Chapter 7

Fenris stepped into the Hanged Man and quickly scanned the room. It had been over three weeks since Hawke had gotten drunk at his home, and he'd barely seen the mage since. Varric and Aveline came over from time to time and kept him updated on what Hawke was doing. They seemed to think that the elf would feel left out otherwise. He hadn't minded really, it wasn't like he didn't have ways to occupy his time. He heard a raucous laugh and looked over to the source. A dark skinned woman in a very skimpy outfit was sitting at a table with the younger Hawke and the Dalish girl, fawning over the boy so much that he looked ready to burst into flames from embarassment. So, that was the pirate that had recently joined the ragtag little group of misfits surrounding Hawke? he thought. She looked like trouble waiting to happen.

He didn't see Varric anywhere and headed for the upper floor, having been asked by the dwarf to meet him here tonight. He didn't see Hawke anywhere and felt a twinge of disappointment. He had come to the tavern several times to play cards and seen the mage there. But each time it wasn't long before Hawke made some excuse and left. It was obvious the mage was avoiding him, but he wasn't sure exactly why. And just why did that disappoint him? Shaking his head, he pushed that thought aside.

He reached the dwarf's suite and knocked on the door, entering when told to come in. He moved further in and then stopped when he saw Hawke standing next to the fireplace. "Sorry, I came to see Varric. I don't wish to intrude."

"You're not," Varric bustled to the door. "You two need to talk and this was the only way to get you together," he said before leaving and closing the door behind him.

Fenris was just about to turn and leave himself when he heard a key turn in the lock. He swore as he realized the dwarf had locked him into the room. Kicking the door in anger, he turned back to face Hawke and was surprised to see the mage hadn't moved and wasn't looking at him.

"Varric has been after me for several days to talk with you," Gavin said quietly, not looking up. "I don't know how much he's told you, but I've been bringing my brother with me. I figured it might help our relationship if I involved him more in what I was doing."

"Makes sense," the elf said noncommitally. He sensed that there was more to it than that and he didn't want to disrupt the mage's chain of thought. He was a little nervous being alone with Hawke, seeing as how the last time he'd almost gotten fried to a crisp.

"You'd think so," the mage snorted and then sighed. "Unfortunately, on the last job he screwed up his assignment and almost got Varric killed in the process. If he'd admitted to his mistake things probably would have been okay."

"I take it he didn't," Fenris stated.

"No, he tried to blame everyone else, again," Gavin sighed. "Now Varric is refusing to go anywhere with him, as is Merrill and Anders. Aveline's workload has increased significantly and she doesn't have much free time. Isabela has offered her services, but she's not the type of fighter who can keep a swarm of enemies off me if necessary."

"So, I'm your last resort then?" the elf said, his voice clearly indicating how insulting that was to him.

Gavin winced and looked down at his feet, "It's not like that."

"Then explain," Fenris folded his arms and waited.

"You are always my first choice," Gavin said firmly. "But I thought that you wouldn't want to be around me now, so I haven't asked for your help."

"Why?" the elf asked, confused.

Gavin sighed, "I know that working with mages makes you uncomfortable, and my actions a few weeks ago certainly didn't help."

"So you decided the best thing to do was avoid me," Fenris stated.

Gavin looked up and locked his gaze on the elf. "I want you to know that I am sincerely sorry for what I did, and I promise you that it will not happen again. I swear it on my sister's soul. But, if you want to have nothing more to do with me, I will understand."

Fenris was floored. If he was reading the mage right, the man meant every word he said. "No one has ever apologized to me for their actions before. Not sincerely at any rate."

"I wasn't myself, and I was drunk as a skunk, but that's no excuse for what I did," Gavin turned to stare into the fire once more. "I thought I had put my past behind me and I didn't know how to handle it. Anders made me realize how stupid I was being trying to bury the memories. He had to get ugly with me before I would admit he was right."

Fenris walked over and leaned against Varric's table in front of the fire. "I figured a good deal out on my own, based on what you'd said before the attack and your reaction afterwards."

"I should tell you the events that were the cause for my behavior," Gavin said quietly.

