, and covering her mouth with his other hand to silence her cries for help.
Caroline stopped in front of her and looked into her eyes.
"Do you remember me?" she asked, emotionless.
Valerie tried to scream, to get rid of Damon's grip in vain. As much as she grabbed his arm to try to pull it away from her neck, it was impossible. Caroline grabbed her chin to make her stay still.
"Do you remember?" Caroline repeated, her eyes darkening.
Valerie looked at her for a few seconds, motionless, until she nodded slightly.
"Good."
Valerie sucked the air in her throat when she felt how Caroline ripped her heart out of her chest. The last thing her eyes saw was how Caroline's face finally began to relax.
What had stirred in me was a part of my very self that had long lain dormant. And when the realization struck me, it aroused such sorrow I almost burst into tears.
Haruki Murakami.
It was 2am of the next day when they returned home after a long and quiet road trip. Caroline dropped her hand on the doorknob, shaking a little. She turned it and opened the door.
When she turned on the light, she saw everything clearly. She looked around, watching his bed, his books well placed on the shelves, the boxes with his journals in a corner of the room, some old shoes under the desk. The curtains were hanging from its bar again.
Damon must have fixed the mess she had made. He had to be exhausted after years of persecution, of tracking down the heretics and killing one by one in order to take away from Valerie everything that was important to her, until he found her. Because, obviously, he would not stand still without avenging his brother, and he had promised her a long time ago that she would be the one who would take care of Valerie.
She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself, standing still in the middle of the room, feeling as if he was there, feeling his presence. Remembering his laugh after waking up next to her in the morning.
She closed her eyes and approached the tips of her fingers to her mouth, being able to feel a rush of memories of his lips against hers. She sighed and walked slowly towards the windows to separate the curtains gently. The next morning, the sun would finally be able to enter through the windows.
She put the hair behind her ear and looked sideways at the jewelry box on his desk. When she opened it, she saw inside Stefan's daylight ring, and the ring with which he would have had asked her to marry him. Damon had put them together, and she could not help but let out a shaky breath, feeling a knot in her throat. She touched the rings with her fingers, smiling softly.
"Is it over?" Damon asked, leaning against the door frame.
Caroline looked over her shoulder.
"Will you now be able to move on? To move forward?" he continued.
They exchanged a meaningful look.
"I think I will" she replied, nodding slightly.
Damon nodded too and looked around one last time before turning around. He stopped, however, before leaving. He grabbed the door frame and looked at Caroline. She looked back at him.
"Take care, blondie."
Caroline' lips formed a line as a little smile. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, knowing what the last years had meant to both of them; knowing how, Stefan Salvatore, had built up a kind of bond between them that probably neither of them would never be able to understand. They just knew.
Damon left the room and Caroline glanced back at the jewelry box, taking her engagement ring.
The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
Nicholas Sparks.
Damon walked down the stairs slowly, listening to the silence that surrounded the entire house. When his feet touched the ground floor of the living room, his gaze wandered from the chair facing the fireplace to the jewelry box on the table in which his glasses and his bottle of bourbon were placed.
He smiled briefly and walked over there to pour himself a drink while staring at Stefan's jewelry box. He drank the glass in one gulp and took the folded paper under the box, realizing how much he missed her company already, realizing how much he would always miss his brother, and realizing how much he would miss seeing them together. Ironic, he thought, as he unfolded the note.
Thank you.
Caroline.
He nodded his head slightly, letting the note drop to the table in order to open the jewelry box. He watched the two daylight rings, his and hers, and he smiled softly.
He had a little suspicion that, if someone looked carefully, they would find her engagement ring on Stefan's grave. They were finally together.
He poured himself another drink and stared at the ceiling. He raised the glass in his hand.
"Good luck, wherever you two are."
THE END.
A/N: I hope you guys have liked it! I'm still wondering whether I should post the epilogue or not. But thank you all for reading :)