Disclaimer: Enterprise and it's characters are propriety of CBS/Paramount.
Rating: PG-13
Time-line: Takes place a year after Terra Prime (January 2155) in the beginning of the year 2156, the start of the Earth-Romulan war (2156-2160).
The shore leave mentioned in the flash back takes place between Enterprise's arrival on Earth at the end of February, 2154 and the end of April, 2154 (time period of the ENT-episode Home).
Summary: Kov has discovered that Trip and T'Pol are bonded and that due to the fact that T'Pol is sent to prison, Trip hasn't felt the bond for one year.
Author's note: This chapter is from Trip's point of view, revealing how Trip felt during that year and that T'Pol has spent her year in prison and has been released. It ends with a flashback, set before Home. Thanks to my beta KKGlinka.
- Facility 545, Trips cabin, a few hours before the conversation in the exam room -
He woke up sweating and still with flashes of his dream on his mind. The wall of ice. The black void in space, a place where planets and stars had disappeared. The black clouds that surrounded him. Punching against the wall. Shouting, without hearing any sounds, because the clouds seemed to consume the words.
It took some time for him to adjust and to remember that he was sitting in his bed, in his cabin, in the facility in the dark. "Some weird dream. Again," he thought, staring in the gloom of his cabin. Then he turned on the lights at the lowest setting, making his cabin a more friendly place.
With a sigh he saw the PADD on his desk, the place where he left it when he went to bed. A quick look at the chronometer told him that he had just three hours of sleep. Three o'clock in the morning. He took the PADD from the desk, but immediately put it down.
Starfleet was breathing down his neck, demanding new insights into Romulan technology, language and any other information about the Romulans. Information they expected that the ship they were examining could give them, must give them. Salvaging the ship was seen as the opportunity that would give both Earth and the Coalition the upper hand in the conflict that seemed about to explode.
He rubbed his temples as his hand went to his hair in silent despair. There was nothing to find. The database of the ship was full of all kind of information about the species within the Coalition, and other interesting stuff, like a subject called Kheh. It got them all excited about this so called breakthrough, 'til one of the linguists found out Kheh meant wheat and all the information was about making ale. Not the information you want if you are looking for news to win a war.
Also, the technology in the ship was no different then anything he had seen. Starfleet had hoped that a Vulcan engineer – with more experience with Vulcan culture and foreign technology - would help to see, to find something. But even though Kov was a excellent engineer, he was no miracle worker. And in spite of his reputation, Trip wasn't one either.
Maybe if things were different... He had some ideas, but they seemed so far fetched. Not for the first time he wished T'Pol were here. She occupied his mind more then ever. He hadn't been in touch with her for one painful year, 'til three weeks ago. He had made a visit to Earth to inform Starfleet of the "progress" they were making, when he found out T'Pol unexpectedly had returned to Earth. The news about her hadn't been spread around; most people in Starfleet were still unaware of her return.
T'Pol didn't only understand science, she breathed science. She had a brilliant mind, a creative mind that never failed to amaze him. When they worked together and weren't at each throats over their personal problems, they made a great team. She was the only one that he could tell his theories to. Of course she would object to his ideas– it was all part of the game.
His eyes suddenly saw the picture next to the PADD. He had taken it out of the photo album from his cabin on Enterprise. It was a picture of the crew on their first assignment. T'Pol was dressed in the stupid gray carpet suit she wore then, that somewhat hid her great beauty and figure. He looked young, even naive. He saw his reflection in the black computer screen, a older Trip, then the one in the picture.
He sat down in the chair next to the desk, staring at the picture in his hands, and the memories came back. When he was chosen to be chief engineer on Enterprise, on the best Human warp ship, he and his family were over the moon. He was eager to explore new planets and new technology, to learn and to let other planets learn about Earth.
The only thing he didn't like about his new career, was that he would be working with a Vulcan observer aka spy, someone who was looking for any mistake they would make. Jonathan Archer, his old friend, shared his opinion, and together they were waiting in the captain's quarters for the Vulcan – by the name of T'Pol – to arrive.
He was surprised when she entered the room. Not only was she beautiful in an exotic way, in the short time they spoke, she was arrogant, but also... Her answers came with a bite. And he liked her more then he was ready to admit.
