Chapter Two: First Year

The first few months of school went by rather quickly for Olivia. Though it took her a while to become used to the method of schooling, such as quills and ink instead of regular pens, parchment instead of paper, and of course, the most shocking of all, a wand, she sank quiet easily into a routine.

By the end of her first day of lessons, Olivia came to the conclusion that she absolutely adored Hogwarts. Using magic was like nothing she had ever experienced in life. The way the incantation rolled from her lips, the way the wand vibrated in her hand as the spell soared from the tip, finding the perfect combination of the two actions, it was fascinating to her.

A passion began to burn within her, a need to learn as much as she possibly could, a compulsion to study how varying the slightest of movements or pronunciations could alter the spell. She found that all her energy was focused on studying the magic that she felt coursing through her veins every moment of everyday.

It wasn't long before the material she studied in classes wasn't enough to satisfy her cravings. She began to study further ahead, reading later and later chapters in her textbooks until she had read them all. Then she re-read them, doing her best to memorize the spells.

When she finished studying all the course work that would be assigned to her that year, which took her all of a month and a half, she discovered the wonders of the library. The rows upon rows of books enthralled her and she soon allowed them to become her second home. It became a common sight to see her with her nose buried in a book when she wasn't avidly taking notes in class.

Her fellow year mates, the three girls that shared her dorm and the five boys that were also within her house, soon gave up in trying to befriend her. It wasn't that she was unresponsive when they approached her. She was perfectly willing to set down her book when addressed. It was just that she didn't encourage their efforts at friendships.

If asked a question she was very likely to respond with the correct answer, after contemplating it for several moments. She had noticed that most of the first years found this to be odd. Her logical and exacting answers seemed to defeat the purpose of casual conversation and they soon stopped noticing her at all. She had several classes with the Gryffindors, as well as the other houses, but like her fellow Ravenclaw year mates, she didn't speak to any of them, nor did she really pay them any attention. All her thoughts centered on her education, almost like a compulsion to keep out all other, more painful, thoughts.

It wasn't until a letter arrived from her mother that she realized she had been using learning magic as a buffer against the pain of separation and the often panic-filled moments when she wondered if her mother was still alive.

The first letter arrived in late October. Olivia was seated at the far end of the Ravenclaw table, head buried in a book, a piece of bacon forgotten in her right hand. She was deeply engrossed in a defensive arts novel, her second favorite subject. She was certain that she would eventually come across a spell that would keep her mother safe. Every page she turned, she believed, brought her one page closer to the answer.

The whoosh of the owls sweeping into the hall had ceased to startle her after the first week, and today she didn't even notice it. The brown owl that landed behind her book ruffled its feathers in an attempt to gain her attention, but decided to peck at Olivia's fingers when the ruffling failed.

With a wince, Olivia snatched the book to her chest and glared down at the indignant owl. It wasn't until she tried to ask what it wanted that she realized how long it had been since she talked. Her voice was scratchy with disuse.

"What is it bird? Who are you looking for?" She asked quietly before chewing on the bacon that had been in her hand. As the owl held out its leg for her, Olivia felt the bacon harden painfully in her stomach.

"Me?" She squeaked. The owl hooted in response and hopped a little bit closer. Suddenly, the Defense spells meant nothing to her, the wand in her hand just another piece of wood. In a flash she was no longer Olivia Ballentine, aspiring witch, but just plain old Olivia, and all her fears were that much more real.

Her hands trembled so violently as she tried to remove the letter that she nearly knocked the bird over. It was quite glad to be free of her and left without so much as another hoot. With the letter gripped in both hands, Olivia didn't see it leave.

The letter was addressed to her, with a stamp and a return address that she recognized as her mother's house. She could see that her mother had attempted to send it by conventional mail, but it had somehow found it's way to an owlery. She would have to find out how that worked.

