Chapter 23

"Okay, so far, so good," Gavin smiled at the elf. "Now that you have learned to read and write the alphabet and simple words, it's time to move on to books."

"I wish I had your confidence," Fenris shook his head. "I've actually tried reading things like posters and merchant signs, but haven't had much luck getting it right."

A knock on the door was followed by Leandra entering with a plate of home baked cookies. "Sorry to interrupt, but I just finished making these and thought you would like a snack while you worked."

Gavin saw Fenris' eyes light up and chuckled. The elf had developed a fondness for his mother's baked goodies. "If you're not careful, you'll end up getting fat. My mother's cooking will do that to you," he finished, patting his belly as if to prove it.

"How you have not managed to gain weight, I have no idea," Fenris shook his head.

"He's always been that way," Leandra looked fondly at her son. "He would eat enough to feed a horse and yet never gain a pound. Bethany was always so jealous of him for that. She used to gain weight at the drop of a plate."

Gavin studied his mother's face but saw no trace of the deep sadness that used to be there when thinking of his sibling. "You always made it hard to resist eating too much." He noticed she had brought someting else in beside the goodies. "What's that you have there?"

"Oh," Leandra picked up the two books she'd laid down. "I had these packed away. I was saving them for when one of you had children of your own. They're children's reading books. I thought that you could use them Fenris," she handed them to the elf.

The elf opened them to see that there were large pictures with big words in them. "These are stories?"

"Yes, two of Gavin's favorites," Leandra nodded, ignoring the groan that came from her son. "He especially liked 'The Rabbit and The Fox'. Read it so much I thought he would wear it out. He loved it so much that he wanted a pet rabbit. He was such a cute and precocious little boy."

"Mom!" Gavin whined, his face turning red with embarassment.

Fenris felt his lips twitching and bit back the laughter that threatened to burst forth. He coughed and cleared his throat, "Perhaps we should get started on the lesson before it gets much later."

"Of course, I'll leave you two alone," Leandra excused herself and left, closing the door behind her.

"I'm sorry about that," Gavin said, his face still read. "Mothers seem to enjoy embarassing their kids when they get older."

"I have no memory of my mother," Fenris frowned. "The ritual that gave me these markings wiped away any memory of my past."

"I'm sorry," Gavin said softly. "I can't imagine what that must be like." He was thoughtful for a moment. "There have been times in the past few months where I wished I could forget for a while what happened with my brother and sister."

"I would gladly deal with any pain it would bring, if only I could remember something," Fenris said just as softly.

"Maybe someday we'll find a way to get your memories back," Gavin told him. They said nothing for a few moments. "Well, let's see about getting to work here."

Fenris picked up the one Leandra had said was Gavin's favorite. He looked at the picture of the fox and rabbit on the cover and an image of the mage as a little boy reading it popped into his head. He chuckled softly at the image.

"What?" Gavin looked up sharply.

Fenris tried, unsuccessfully, to keep a smile from his lips. "I was just picturing you in short pants and reading this book." He saw the mage's face turn red again and snickered.

"Great, I'm never going to live this down," Gavin grumbled, but he wasn't really that upset. Fenris was smiling and laughing, two things he saw the elf do so rarely, and the two things he wanted to see more of. So, putting up with the embarassment was a small price to pay to see him happy.

"I promise not to tell another soul," Fenris chuckled. "It'll be our secret."

Gavin cleared his throat and stood up, "Let's sit on the sofa together. It'll be easier for us to read it that way." He went and sat down, patting the cushion next to him.

Fenris stood a little more slowly and moved to sit next to his friend. Being that close to Gavin was causing those funny feelings in his stomach again. "Why is it easier?"

"Well, I don't want to read it to you," Gavin told him. "I'm going to sit here and you are going to do your best to read each page. By sitting next to you, I can more easily see any words or sentences that you might have problems with and help you with them."

"Okay," he nodded and took a deep breath before opening the book and beginning. As they read each page, he found it getting harder to concentrate. Every time Gavin leaned forward to help him read something, he found himself fixated on the scent of the man, a light, woodsy one reminiscent of a forest after a rain storm.

For his part, Gavin thought he'd died and gone to the Maker's side. Fenris was sitting close enough for him to smell the lyrium in the elf's markings. He'd never told the elf what those actually did to him. All mages felt the pull of lyrium, the source of their magical power. Fenris was like a walking wet dream to any mage and he found himself stopping just short of actually licking the markings more than once. That combined with the musky, earthy scent of the man himself kept him on a slow burn.

Fortunately for both of them, the book wasn't all that long and they were soon finished. Fenris closed the book and looked up to see Gavin looking at him with what seemed to be pride and something else, something much deeper, in his bright green eyes. He cleared his throat, "How did I do?"

