Chapter 16

"It's been two days mage and Hawke is no better than before," Fenris snarled.

"You think I like seeing him like this?" Anders shouted in return. "I've done what I can."

"Have you? Or have you merely pretended to do so," the elf sneered, his voice heavy with suspicion.

"Why in the world would you think I wasn't doing my best for him?" Anders snapped.

"Because of that business with Feynriel," Fenris retorted. "This is your revenge for Hawke not handling the situation the way you wanted him to."

Anders just stared at him in shock. After several minutes of heavy silence he said quietly, "Not all mages are like Denarius, looking to harm or use others for their own twisted purpose. I can't bear to see anyone suffer, for any reason. If I could do more to help Hawke I would."

"Listen you two, arguing like this isn't helping matters," Varric jumped into the conversation. He turned to Fenris, "You may not like Anders broody, but you've got no right hurling such accusations at him."

"Fenris, you can't allow your hatred of Denarius to influence your every thought or action," Aveline said softly. "If you do, you will end up bitter and alone for the rest of your life."

Fenris glared at them and then turned away to go sit beside Hawke's bedroll once more. He couldn't explain to them why seeing the mage so helpless bothered him so much. He barely understood it himself. The only thing he knew for certain was that he cared for Hawke a lot more than he should. The idea that the mage might not ever wake up filled him with despair. He didn't remember anything of his life before Denarius' ritual. Hawke was the first and only friend he'd had since then.

Isabela sat stirring the stew on the fire, wisely keeping her opinion to herself. It was as plain as the nose on her face why Fenris was so upset. She'd seen the way the elf and Hawke looked at each other. She also knew that Hawke was gay and that he was head over heels in love with Fenris. She suspected that Fenris returned those feelings but was too scared to admit to it. She shook her head. This Denarius they mentioned must have been a real piece of work to have filled the elf with such anger and hate.

"Supper's ready," she called out. Picking up a bowl, she spooned some of the soup into it and brought it over to Fenris. The elf nodded his thanks and she returned to the fire.

"I don't know how he can still be so negative about mages after all the time he's spent in Hawke's company," Anders was saying.

"We don't know how long he was a slave in Tevinter," Aveline responded. "And we don't know how many atrocities he witnessed or even was forced to participate in."

"I've been to Tevinter several times," Isabela spoke up. "It's a profitable place for smugglers, pirates, and slavers. But, you have to be very careful in who you deal with there. Get on the wrong side of a magister and you can quickly find yourself in a dungeon being tortured into insanity."

"Sounds like hell on earth," Varric muttered.

"Many mages in Ferelden think that Tevinter is a much better place," Anders told them. "They think that if they can reach it that they would then have the freedom to live as they wished."

"Then they'd be in for a serious disappointment," Isabela snorted. "I've seen powerful magisters leading less powerful mages around on leashes. I've seen them force these mages to fight each other to the death just for their own amusement. In fact, there's even a place set up where the rich and powerful can go to watch these battles and place bets on them. The whole thing is sickening."

"But being locked up in the circle and abused and tortured for the amusement of the Templars isn't any better," Anders retorted hotly.

"I don't know where you get such ideas, but it isn't that bad," Aveline snorted.

"You've never been inside one, you don't know anything about what really goes on in there," the healer snapped. "You've never seen a boy or girl raped simply because the Templar watching over them was horny and needed relief. You've never seen a mage made Tranquil simply for speaking out against such abuse. Once they're made tranquil, the templars can do anything to them and the mage can't do one thing to stop them."

"Aveline's husband was a Templar," Varric pointed out.

"Your point being?" Anders growled.

"That not all of them are bad," Aveline said firmly. "Just like not all mages are brutul and sadistic monsters like Denarius, or all guards corrupt and greedy."

"Freeing all the mages isn't the answer," Varric stated.

"Then what is dwarf?" Anders asked and saw him shrug. "Things can't go on like they are. Changes have to be made and I don't intend to sit idly by anymore."

Fenris heard them arguing and shook his head. The argument was futile for Anders wasn't going to be swayed from his idiotic quest to free the mages. He only hoped that the healer didn't take all of them down with him.

"I wish they would keep their voices down, I have a splitting headache."

Fenris looked up from his bowl to see Hawke's eyes were open. "You're awake," he whispered then shouted to the others, "he's awake."

The others all jumped up and hurried over, Anders being the first to reach Hawke's side. "Don't crowd him, give me some room here," he told them as he bent over his friend. He touched Hawke's neck, feeling for his pulse as he peered into the other mage's eyes. He closed his eyes, his hands hovering over the mage's chest. "Your eyes are clear and I can sense no problems elsewhere," he finally said, relief filling him.

"Welcome back Hawke," Isabela smiled down at him. "I imagine you're hungry, I'll get you some soup."

"How long have I been out? What's happened to the dragon?" Gavin asked them.

As he ate the stew, Fenris filled him in on the situation. "You had us very worried there for a while Hawke," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Gavin whispered.

