The Captives

Chapter four – Trip – the beach

Disclaimer: Enterprise and its characters are property of CBS/Paramount.

Rating: PG-13

Timeline: Takes place a year after Terra Prime (January 2155) in the beginning of the year 2156, the start of the Earth–Romulan war (2156–2160).

Most of this chapter is part of the flashback started in chapter 4, and takes place between Enterprise's arrival on Earth at the end of February, 2154 and the end of April, 2154 (time period of the ENT episode Home).

Summary: Trip remembers the days after the Expanse, when T'Pol and he became very close. When visiting the beach, T'Pol had thanked Trip for his friendship. When Trip had reminded her of the time they were more then friends, T'Pol had walked away.

Author's note: Thanks to my beta KKGlinka.

- Stenson beach -

At first Trip didn't know what to think. Why had she just walked away? He had seen a glimpse of pain in her face. Why would she feel hurt? Wasn't he the one who had every right to feel betrayed?

For a very brief moment he thought of just walking away and leaving. He had the car keys. He could face her tomorrow like any other colleague. Something more than their unique friendship was trouble and caused complications, all kind of things he tried to avoid. On the other hand, he would regret walking away. At her worst, T'Pol seemed to tread on his heart with all her logic. At her best, she was a compassionate, strong, smart, open-minded, inquisitive, attractive women with a great sense of humor. She was a mystery, a challenge. He had never felt this strongly about anyone. Besides, he didn't want to leave an alien women stranded on a beach in a strange world, even if she was perfectly able to survive any situation.

He walked over to the waitress, paid for their beverages and looked again toward the beach. He saw her sitting at one of the picnic tables, back straight, her head down. The last bit of his anger washed away. His legs were already walking towards her and he sat next to her. He felt tired, but determined.

The waves of the sea were the only sound. She looked at him, searching his face, his eyes. She turned, staring toward the sea as she started to speak. "I grew up with traditional Vulcan values, but my father always encouraged me to examine everything for myself. We were a close family, that was, before my father died. After his death, I was alone, but still felt guided by his advice that he had given me when I was young. Like him, I wanted to learn new things, new possibilities, to travel to the stars. I was curious, but my curiosity to step away from traditional thinking has mostly led me to bitter consequences. It also led me to follow a new path, difficult, different than any others of my people. In retrospect, it was also because I met you."

He had listened without interrupting her. He had noticed before that T'Pol was more relaxed telling a story that revealed her inner thoughts than just plain talking.

"Vulcan parents choose the mates of their children very carefully. They choose mates that are similar on a social, emotional and cultural level."

She went on in a more distant tone, as if she had played out the arguments in her head beforehand and arranged them with Vulcan logic.

"We are different on all those three points. Culturally we were from two different worlds. We seemed to disagree on many topics. So it would be illogical for us to have a relationship. Further, it appeared that emotionally I couldn't give you what you needed. You never talked to me about your distress over your sister's death, but you talked with Corporal Cole about her. Apparently, she was more suited to fulfill your needs than I am."

A bitterness crept in her clinical tone, giving him a glimpse of the real T'Pol behind the mask of a Vulcan science officer. The one that cared for him and enjoyed his company.

"That's what my mind told me, but in contrast to any logic, my caring and regard for you is obvious to me. I don't have many friends, but you are one. My friendship with you has been – from the beginning – complicated by our ..." T'Pol reached for the word and weighed it carefully, before she said, "…attraction. I should not have acted on it. I wanted it and there is no regret or shame, but it wasn't the time. Having an intimate relationship has many consequences for both parties, for their lives. It is a step most Vulcans only take in marriage, in a relationship that will last a lifetime."

T'Pol continued, staring at the ground. "I thought ... I am not very good at explaining myself, and when our conversation afterwards developed in a certain way, I thought perhaps it would be better if we ignored my behavior. The alternative, a relationship between us, seemed a bridge too far for both of us. To dismiss it was the easy way, without complications. I am aware it wasn't a very brave thing to do."

If he were honest, he felt hurt by her explanation. What do you expect, Tucker, he thought, a declaration of love?

"You didn't want to live with the consequences," he concluded. He aimed to state it in a factual manner, but he surprised himself, hearing the bitter tone of his voice.

T'Pol recognized the bitterness and seemed to shrink a little. With a soft voice she said, "As I told you before, I can't ignore the consequences. I have hurt you. I am sorry."

He shrugged, pretending he wasn't hurt at all.

"I explained to you that I was curious. I was, but I would add that you are the only one with whom I would have acted the way I did."