It was ironic, but as time passed he became more friends with that stubborn petite Vulcan with a bite than with Jon. Captain Archer was captain first and friend second and slowly their friendship flagged. As second and third in command, respectively, T'Pol and he helped each other to deal with the captain. Because mostly – in spite of all their bantering – they agreed on ship's business.
Like that day when the captain was so sleep deprived that he seemed to care more about Porthos than acquiring new plasma injectors. Without those injectors, the ship would be dead in the water. His attempts to get the captain to just apologize to the Kreetassans, the species that could provide the injectors, failed. So he teamed up with T'Pol and she helped him.
It also worked the other way around. The captain was so depressed after the destruction of the colony of the Paraagans, he didn't want to see T'Pol. So he went to see the captain and helped him quietly deal with his grief by watching water polo.
They always worked well together and, in spite of their bantering, deep down there was a mutual respect for each other. But he really got to know her in her quarters. In his mind he could see her room, the pillows on the floor, the brown shades, the candles. Her smell.
The first time he entered the quarters that in the years became his home in a hostile universe, was after he had read the letter from her fiancée Koss. He was surprised, proud even, that she asked him for advice about her marriage to Koss. She listened to him, stayed on Enterprise and called it off.
Later he learned how much she had realized that she was taking a different path, and that she didn't know where it would lead to. Strange, after she decided to stay, they didn't grow closer. It was like both realized that some distance was in order, if they admitted that they liked each other too much, they placed themselves in a difficult situation.
But they did. In that dark, horrible place, feeling the grief and rage, chasing the Xindi in the Expanse, she helped him. In spite of everything, he had begun to love their session together, the talks, the banter, the work chatter. The feeling of coming home. He stopped going to the sessions, after they wound up in each others arms, after that glorious moment where he could sense her mind, her feelings for him. It was so exclusive, intimate, like being one in every sense, that he almost could understand the Vulcan emphasis on marriage.
But the next day... It looked like the women who had surrendered to him without reservation, with passion, love and commitment, the women who had called him Trip, had vanished by dawn. The moment she started talking about exploration, he felt like she had thrown ice cold water on his face, like he was falling from a cliff. He felt like she was dismissing everything and it just felt bad. He hated the veneer of the Vulcan scientist beneath which she was hiding, making it out to be some sort of experiment.
Then he saw her face, her gestures, the way she held her cup up like a shield, during breakfast. He knew her that well to recognize her darting eyes, her nervousness. She seemed unwilling to live with the consequences. So he matched her and lied too. He didn't want the consequences either. If she wanted to deny everything, fine. He didn't care. He would move on. No problem.
He even asked one of the MACO troopers, Amanda Cole, on a date again, but he found out the hard way that you can't date one woman, when your mind is still on another. He explained to Amanda that he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend, never giving her any specifics, but she was a clever girl. He sometimes thought about his remark to Amanda. He knew he wasn't over T'Pol at any time after the events in the Expanse, because simply he didn't want to be.
After all the trouble with women, he just started focusing on his work. But even with the small comfort from Mal that T'Pol only showed interest in him and no other guy on the ship, it stung. And the tension stayed. So they stopped meeting. He slept better, anyway.
Their homecoming. He had seen T'Pol falling apart, wondering what was going on, if he had something to do with it, as they grew close and apart again. Then when they where ripping each other's heads off, almost home, she called him Trip again. She talked about how things had changed and about consequences. He said he was all ears, he was ready to listen to her, but when he came back from his two week visit to his parents on shore leave, she was the one who started listening.
When he came home to his parents, he expected that they would share their grief over his sister and their daughter. But somehow, he couldn't connect to them like before, like they had become strangers. And he felt –more then they really said it – his parents blamed him – Enterprise – Starfleet – somehow for the Xindi attack.
In a conversation with T'Pol about some work related stuff, he blurted out his frustration about his family. She listened and told him her story, how her mother and she became estranged, because they grieved differently over her father's death. How her mother disliked her choice of career and was hoping she married a Vulcan husband.
He advised her to get in contact with her mom again and maybe visit Vulcan. He always had such great ideas.
After this talk, their friendship rekindled. It seemed only natural that they start spending time together again. For two great months, they enjoyed each others company. They developed a close knit friendship. It was a great, happy time. The thought of going beyond friendship was always there, but both of them never spoke about it, not 'til their visit to the beach. He felt like going back in time, remembering that day vividly.
