The Captives
Chapter 5 – Separated and empty
Disclaimer: Enterprise and it's characters are propriety of CBS/Paramount.
Time-line: Takes place a year after Terra Prime (January 2155) in the beginning of the year 2156, the start of the Earth-Romulan war (2156-2160).
This chapter starts with the conversation in the exam room, only this time from Trip's point of view.
Summary: Kov and Trip meet again at a secret research facility. Trip is having disturbing dreams and memories of his time with T'Pol. He decides to talk about this with Kov.
Authors note: Thanks to my beta, KKGlinka for her inspiration and help.
Facility 545, the exam room -
Trip found Kov in the exam room. It was a small, cold room, more than any other on the facility. Knowing that Vulcans didn't like cold or dark places due to their poor night vision and high body temperatures, he was amazed that Kov was holding up so well in this cold and gloomy place. When he entered the room, he found out that Kov was not only inventive when it came to engineering, but also in finding ways to make himself comfortable. Somehow, he had managed to obtain an electrical heater and placed it in one corner of the room. The pleasant temperature in the room was a warm surprise. Kov was checking the contents of the navigation system and taking notes on a PADD. He didn't seem to be surprised to see Trip this early in the morning or at his offer to help him with his work.
Trying to find answers about his dreams and T'Pol, he began to ask Kov about his fiancée and if he ever missed her. Judging from his reaction – he saw before his eyes Kov's typically expressive face close him out – it made Kov uncomfortable and Trip didn't expect an response.
To his surprise Kov did answer. "Missing a person is an overwhelming emotion, Surak tells us. The best way is to suppress this emotion. I found this advice to be very wise. Missing a person can be very disturbing and disruptive, especially when there is no respite". He knew it was a great admission when Kov added, "I know this from personal experience."
T'Pol had sent mixed signals during their conversation three weeks ago – they both could win a prize for miscommunication. So he asked Kov's opinion about T'Pol's remarks she made back then. "But what if a person tells you that she misses us, you sometimes, but most of the time she's suppressing it?" Trip cut right to the chase.
Kov was puzzled. "If that person was Vulcan, it would mean that the attachment was very strong or that she was having trouble maintaining her control. Or both."
Trip couldn't help himself, feeling his face break into a smile, triggered by this description of T'Pol. There was hope after all.
His smile caused Kov to say,"That is no laughing matter, Trip. Control, even to experience emotions is necessary for a Vulcan."
He reassured Kov and in return Kov offered his friendship and willingness to listen to him if he wanted to. So he told Kov about his dreams.
Kov concluded that he was influenced by a Vulcan. "Do you have headaches, nausea, pain in your neck, sweating?" Kov almost sounded like a doctor.
He recognized the symptoms. "All of them. I also... Sometimes I feel really hungry, but it's not my stomach that's protesting."
"You share the feeling of physical needs. That's natural. The symptoms are clear. You are bonded."
The bond can't be functioning, Trip thought. "But I haven't felt the bond in over a year! I mean, I don't know if she cut me off, or the place they sent her to was the cause, but we aren't bonded anymore."
"You still are. Bonds do not just fade away," Kov said. "But why do you think she cut you off and which certain place are you talking about?"
Trip hesitated. It was better to tell the whole story. "She has been in Lethizeh in U'tal Province." Officially known as Correction and Rehabilitation Facility Lethizeh. He hated that name.
"Commander T'Pol has been sent to Lethizeh?"
Then Kov answered his most important question. "Then your assumption is correct. Blocking any telepathic avenues, especially the bond, is standard procedure in Vulcan prisons."
Trip still didn't know what he felt in response. Relief? Vindication that he was right all along?
He had found nothing in the database about Vulcan prisons that helped him. He knew the bond was a topic Vulcans didn't talk about, but he couldn't imagine that they would be so cruel as to block telepathic avenues, including the bond. He asked Kov for an explanation.
"The purpose of imprisonment is punishment and rehabilitation. Both things can only be done alone, with no help from others. Not even bond mates. It is simply done by a blocking device, usually worn around the neck," Kov said.
"With no blocking device, the bond restores itself?"
Kov contemplated for half a minute. "My knowledge of how a bond works is limited, but I think that would be a logical assumption. Because of the dreams, I assume Commander T'Pol isn't wearing her device anymore, which means she was released from Lethizeh. But in spite of you being her bond mate, you aren't together. Here my logic is failing me."