She turned away and then looked back at him. "But you already know that."

"Yes," he said. In spite of everything they had said to each other, they both did.

"My regard for you is ... quite overwhelming. Like many of our emotions. You're a kind man. Much too kind for me. It is not easy to distance myself from it."

Did he just hear in the midst of all her words some kind of Vulcan declaration of affection? He had to answer. "I care about you too."

Their eyes locked for a second, facing the truth of their inner thoughts.

"Guess it was really something," he said.

"Yes." The fact that she didn't hesitate for a second, did more for him than any other words she had spoken so far.

He probed further. "Guess we're quite something."

She gave him the only Vulcan answer possible, which made him smile. "That would be a logical conclusion."

For a minute or two a silence fell between them and they both listened in harmony to the sound of the sea. She took a deep breath, before she continued and her next revelation shocked him.

"The situation was complicated by my neurological disease. I have P'Nar syndrome. I contracted it by attempting to experience emotions without suppressing mine. It was selfish, unVulcan. When I was assaulted the second time, the pain became ..."

She stopped. "The strain became too much. When I was later exposed to a chemical substance, I discovered that at first I could experience emotions more clearly, without losing control. It helped also to lessen the pain. I thought it made me work better with the crew, but it had negative side-effects. In the end it damaged my emotional control and my neurological pathways. But I continued for the wrong, selfish reasons. That was my biggest mistake. I became dependent on it, but I managed to stop."

His mind was processing the fact that she was ill, and he heard her talk, but one word kept repeating in his mind ... assaulted ... the second time. He knew about the attack by Rajiin, but what was the other attack she was talking about?

"This illness is the result of someone assaulting you?" He feared her answer.

T'Pol's face got a haunted look that reminded him of the Expanse. With a voice that conveyed her fear and embarrassment she said, "I was curious. He said that he would try a mind meld, but when he tried, I realized he was playing games with my mind all along, preying on me. It was very disturbing. So I asked him to stop, but he still pushed. I managed to cast him away and he left my quarters."

For a moment, he could almost feel her terror. Without thinking he came closer and took her hand. The truth behind her story hit him. He felt rage for being unable to protect her, and against the man who did this to her, flooding his heart.

It was growing colder and they got up and started walking in silence. "I wish I could have helped you," he started saying.

"You just did," she said gently.

Her admission made him realize her arguments against a relationship didn't hold up. "You know, it's not so complicated. Even logic suggests we make a good team. Differences makes us stronger. And deep down we're not so different. You helped me more than any other person on the ship when my sister died, and I have a feeling it also works the other way around. When we discuss ship business, we mostly agree. We share the same values, we both love our planets, love our work and even in the areas where we are different, we make a great team. I can't explain, but together we seem to be better than apart." He was hoping that he made sense.

T'Pol stayed silent for several minutes. It felt like an eternity. Finally she offered the result of her pondering. "We are like the circle and triangle," she said.

"What?" Trip had no idea what she was talking about.

"My father once gave me a medallion composed of a circle and a triangle. It is a Vulcan symbol. Together we are more than the sum of things. Accepting differences as a strength. Accepting one another as we are. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination. If I am correct, that's what you are trying to tell me."

"You're telling me I was quoting Surak?" he said.

"I am telling you your logic was compelling. Perhaps we should investigate whether a relationship between us could work."

He grinned. "Isn't this the first time you let me win an argument? And very quickly too. I agree with your very logical proposal, T'Pol."

He pulled away her shawl, to reveal her ears. His fingers followed the outline of them. He could feel her shiver slightly at his touch. "You shouldn't hide those cute ears. They're your best feature," he teased her.

She relaxed at his flirtatious tone. "I thought my 'awfully nice bum' was my best feature," she said.

He had missed her dry wit too much in the last year. "Who told you that?" he asked, suddenly fearing that Mal had blurted something like this to her, but dismissing that idea immediately.

"My ears have a function," she answered with that hint of amusement in her eyes that he liked so much.

Both were happy with this silly moment.

"I am glad we had this conversation," she said and he felt two fingers softly caressing his cheek. It sent spikes to his brain and he closed his eyes for a second to feel the intensity of the gesture.

"I am glad too," he answered before he kissed her.

Her lips were soft, her skin was smooth and her smell was like before. He caressed her face, he could feel her kissing him back, her hands stroking his hair. He realized he had missed her kisses, her touch, not only for their sweetness, but also because it revealed her heart and passion. And judging by the intense kiss she gave him, she had missed it too. The warm body under his hands became warmer. Time and place were gone, there was only the two of them.