"Hawke, you told us your father trained you," Anders stated. "I'm surprised he didn't warn you that something like this could happen." He saw the other mage flush and look away.

"He did warn me."

"If you knew this could happen, then why did you do it?" Varric asked in astonishment.

"Because if I hadn't, we all would have died on that ledge," Gavin replied softly. "I lead you here. I had to make sure that you didn't die because of my decision to do so."

"It was our choice to follow you," Fenris told him firmly. "Therefore, we accept the fact that we are risking our lives to help you. I don't want you to go around thinking that our lives are any more important than yours is. We are friends and friends share the dangers as well as the rewards."

Gavin looked around and saw that they were all in agreement with the elf. "Well, it worked and I am alive to tell the tale. I suggest we put it behind us."

"I think we should rest here another night before heading back," Anders told them as he stood up. "I want to wait until Hawke has regained some of his strength before heading back to Kirkwall."

The others headed back to the campfire while Fenris settled himself more comfortably next to Hawke. He looked at the mage and then down at his hands. He swallowed hard several times and cleared his throat.

"What's wrong Fenris?"

Looking back up, he took a deep breath, "No one has ever offered to sacrifice themselves for me before." He saw him start to speak and held up his hand. "I know it wasn't just for me, but it still is the first time that someone in my life cared whether I lived or died. It means more to me than I can say that you, a mage of all people, would do this for me."

Hawke swallowed as tears choked him at the elf's admission. "I would do anything to keep you safe Fenris," he whispered. "I couldn't live with myself knowing that my actions caused your death." He felt a great weariness wash over him and yawned before laying back and closing his eyes.

Fenris had the feeling that Hawke was trying to tell him something. Before he could inquire further, he saw the mage was starting to fall asleep. It would have to wait for another time he supposed. He got to his feet and started to walk towards his own bedroll when he heard something that stopped him dead in his tracks.

"I love you," Hawke murmured in his sleep.

Fenris held his breath, his eyes wide at the admission, a warm feeling coursing through his body. He'd suspected for a long time that Hawke cared for him, but he never knew just how much. He wasn't sure what he should do about it, if anything. He looked furtively towards the others hoping they hadn't heard anything. His gaze landed on Isabela and he wondered if perhaps he should ask her about the situation. The pirate queen was worldly and knowledgable about such things. Nodding to himself, he lay down on his bedroll. That's what he would do as soon as they were back in the city. Until then, he would wait and see what happened between him and Hawke.

Isabela sighed quietly as she watched the two of them. Aveline had taken first watch and Anders was already curled up with a book, which left only Varric sitting at the fire with her.

"What's with all the sighing?" the dwarf asked.

"Just watching Hawke and Fenris," she answered. Seeing his puzzled look she chuckled, "Come on, you mean you haven't noticed?"

"Noticed what?" Varric cocked his head.

"The two of them, the way they look at each other," she snorted. "It's obvious they want each other, but I don't understand what's taking them so long to figure it out."

"Well not everyone is as free with their favors as you Isabela," the dwarf chuckled as she smacked him.

"Maybe, but still, it's taking them long enough," she shook her head. "A little intervention might be needed to get them over the hump, so to speak."

"Eh, I don't know if I'd go that far yet," Varric cautioned. "Broody doesn't like people sticking their noses into his business, and I think Hawke would die of embarassment."

"Hmm, you're probably right," Isabela mused and then shrugged. "Well, let's hope they get their act together before too long. Otherwise, I will take a hand in things."

Varric shook his head and spread out his own bedroll. "Just don't push them into bed with each other before they're ready."

"Would I do such a thing?" Isabela asked, eyes wide with feigned innocence.

"Yeah, you would," the dwarf snorted. "You'd probably even join them."

"Now that's an intriguing idea," the pirate purred. "Sandwiched between two hot men, or watching as they go at it like bunnies and then joining in, yummy."

"You're incorrigible," Varric shook his head.

"I know," Isabela grinned wickedly. She looked back to where the two were sleeping. Hawke was a gorgeous man and she often fantasized that he was into women and more specifically into her. But, he wasn't, so the fantasy would just have to stay that, a fantasy. Now the elf was someone she could probably coax into bed. That blue going thing he did certainly could come in handy as she knew it gave him extra strength. She had a feeling he wouldn't want to give up control and it would be a battle to see who dominated in bed. Sighing quietly once more, she stretched out on her own bedroll, although she wasn't tired yet. Even though she figured she could easily talk the elf into bed with her, she wouldn't do it. She liked Hawke and didn't want to hurt him. Oh well, there were others out there.

Aveline sat silently, watching as the others all fell quiet, either sleeping or reading. She was relieved to see Hawke awake, but it bothered her that he'd risked his life the way they did. She wondered if it was guilt or something else that drove him to do it. Either way, she vowed to keep a closer eye on him in the future. Kirkwall needed him, she needed him, and she would make damn sure that he was there to help in the future.