Title: Questions.

Continuity: 'A Benihana Christmas.' (Season Three's 10th episode.)

Song: -

Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.

Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Third person narrative. You'll notice that whoever it is who describes the scene doesn't mention Jim or Pam by their names, but just as 'the man' or 'the girl', etc. I just hope that you, dear readers, don't hate this sort of 'abstract perspective' and that you don't find it confusing. I just wanted to try something a little different, so I basically described the scene briefly throwing lots of Jim and Pam's thoughts in the middle every now and then. Although it starts as a Jim and Pam - centric, it becomes strongly Pam-centric towards the end. Um, that's all. Read and enjoy, or try to.

"Bye Pam." The man walked right past her on his way out.

"Night." She felt a sting of pain in the place where her heart used to be – she didn't know if it was still there. She didn't even know if she wanted it to be there. What was the use on having a heart if all it was supposed to feel was pain? Maybe her heart had left and she hadn't noticed it.

I'm like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, she figured. Except I don't want to have a heart.

"Oh, you know what?" The man turned around, though.

No, I don't, she mentally answered. I know nothing about you know, because we can't hang out together anymore because you've changed because you have a girlfriend because you went to Stanford because Casino Night happened because…

"… Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier, and it seems the CIA is gonna need Dwight to go to their Headquarters in Langley for training. And they're making him socialize with the other agents."The man leaned against the reception desk and smiled, looking content with the scheme he had planned, and happy to be able to share it with the girl.

Oh, pranking Dwight with Pam's help. That's nice. What is that, Jim? What are you doing?

The man ignored his mind's sarcastic accusations and just smiled silently. The pretty girl sitting at the reception desk smiled back, even when her mind was putting her through similar punishment. They smiled at each other in silence for just a second. Then she started keying in the computer keyboard. "We should get him a bus ticket. To make his trip easier."

"Oh, no, of course. That'd be great."The man agreed, drumming his fingers against the desk and leaning in closer to see the computer screen, yet soon enough he felt the need to pull back. He was too close, closer than he had been to her in months, and they were alone, and her perfume was so sweetly intoxicating…

I wonder if she has feelings for me. I don't think she does. I've been acting like a jerk lately, and I can see she's hurt. I'm a stupid idiot. Maybe I should just end this. My feelings haven't changed at all. Maybe I should just tell her and see what happens. Man, I want to kiss her. I wonder what she's thinking right now…

"It costs 75 dollars."Her voice quickly brought him back to reality.

"Uhmmm."He paused, trying to recollect his thoughts. "Or maybe the CIA could send a helicopter."

The woman nodded. "It's a good plan." She muttered.

"Good."He said, nodding too."I thought I'd lost my prank-planning skills."

"Nope, it's in your blood."She confirmed, winking at him.

Making me fall in love with you just by existing is in your blood as well, but I don't think I have to tell you that.

"Um, well, I better head out."He said, pointing towards the exit hallway.

"Oh, yeah, sure, go. I'll be out soon as well."She replied, smiling as confidently as she could.

He silently stared at her for a second before his gaze dropped to the floor. "Bye Pam."

"Bye Jim."The sound of her voice was quiet, soft, like a little mouse's, as she waved at him and watched him walk out of the office and head towards the elevator.

Once she was alone, she wiped away the one tear she hadn't been able to hold back, then sighed deeply, took her purse and grabbed her coat. She waited for ten minutes or so before walking out of the office, locking the door and getting into the elevator – the last thing she needed (and ironically, at the same time, the one thing she wanted the most) was bumping into him in the hallways, the elevator or the parking lot.

Because they were alone.

Because they had feelings for each other, feelings that they didn't dare to face.

Because something could happen, and as much as they both might want it, he had a girlfriend.

Because she didn't want to become the third wheel between Jim and Karen, if he in fact loved that woman as much as it looked like.

Because she loved him – that was clear – and she didn't think she could control herself if he was really close to her, if they were alone, if he said something, if he silently stared at her, if he looked at her lips, if he – No, she wouldn't be able to control herself, and she had to, because it was the right thing to do. She had been the one to turn him down in the first place. It was her fault if he had gone to Stanford, and therefore it was her fault that he had met Karen. Something that wasn't hers, though, was the right to have an opinion about his love life. The right to be a part of his love life. No, she said to herself. You pushed him away, now suck it. I don't care if you need him. I don't care if you want him. I don't care how much it hurts not having him. He's not yours, and it's your fault, so suck it. This is real life, Pamela. He might have been nice to you for a while today, but it's not like he's gonna leave her something. What happened today is meaningless, so don't start getting your hopes up. What did you think it would happen, after all? Did you think he'd kiss you or something? Please. What did you expect?

That question mercilessly haunted her throughout the whole night.

What did I expect? She asked herself while she drove back home.

What did I expect? She asked herself while she cooked dinner.

What did I expect? She asked herself while she watched the ten o'clock news.

What did I expect? She asked herself while she brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas.

What did I expect? She asked herself as she got into the bed and tried to find a comfortable position.

And by the time she fell asleep, she still hadn't dared to answer.