Chapter 25

Gavin and the others stood silently and watched Merin, Emrys, and Varric as the three stood over the body of Iwan, performing whatever rites dwarves did for their dead. Iwan had abandoned his brothers, left them to die at the hands of the darkspawn to go chasing after some half-forgotten treasure. He had paid for his treachery with his life. Gavin found himself feeling glad that Iwan was dead. He felt the dwarf had gotten just what he deserved. He also felt relief that they could finally leave this place.

"Hey, this is a control rod," Varric said as he picked up a long cylindrical object.

"Iwan said the sword was guarded by golems," Emrys pointed out, glancing down the tunnel just ahead of them. "It must be this way."

Gavin felt anger rise up in him as the three dwarves turned to the far tunnel. "NO!" he shouted at them. "We are not going to go chasing after something that possibly doesn't even exist."

"But Hawke," Varric protested. "The sword could be worth more than anything else we brought out."

"That's just stupid greed talking," he growled, glaring at them. "Greed made Bartrand betray us, which led to my brother's death. Greed led Iwan to betray his brothers, leading to his own death. There is nothing down here but death."

"Hawke is right," Anders spoke up. "The darkspawn have been regaining their numbers, and golems are nothing to be messing around with. We should return to the surface as quickly as possible."

Gavin saw the three dwarves look at each other and then turn towards the far tunnel. Rage such as he'd seldom felt before filled him as he realized they were seriously considering moving forward, despite protests to the contrary. With a snarl, he lashed out with his magic, grabbing the three dwarves and yanking them backwards.

Varric yelped and dropped the control rod as he felt his feet leave the ground. Before his very eyes, he watched as the rod was grabbed by an invisible hand and set sailing towards the far tunnel. Then he felt a thump in the ground and the sound of rock cracking. Before his eyes, he saw the rock caving in and blocking the downward passage. Getting slowly to his feet, he turned to Hawke angrily, intending to curse him, but one look at the mage's face caused him to remain silent.

Fenris stared at Hawke as the mage unleashed his power. The mage's green eyes were blazing and his lips were twisted in an angry snarl. His lyrium markings hummed with the power radiating from the mage. He saw that even Anders was gaping at Hawke as if unable to believe what he was seeing.

After the tunnel was completely blocked, he glared one last time at the three dwarves before turning and storming off back the way they had come. He paid no heed to the cries of the others to wait or slow down, his anger making him all but deaf to it. "Stupid, greedy, grubbing dwarves, Void take them," he spat furiously.

"Okay, I can see you're angry, but slow down Hawke," Varric gasped out, having begun to fall behind, his short legs unable to keep pace with the elf or the humans in front of him.

Gavin came to a sudden stop, causing Fenris to stumble sideways to avoid crashing into him. He waited until the dwarves had caught up before turning and moving again, this time slowing his pace a little to make it easier on everyone.

"It seems you forgot just how long your legs are," Varric said with a small laugh once he'd regained his breath. There was no response from the mage and he frowned.

"Hawke, I've never seen you lash out like that before," Fenris said in concern.

"Well, greedy dwarves seem to bring out the worst in me," he snarled, glaring back at the three of them.

"The last time we made camp, you didn't sleep," Anders stated.

"So?" Gavin glared at his fellow mage.

"Lack of sleep can cause unpredictable-"

"Drop it Anders," he snapped.

"Is there a reason you've been unable to sleep?" Sebastian asked.

"None of your business," Gavin shot a nasty look at the prince.

Fenris saw Varric about to say something and quickly stepped in. "If Hawke doesn't wish to discuss this, we should respect that," he said firmly, giving each of them a hard look. Coming to a narrow part of the tunnel, he stopped, blocking the path between Gavin and the others. "I've had plenty of experience with angry mages," he told them in a low voice. "It is not healthy to push them when they get like this. If you value your skins, don't talk about what happened down here unless he brings it up first."

After that, the group remained silent as they trudged along behind Hawke. The mage didn't bother to stop for several hours, and then only let them rest for a couple before continuing on. In this way, they made record time and were back to where Carver's resting place was in about half the time it took them going the other way.

"Are we making camp here?" Fenris asked.

"We'll rest for a few hours, then move on," Gavin shook his head. "I don't want to stay down here any longer."

The others merely looked at each other and then found places to rest and wait. Fenris moved to where Anders was leaning against a rock. "Why were you questioning Hawke's lack of sleep?" he asked quietly, so as not to be overheard.

"A lack of sleep can strain the temper of any man," Anders said matter of factly. "With a mage of Hawke's power than can present certain dangers to those around him."

"How do you know he hasn't been sleepng?" the elf asked suspiciously.

"Don't give me that look," Anders hissed. "I haven't been able to sleep at all myself, because of my nightmares. The difference is that I'm used to going without sleep for days, Hawke isn't."

Fenris opened his mouth to say more but suddenly saw Gavin was watching them intently. Shrugging, he moved away and took up a seat near his friend. He watched the mage out of the corner of his eye. Gavin seemed to have calmed down somewhat, but didn't say a word, not even a question about his conversation with Anders.

For his part, Gavin's anger began to subside and feelings of guilt started to surface. It wasn't his companions fault that the dwarves had made him angry, or that he hadn't been able to get a decent rest the last time they'd made camp. He could feel Fenris eyeing him and knew that he would have to explain himself to the elf. The last thing he wanted to do was jeopardize his relationship with him. Fenris' trust and happiness were the most important things in the world to him. But this wasn't the time or the place for a heart to heart. He watched silently as the others began to nod off. He wasn't sleepy at all.

After about four hours, Gavin got to his feet and moved around waking the others up. "We're less than half a day from the surface," he told them once they were all on their feet. "We'll make camp up there."

