Chapter 12

"Hey Broody, you home?" Varric shouted as he slammed the door closed behind him and headed for the stairs to the second floor where the elf could usually be found.

Fenris looked up from the armor he was cleaning as he heard the dwarf stomping towards him. Sighing, he placed the cleaning rag to one side and sat back in his chair. He had a pretty good idea why Varric was here and wasn't looking forward to the conversation.

"There you are," Varric stated the obvious.

"Where else would I be?" the elf queried. "If you're looking for Hawke, he's not here right now."

"Damn and blast," the dwarf growled as he flung himself into a chair opposite his friend. "He hasn't been home in almost a week. His mother's worried about him."

"Did she tell you why he hasn't been home?" Fenris cocked his head. Seeing the dwarf shake his head he frowned. "Ever since he basically grounded his brother, they've been giving him a hard time. He told them he wouldn't stay there if they were going to treat him that way."

"Why would his mother give him grief about that?" the dwarf frowned. "Surely having him there is better than watching him hang."

"Well, apparently she feels that Hawke should be a little more forgiving," the elf said sarcastically. "His uncle's no better. Carver has his mother convinced that it was all a misunderstanding and that Hawke overreacted."

"I don't understand how she can believe anything that boy says anymore," Varric shook his head.

"Hawke told me that mother's are like that," Fenris retorted. "They tend to have a blind eye when it comes to their children."

"Well, whatever," the dwarf shrugged. "She asked me to find Hawke and tell him to come home. I take it he's been staying here?"

"Not every night," Fenris answered. "And before you ask, I don't know where he spent those other nights. But, until his family realizes that he's not the bad guy in this situation, Hawke has no intention of returning home."

"Well, if you see him, tell him that I've got a lead on a job for him," Varric said as he stood up. "There's a merchant in Hightown by the name of Hubert. Says he's looking for help and willing to pay handsomely. Also, Merrill came to me and asked me to ask Hawke for help."

"Why would that blood mage need his help?" Fenris asked, his lip curling in disgust.

"She's not a bad person Fenris, don't condemn her just because of her foolishness," Varric said curtly.

"Whether she's good or bad is irrelevant," the elf snorted. "She consorted with demons and nothing good ever comes of that. Worse, she naively thinks she's the one in control. That makes her foolish and dangerous."

"Look, she told me that a woman in the Alienage is in trouble," the dwarf sighed. "She merely wants to see if Hawke can do anything to help. Pass the message on and have him come see me with his answer."

"Fine," Fenris growled.

"Okay, see you later."

Fenris watched Varric walk away, a frown on his face. Even though Hawke didn't trust the dalish girl, the man had a generous and kind heart. He wouldn't turn his back on someone he knew was in trouble, regardless of the danger involved. He was unlike any other mage Fenris had encountered in his life. Hawke didn't seek power, wealth, or fame. He didn't even use his magic if he didn't absolutely have to, something the elf thought no mage would ever do. In Tevinter, power meant prestige and the magisters greedily sought it and used their magic with no restraint whatsoever.

Even here in Kirkwall, the mages running around the city used their power all the time to serve their own ends. Not one mage he'd ever met had ever used their power to help others until Hawke. Even Anders couldn't claim the same, regardless of how many of the poor he healed. Even though the mage despised blood magic, he would cheerfully turn a blind eye to it if it meant that templars died as a result. Nothing was too much if it furthered the cause of freedom for mages.

Hawke was an amazing man, Fenris admitted to himself. He was brave, kind, thoughtful, and patient. He was also very attractive, to both men and women. Did he find the mage attractive? Yes, he did. Did he like the mage personally? Yes. As he acknowledge these facts he wondered at it. Not long ago he would have scoffed at the suggestion that he could not only like a mage, but also be attracted to one. It had been so long since he'd been attracted to anyone, male or female, that he had no idea what to do about. He had no memory of his past, so he couldn't fall back on prior experience. Emersed in his thoughts, he never heard Hawke enter the room.

Gavin stood silently for a moment in the doorway watching the elf staring into the fire. It seemed Fenris was unaware he was there and so he took the opportunity to ogle the elf, something he rarely got to do. The lean, muscular body. The graceful arch to the eyebrows. The lyrium brands on his body seemed to glow in the light of the fire. The mage's pulse raced and he had to struggle to control his breathing at the mere sight of the elf. He knew that his heart belonged to Fenris, to do with as he wished. Did the elf feel anything for him? Unbidden, an image of Jethann popped into his head and he felt a little twinge of guilt. The courtesan was coming to care for him, had even admitted that he did. But, there could be nothing more than friendship between them. Was it right for him to keep seeing Jethann when what he really wanted was to be with Fenris? That question had no answer so he pushed it aside for the time being.

"You look troubled Fenris," he stated softly, entering the room to take the chair opposite the elf.

"Hawke, I didn't hear you come in," Fenris started at the mage's sudden appearance.

"I noticed," Gavin smiled, holding the other's gaze until the elf looked away. "You were deep in thought about something. Is everything all right?"

"Yes..no..," the elf hesitated. Looking up at the mage, he saw the man waiting patiently, and decided to start with the easy part. "Varric came by today, he's got a lead on a job for us."

Gavin didn't think Fenris realized he automatically included himself and smiled inwardly. The elf may not be ready to hear a declaration of undying love, but he did consider himself an important part of Gavin's life. "What's the job?"