Trip hesitated to tell Kov anything so private, but he really could use someone who would listen to him. "T'Pol and I have known each other for 5 years now. Our relationship has been strained in the past, partly because T'Pol's choices have been based on what she thinks Vulcan society expects from her. She once said that our universe wasn't ready for us. When we found out that we were bonded, we were happy to be together. Soon after that, T'Pol told me something about her past. I became angry with her and we had a big fight. Then we lost someone very precious to both of us..."
His voice became unsteady, but when he saw the look of sympathy on Kov's face, he proceeded.
"We grieved together. Starfleet started an investigation into the organization behind all this, a group called Terra Prime." He spoke their name with disgust.
"Everybody was questioned, every item that belonged to Terra Prime investigated. They also found that Terra Prime had obtained classified material. In one of those, it became clear that T'Pol had violated both Vulcan military and Starfleet regulations and put the crew in danger. You know how tense the relationship between Vulcan and Earth is at this moment and how much strain there is on the Coalition. If this became public, enemies of the Coalition would use it as sabotage and the alliance would implode. The Vulcan authorities stepped in and said..."
"Her crimes must be judged in military court," Kov said, completing his sentence. "As with any other military officer. The justice system is quite clear about this."
"And it also helped Starfleet keep their hands clean. T'Pol is judged and she paid for her offenses, so Starfleet and the Vulcan authorities can't be accused of shoving it under the rug or showing favoritism. They kept it quiet, because of course they didn't want to fuel the situation. So one fateful morning I woke up to find T'Pol gone. The captain told me the Vulcan authorities had taken T'Pol into custody."
Trip took a deep breath, recalling memories of that day. When he tried to call T'Pol, at least to say good-bye, he hit a wall. A wall named the Starfleet Liaison for Vulcan Affairs. She had told him plainly that as a co-worker he had no right whatsoever to talk or visit T'Pol. In light of how many hours Internal Affairs spent frying them about their relationship, that was Starfleet's bitter irony at its best. If he didn't think Earth needed Starfleet so badly to survive or he needed his job to stay sane...
"After that day, I had no contact with T'Pol for more than a year," he recounted. "The only sign from her, was a small package I received. It's a medallion with a circle and triangle as decoration, that used to be her father's."
He thought of the time he opened the package and saw his hands trembling slightly, taking T'Pol's medallion, her father's IDIC, out of the box. He kept it as a sweet memory.
"A da ek'zuru," Kov recognized the Vulcan jewelery. "You have the da ek'zuru of minister Karik?" Trip heard the admiration and respect in Kov's voice when speaking the name of T'Pol's father. He must have been a man of importance.
"T'Pol used to tell me we are like a circle and triangle," Trip explained the meaning of the gift. He remembered understanding her gesture when she hung the medallion on the crib of their little girl in sickbay, and the time he had felt the chain of the medallion between their fingers, when they were holding hands, the first time they mourned together.
"Differences makes us strong," Kov understood.
After T'Pol left, there were only lonely days. He didn't feel the bond. In fact he felt little at all. What made matters worse, were the rumors that T'Pol dumped him or worse used him, and he saw pity in the eyes of people he met. A few people gloated behind his back. He was surrounded by people who thought they were separated. They were. Literally. For one year he was dangling between hope and fear.
"It was a horrible year, when T'Pol was gone," he told Kov. "Then I found out that Captain Archer had been informed that she'd been released, but T'Pol hadn't contacted me."
His hope was dashed. He had wondered if his greatest fear had come true. Every time T'Pol and he were together, he was really happy, before another complication inevitably separated them. Eventually, his desire to understand came to an end.
"The first time I saw her again, was three weeks ago," Trip continued.
"You saw her again?" Kov asked. From his response Trip knew 'his logic was failing him' again.
"I visited Starfleet Headquarters and when I returned, a fellow crew member – now researching new models of shuttle pods – offered me to bring me to the space station. We had another passenger, T'Pol."
He expected more questions, but Kov stayed silent. Still he felt the need to explain."So I haven't heard a word from her in a year. I know now it was because the bond was blocked, but why talk to Archer first? I thought maybe her time in prison had made her believe she had to be all green Vulcan again, as some kind of penance with no room for me anymore. It happened before. And then, when I saw her again for the first time, she asked me if I ever missed our relationship. Does she know how long it's been? So I mutter something like 'sometimes', she tells me she misses me, but suppressed it – giving me no clue whatsoever – and that's she afraid now that we have different assignments, we'll lose touch. On top of that, Travis – our pilot – is listening to our conversation and he is Mister Gossip. I know we always have a connection, but what does she want from me?"