T'Pol had shown some interest in going to a lecture on micro singularities at the Marine Science Society. He was forced to admit it was a interesting lecture, but found his mind wandering to the gorgeous women beside him. She was wearing a purple jacket with black trousers and boots. In her hair, a matching shawl that covered her ears. She was listening carefully to the speech, not noticing him. There was something about her that made her just beautiful. He started paying attention again, when he realized she was watching him. He turned around to her, she turned away, but in a second their eyes met. What was she thinking?
After the meeting they both left the place and wanted to drive back to Starfleet Headquarters. Walking to the car, they discussed the lecture. Without thinking he jumped to the one thing that has been on his mind, since the first time he had seen the purple shawl around her face.
"You're cold?" he asked her.
"No, I am fine." She pointed at her warm jacket.
"Just because..." he said, waving his finger to the purple shawl.
"I just thought it was a good precaution, to prevent any disruptions," she answered.
"Did you have any problems?" he wanted to know.
"Just a few," she said, "but given the tensions at Earth, it was not surprising."
He sighed. T'Pol wasn't the person to complain about any hostilities. The Xindi-attack hadn't made aliens very popular. He hated that she had been confronted with anti-Vulcan sentiments. It made him realize that their spending time together was something special and he got an idea.
"You know, the weather is mellow and there is a very nice beach in the neighborhood."
"You want to go swimming," she concluded.
"Nah, it's not really a swimming hole and the water is too cold for that," he answered. "But the view is great. We can take a walk, you know, have a warm drink at a restaurant. Have you every tried hot cocoa?"
She hadn't, but not long after that they were sitting in a cozy restaurant with an ocean view. A gentle breeze was coming off the sea, the sun shining. It was the perfect place to be. After they had ordered cocoa with whipped cream and discussed the nutritional value of chocolate milk and the Human tendency for sweet food, she surprised him by looking for pecan pie on the menu. They had none and he simply looked at her face. To the distant observer, she looked like any Human woman, as was her stated intent. He didn't like that she felt it necessary.
"I have looked at your essay on warp anti-matter configuration for the Science Journal," she said, while handing him a PADD.
He took the PADD and put it in his shirt-pocket.
"You are not going to read it?" she asked.
Knowing T'Pol, she made many very useful observations for his essay; he was eager to read it, but not now. He was not in the mood to talk about work related stuff. "No, I'm just here to enjoy my drink," he said and looking at her face, added, "and enjoying the company."
If he wasn't so good at reading her face, he would have missed the change in her features and eyes, while hearing this compliment. It was the expression of every women who enjoyed a compliment, mixed with an almost shy expression like she couldn't believe she was sitting here with a Human companion, with him, enjoying his company as well. He become annoyed that so many things were left unsaid between them, when during the last weeks they had practically been dating, spending every free minute in each others company.
They talked a bit about the nice view and he told her that he had liked to come here, in his San Francisco days, for a jog on the beach, to clear his head. "Maybe it is my way of meditating. I always wondered what Vulcan meditation was like."
"I could teach you, if you like. You already know the basic breathing techniques quite well," she responded.
He had enough. "You know, I'd like to know more about Vulcan culture, because I want to know more about you. But what are we doing? We're spending every free minute with each other. I mean, what do you expect from me? Friendship? Mutual cultural exchanges?"
She seemed startled by his request, but tried to answer. "I consider you a good friend and my strongest ally on the ship. You have helped me on many occasions. You're a gentle person, caring, intelligent and with great talent and skill for engineering." T'Pol searched for more words to describe him. "I always found your company... stimulating, challenging. I noticed that I am now – content – in your presence, more content then I have been in a long time."
He was somewhat surprised at her straightforward remark and her admission at being content. Remembering their discussion of the fact that Vulcans were not in the habit of pursuing happiness, this content Vulcan just basically told him that she was happy, because of him. But he had to know.
"You didn't seem to be very… content with me, when we were in the Expanse." He could see that she didn't like that question and he felt like an idiot for not giving it a rest.
In spite of her unease, T'Pol answered. "I do not fully understand, but in spite of our many differences, you are my friend. I thank you for that."
There was something about the thank you-speech he didn't like. And the resentment of her words one eventful morning in the Expanse made him say, "So where did your little science experiment fit in all this?"
Just slightly he noticed her face change and before he realized what it meant she stood up. Without a word she left him and started walking down to the beach, leaving him flabbergasted.