"I don't think that's necessary," the elf replied. "You keep saying that I don't owe you. Well, that works both ways. You don't owe me any explanation."

Gavin looked at the elf and then back into the fire. "I know, but I figured you of all people would understand how the pain of the past can color the future. In the short time I've known you, I've come to trust that you won't repeat anything I tell you in private. I think you need to hear it so that you can understand me better."

Fenris blinked in surprise, "You don't know how strange it is to hear that from a mage. Danarius demanded silence of his slaves, and punished harshly those who failed him."

"After I helped you that first time, you said you would wait and see what type of mage I was," Gavin smiled slightly. "In Tevinter, you had no choice but to obey. Here, you are free to do as you want, including telling anyone you like anything you hear. Can you think of a better way to prove myself?"

"A valid point Hawke," the elf nodded.

Gavin turned back to stare into the fire silently for a few minutes. "I was fourteen," he finally began. "My father had always warned us about being careful with our magic. One day, I took my sister, who was ten, into the woods behind our house to pick berries. We were kids and having fun just like any other normal kids. We picked berries and laughed and were having a good time. My sister has always looked up to me and was always fascinated by what I could do. She kept asking me to show her how I did it."

"You gave into her pleas," Fenris surmised.

Gavin nodded, "It was stupid and reckless, exactly what my father warned me against. But, I was overconfident and cocky because there'd been no sign of any templars for months. After showing off for a while, I realized it was starting to get dark and we headed for home. Halfway back, I heard someone following us and voices talking, it sounded like a large group. The few words I managed to catch told me it was templars and that they were hutning us. My first thought was to protect my sister."

Fenris waited silently for him to continue, sensing how difficult this was to talk about. When it seemed like the silence was going to stretch on, he said, "If you don't want to continue-"

"No, it's alright," Gavin shook his head. "I found a place for my sister to hide. I told her that I was going to try to lead them away and that as soon as it was safe she was to run home to father. I left her in hiding and headed in the opposite direction, making as much noise as I could. It worked. There were only four of them when they finally caught up with me. Whether it was fear making it sound like there were more, or if some were sent away, I never learned. From what they said, I thought for sure I was going to be hauled off to the circle on the spot. It was a price I would have to pay for my stupidity, but I was afraid of what would happen to my family, because of course they asked about them. There was no way they would believe that I lived alone, and the penalty for harboring apostates was severe. I begged and pleaded with them not to hurt my family and they agreed to leave them alone if I did everything they asked of me. I had no idea what they would do."

"They used you," the elf stated.

"I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that it was the longest night of my life," the mage whispered. "After they'd had their fun, they said that they had decided I could serve the Maker better if I wasn't in the circle. They set up camp and settled in to get some rest."

"They planned to use you until they were tired of you and then they would have most likely killed you to cover up what they'd done," Fenris said flatly. "What happened?"

"My father happened," Gavin answered. "Bethany had made it home and told him everything. My father was a highly skilled herbalist and healer, and an excellent hand at making potions and salves, but not that proficient with offensive magic. I don't know exactly what he did, but all of them were killed before they could reach for their weapons. He then healed me as best he could and took me home. We packed all our belongings and left that same night, wanting to get as far away as we could before someone came looking for them or us. Father and I never discussed the details of that night, and mother never asked."

"So, I am only the second person you've told this to," Fenris said softly and saw him nod. "Thank you for trusting me with it."

"It was after we settled in Lothering that I decided to learn other ways to fight and defend myself," Gavin went on. "I sought out a man living nearby who was a retired pit fighter and an excellent boxer. He then introduced me to another man who knew about hand-to-hand combat. I promised myself that I would never take my safety or the safety of my family for granted again, that I wouldn't be so careless with my magic." He turned to face the elf, meeting his gaze. "I failed in that promise to myself, and by doing so, failed you as well. I swear to you that I will never put you at that kind of risk again."

"I'll hold you to that promise mage," Fenris replied solemnly.

"Fair enough," Gavin felt the tension ease out of him. He was relieved that he hadn't ruined his chances with the elf. They were still a long way from having any kind of relationship, and he still didn't know if Fenris was into men, but at least there was still hope for that in the future.