Chapter 6

Varric grumbled every step of the way to Fenris' home in Hightown. They'd been back in town for about three days and he hadn't seen Hawke or the elf once. He wouldn't have even wondered about it if Hawke's mother Leandra hadn't come to the Hanged Man looking for him. He probably wouldn't even be out here looking for the mage, if not for the fact he was an absolute pansy when faced with a crying woman. The fact that Hawke hadn't even gone home yet was perplexing, for there weren't too many places he could go. So, he went to look for Hawke in the most likely place: Anders clinic, but he wasn't there. Then he went to Aveline and Merrill but neither had seen the mage. Fenris was the only one left. Of course, it would have been much simpler had the mabari been around to use for tracking, but the damn dog had pulled a disappearing act too.

Upon reaching the place, he hesitated for a moment. Fenris was a long shot, for even though he didn't mind travelling around with Hawke, he wasn't exactly best buddies with the mage. He also preferred to keep to himself for the most part. Reaching up, he banged loudly on the door several times. There was no telling where in the mansion the elf was and he wanted to be sure he was heard.

Fenris moved to open the door, puzzled who would be knocking so loudly on it. After opening it, he looked down, saw the dwarf and scowled. "Varric, what are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Hawke," he said and pushed his way inside. "His mother's looking for him, but I've looked everywhere and can't find him. You're the last stop on my list."

Fenris hesitated for a moment before sighing, "He's here and has been since the night we returned. He's not exactly up to having company right now."

"Well, too bad," the dwarf grumbled. "He needs to haul his ass home and stop worrying his mother."

"He won't be going anywhere, at least not until he sobers up," the elf muttered.

"He's drunk? He never gets drunk," Varric stopped in shock.

"Well, he's been drinking and passing out, only to wake up and start over again for the last two days," Fenris motioned the dwarf to follow him. "Maybe you will have more luck getting him to stop and go home than I have."

Varric stepped into the bedroom Fenris indicated and saw Hawke sprawled on the bed. Scattered around it were several empty bottles of whiskey and wine. "You didn't bring him all that did you?"

"Of course not," Fenris snorted. "He brought the whiskey himself and then raided my wine collection when it ran out." It was clear that the elf was pissed about that.

"Why didn't you try to stop him?" Varric snapped.

"I did and he threw a fireball at me," Fenris snarled back, waiving a hand at the scorch marks on the floor and wall. "Luckily, I had a bucket here filled with water from the leaky roof and hadn't emptied it yet.

Varric looked at the scorch marks and whistled, "Lucky indeed. I never thought he'd attack any of us."

"He's a mage and he's angry," Fenris snorted, as if that explained everything, which to him it did. "I left him alone after that. If he wants to be stupid and drink himself to death, that's his business. I'm not risking getting roasted or having the place burn down around me. Or worse, have him lose it completely and just crush everything flat, the two of us included."

"Oh," Varric said in a subdued tone. "This presents a problem. Anders always told me that drunk mages were bad to cross but I never really gave a thought as to why. I guess I'll just have to tell his mother where he is and to not expect him home for a while."

Hearing a groan, they turned to see Hawke coming around. "Stop yelling, it makes my head hurt."

"That's not the only thing that's going to be hurting if you don't cut this shit out," Varric stomped to the side of the bed. "You've worried your mother and she made me promise to find you. I've been all over this stupid city looking for you."

"Well go back and tell her I'm fine and to leave me alone," Hawke grumbled as he turned onto his back and covered his eyes with an arm.

Varric frowned down at his friend, "Why are you doing this Hawke?" Getting nothing but an angry glare he threw his hands up, "Fine, fine, I'll leave you alone," he grumbled, beating a hasty retreat, just in case.

Fenris was waiting for him in the upstairs foyer. "Did he say anything that'd clue you in to what brought this on?" he asked the elf.

"He hasn't said much, but," Fenris looked towards the door and then lowered his voice. "The first night he was here he woke me out of a sound sleep. He was screaming and crying, saying things like 'stop' and 'you're hurting me'. I think the attack out on the coast brought back some bad memory."

"Shit, I can see why he's trying to drown himself in spirits," Varric muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"When he told us about the first time the templars caught him I suspected what happened," the elf nodded. "The nightmare confirms it. Obviously, his past still haunts him if he's reacting like this."

The dwarf looked back at where Hawke was laying. "Do you think he'll snap out of this funk or what? I mean, you know something about dealing with pain," he gestured at the markings.