But first things first. As Olivia stared at the letter, her insides began to shake, the trembles spreading out until it was her entire body that was quivering. What was in the letter? Was it good or bad? She had to still be alive to be able to send her a letter, so that meant it was possibly good news. Then again, it could just as easily be a letter saying that her stepfather was on his last straw and she couldn't have that much more time left.

Olivia rapidly came to the conclusion that she couldn't open this letter in the Great Hall, not with all those prying eyes on her. Though she knew no one noticed her, or would likely notice her if she did receive the worst news possible, she couldn't stomach the thought that someone might.

Forgetting her book, bag, and half eaten plate of food, Olivia stood from the table and walked quickly and quietly from the hall. She stopped just outside the doors and collapsed immediately on the main stairs, breathing heavily.

Her fingers made it difficult to open the letter with all the shaking they were doing, but she finally managed to pull out the faded to yellow paper. It was folded neatly in threes and a quick glance at the handwriting showed that it had been written with a steady hand. Not the characteristics of a last letter kind of thing. Maybe it was good news after all?

With a deep breath, Olivia launched herself into the letter.

My dearest Livy,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I regret not having said a proper goodbye at the station, as well as the fact that it took so long for me to write you this letter. I know how you will have worried needlessly. Always my fierce little protector. I am fine.

Your stepfather has gone out to sea; he will be gone until just before you are due to return from your classes for the summer. However, I believe it would be best that you remained at school for Christmas. I know that you will want to protest this, but I feel it is for the best. If you were to come home for that short break, I don't believe I'll have the strength to send you away from me again.

I must confess, my dearest Livy, that I miss you terribly. It was harder then I could ever have imagined letting you go. But this really is for the best. One day I will explain to you why it is so imperative that you pursue your magical education with all of your heart and mind. But today is not the day. Just know that every moment you spend learning is a moment in which I feel pride for you.

Know that I always love you, and I am counting the days until you return. I will try to send you more letters, but until then, carry with you my heart, for it is yours, my daughter.

Love,

Your Mother

Clutching the letter in her hand, Olivia bent at the waist, pressing her forehead against her knees. The news about Christmas had been a blow to her heart that she hadn't been expecting. Until the letter, she hadn't thought of what she would do for the holidays. But within the minute that she read the word she had dared to dream of seeing her mother again only to have the full meaning of the sentence crush that dream viscously.

Tears filled her eyes and spilled over as she felt an overwhelming sense of homesickness swamp her. Her stepfather was out to sea, so her mother was ok. For now. But the months that he spent away were the best for Olivia. It was when he was absent from their home that her mother lost that haunted look in her eye, lost the frailness. It was then that Olivia felt most like a child with a loving mother.

To miss out on almost ten months of those blissful moments when she could laugh without fear of waking the monster, of banging the dishes in the kitchen, of screaming out her frustration, was depressing. Olivia felt her thin little shoulders start to shake with silent sobs as the tears dripped onto her school robes.

"Olivia?" called a voice.

With a gasp, Olivia sat up straight and muttered a spell towards her face to clear away the tears. However, she was certain that her eyes as well as the tip of her nose were quite red. Embarrassment began to curl in her stomach.

She sniffed pitifully and looked at the person standing before her. Teddy Lupin. She tilted her head to the side softly and brought her brows down in consternation. What was he doing here? She hadn't spoken to him since the train. In fact, she had nearly forgotten he even existed until this very moment.

"What is it?" She asked in a voice thick with tears as she clutched her hands tight around her wand and the now tear-stained letter. She watched as his ears turned the slightest red in embarrassment and gestured weakly with his hands.

"You forgot these at your table when you left. I thought…" he seemed to flounder for words as she looked even more puzzled. He was holding her book bag and the defensive spell book she had been reading from.

"Oh."

The sudden act of kindness made the pain of not seeing her mother all the more harder. She couldn't find a logical explanation as to why his actions had made her miss her mother, but nonetheless fresh tears filled her eyes and to both their horrors, began to fall down her cheeks.

