Chapter Five
Charlie tentatively followed Joey up the stairs of the apartment building and onto the first floor. They turned left and Joey stopped at a front door. Charlie took note of her surroundings, just in case she wanted to return. The way her heart was soaring at getting to spend time with Joey made her feel fairly sure that she would. If she was allowed. She hoped she would be. Words couldn't tell how much she had missed her, even if to the world it might not look to be so. She'd waited three months for Joey to come home. But she hadn't. Then when Ruby had decided to sleep with Xavier, harbouring secret motherly love for her, had made her panic. Her little girl was growing up. She was outgrowing her and she was getting ready to enter the adult world. That's how she and Angelo had ended up reuniting. It was meant to have been a one night thing and it had thrown them both through a loop, not least because Angelo had been seeing a girl called May at the time. And Charlie had felt like she was cheating on Joey too. It had been hard to psyche herself up and make a go of things with Angelo then. Her mind had been in disarray. She knew that he wasn't the person she wanted to spend her life with. She'd known for sure that that place in her heart belonged to nobody but Joey Collins. But how long was she meant to wait for her? How long was she supposed to keep holding on? And she had a connection with Angelo. They had dated briefly before and he had always been so nice to her. She would always remember that lovely date on the beach that he had taken her on – back when she was desperately trying to make an obviously disinterested Roman want her. And she'd bonded with him since his return. At first she'd been horrified that he was back in the Bay but then his grief and guilt over what he had done had been more than a little overwhelming. And by that point, Charlie certainly wasn't a stranger to guilt and grief. She missed Joey with every beat of her heart and she knew that she would never forgive herself for hurting her and for losing her. So, joined in sadness, she and Angelo had made something work.
Aside from some local hostility, although fortunately for Angelo, that hadn't lasted, things had gone well between them. At least, they had until the accident. It was the day of Belle and Aden's wedding and Angelo had organised a surprise for her. He'd got a picnic together and wanted to take her out on a boat. She'd freaked out. That was a Joey thing. It had been at a picnic on a boat that she had first realised that she was in love with her. And later, Joey had told her that it was the same for her. She had already been slightly uncomfortable with dating Angelo, as if she were cheating on Joey again. But to go out on a boat for a romantic afternoon with Angelo was too much. She'd made her excuses and backed away into the road, just as Brett had come speeding round the corner. That day had essentially changed her life. Charlie had been forced to tell her boyfriend about her ex-girlfriend and he'd been shocked to say the least. He'd dumped her, saying it wasn't because she was bisexual but because she'd hidden it. He said it was a big part of herself to keep hidden and she'd known even then that she was right. That's how everything else had tumbled out. Angelo had criticised her for not being open and honest with him, for not letting him in. The accident had brought up issues from her past, specifically the fact that she had been the one to give birth to Ruby, not her mother. She'd confided in Angelo and he'd encouraged her to tell Ruby the truth. In a small way, she almost blamed him for it. She was sure she could have kept her mouth shut and then Ruby wouldn't now be living with Irene. She didn't think it was the kind of lie that needed to be shown up as so. But Morag had cottoned on and everything had got out of control. Finally, Charlie had broken and told Ruby the truth. And it had been a long journey since to try and get back the relationship they had once had.
Angelo had supported her through it all as a friend and for that she had been grateful. And then they'd got back together. Things had been going well until Grant Bledcoe had come back into their lives and been murdered. It turned out to have been her father who had done it and everyone was desperately hoping that the courts would go easy on him, considering his vulnerable position and the fact that Grant had raped his daughter and got her pregnant when she was young. During the investigation, the Detective leading it, Robert Robertson, had shown Charlie some dodgy photos of Angelo with some strippers, out of uniform. They'd split up again when she'd accused him of cheating, although in her heart of hearts, she couldn't help but think it was karma. Joey had felt that bad. She'd probably felt worse, really. Joey had loved Charlie far more deeply than Charlie loved Angelo. She still didn't love him – not the way she felt she ought to, not the way everyone else insisted that she should. But she'd still been devastated. She'd still felt betrayed. And she hated herself for putting her darling Joey through that. Eventually, it had been revealed that Angelo was working under cover when he'd been talking to the strippers. It had taken a while for them to make up but eventually Angelo had told her all about his secret mission, the reason he had been allowed to shirk responsibility for killing a colleague. And she'd helped him bring the people smuggling operation down. He'd worked hard and got suspended temporarily and Charlie had risked life and limb for the cause. She'd been knocked out and nearly murdered by Hugo, the same Hugo she'd cheated on Joey with.
Everything had been so strange after that. Christmas had come and gone and in the New Year, Charlie and Angelo had gone on holiday together. It hadn't been their first holiday but it had been nice. Except for the nightmares. For weeks after that day with Hugo, Charlie had suffered terribly with nightmares about the trauma. And it had made her think of Joey again, as if she had needed an excuse. Joey had endured terrible nightmares after she'd been raped by Robbo and each night it had broken Charlie's heart. Each night, back when they had just been friends, she had gone in to see to her and make sure she was okay. Angelo hadn't been quite as sympathetic. That had been disappointing but she'd long since learnt to accept that as much as he loved her, his world generally revolved around himself. He cared but not enough to really empathise. He'd even gone as far as, once they'd found out he was allowed to stay in Summer Bay after his mission was complete, that her nightmares had really been concern over losing him. She'd made agreeable noises at the time but it wasn't true. Thinking about it now, if she was being honest, she hadn't been that thrilled when he'd been told he could stay, especially when he was promoted above her. She'd been jealous of that, and it meant that their relationship was no longer temporary, something she'd assumed it always would be.
That's what really messed them up last time. Angelo had got so carried away with being off the hook for Jack's death, bringing Hugo and his gang down, being promoted and being stationed in Yabbie Creek. He'd suddenly seemed to want to set down roots. They'd been enjoying a nice afternoon together when he had asked her to move in with him. And that's when this bout of trouble had begun. Charlie had stalled at first and then Angelo had realised that she didn't want to live with him. He'd been hurt and stropped about like a teenager for a while. Then he'd challenged her over her commitment problems and as much as she had tried to deny it, she thought perhaps his theory was right in part. She had banked on her relationship with Angelo being temporary. And she'd known full well that Roman was in love with Martha right from the beginning. But Joey didn't fit the mould. She didn't fit any pattern she'd ever had. Charlie had cheated because she was afraid. She'd desperately tried to prove that she wasn't gay and the talk of the town had got too much for her. But she hadn't wanted to sabotage things, not even subconsciously. The moment it happened, before, during and afterwards, she had been disgusted with herself. She'd remained in Hugo's bed and cried herself to sleep. Then she'd done the walk of shame in the morning and desperately tried to spend the next few days stopping Joey from finding out. She'd been too afraid to tell her truth and now she wondered if that had been a mistake. But the thought of losing her had been too much and she had tried so hard to protect herself and Joey from the truth. But she'd found out and left her anyway and Charlie had missed her ever since. No, Joey hadn't been sabotage. Joey had been terrible fear ruling her mind and body. Losing Joey had been the biggest mistake of her life. And now she was here, standing at the door of her apartment, waiting to go inside while Joey struggled with her key. She was set to be moving in with Angelo and she knew in her heart of hearts that she was making a mistake. Joey was where she wanted to be.