"Hawke is strong, but there's only so much pain one can take before they break," Fenris shrugged. "I just can't say for sure. I can tell you that we can't push him until he's ready or we'll push him to taking a rash course of action. He might try to kill us or himself. I'm not ready to meet the Maker."

"Okay, I'll go let his mother know where he is and that he's okay. Then I'll come back here and see if I can't help in some way," the dwarf looked around. "By the way, where's his dog?"

"Fang is here, but he's been keeping his distance the same as I," the elf answered.

"Smart dog. Listen, I know you don't like having Blondie around, but I think it's a good idea I bring him with me when I return," Varric said firmly and saw an expression of distaste cross the elf's face.

"Fine, fine, but don't expect me to hang around here," Fenris snarled after several moments of silence.

Varric chuckeld and took a key from his pocket and handed it to him. "This is the key to my private suite at the Hanged Man. You can stay there until we get Hawke on his feet and out of your hair."

Fenris nodded and watched him leave before heading to his own room. He sat down in a chair and resumed polishing his sword to pass the time. When he heard voices in the downstairs hall he got up to go see who was there. Seeing only Varric and Anders he breathed a sigh of relief. He had half expected everyone else to barge in.

"Don't worry, I made sure the others knew to stay away," Varric waived at him.

Anders warily eyed the elf as he headed upstairs. "Do you know how much Hawke's actually drunk?" Seeing the elf shake his head he sighed. "Varric told me about what happened on the coast and your suspicions about the cause of his drinking. I know how Hawke must be feeling right now."

"Do you mage?" Fenris sneered.

"Yes," Anders snapped. "He's not the first mage to be raped by templars. Luckily, it only happened to me once and that in the Circle in Ferelden." He saw both Varric and Fenris look at each other grimly. "But, I know of several others, both boys and girls who suffered the same, both here and elsewhere," he finished bitterly.

Fenris felt his gut clench. Danarius often took his slaves to bed, willing or no. He felt something like pity well up in him for the mages and promptly squashed it. Pitying a mage was the first step in falling prey to their pleas, a dangerous course for any sane person to take. "I think I'll take you up on your offer Varric," he said aloud and turning, went into his room, gathered his things and left.

"Good riddance," Anders sniffed. "Hawke doesn't need someone like that around him right now."

"Hey, don't go putting the elf down," Varric warned. "He's been nothing but supportive of Hawke this entire time, despite provocation to do otherwise. Now, get in there and see what you can do for our friend, before this situation gets any worse."

Anders entered the room to see Hawke sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Seeing all the bottles on the floor he couldn't help but whistle. "Well, if you're head isn't trying to split open right about now, it should be," he smirked.

"Go away," Gavin growled, not looking up.

"No, I won't," Anders crossed his arms and glared down at his friend. "I know for a fact that you can drink the Hanged Man dry and it won't help one bit. You have to get it off your chest, talk about it." Getting nothing but angry silence he turned to Varric.

"Listen, I want you to leave us alone," he told the dwarf. "You don't have to leave the building, just don't interfere no matter what you hear."

"You expect me to just sit by and let you two go at it?" Varric sputtered angrily.

"Yes," Anders nodded. "I'm a mage, just like him and I also have Justice to call on if needed. No matter what he says or does, he won't be able to get rid of me or hurt me, at least not badly. Getting him to talk will take some doing, but once it's out in the open it can be dealt with."

"Okay, I'll go find something to do around here," the dwarf muttered and turned to leave.

"If you want to help, bring us some strong coffee and fresh water so I can sober him up," Anders said to his back. Anders turned and moved to lean against the wall opposite Hawke's bed, studying him silently for a time.

"You can yell and scream, you can say anything that's on your mind. If you want to throw things at me, go ahead, it wouldn't be the first time. I know from personal experience the humiliation and feelings of helplessnes that one feels. But I guarantee that once you've let it all out you'll feel alot better," he fell silent, meeting Hawke's angry glare with a calm one of his own.

"I don't want to talk about it, it's nobody's fucking business," Gavin snarled.

"It became our business when you threatened the elf," Anders retorted. "I'm not leaving and you're not getting anything more to drink. You are going to deal with this."

Gavin growled something unintelligible and rolled over on the bed to face the other wall. He wouldn't talk, they couldn't make him. He had no idea just how tenacious his fellow mage could be.