"Don't—" Teddy spluttered hastily, the male's gut reaction to female tears.

"Thanks!" Olivia cut him off as she grabbed her things from his hands and ran up the stairs without another word. She booked it for the library, where she was most comfortable, wanting to hide away until she could control her emotions again.

In her actions, she didn't notice when the letter slipped from her hands and fluttered to the floor. Teddy bent down and grabbed it up quickly. He glanced at the tearstains before shoving it into his pocket and out of sight.

In class later that day Olivia worked extra hard on her notes. If she saw Teddy trying to catch her eye during the Transfiguration class they shared, she only ducked her head lower and concentrated harder. Hard enough that the embarrassment was drowned in a field of knowledge.

Olivia, after reliving the embarrassing scene several times, immersed herself so far into her studies that time seemed to pass without any meaning to her. She vaguely recalled the sign up sheet being pushed into her hands, asking her if she intended to stay over the Christmas holiday, and she signed it with a shaking quill.

But then she was in the library, sitting at her favorite table, immersed in a book, or pouring over parchment as she completed assignments. She did notice a sudden increase in the amount of homework she received, but while other students groaned, she smiled. It just meant she had more things to learn, more magic to master.

And then one day she was sitting in class, putting away the last of her freshly made notes and pulling out her day planner, ready to write down her assignments, already trying to organize how she would spend her time completing her other tasks. What she would work on first, how much time she would allow herself to complete it, if she would do any extra research other then what had been explained to her in class and what she already knew.

Professor Flitwick, however, instead of assigning more homework wished them a Merry Christmas and said he would see them at the start of the new term in three weeks time. This caused Olivia to blink in confusion, and then stare down at her day planner. Sure enough, the date was deceivingly close to Christmas.

A depression wanted to creep into her, a depression that came directly from the thought of not seeing her mother again until June, and she struggled to push it back by thinking of the spell to lift things into the air. She had read somewhere in a text book for third years that you could go further after lifting by casting another charm for hovering, but she was almost certain that with the right wand movement, she could effectively lift and hover with the same charm…

And just like that she re-entered her fog. She stopped observing the passing of time once more as she contemplated just what the right wand movement could be. Or perhaps it had to do more with how she pronounced the incantation?

Christmas morning came as quite a shock to Olivia. She had been using her holidays to study up on the coursework that had been covered so far, going over the useful spells she had been taught and adding on her own spin and alterations to make them easier for herself to perform.

Consequently, she had been quite late the night before, finally achieving the lift and hover charm in one. It had been a combination of the incantation, Wingardium Leviosa, and wand movement. She found if she drew out the S sound in Leviosa, and added a final jab high in the air at the end of her wand flick, she could get the object to however quite nicely. She wondered why the teachers had never mentioned this in class.

Due to her late studies, she had slept in until nearly half way through the morning and didn't wake until after ten. She stretched with a yawn and a slight grumble in her stomach, for dinner had been quite some time before. Rubbing her sleepy eyes, she stretched her feet out as far as she could, feeling the muscles pull, and feeling something quite heavy nudge against he foot.

With a quizzical frown, she looked towards the end of her bed and saw a small pile of neatly wrapped presents. She hesitated before opening them, feeling the depression tugging at her heart. But if they were from her mother, wouldn't it be good if she opened them? Maybe there was something within the pile that would make her happy again…

Several minutes, and even more presents opened, later Olivia sat surrounded by shiny new objects that did very little to lift her spirits. Her mother had sent her a new scarf, blue to match her eyes, a very pretty locket that had a picture of her mother on one side and a blank frame on the other. She had put this on immediately and ran her fingers along the silver chain now. She had also received two new books, one of which was about magical history, one of her more favored subjects, and another that contained some of the most intriguing transfiguration spells that was written by none other than Danton Ballentine. The rest of her presents had been extra school supplies, such as quills, ink, and parchments, which she was very grateful for.