In the midst of their kissing, T'Pol broke off abruptly and turned around.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"There is someone nearby. I heard a sound." T'Pol was convinced.

He looked around, but saw nothing. Everything looked the same, except that it was was getting dark. They needed to get going. "There's nothing to see, no one is there. Come on, let's go, before it gets dark." He couldn't have been more wrong.

Trip snapped back to his present life. It was like he was having a dream, being awake. He had found out the hard way that T'Pol had been right. Someone else had also been on the beach. There had been something to see, for Terra Prime at least. When Starfleet discovered the pictures and intel Terra Prime had gathered on T'Pol and him and the organization's plan had become clear, he had felt sick. Sick that someone else had been present during one of his most private moments. Sick that they would use their lives to obtain their reprehensible goals.

Starfleet didn't care about the impact of the actions of Terra Prime on T'Pol and him. They were too busy panicking about the political consequences of the dirt Terra Prime had dug up from T'Pol's past, including Starfleet-regulations-first Captain Archer. The sympathy following their grief for their little girl was soon gone.

Their grief. His thoughts went to a little box in the second drawer of his desk. Pictures that he cherished, but never looked at. Because when he closed his eyes or even when he was just working or eating, at any moment she would come to mind and he saw her little face. "I was so proud of you," he whispered in the dark. He swallowed down his despair, his sense of failure and his pain, that cut like a knife.

He felt cold. He had been sweating and sitting in his skivvies in the middle of the night. A cold cabin didn't help much. He could use a good warm shower. The likelihood of him sleeping again was nil.

In the shower, his mind went back to what he called the year of hell. The first year of hell; this year had been the second. The mess started with their visit to Vulcan. Looking back, he sometimes wondered if T'Pol had wanted him to do something about that sham of a marriage. They had tried to go back to the just friends-stage, but they had both failed miserably. It was the end of their special relationship, especially T'Pol thinking that he had given up on them. It was better for him, all those nice logical reasons and her being trapped between Vulcan traditions and politics. All things he didn't know back then.

If it weren't for the bond, that would have been the end of it. The bond made him aware that she needed, wanted him, even more then he needed her. The bond became such a part of them, that life would be hollow and empty without it. Just as he had experienced this long year.

Even the celebration of the bond was short-lived. Not long after being together in the real Vulcan bond fashion, she told him everything. The details of her addiction. The attack of Rajiin. Her pain. Her discovery that the CX34T -component of Trellium had the same effect to trigger emotions and to lessen the pain. But also her control. Now he really heard what she had been telling him and it was like something snapped in his mind.

He had finally thought they were heading forward. All his frustration about her and the pain he'd experienced was poured out in hasty, angry words. She had mourned with him over the victims of the Xindi-attack, when Archer was on Azati Prime and then she was telling him that she had been too high to be in charge of the ship in a combat situation. What about the people that had died?

He called her selfish, irresponsible, the cause of disaster. Lashing out at her, he could feel her crushing pain and guilt. He knew that she was a woman with high standards, dedicated to protecting people, so how was it possible? He doubted everything she had ever said or did, that she really was the person that he had thought she was. He blurted out that she probably would not have acted on their mutual attraction without chemicals. He knew that for a lie, but he felt her confusion. It made him angrier. So he left her. And it had taken a tragedy to bring them together.

With the water was splashing over his body, he thought how he ended up in her cabin again, the only place where he felt at home. He wanted to be with her, to share with her the grief they both felt very deeply. They held hands, her father's IDIC between them.

After their fight over her addiction, T'Pol had been on pins and needles around him, but after his visit to her cabin, they were helping each other though their difficult time. He didn't think he would have made it through the memorial service without T'Pol's support and her hand in his.

The last time he held her in his arms, she asked him hesitantly, "Are you still angry with me, Trip?"

He knew what she meant. Even in light of all the events, he couldn't just turn a switch and just forgive and forget. "I don't know," he said, holding her close. We need time, he thought. But time was something they wouldn't have.

Stepping out of the shower, he heard Kov next door. Kov liked to work early. His mind went to the events of the last days. He knew there was something very Vulcan about his dreams, and not only because they started almost at the same time T'Pol had come back and he met her on Earth. They had had a strange conversation in the shuttle pod, which had made him wonder. There was still an ember there, on both sides, ready to flare up again.

Who better to talk to than Kov? Archer was too busy being captain, Mal had some strong reservations after what he had been told about T'Pol, and his parents hardly knew who T'Pol was. Kov had offered him his friendship and Trip was about to take him on his word.