Title: Silence, please.

Continuity: 'The Merger'. (Season Three's 8th episode.)

Song: 'Don't speak', by No Doubt.

Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Pam's POV. This chapter revolves around one of the certainly most awkward scenes between Jim and Pam ever. I think only the apology scene from 'The Negotiation' tops it. Anyways, it fascinated me and I knew I had to write about it. I added No Doubt's "Don't speak" because it really fits with the situation.

You knew this was going to happen.

You saw it coming.

Don't pretend you didn't.

You knew he would try to move on, and you knew he would succeed.

That is simply who he is.

He always succeeds at everything he attempts.

He's that great.

So when you saw him looking at her the way he did, you instantly realized that woman - you thought you remembered her name was Karen - was more to him than just a coworker.

You realized she was his girlfriend.

The moment you thought it, the mere idea made you shake your head in disgust.

But it was the truth, a truth that you couldn't escape from, no matter how much it hurt you.

You didn't want him to move on.

You didn't want him to love anybody else.

You didn't want him to have a girlfriend unless that was you.

But he had moved on, just like you knew he would, and what you wanted didn't matter at all. Of that you were sure.

You also knew he would want to share it with you, that he would want to give you some explanations about her and be polite about the fact that he had disappeared from your life for months and then he had come back with a girlfriend.

Truth be told, you had never been less interested on talking to him.

If there was something you weren't willing to do was sitting and chatting with him about what was going on with his life, because you knew that even when he wouldn't do it on purpose, he'd rub on your face the fact that he'd moved on every time he mentioned her name. And it would hurt like hell.

It was something else that you wouldn't be able to escape from.

You didn't want to hear it, but you knew it would happen, sooner or later.

Don't speak; I know just what you're saying.
So please stop explaining.
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.
Don't speak; I know what you're thinking;

and I don't need your reasons.
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.

It would turn out to be the sooner, as you found out by the time the day ended. You were heading to your car when you heard him calling after you. You put on the best poker face you could and turned around to see him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I thought you'd already left."He commented, casually.

"Oh no, I just had some other stuff I had to do."You said, smiling, although the tone of your voice was a little more high-pitched than you would have wanted it to be.

Don't break down, Pam. You can do it.

"Good."He said simply.

You mentally thanked God he didn't ask what the other stuff you had to do was. You wouldn't want to tell him that you were in the bathroom, crying your eyes out.

Wanting to get over with it before anxiety killed you, you spoke again. "What's up?"You asked, trying to give him the chance to start talking about what he had in mind.

"Oh nothing… "He shrugged."I just feel bad that things were a little weird today. That's all."

Weird? You don't talk to me in months and then you show up with a new girlfriend and you act all different. Of course it's weird! What did you expect?

You faked surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I just think I should tell you that I sort of started seeing someone."He answered; his face unreadable and his eyes sparkling on the almost complete darkness of the parking lot.

You sort of stared seeing someone? What's that supposed to mean? If you have a girlfriend, why don't you just say it? What are you afraid of? It's not like I'm gonna jump off a bridge or something.

You turned around and walked a few more steps toward your car as you replied. "Oh. That's totally fine."You lied through your teeth, trying your best to look and sound sincere. "You can do whatever you want."You assured him.

"Oh. Okay. Uh, good."He mumbled, nodding, but he didn't look too convinced.

You couldn't blame him for that, though. You weren't good at lying. You decided to try once again.

"We are friends."You stated matter-of-factly, looking at him in the eyes and smiling reassuringly. "We'll always be friends."

Don't act as if you needed my permission to move on with your life because you already did that. That's right, we'll always be friends because no matter what you do, I'm in love with you and I will always need you and I can't live without you. So yeah, we're friends, even when that's killing me. Are you happy now?

He nodded again and stepped back, heading back towards his car."Right."

You turned around one last time. "Good to have you back."You said politely, although you didn't look at him in the eye.

"Yeah, is good to be back."You heard him mumble as he walked away.

You sighed deeply and got into your car. As you started the enginery and drove back to your apartment, your façade slowly but surely fell apart and tears started streaming down your cheeks, to the point when you had to pull over in order to prevent an accident, because you were crying so hard that you couldn't properly see the road.

You hate the fact that things are awkward and weird between you and him.

You hate the fact that he has a girlfriend.

You hate the fact that you can't hold his gaze because every time you ignore those facts, you're lying.

You hate being forced to lie, but you can't be okay with those facts, so you have no choice.

What you hate the most, though, it's that all this is your fault.

You were the one who shut him down on Casino Night.

You knew that after that disappointment, he would try to move on and he would succeed.

And if you can't accept that, it's your problem.