He turned and continued onward, the others falling silently in step behind him. He didn't hurry them as much as before, knowing that they were as tired as he was. Several hours later saw them all stumbling out of the dark and into the bright light of the forest surrounding the cave entrance. Looking up, he saw that it appeared to be mid afternoon. He turned to the others, "Sebastian, there was a small stream a couple of miles from here where we can make camp. Would you lead the way for the others? I wish to speak with Fenris in private."

Sebastian glanced sidelong at the elf before nodding, "Certainly Hawke. Don't be too long, night comes early this time of year."

Fenris watched the others leave and then turned his attention to his friend. He shifted from one foot to another as he watched Gavin pace slowly back and forth, his forehead creased in a frown. Finally, after waiting for what seemed hours, he asked, "What did you wish to talk about?"

Gavin looked up and around at the elf and then sighed heavily before moving and leaning his back against a tree. "I owe you an explanation of my behavior."

"You don't have to if-"

"Yes, I do," the mage insisted. "I don't want there to ever be any doubts or questions in your mind about me or my powers or my intentions. I value your friendship and companionship too highly for that."

Fenris felt a warm glow fill him at those words. No one had ever said they valued him as a friend before. The fact that it was this man, this mage, was even more amazing. He set his back against the tree behind him and folded his arms, willing to give Gavin the time he needed.

After spending a few minutes gathering his thoughts, Gavin began. "You know of course about the Fade. And you know that all beings except dwarves go there when they dream. However, it is only mages that can actually remain self aware and interact with it and the creatures within."

"It is why mages are so vulnerable to demons," Fenris nodded.

"Correct, and until recently, I never feared entering the Fade," Gavin continued. "I've been approached before, but I've never had any problems distinguishing the tricks and lies of demons from my own visions. I've always been able to easily dismiss them, even those of a Pride Demon. My father told me that it was rare for a mage's will to be so strong as to be able to see through the lies of the strongest of the demons."

"Something changed in the Deep Roads, didn't it?"

Gavin glanced at the elf before turning his back to him. "For the first time I faced temptations that hit very close to my heart. The first being one of having my brother back. However, all I felt was anger when the demon put that little illusion forth. I believe in the Maker, Fenris, and I know that Carver has found his peace at His side. I was so repulsed by it that I highly doubt she will try it again."

"She? So it was a desire demon," Fenris said flatly. He knew the dangers such a creature posed, being one of the strongest of the Fade's denizens.

"She didn't give up however," Gavin shook his head. "Her next offering was more subtle, but far more compelling. She offered me the one thing I want more than anything else in this world, but am afraid of never having. This angered me as well, because it was so cruel. I have feared closing my eyes since then, too afraid of what she would do. The only way I can face her again is by telling you about it."

Fenris felt his stomach clench at those words. It never failed, demons always found a weakness and mages always fell to the temptation. Were his recent actions because of a demon's influence? Fearing the answer, but fearing not knowing even more, he asked, "What did she offer? Power, wealth-"

"You," Gavin interrupted softly.

Fenris felt his mouth drop open in surprise. He blinked once, twice and then managed to whisper, "Me?"

Gavin turned around and saw that Fenris was staring at him in total surprise. Nervously he approached until he stood before the elf, looking down into those amazing dark green eyes. "Yes, you."

Fenris stared upwards, his ears hearing the words but his mind not really grasping them. "Why?"

Slowly Gavin went to his knees before the elf, before reaching out and gently grasping one of his gauntleted hands. Looking up, he held that green gaze with his own. "Because you are strong, brave, intelligent and the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. Because every time you smile, my heart skips. Because every time I hear you laugh, my stomach gets filled with butterflies. Because the mere sound of your voice causes tingles up and down my spine. You are everything to me Fenris and I want you so badly that I actually hurt at times."

Fenris stared down into bright green eyes that were filled with hope, desire and something far deeper. It stunned him to see a mage as powerful as this one on his knees before him. It was a submissive position that he never thought to see any mage put himself in. "I'm an escaped slave, with no home to call his own. I have nothing to give you," he protested.

"You are not a slave anymore Fenris," Gavin said softly. "You are free to choose who you want to be and who you want to be with. I don't need money or a home or anything else but you."

"I once swore that no mage would ever own me again," Fenris growled and saw the man flinch.

"I don't own you and I don't want to own you," Gavin said fiercely. "In fact, if anyone owns anybody, then it is you who owns me. You own my heart Fenris. It is yours to do with as you wish. To cherish or crush as you will. I am yours Fenris. There is nothing that I would not do for you."

Fenris stared down at him and saw that he was completely serious. He could see no lies in the mage's eyes, hear no deceit in his voice. Gavin meant everything and the feeling this engendered in him was hard to describe. Hesitantly, he reached up and cupped the back of the mages head gently in one of his hands. "Mine?" he breathed as he leaned down.

"Yours," Gavin whispered and then closed the distance between them so he could capture the elf's lips with his own. He felt Fenris resist at first before swiftly taking control and deepening the kiss. The elf's grip on his head tightenend and he moaned as Fenris' tongue ravaged his mouth.

Finally, they broke apart, gasping for air. Fenris opened his eyes to find the mage's still closed, a look of bliss on his face. When Gavin opened his eyes, he gasped at the heat he saw in them. He felt a chill breeze brush across his skin and looked up to see that the sky was getting dark. Tempting as it was to continue what was started, he knew that it was not safe to do so here. "We should go find the others."

Gavin slowly got to his feet, his face dropping in disappointment. "I guess we should."

Fenris smiled at the almost petutlant tone and said softly, "When we get back to Kirkwall, we can thoroughly discuss this and find out just how much you are mine." He heard the mage's sharp intake of breath and saw the shiver that went through him.

"Sounds good to me," Gavin breathed.