She had received one other present, wrapped almost haphazardly with more tape then was ever needed. It was small and came with no note, but she knew it wasn't from her mother due to it's terrible wrapping job, and that paper it came in, which was different from all the rest.

Inside, folded neatly into tissue paper was a delicate silver bracelet. The clasp was of two interlinking hearts and dangling from the middle were two small charms. They were of beautifully written cursive. An O and a B.

Olivia Ballentine.

She puzzled over who would have bought this for her, and why. It obviously wasn't from her mother, as her mother had already gotten her jewelry, the necklace. But she didn't have any other relatives that could have sent it to her. At least, none that she knew of or who had tried to contact her before today. It seemed highly unlikely that they would start now with a bracelet that was obviously of high quality.

Perhaps it was from a professor? Or maybe even the headmaster, one Professor McGonagall? But no, that made no sense either. She didn't talk to her professors nor the headmaster, not even once. She was certain they didn't even know her name. Sure, they read all her homework assignments, and graded them, but this was done almost anonymously. The homework was turned in with a stack of others and was passed back in that same stack. No, she was unknown to her teachers.

As well as her fellow students. She wasn't friends with any of them. After the first few weeks of school, when she had proven herself to be a bit of a recluse and nearly entirely obsessed with her studies, they had stopped trying to talk to her, stopped noticing her.

So who could it be from?

Scrunching up her nose to keep her glasses from falling down, she shrugged. What did it matter? It was obviously for her, since it had been delivered to her room and had her initials on it. And it was pretty. Almost more beautiful then the necklace given to her by her mother. Like all mysteries, she was certain that there was a logical explanation behind who had given her the bracelet. She simply hadn't thought of it yet.

Clasping it onto her wrist, Olivia grabbed her newest book, the one by Danton Ballentine and headed out of the girls dormitory and down the stairs. Her initial destination was the library, as she wanted some place quiet to read. She had assumed that the rest of her roommates were awake already and down in the common room and she intended only to pass through.

But as she walked into the common room she found it, strangely, deserted. Not a soul was in sight. She frowned as she walked cautiously over to the comfy looking couches sat before the fire that was roaring within the mantel. Though the backs of the chairs faced her, she was certain that if she peered around the edge to look, there would be no one sitting in them.

Sure enough, they were empty. With slow movements, afraid that at any moment someone would pop through the door and startle her, Olivia sank down into the armchair before the fire. They were as comfortable as they had always looked to her.

Sighing, Olivia sank down into the cushions more firmly and opened up her book. She had never actually sat in one of the chairs before. Mostly because whenever she was in the common room, which was very rarely, students always occupied them, students she wasn't interested in approaching.

Now, there were no students. So she felt free to sit in the chairs for as long as she liked. With a puzzled frown, Olivia decided that she was probably the only student who had decided, or been forced rather, to stay at school over the Christmas holiday. She was likely the only student who came from a troubled home, who had a mother that "loved her too much to let go of a second time".

With a sigh, Olivia concentrated hard on the words before her instead of the black thoughts in her head. She read for quite some time, oblivious to the empty common room around her and the fire that crackled as it spread its warmth over her body as she curled into the chair.

So when a loud POP sounded, ricocheting off the walls and bouncing along all the nerve endings in her entire being, Olivia let out a shrill scream, jumped up from the chair, and dropped her book as she clutched at her chest, breathing heavily as her wide eyes came to rest on the funny little creature standing before her.

"Excuse me miss, Tully did not mean to scare you," the tiny creature said, looking up at her with huge eyes, eyes that took up nearly two thirds of her face. If it was a her, that is. Olivia had the hardest time telling, as the creature didn't exactly have hair or features that could distinguish it as male or female. And though it wasn't naked, it wasn't wearing what she would consider clothes.

"Tha—" Olivia paused to clear her throat as she found it was scratchy with disuse. "That's quite alright… I was reading you see… I wasn't paying much attention."