"You did extremely well," Gavin husked and looked away. "I think that soon you'll be reading novel length stories."

"Uhm, shall we try the other book?" Fenris also looked away, not sure of his feelings at the moment.

"Actually," Gavin stood up and placed the book on the table, "I shall see about helping Mother with dinner. Afterwards, we can go to the Hanged Man, play a few hands of Wicked Grace, or something." He looked back at the elf still sitting on the sofa. "As a reward for your being such an apt pupil," he smiled.

Fenris nodded and watched him leave. As soon as the door closed, he was on his feet and pacing in front of the fire. What Hawke made him feel was beyond anything he could remember. Each time they met for lessons, he felt something stir in him. He wasn't so naive that he didn't know that what he was feeling was desire, but it seemed different from other times. And, unless he was mistaken, Hawke returned those feelings. He knew the signs: the looks, the subtle touches, and the smiles. He'd just never been on the receiving end of them from a mage before.

Danarius had looked at him with lust and had taken what he wanted without a care if it was what Fenris wanted too. He had been just a slave, to be used in whatever manner his master wanted. Gavin saw him as a friend, as an equal, and looked at him with, with love? He stopped pacing as he considered that notion. Was it possible the mage was in love with him? He shook his head at the thought. No mage, no man, had ever looked at him that way. He couldn't be sure he was reading the situation correctly. If he was wrong, he risked losing the only friend he'd ever had.

Meanwhile, Gavin was wandering around the kitchen, trying to find something to do to get his mind off the elf for a while. He often simply stopped at stared at nothing for long stretches of time. Leandra shook her head at him.

"Why don't you just tell Fenris how you feel dear?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?" Gavin started guiltily.

"You love him, you should tell him that," Leandra said softly. "Life is too short to waste it sitting around waiting for something to happen. Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"Mom, does it bother you?" he asked quietly. "I mean, you talked about grandchildren-"

"I've always known that you were attracted to men," Leandra looked up from the potatoes she was peeling. "Carver is gone, as is Bethany, so I have accepted the fact that I will not have any grandchildren. You are who you are, and I love you. All I want is for you to be happy."

"I'm afraid to say anything," he sighed as he took a seat at the table. "I've tried showing him how I feel, without being too obvious about it. I don't want to scare him off. I value him as friend, first and foremost, and I don't want to lose that friendship."

"Shall I tell you what I think?" she smiled as she took a seat across from him. When he nodded, she took his hand and then held his gaze. "When your back is turned, he looks at you with longing, the same way your father looked at me. He feels more for you than mere friendship. But, he doesn't know how to express his feelings. So, it's up to you to make the first move."

"And what if he's not interested in me that way?" Gavin asked. "What if he can no longer work with me because of my feelings? I need him mom."

"Trust me on this dear," Leandra patted his hand and stood up to finish fixing dinner.

"Uh, excuse me," Bodahn said nervously from the kitchen door.

"What's up?" Gavin stood up and walked over to him.

"You have visitors," the dwarf told him. "Messere Varric and that prince fellow. They said it was urgent that they speak with you."

Gavin groaned, "There goes my plans for the evening." He exited the kitchen and walked quickly to the front sitting area. He saw that Fenris had come out of the drawing room and was standing nearby. "You look upset Varric."

"I hate to burden you with this Hawke," he shifted his feet nervously.

"Just spit it out," Gavin sighed.

"Well, there's this guy Yehven, a high standing member of the Dwarven Merchant's Guild," Varric said quickly. "He has three idiots for sons who just up and decided to follow in our footsteps into the Deep Roads." He saw Fenris stiffen and a wary look cross Hawke's face.

"And what does this have to do with me?" Gavin said quietly.

"Well, he wants us to go and find his boys and bring them back," the dwarf blurted. He saw Hawke pale noticeably.

"You're asking me to go back into the Deep Roads," he stated flatly, his fists clenching at his side.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but Yehven can cause us serious trouble, whether he's justified in his actions or not," Varric sighed.

"Hawke, if you do not wish to do this, Varric and I can make up some excuse for Yehven," Sebastian offered, his voice laced with sympathy.

Gavin turned towards the fireplace and stared into for a long time. The thought of going back down there, of possibly seeing the very spot where his brother had died, filled him with dread. He was only just starting to move on with his life and had no interest in reopening old wounds. But the idea of his friends going there without him didn't sit well with him either.

Turning back to them he looked them each in the eye and said, "We go first thing in the morning. Varric, would you find Anders and tell him that his presence is needed this time."

"I will go with you, just in case Anders gives you a hard time," Fenris moved forward toward the dwarf. "Hawke, I'll return afterwards for dinner, if that's okay with you."

"I'd like that, but we'll have to make it an early night," Gavin nodded and silently watched them leave. He looked towards the kitchen and sighed heavily. His mother wasn't going to like this.