Kov tried to find an answer. "The changes of you both taking the same shuttle pod by accident are very limited. I think she wants the same thing as you. I know I have not much knowledge about relationships and women seemed to have their own kind of logic. But the bond..."
"The bond isn't some magic thing what makes everything right, Kov," he interrupted angrily.
"I don't think it's magic," Kov reacted. "The bond is unique and it says something. That your both want to be together. In Vulcan society, if you go your own way, you risk being an outcast. You always pay a price. The bond is above that, Trip, because you form a family of your own. The bond is seen much like humans see... marriage. You asked me about the visions, dreams that are not yours. I do not know your dreams, but they are telling you Commander T'Pol's state of mind. The condition of her heart. The things she thinks about. Is that helpful?"
Kov reasoning made him think. Trip took a chair, sat down and looked at the device he was working on. It had a small warning sign and he concentrated on the green light.
In his mind he remembered T'Pol in those 5 years behind him, lighting up his day when she looked at him with amusement, challenging his thinking, how she comforted him with small gestures of support while they were grieving, how he could feel her warmth, and her soft skin against his and smell her fragrance, when she kissed him. He was reminded of T'Pol in the shuttle pod, her hair resplendent with chestnut streaks, dressed in blue. She was reaching out to him. It was no coincidence that she had been on the same shuttle as him to travel from Earth to the space station. She had planned it.
He thought of the dreams and memories of T'Pol he had received and suddenly he found him self listening to the story she was telling him. Hearing the song she had been listening in her own native tongue Dahshaya-tor nam-tor herbosh, Dahshaya-tor nam-tor herbosh...
Commander? Commander Tucker? What have you done to him?"
As if in a fog, Trip heard a female voice that pulled him out of his dream. Someone had grabbed him by the shoulder and was shaking him. He opened his eyes, feeling completely rested and at peace. He looked into the blue eyes of Anna Hess. She looked worried.
"Are you alright, sir? You looked kind of spaced out and Kov over there," with an angry nod at him, "didn't do a thing about it," Anna said.
Anna had surprised him last year by marrying Gus Robertson from the language department, and now happily pregnant with her first child. Starfleet wasn't very happy with either development, even blamed Anna for taking the job without telling them about the pregnancy and questioning her abilities to handles things. She was kind of bitter about it. But he still envied her.
"I'm fine, Anna," he replied, "I was just deep in thought."
Anna didn't look as if she believed him. "You're sure?"
"Yes. So what are you doing here this early?"
"I could ask you the same thing, sir," said Anna, who relaxed when she saw that he was alright. "I was looking for you. Starfleet command wants to talk to you. Shall I pass the message through to this location?"
"Have you been looking for me for a long time?"
Anna smiled. "Just enough time to make Captain Archer a bit antsy." Anna liked to irritate Archer. It was a bit of a mean streak in her.
Normally he would have responded by reminding Anna that Archer was still her commanding officer, but Starfleet protocol was the last thing on his mind. "Well, don't keep him waiting. You can pass him on to this location."
Anna left and Trip turned to Kov, who had resumed his work. "How long was I gone?"
"A good meditation never did hurt any one."
"Kov...," he pleaded.
"32 Earth minutes." Kov paused, looked at him and said, "Did you find your answer?"
He remembered Kov's question about T'Pol's state of mind. "Kov, what does Dahshaya-tor herbosh mean?"
Kov looked at bit confused, then he understood. 'Dahshaya-tor nam-tor herbosh'. It's a famous line from H'nas... But you're not interested in Vulcan poems. A good translation would be: Separated, I am empty."
It was a good description how he had felt. She feels exactly what I've been feeling this entire year, Trip thought. That the world is a dark, lonely, empty place without each other. Longing to be together, but always separated. He suddenly wanted to be left alone to sort out his thoughts, but the sound of an incoming message made him focus on more pressing matters. Trip cleared his mind and put the screen on.
An angry Captain Archer looked back at him. "You've been taking your time. Your second in command didn't know where you were!"Archer snapped. "We've lost contact with one of our colonies. Starfleet has ordered the Enterprise launched again to investigate the attack. You are ordered to come back to Earth. We are at war."