"A merchant by the name of Hubert is supposedly looking to hire quality help and paying handsomely for it," the elf told him. "Varric didn't say what the job was."

"Well, it's not like we can be too picky about what we do," Gavin said thoughtfully. "This is the first opportunity to come our way since paying off those smugglers to get them off Carver's back."

"Varric also said your mother wants you to come home," Fenris said softly and saw the mage stiffen. He waived his hand, "I told him that wasn't going to happen and to pass the message on to her."

"She wants me to make peace with Carver and I won't," Gavin said with a frown. "She can't keep treating him like a little boy and excusing his actions. I keep wondering if Bethany had lived if things would be different now. I don't know what effect the loss of his twin had on Carver, but mother has been extra clingy since that day."

"She lost her daughter and her home," Fenris observed. "Maybe she's simply afraid she's going to lose you and Carver too."

"Well, she needs to get over it," Gavin said stubbornly. "She's only making things worse at home. Maker, I wish that we hadn't come to this wretched city."

"You know what they say, if wishes were horses-," Fenris said, a smile curving his lips.

"Beggars would ride," Gavin finished with a chuckle.

"Seriously though Hawke, you could be worse off," Fenris said softly. "At least you have a family and a home. Many in your situation aren't so lucky." He waited for some kind of response, but didn't get any. "At least do me the favor of checking in with her sometime. I don't need Varric pounding on my door looking for you."

"I planned on stopping by there later on to drop off some food for them," Gavin nodded. "Is it alright if I come back here to sleep?"

"Of course," Fenris nodded. He wanted to ask where else the mage was spending his nights but decided that was too personal a question.

"Was that all that was bothering you?" Gavin asked and saw the elf shift uncomfortably.

"Varric also had a message from Merrill for you," Fenris replied.

"What does she want?" Gavin asked, suspicion coloring his words.

"Apparently someone she knows in the Alienage needs help, your help to be exact," the elf told him. "Whether that's true or not, I don't know."

"I know that Varric feels sorry for her and has been looking out for her," the mage said quietly. "He told me that she's feeling lost and alone. I think he expected me to feel sympathetic because I'm a mage and a refugee to boot. Needless to say he was disappointed."

"He's a dwarf," Fenris shrugged. "They know nothing about magic and don't understand the dangers involved. All he sees is a naive girl with no friends and no family."

"She made a conscious decision to practice blood magic," Gavin said harshly. "Now she has to face the consequences of her actions. " He was silent for a few minutes before speaking again, "However, if there is another person who needs help, then the least I can do is look into it. You'll come with me won't you?"

"I'll be there to watch your back," Fenris nodded.

"Good," Gavin nodded. "If it's a trick on her part, at least I won't be facing her alone."

"He seems to think that she's harmless," the elf shook his head, unable to fathom it.

"My father told me long ago that no good ever came from dealing with any kind of spirit, demon or otherwise," Gavin told him. "He said that creatures of the Fade, whether noble or evil, were so different from us that dealing with them was dangerous, even for an experienced mage. Did you know that there's a class of mage known as Spirit Healers?"

"No, what are they?" Fenris cocked his head.

"Spirit Healers draw power from the "good" spirits of the fade. That power enables them to heal the most serious, even life threatening, wounds and injuries," the mage elaborated. "However, to do so requires an open channel to the Fade, basically a bridge between there and our world. It is dangerous and so those with the ability are among the most closely watched and guarded."

"Anders did say that there were spirits that embody our virtues, but I didn't really believe him," the elf snorted.

"Well, it's true," Gavin nodded. "But, it is never a good idea to deal openly with any spirit of the fade. Mankind is riddled with sin and we are the ones who define the relationship. Demons seek us out because we, as a whole, have the qualities they look for: desire, greed, envy and so forth. Good spirits don't seek us because we have nothing to offer them. They will help in certain situations, but otherwise they ignore us. Anders and Justice is a unique situtaion, one that is unlikely to occur again. But, it's not a natural one and I fear that it will end badly for them both."

"Your father apparently was a very wise and knowledgable man," Fenris said quietly.

"Some days I really miss him," Gavin looked down at his hands. "He would have known how to handle Carver and mother. He always seemed to know exactly what to do in any situation."

Fenris heard the sadness in the mage's voice and suddenly felt an overpowering need to offer comfort. He pushed down the impulse to get up and go over to Gavin. Instead he said, "At least you can remember him and draw upon what he's taught you. Some days, I find myself wondering what my family was like and cursing Denarius for performing the ritual that stripped my memories of them."

"I hope that you get your memory back someday," Gavin said earnestly. "I can't imagine what it must be like to not know."

"Whether I do or not, it's no matter," Fenris shrugged it off. "Maybe my past is such that I would be better off not knowing. I can live with it, most days."

The two fell silent staring into the fire, each lost in their thoughts. Finally Gavin stirred and then stood up. "The Hightown market should be open for a couple more hours. Why don't we go find this Hubert fellow and see what he's offering."

"Good idea," Fenris nodded, getting to his feet as well. "I need to pick up some more wine and Hightown has the best selections."

"And I should see about food and things for the family," Gavin said as he preceded the elf out of the room and down to the front door. "But, after I drop them off I would like to come back here for the night. If that's alright with you?" he added quickly.

"You already asked that and I already said yes," Fenris chuckled softly. "I'll pick up a couple of extra bottles so we don't run out too soon."