Title: Unexpected reactions.

Continuity: 'The Merger'. (Season Three's 8th episode.)

Song: 'Boy's don't cry', by The Cure.

Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Jim's POV. The first part is a flashback, which is why it is on italics. The second part narrates what I imagined as Jim's reaction to the conversation he has with Pam. (The scene where he locks himself in the car and lets the rage take over him is fictional, but he did seem upset when he headed back to his car; maybe I pushed it a little too far; if I did, let me know.) Also, I love the song and it really fits the way Jim acts on these episodes. (I'm a fan of him but let's admit it: during the whole Season 3 the guy does nothign but denying what he feels.)

"What do you mean?"The woman asked, more out of politeness than interest.

"I just think I should tell you that I sort of started seeing someone."The man answered, trying to make it sound as if it wasn't important.

"Oh. That's totally fine."The woman replied, doing her best not to show her true emotions. "You can do whatever you want."She reassured him.

"Oh. Okay. Uh, good."

"We are friends. We'll always be friends."There was some sort of resignation written on her face and implicit on the tone of her voice, as if that friendship was something that she no longer wanted to be a part of.

"Right."He mumbled, walking a few steps back. The coldness of her words seemed to cut him to the core.

"Good to have you back."Now her back was turned on him, but he didn't need to see her face to know that the conversation was over. Besides, the still glacial tone of her words was starting to bother him.

"Yeah, is good to be back."He said the words but he really felt the opposite as he walked back to his car. He got into it and put his hands on the steering wheel but he couldn't bring himself to start it. All he could do was sit there and breathe while the memory of that conversation replayed inside his head over and over again. And before he could stop himself, he started hitting the steering wheel with his fists as an indescribable rage washed over him.

Now I would do most anything to get you back by my side.
But I just keep on laughing; hiding the tears in my eyes.
Because boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry.
Boys don't cry.

"Idiot. You're an idiot. You're a jerk. You're the biggest dumbass on the planet. You're… you're… "

Jim Halpert paused for a moment, trying to find the appropriate word to describe himself. Failing at it, he fell silent for a moment, before resuming with the insulting.

"You're a coward. You're pathetic. You're mean… "

That wasn't Jim Halpert's usual behavior.

He rarely got angry; he almost never lost his temple and only a couple of things pissed him off enough for him to show it. But after that conversation he felt the rage running through his veins like acid, making it hard for him to think straight. He wasn't capable of driving in that state so he decided to lock himself inside of the car and get it out of his system. He was afraid that if he didn't vent, he would go crazy.

God, he felt angry. He couldn't even remember the last time he had felt that way.

When she had shot him down at Casino Night, he hadn't felt angry. He had felt disappointed and stupid.

During all that time that he had lived in Stamford, he hadn't felt angry. He had felt empty.

When he had first known that he would come back to Scranton, he had felt hopeful; happy even.

But now he felt angry.

Angry at himself for falling for his best friend.

Angry at himself for giving up so easily on her, and fleeing to Stamford instead of staying and facing things like a man.

Angry at himself for being a coward.

Angry at himself for starting a relationship with a woman he didn't love; that he couldn't love because he loved someone else.

Angry at himself for feeling hurt by his best friend's cold and distant attitude, when he knew he deserved it.

Angry at himself for the way that things had gone.

Angry at himself for not being brave enough to fix things up.

What bothered him the most, though, was the fact that he couldn't be mad at her.

It pissed him off because it didn't make sense. She had hurt him; he was supposed to be offended, at the very least. He wanted to be mad at her. He wanted to hate her. He had Karen, for God's sake. Karen was the one he was supposed to love. But he didn't love her.

He loved his best friend, and that fact wasn't going to change despite how frustrated, furious or annoyed he felt for the situation they were in.

When that realization came to his mind, the anger slowly disappeared, leaving behind a void that was quickly filled by resignation, disappointment and sadness. He breathed in and out a few times, and after a couple of minutes he felt calm again.

The problem with the feelings of sadness, resignation and disappointment was that once they came, they liked to stay for long periods of time- and shaking them off was hard. Really, really hard.