Title: A bad person.

Continuity: Anytime between 'The Merger' (Season Three's 8th episode) and 'Travelling Salesmen' (Season Three's 13th episode.)

Song: -.

Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Jim-centric. Okay, this one is weird. When I first imagined I thought: 'Jim talks about how he feels when he realizes that Karen is a re-bound and that he's using her; Jim reflects about being a bad person'. But then I started thinking about the whole concept of 'being a bad person', and I came up with this idea of having a "divided pov's of the same person" chapter: on one hand, we have Jim's actual thoughts (the little parts at the beginning and the end) and on the other hand, we have his conscience, telling him what he already knows but refuses to hear. I hope you enjoy it.

I didn't mean to act this way.

I'm not always like this.

I was heartbroken and I didn't know what to do.

I was desperate.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Things just happened and I played along. (Anyone would have done the same... I guess.)

I think I just need time and things will be okay. Maybe with time I'll be able to move on.

Trying to move on doesn't make me a bad person. (Theoretically...)

Besides, I can always fix things up. (Right?)

When you find yourself dating someone just to convince yourself that your life isn't over when the woman you love rejects you, you should become aware of the fact that's wrong and that you're using them. And that's bad. That is in fact, awfully immoral.

When you find yourself involuntarily thinking of, listening to, sighing and staring at the woman you're supposed to be over, you should know that's not healthy or appropriate. That's actually kind of pathetic.

When you say you love a woman, but instead you feel like your life depends on another one, you're in trouble.

When you spend all the time trying to figure out how to stop loving your 'ex' best friend instead of spending it with your girlfriend, you definitively have a problem.

When you look into your girlfriend's eyes, and instead of feeling love towards her you can't help but whishing she was someone else or that you were someone else or that your heart could simply help you in your attempt of falling for her, you should realize that can't be normal. You should realize that love doesn't work that way because it comes naturally and all the effort in the world won't make you fall in or out of love with someone. The heart makes the choice. And you should try to be okay with that choice, whatever that is.

When you're forced to try to convince yourself (and everybody else) that what you feel is love because even you have troubles believing it, then maybe love's not what you're feeling.

When you know deep down inside of you that you're just pretending to love someone but you don't say anything because you got too entangled with all the lies you told and all the things you did wrong, then you're- or you've become, which is practically the same- an idiotic, chronic liar. Generally, you shouldn't be in that position- too trapped within the lies but too afraid to tell the truth because of the mess that could cause and the hearts that could break; but liars usually get themselves into that kind of situations.

When the fear of someone eventually finding out about the truth and everything falling apart consumes you, then you know you're in danger and that it's your entire fault – and you deserve it for hiding the truth for so long.

Being that kind of guy is wrong. Doing those things is despicable, and it makes you a bad person.

But overall, when you know that you are- or you're acting like- a bad person, you should simply stop and make things right.

There isn't other way around.

Excuses don't work. You don't get to even try to deny it with the usual lines. That's just lame and it's not going to get you anywhere.

Things are usually simpler than people dares to admit.

You can either want to make things right and do it (no delays, no doubts, no complications, no remorse) or you can't want to make things but not being brave enough to do it (which is the situation that frequently starts that vicious circle where things just get more and more complicated.)

But even if you're among the ones who aren't brave enough, you should know that everything's possible, and that once you find some courage and start acting in the way you're supposed to, you'll realize that what you feared wasn't so terrible when you compare it with the rewards of bravery.

The choice between good and bad is up to you. Like it's always been.

You just have to pick one and act in consequence.

I used to think I was a good person. I think I was. I believe I was the kind of guy who would never hurt anyone if he could help it.

It's a shame that I'm not that person anymore. I liked being the good guy.

But since now I can't stop hurting the people I care about, I guess those days are over.