Olivia watched in horror as the huge eyes welled with tears, big liquid tears that dripped slowly from her eyes onto the carpet with loud plops.

"Really its quite alright! There's no need to cry, you've done nothing wrong, I assure you," she stepped forward hastily as she spoke wanting to bring comfort to the creature before her. She was certain now that the creature was female. She didn't believe that a male would cry that way. The elf, for she recognized the creature now as a house elf, what with the big pointed ears and lack of proper clothing that she had read of in a book somewhere, sniffed and wiped at one last tear.

"Well, if Misses says it's alright…"

"Yes, yes, I'm quite fine. You did no harm at all. No need for tears now," Olivia tried her hand at a smile and found it almost as hard as talking. It seemed she had gone quite some time without doing that as well.

"Yes, Miss. Tully has been sent to request that you join the teachers and other students who remained for a Christmas dinner. It is set to start in a half hours time," Tully said with a deep bow.

"Yes, well, thank you I am rather hungry. I guess I shall head down now," Olivia said awkwardly. She wasn't sure what else she was supposed to say to the elf. It seemed like forever since she had had a conversation with someone, let alone an elf.

"Pardon me, Miss. But wouldn't you like to err… change?" Tully's eyes started to tear up as if she had said something bad. Olivia frowned at the elf, but hastily stopped when she heard the plopping of more tears. However, looking down she realized she was still in her night things.

"Oh, yes, I suppose you're right," Olivia nodded before bending to gather up her book.

"And maybe, brush your hair?" the elf suggested timidly, but luckily without any more tears.

"My curls are a bit unruly. Are you going to suggest a bath as well?" Olivia teased lightly as she smiled crookedly at the elf, finding it a little bit easier this time.

"I would yes, but Misses doesn't have enough time for that," Tully said quite seriously. Olivia frowned again. She hadn't realized her appearance was that bad. But then again, she had been living in a fog.

"Well, I'll just go freshen up then," Olivia said with a small sigh as she headed up to her dormitory. She went into the bathroom and stared at her face in the mirror above the sink. She supposed she had let her appearance slack off. It wasn't that she had given up on personal hygiene, far from it. She brushed her teeth twice a day as well as showered, mostly every day unless she forgot or was too busy. But she had let her hair run a little wild.

With a sigh, she took off her thin-rimmed glasses and washed her face quickly in the warm water. Then she brushed her teeth thoroughly before sliding her glasses back on and grabbing her hairbrush.

There were several tangles in her curls, which made her wince every time she pulled her brush through one, but at last her black hair, which reached a little past her shoulders, was shining and flowing with lose curls.

Now, what to wear? She walked back into her dorm room and fell to her knees before her trunk. She wasn't even sure what she had packed in there anymore, or what was clean, if there were any clean clothes left in there! It was like she hadn't been paying attention to anything other then her studies, she thought with a frown as she rummaged through her things. When had she become like this?

At last, after digging down to the very bottom of her trunk, she decided on a cream colored fitted sweater that had quarter length sleeves, coupled with a black pleated skirt that stopped a little short of her knees. She must have been hitting a growth spurt because the last time she had warn this skirt, it had reached below her knees.

As she was turning to leave for the great hall, Olivia spied her transfiguration book. She agonized for several moments over whether or not she should take it with her down to the feast. After all, it might be that there was no one at the feast at all besides teachers and she would be completely bored out of her mind. Why waste such a good opportunity to study?

But Tully had mentioned "fellow students" when she had asked Olivia to come down to the great hall. That meant that there would be students there. And while she felt no problem hiding within a large group of students by burying her head in a book, it would be quite noticeable if she were one of just a few students.

No, best to leave it behind even though she wanted to clutch it in her hands like a lifeline. Bracing herself for the unknown, Olivia left her common room and started towards the Great Hall with shaking limbs.

AN: Review please :]